A/N: Right now, I'm watching a t.v. show with mice speaking Spanish, and wishing my wisdom teeth were out already. I thought this up after I re-read book 3, and I got to thinking about Wood's obsession with Quidditch. This is after Harry plays against Cho Chang for the first time.
Poetic Licence Alert: Oliver and Alicia have been dating privately since he became Captain and she joined the team. The only people who know are Fred and Angelina, who've also been dating privately, and George and Katie Bell. The game later on is a scrimmage or something during practice. Fred and George know way too much about the workings of the female mind.
PS: The word 'Snitty' belongs to me, and it describes someone you believe is over-reacting. Doesn't matter if they actually are or not.
"HARRY, THIS IS NO TIME TO BE A GENTLEMAN! KNOCK HER OFF HER BROOM IF YOU HAVE TO!"
Oliver snapped his head around. "God, Alicia, it's scary how good you are at imitating me."
Ignoring his last comment, she walked over to him. She had already changed from her Quidditch robes to regular clothes, but he was still in his robes, having spent ten minutes replaying the whole game in his head, once the team had been able to disengage themselves from the crowd.
"You obviously had no time to be a gentleman, either." She smirked, wrapping her arms around his neck. "What if it were me on the other team? Would you have told him to knock me down?"
Oliver looked at her, his brows furrowed. "I'm not even going to begin to think about how to answer that. You're on my team, let's just-"
"It's not that difficult, Oliver." Alicia sighed. "It boils down to, do you love me more than Quidditch?"
"That's a horrible thing to ask me right after we've practically won the Quidditch cup. Can't I just say I love you both?"
"Situation time!" She cried out, twirling him around.
"God, I hate situation time." Oliver rolled his eyes.
"I've fallen off my broom, but Slytherin's got the Quaffle, and they're rushing the goals. If you save me, they'll score. They have one hundred fifty points, we have none, Harry's about to catch the Snitch. It's the Quidditch World Cup. What do you do?" She was standing behind him, her arms still around his neck.
"You're giving me a headache, Alicia." He turned to her, taking her hands in his. "One, Slytherin'll never have one hundred fifty points. Two, if they did, we'd never have zero. Three, Harry knows better than to catch the Snitch when we're that far behind. Four, I know Slytherin'll never make it to the World Cup. Five, you're way too talented to fall off your broom. Six...I think I love you!" He crooned off-key suddenly.
"Oh no," Alicia groaned. "You are not getting out of this by singing *again*-"
"And that's what dreams are made of! So what are you afraid of-"
"I'm afraid of you knocking me off my broom if you spot the Snitch." Alicia snapped, her airy demeanor gone. "There is such a thing as being too into Quidditch."
"Hey, we've been winning, haven't we?"
"There's no 'We' in winning, Oliver."
"There's half of it."
"If that's all you have to say, then half of this relationship is going to walk out in disgust right about now." She pushed him back onto the bench, and stalked out of the locker room.
"Oh, come on!" He cried at her back. "I like you more than anyone else on the team!"
Alicia wouldn't talk to him at the party that night, even though he tried to apologize several times. She finally dragged Angelina and Katie up the girl's stairs at around 11:30. Oliver gave up and collapsed into a chair near Fred and George.
"Girls are stupid." He announced.
"Most of them." George agreed. Katie Bell had turned him down for the third time when he asked her out.
"Angelina's great, I don't see what you guys are doing wrong." Fred smirked.
"I mean, how are you supposed to answer a question like, what do you love more, her or Quidditch? Alicia's all snitty because of it."
Fred leaned forward. "What did you answer?"
"Huh?"
"What did you say?"
"Well, I said...I didn't really say anything, except that she was giving me a headache and that I loved both-"
"Houston, we have an idiot." George rolled his eyes. "Oliver, I've never even had a girlfriend, and I know how you answer questions like that. You always say her. Always. No matter what. If she asks if you like her or your new broomstick more, you say her. If she asks if you like her or Cindy Crawford more, you sure as hell better say her. If she asks if you like her or breathing more, you hold your breath and nod!"
"Where did she trap you?" Fred asked. "They always catch you alone."
"I was thinking about the game, in the locker room."
