Heavy, gray fog was wriggling between shady houses of Shades, twisting around the corners, sneaking through the broken windows and cumbering Shades' virtuous inhabitants who were innocently working the night shift. Cats were miaowing and fighting over some fish bones (the ex-fish was a pollutia ankhmorporkia, a species which managed to survive in the Ankh thanks to its scales which could hold through a nuclear impact). Only two death-rattles broke the silence of the night so far, which was considered unimaginable by the native Shadians.

***

A russet-colored cat had won the fight and now was proudly gnawing the bone. It glanced down the alley and saw a slim, black silhouette emerging inaudibly through the fog. Once the silhouette has gotten near the cat, i.e. behind the grim building, it agilely slided up the wall, opened a obscured window and disappeared as fast as it came. The cat miaowed and lazily continued to chew the bone.

***

It was quite cold inside, as if the fire hadn't been lighted for weeks. The floor was in no better shape than the dirty walls, so the wood squeaked as the thief made one reckless move. He froze. "All right, slowly now..." the thief thought. He made a mental note of where the possible hiding places and exits are, took a deep but quiet breath and continued sneaking. The big room was incredibly gloomy. Grey walls were damaged in many places. Looking at the dark wood furniture, it could be concluded that it was a living room, old and unused. The thief wondered why the place hadn't been robbed yet, a destiny which would befit any decent abandoned house in Shades. One more step forward... He crouched in front of the door, took out pick locks and opened the massive door in no more than five seconds. And then the thief stopped, stunned. The treasure was in front of him, laying proudly in a battered show case, shining as the foggy, dispersed street light fell on it through the dirty window. A diamond dagger. Stronger than meteorite, sharper than Death's Scythe. Okay, nothing is sharper than Death's Scythe (which is named Jim, by the way), but you get the point. Sharp as in folks, don't try to touch the air around it! sharp. The thief came closer, not getting his glowing, greedy eyes off the dagger, and carefully took it. It was around twelve inches long, simple and elegant, heavier than expected. And warm. The thief turned around in fear, realizing the dagger had been held by someone else, a moment before he broke in... He decisively stuck the dagger into his belt, flew to the window and jumped out.

***

The cat snorted nervously when she heard a noise. She was very angry. A fat one-eyed tomcat had usurped her bones and tried to jump her. She hissed on a person lying on a bunch of shattered boards and tried to scratch his cloaked face but a shiny thing suddenly caught her attention and she attacked that object instead. She barely even touched the interesting object, her claws were instantly cut short. The cat ran away, frightened and with free manicure done.

***

The person jumped up and started running fast, in the direction of the bridge. Not for long. After ten feet he fell to the floor, hit by a painful spell. The thief saw a big shape coming closer, turning into a very fat, crimson-clad old man as he was getting closer. With a wizard hat.

"Don't move, youngster!!!", the wizard said in a strong, mad voice. "Hmmm... Interesting... Very interesting. That's why I let you stretch your legs a bit before I kill you... Interesting...", he murmured the last word to himself, looking thoughtfully.

"What's so interesting, Mr. Evil Wizard?", hissed the thief. "My jumping out from your window and landing painfully on my butt? That's really amazing, isn't it? Wanna see some more special grating moves before you kill me?"

"Don't be arrogant in front of a wizard, youngster. Even those morons from the Unseen University wouldn't forgive that. We, wizards, are cocky creatures."

"Yes, the only thing bigger than a wizard's ego is his stomach", muttered the thief, frowning. He scanned the surroundings, clenched his fist around the hidden dagger in his sleeve and jumped up. He made an elegant pirouette to avoid the surprised wizard's blow and stuck the dagger in his titanic stomach. "What is interesting? Answer me!"

"Always listen to yourself, kid", laughed the wizard, "It was stupid of you to attack my...soft side... Hahaha! Ahahahaha!!!"

