I can't stop myself from looking at your picture,
There's nothing that personally attracts me to the photo, no emotional attachment or anything,
For some reason I just find it soothing to see your face.
These feelings are so overwhelming,
I'm not quite sure how to process them,
I haven't ever felt like this before, it's different than the past times,
Maybe it's because I'm older now,
Or maybe it's just you who is different to how anyone else is.
I thought that I used to hate you,
But now I think that was more of a front to cover up what I truly felt,
But I'm not quite sure what to call what I'm feeling now,
Or maybe I know but I just can't admit it,
Because I'm too scared that once I say it, it will be real then,
Not just a figment of my imagination that I can hide away.
I fear that people are becoming suspicious,
I'm not quite sure why I feel so protective over this,
Why do I not want anyone to know?
I don't want to humiliate myself,
Because this time my feelings are real, they are stronger,
I don't think I could handle the teases hurtful or playful,
Sitting next to you, I would not be able to the awkwardness of your rejection,
I have no hope that you will feel the same way,
For I am out of your league, you have the attention of many,
I do not blame them; I now see who you really can be,
The kind and caring person.
But you spend so much time trying to avoid suspicion from your friends,
That people now have to dig past a few layers to find your humble nature,
I have been lucky to see it a few times,
Seeing how you deal with your demons these days only makes me feel more for you,
Now I reach an impasse, I am too afraid to tell you how I feel,
So I try and fail to bury my feelings for you away,
But that no longer works,
I'm now left longing for you,
Grasping at any chance to see you, hear you, touch you,
Trying to force myself to forget you, because I know that's the only way I'll ever find peace,
And yet all this time you remain oblivious to how I feel.