"Okay, you're alone, with Alicia, in the locker room, and you're actually stupid enough to say, 'I like both'?" The twins stared at him, slack-jawed. "You could have had like, every male Quidditch players fantasy make-out session, but instead you decide to blow it. Monstrously, might I add."
"Think about it, Oliver, since she's on the team, is there really any risk in saying you like her more than Quidditch? She's not going to force you to quit the team, that'd be stupid!"
"No, it wasn't like that, she asked if I'd rather win the World cup, or save her if she was falling off her broom."
"Well, you said the cup, didn't you?" George asked in an extremely sarcastic voice. "Since there's really one of those only every year. How many Alicia's do you think you're going to meet?"
"I am so stupid!" Oliver cried, holding his head in his hands.
"So, what was the situation she suggested?" Fred asked, clapping him on the back.
"What?"
"She had to have given you a situation. Anytime they say stuff like this, they always try to act it out the next time they can. I have a feeling we'll be able to help."
"Well, it was during a game, of course-"
"Hey Lee!" George called. "Spread the word. Scrimmage game, Slytherin versus Gryffindor, Saturday after lunch!" He turned back to them. "Done."
"Well, Slytherin was ahead, and Harry was going for the Snitch. If they scored, they would win even if Harry caught it, but at the same time, Alicia's falling..."
"And it's a lovely day for a scrimmage!" Lee announced. This game will have no effect on the Quidditch standings..."
As Lee droned on, Oliver whispered to Fred, "Is everything set?"
"Yep. You have the hardest part. You need to let Slytherin score at least five times. When they have fifty, George will wait until they try to score again, then hit a Bludger towards Alicia 'accidentally'. Angelina assured me that's just what she'll be looking for. She'll fall, you save her, everything's hunky-doory."
"What?"
"Muggle slang. It's fun."
"Just shut up already."
"It's twenty minutes into the game, and Slytherin has twenty, Gryffindor zero! Bell hands off to Spinnet, dodges a Bludger from Slytherin beater Terrence Peebles. She puts it up, and-Oh, a horrible save by Keeper August Knight. He hands the Quaffle to Flint, Flint's tearing up the center, he tosses, and-oh, it just bounces off Wood's finger tips into the goal. Wood seems slightly distracted today, never thought I'd say that sentence, but he better get his head in the game if Gryffindor wants any chance to win this thing and claim bragging rights until the next official game. Quaffle handoff to Johnson, looking great out there, she ducks a Bludger sent by-No!"
Oliver, who'd been trying to find Fred or George, snapped his head around.
"The Bludger beans Spinnet, she's slipping, hang on Alicia, hang on!"
Lee's warnings didn't reach her until almost too late. She was hanging onto the end of her broom with one hand.
George zoomed by Oliver. "That' wasn't planned, she's not faking it, Oliver!" He hissed.
The whole stadium sat frozen, eyes glued on Alicia as she struggled to regain her seat. The only movement came from the Slytherin Chasers. Oliver took his eye off Alicia for one second. They were coming straight towards him. It would be an easy block-
"Aiiiiiiieeeeeee!"
Alicia's fingers had given, and she began plummeting towards the ground.
"Alicia!" Oliver cried. Without a second glance, he zoomed down towards her.
"Oliver's going into a fantastic dive, I think it's safe to say he could have been a Seeker-And YES! HE CAUGHT HER! OLIVER WOOD MAKES THE BEST CATCH OF HIS CAREER!"
He'd caught her around the waist about ten feet off the ground. Hoisting her onto his lap as the crowd roared, Oliver bent down and whispered, "Surprise."
"You could have just told me you were gonna do that, so I didn't have to almost die." Alicia whispered to him, grinning, wrapping her arms around his neck.
"What, and miss that look on your face?" He grinned back. "So, does this clear up any questions as to whether I love you or not?"
She pretended to think about it. "Most of them."
Oliver paled. "What else do I need to-"
She grabbed the back of his neck and kissed him.
"That was very clear." He mumbled. Alicia smiled.
"You know, Oliver, I think I did get hurt when I fell." She leaned her head on his shoulder. "Would you mind taking me up to the hospital wing?"
"But you didn't actually-oh. Oh!"