"What's... so... INTERESTING?", yelled the thief between the attempts of conjugating his dagger with the wizard's throat.

"Interesting? Interesting!? My dear, beloved, treacherous dagger is interesting!!! It betrayed me! It let you touch it and take it from me when it should burn your rapacious little hands as it always did to my enemies!!! You should have burned like a banana flambe! You little witch! Idiot! Paramecium! Internal combustion engine! Fruit shampoo! Hahahaha!!!!

"Oh, dear..."

"And now", the wizard gasped, "You will give it... back to me... Or I'll make your insides... fight with your... outsides! Hahahahahaaaarrrghf..."

He suddenly collapsed dead to the ground, looking like a huge, bearded, bloody pudding. His fat undulated in such manner that the thief thought he was never going to eat jelly ever again. The thief turned around, staring in wonder. Someone has just saved his life.

***

Elvendork Bobblewax, corrupted wizard, also called The Bringer of Despair, The Mad Hippo of Ankh-Morpork, or simply That-Crazy-Fat-Old-Man-with-Idiotic-Clothes, as his irritated neighbors used to call him, stopped laughing. He saw his beautiful (a wizard's aesthetic taste should NEVER be compared to a normal man's aesthetic taste), huge, pointed hat, lying on the cobble. Slowly, he glided his eyes to a new geographic element - a crimson-clad mountain, with beard exactly the same as his.

"ELVENDORK BOBBLEWAX, THE BRINGER OF DESPAIR, THE MAD HIPPO OF ANKH-MORPORK, THAT-CRAZY-FAT-OLD-MAN-WITH-IDIOTIC-CLOTHES. FOLLOW ME", a grave voice called, voice which carried childhood memories of the Universe, saw stars give birth to planets, and knew the sex of Great A'Tuin.

"M-m-my... m-my stomach!!! It truly is gigantic!!!! How come I have never noticed!? ... Death, right?", asked Elvendork, looking tired and broken.

"SCULL TO TOE", Death said.

"Are there any gyms? Cereal!? Cindy Crawford video-tapes!?", the wizard was hopefully inquiring.

"IT ALL DEPENDS ON YOU. GET READY. WE MUST GO NOW." Death took Jim, his faithful scythe and proffesionally swung his arm.

"What about leggings? I'm gonna need some nice pink spandex leggings if I intend to work-out...", the russet-colored cat heard Elvendork Bobblewax say before his voice was lost in the wind. She was happy now. She's found a new huge bed, very soft and comfortable, and it was of beautiful crimson color.

***

Icarus watched the small, slim shape graciously diffusing into the fog and decided to follow the sound of the light footsteps. He deducted that the thief was going to the Ankh Bridge, so he took a shortcut through an unlighted alley, en passant stabbed his knife in a dirty robber who tried to concuss him, dodged through hanging laundry and tumbled on someones singing head. "Fucking drunkard. Go swoon somewhere else!" He climbed on the top of a miniature wannabe tavern called "The Toothless Pirate" and waited for the sound to come closer.

***

The thief couldn't breathe. Someone tall and strong was holding him by the neck and arms so hard that he couldn't make a move. He kicked devilishly, trying to reach the stranger's groin and hurt him. He couldn't reach it so he stepped on the man's foot, wanting to break his ankle. "Let me go, let go!", the thief screamed paranoically.

The man let go, seeming surprised. "You're a woman?", he asked in a deep voice.

The thief bridled up and took of his... her hood. The stranger stared in disbelief. Fog smoothed the glow of her rich, golden hair, but he could perceive her slant eyes sparkling with anger, perfect nose, proud lips, high cheekbones. The thief was a very young woman, the kind of which could make a marble statue run the playing-field and do three hundred push-ups.

"I... You stole something I need", Icarus managed to say.

"The dagger? I've no intentions to bestow it upon you, especially after the near-death experience with a crazed wizard and a mysterious troll-strangler a.k.a. you. So, fuck off." She turned around and started walking when the man grabed her again.

