Disclamer: I don't own K
Anything and everything that was interesting to Fushimi Saruhiko was Yata Misaki. Thus, Yata Misaki was the only think Fushimi could think of that was important, everything he did was for Misaki's sake, either for Misaki to see him, or so he could meet Misaki, or, if it were back then, so they could be a little bit more time together.
Misaki had always been found to those promises of eternity, it didn't matter for what, yet Misaki left him. Misaki always said that he was a traitor, but Misaki had left first. Left him alone, he left him for Suoh Mikoto, the Red king.
The day that Fushimi agreed with joining Homra was one of the days he regretted the most. Right after the day he met Misaki. Yet, the latter one had made him get found memories, even if they just ended up hurting him more than anything.
Inside Homra Misaki had found other people that seemed to be more appealing than Fushimi, so he passed to just hang out with them. Mikoto Suoh, Izumo Kusanagi, Kamamoto Rikio and all those punks. Fushimi couldn't stand any of them. Ok, perhaps he could bare to have one of them around. Totsuka-san, even if he was a bit too friendly.
Totsuka was the first to know he was leaving Homra and joining the Scepter4, he was in the same room as the Red king when Fushimi told him. Totsuka-san had seemed a bit surprised, but he didn't say anything about it and after some time he smiled and told Fushimi to be careful about Misaki's reaction and that he always could come back.
By the way that Misaki looked when Fushimi told him the news he was sure that the ginger didn't agree with that statement.
It hurted, the hate, the anger… Yet, it was at the same time pleasuring, that despair, Misaki's eyes on him. That was the moment he was sure that he had made the right choice. Right now, not even the red king could make Misaki stop to look at him. Misaki was crushed, he could tell. He wanted to tell he was sorry, that he was kidding so Misaki could smile again, but again, no he had to control himself. If he comforted Misaki he would just go back to the "comrade" relationship again. He would have done all of that for nothing. No, he wasn't going to back down now.
The pain and the heat didn't mattered as Fushimi slowly burned his own skin, he didn't care. He didn't care about himself anymore, he just wanted to see more of that, that look Misaki was wearing. It was so beautiful, I mix of despair and surprise, a mix pain and anger. Misaki was finally looking at him.
The day he came to regret all of that, was the day of the Red king's death. He didn't feel well when Totsuka-san had died, and when to his grave, to show some respect and stuff, after all, Totsuka-san was still… Totsuka-san. But when the Red king died he felt a bit empty, but it wasn't like Totsuka-san's death, he had missed Totsuka-san, he had wanted that to not have happened, when the Red king died he just felt empty, like when somebody tells you that an uncle you never saw in your life has died. The feeling that told you to feel something, that you should feel something, yet you don't. Fushimi regretted having left Homra because of Misaki's face. He was crying. And it was obvious that nobody in Homra had the ability to take care of the ginger. It was crystal clear that nobody would be able to put him off. Yet he couldn't do anything either. He was no longer in a position that he could do something, so, he just watched as the other boy cried. He scratched the scar in his chest once more, this time there was no longer a tattoo. Fushimi couldn't see it, so it didn't feel all that different from before. Just a bit of pain, the kind of pain he was used to. That he needed to remind himself that he was still alive, and breathing. And that Misaki would look at him again the day he showed up. Yet, right now, he wasn't sure if Misaki would. Perhaps he would be too depressed. Perhaps he will just give up. The thought scared Fushimi, Misaki giving up on everything. Because of the Red king. He should do something. Yet, he couldn't do anything.
A.N.: So... what have I done? I seriously don't know... Etto... This is my first fic, so please help me out. Sorry for ruining the mood (if there was any). God, I'm so awkward.