Leaving a bewildered crowd and two hopping mad teams, they flew off towards the castle.
A/N: Since seeing the HP movie, Oliver's one of my favorite characters (I
Poetic Licence Alert: Oliver and Alicia have been dating privately since he became Captain and she joined the team. The only people who know are Fred and Angelina, who've also been dating privately, and George and Katie Bell. The game later on is a scrimmage or something during practice. Fred and George know way too much about the workings of the female mind.
PS: The word 'Snitty' belongs to me, and it describes someone you believe is over-reacting. Doesn't matter if they actually are or not.
"HARRY, THIS IS NO TIME TO BE A GENTLEMAN! KNOCK HER OFF HER BROOM IF YOU HAVE TO!"
Oliver snapped his head around. "God, Alicia, it's scary how good you are at imitating me."
Ignoring his last comment, she walked over to him. She had already changed from her Quidditch robes to regular clothes, but he was still in his robes, having spent ten minutes replaying the whole game in his head, once the team had been able to disengage themselves from the crowd.
"You obviously had no time to be a gentleman, either." She smirked, wrapping her arms around his neck. "What if it were me on the other team? Would you have told him to knock me down?"
Oliver looked at her, his brows furrowed. "I'm not even going to begin to think about how to answer that. You're on my team, let's just-"
"It's not that difficult, Oliver." Alicia sighed. "It boils down to, do you love me more than Quidditch?"
"That's a horrible thing to ask me right after we've practically won the Quidditch cup. Can't I just say I love you both?"
"Situation time!" She cried out, twirling him around.
"God, I hate situation time." Oliver rolled his eyes.
"I've fallen off my broom, but Slytherin's got the Quaffle, and they're rushing the goals. If you save me, they'll score. They have one hundred fifty points, we have none, Harry's about to catch the Snitch. It's the Quidditch World Cup. What do you do?" She was standing behind him, her arms still around his neck.
"You're giving me a headache, Alicia." He turned to her, taking her hands in his. "One, Slytherin'll never have one hundred fifty points. Two, if they did, we'd never have zero. Three, Harry knows better than to catch the Snitch when we're that far behind. Four, I know Slytherin'll never make it to the World Cup. Five, you're way too talented to fall off your broom. Six...I think I love you!" He crooned off-key suddenly.
"Oh no," Alicia groaned. "You are not getting out of this by singing *again*-"
"And that's what dreams are made of! So what are you afraid of-"
"I'm afraid of you knocking me off my broom if you spot the Snitch." Alicia snapped, her airy demeanor gone. "There is such a thing as being too into Quidditch."
"Hey, we've been winning, haven't we?"
"There's no 'We' in winning, Oliver."
"There's half of it."
"If that's all you have to say, then half of this relationship is going to walk out in disgust right about now." She pushed him back onto the bench, and stalked out of the locker room.
"Oh, come on!" He cried at her back. "I like you more than anyone else on the team!"
Alicia wouldn't talk to him at the party that night, even though he tried to apologize several times. She finally dragged Angelina and Katie up the girl's stairs at around 11:30. Oliver gave up and collapsed into a chair near Fred and George.
"Girls are stupid." He announced.
"Most of them." George agreed. Katie Bell had turned him down for the third time when he asked her out.
"Angelina's great, I don't see what you guys are doing wrong." Fred smirked.
"I mean, how are you supposed to answer a question like, what do you love more, her or Quidditch? Alicia's all snitty because of it."
Fred leaned forward. "What did you answer?"
"Huh?"
"What did you say?"
"Well, I said...I didn't really say anything, except that she was giving me a headache and that I loved both-"
"Houston, we have an idiot." George rolled his eyes. "Oliver, I've never even had a girlfriend, and I know how you answer questions like that. You always say her. Always. No matter what. If she asks if you like her or your new broomstick more, you say her. If she asks if you like her or Cindy Crawford more, you sure as hell better say her. If she asks if you like her or breathing more, you hold your breath and nod!"
"Where did she trap you?" Fred asked. "They always catch you alone."
"I was thinking about the game, in the locker room."
"Okay, you're alone, with Alicia, in the locker room, and you're actually stupid enough to say, 'I like both'?" The twins stared at him, slack-jawed. "You could have had like, every male Quidditch players fantasy make-out session, but instead you decide to blow it. Monstrously, might I add."