"You owe me something. You didn't ask yourself who saved you from the 'crazed wizard'?"

She spread her eyes. "It was you?"

"Moi."

"Why? To get the dagger from me? Why didn't you take it yourself? I got to it first. It's mine now."

"I really need it. Now, I could kill you where you stand and take it myself, or you could give it to me."

"No. Besides, you can't take it. The wizard said it chose me. You could burn like a banana flambe", she smiled. He melted. Then he smiled too.

"I'm not going to kill you. I saw you fight. You're very skillful for your age and gender. It would be a waste of good training... How's old Mericet doing? Still merry and sharing candies with students?", he asked with a sarcastic smile.

"How did you...? No... I'm not an assassin anymore. Only when necessary. How..."

He laughed. "How did I know? I'm also not an assassin... anymore."

***

The Troll's Head at dawn was full and noisy as usual. A dozen of dwarfs just came in to arouse. Who needs a rooster or that demonic alarm-clock when you can get a nice axe fight first thing in the morning? An orangutan sitting at the bar was eating peanuts and listening sympathetically to a fat drunken peasant.

"One mowre.. one mowre round... Hic... An' den, I say, I say... "Tom, don't ya kill dat small chickin. See dat fat brown one ova' there yonder ova' the fence?" An' he say "Yeas". An' I say "Well, if you kill dat chickin, y'all can eat. She's as big as a tractor. Y'all can ea..."

Orangutan quietly escaped the peasant's small talk and went to play the piano. No one could say "no" to his leather palms which could easily turn the afore mentioned chicken into soup.

Two figures came in, both dressed in black, their faces hidden under the capes. One was small and slim, turning around nervously, and the other was over six feet tall and muscular. A young nobleman and his bodyguard, the tavern keeper thought. Rich boys thought it was 'cool' to come to places like The Troll's Head, but they would soon give up after being robbed of all but their underwear. The two took a table in the most unlit corner and started talking silently.

"All right, here's what I have for you: imagine a dragon. Now, imagine his/her lair. A big one, the size of the Isle of Gods. And now, imagine the amount of treasure in such lair", Icarus said.

"You're kidding. First of all, dragons don't exist anymore. Second, no cave's that big and unexplored. Knowing people, dwarfs, gnomes, trolls and anthropomorphic personifications, no treasure in the whole flat Disc would remain unplundered. And finally, will you tell me what the heck do you need my brand new dagger for?"

"You'll see", he smiled. She was frustrated she couldn't see his face. It was hidden behind a big hood and ninja-like mask, and all she could see was the mischievous dazzle in his eyes when he smiled. After all, she had shown him her precious face.

"Let's say your fairytale is true. Where is the cave, then?"

"You have to trust me before I tell you anythi.."

"Trust you!?", interrupted the girl. "You're the dark and mysterious one, lurking behind a mask!", she exploded and jumped off her shabby chair.

"You have to trust me and I have to trust you. If you haven't noticed, I still don't know your name", Icarus said sternly.

The thief-girl sat down. She was still frowning and now she started cursing under her breath.

Icarus smiled again. "So?"

"Fuck off. I'm not telling you anything about me."

"But I already know enough about you. From how you react I know even more. You're in. You can have the job, and a nice percent, if you agree", he stated.

"You know nothing about me. Nothing." She felt the anger, emptiness and despair coming up again. She had to stop them. If she hated something, she hated crying.

"You can call me... Ahmm... X... It will make our future conversations easier, and you will stop inquisiting me", she declared seriously.

"I'm not gonna call you X. Think up some better name. Like, Iphigenia or Chlomidonda. So I could call you Iphy or Chlomy", he joked.

"All right, all right!!! Arggfh!!!", roared the thief, "Let's say I'm Evelindomeda, and you can call me Eve. Happy now?"

"Happy", smiled Icarus.

***