"Think about it, Oliver, since she's on the team, is there really any risk in saying you like her more than Quidditch? She's not going to force you to quit the team, that'd be stupid!"
"No, it wasn't like that, she asked if I'd rather win the World cup, or save her if she was falling off her broom."
"Well, you said the cup, didn't you?" George asked in an extremely sarcastic voice. "Since there's really one of those only every year. How many Alicia's do you think you're going to meet?"
"I am so stupid!" Oliver cried, holding his head in his hands.
"So, what was the situation she suggested?" Fred asked, clapping him on the back.
"What?"
"She had to have given you a situation. Anytime they say stuff like this, they always try to act it out the next time they can. I have a feeling we'll be able to help."
"Well, it was during a game, of course-"
"Hey Lee!" George called. "Spread the word. Scrimmage game, Slytherin versus Gryffindor, Saturday after lunch!" He turned back to them. "Done."
"Well, Slytherin was ahead, and Harry was going for the Snitch. If they scored, they would win even if Harry caught it, but at the same time, Alicia's falling..."
"And it's a lovely day for a scrimmage!" Lee announced. This game will have no effect on the Quidditch standings..."
As Lee droned on, Oliver whispered to Fred, "Is everything set?"
"Yep. You have the hardest part. You need to let Slytherin score at least five times. When they have fifty, George will wait until they try to score again, then hit a Bludger towards Alicia 'accidentally'. Angelina assured me that's just what she'll be looking for. She'll fall, you save her, everything's hunky-doory."
"What?"
"Muggle slang. It's fun."
"Just shut up already."
"It's twenty minutes into the game, and Slytherin has twenty, Gryffindor zero! Bell hands off to Spinnet, dodges a Bludger from Slytherin beater Terrence Peebles. She puts it up, and-Oh, a horrible save by Keeper August Knight. He hands the Quaffle to Flint, Flint's tearing up the center, he tosses, and-oh, it just bounces off Wood's finger tips into the goal. Wood seems slightly distracted today, never thought I'd say that sentence, but he better get his head in the game if Gryffindor wants any chance to win this thing and claim bragging rights until the next official game. Quaffle handoff to Johnson, looking great out there, she ducks a Bludger sent by-No!"
Oliver, who'd been trying to find Fred or George, snapped his head around.
"The Bludger beans Spinnet, she's slipping, hang on Alicia, hang on!"
Lee's warnings didn't reach her until almost too late. She was hanging onto the end of her broom with one hand.
George zoomed by Oliver. "That' wasn't planned, she's not faking it, Oliver!" He hissed.
The whole stadium sat frozen, eyes glued on Alicia as she struggled to regain her seat. The only movement came from the Slytherin Chasers. Oliver took his eye off Alicia for one second. They were coming straight towards him. It would be an easy block-
"Aiiiiiiieeeeeee!"
Alicia's fingers had given, and she began plummeting towards the ground.
"Alicia!" Oliver cried. Without a second glance, he zoomed down towards her.
"Oliver's going into a fantastic dive, I think it's safe to say he could have been a Seeker-And YES! HE CAUGHT HER! OLIVER WOOD MAKES THE BEST CATCH OF HIS CAREER!"
He'd caught her around the waist about ten feet off the ground. Hoisting her onto his lap as the crowd roared, Oliver bent down and whispered, "Surprise."
"You could have just told me you were gonna do that, so I didn't have to almost die." Alicia whispered to him, grinning, wrapping her arms around his neck.
"What, and miss that look on your face?" He grinned back. "So, does this clear up any questions as to whether I love you or not?"
She pretended to think about it. "Most of them."
Oliver paled. "What else do I need to-"
She grabbed the back of his neck and kissed him.
"That was very clear." He mumbled. Alicia smiled.
"You know, Oliver, I think I did get hurt when I fell." She leaned her head on his shoulder. "Would you mind taking me up to the hospital wing?"
"But you didn't actually-oh. Oh!"
Leaving a bewildered crowd and two hopping mad teams, they flew off towards the castle.
A/N: Since seeing the HP movie, Oliver's one of my favorite characters (I