Oh no. I thought I had it under control, but clearly if I'm up writing oneshots in the middle of the night so that I can deal with what happens on the show… Yep, it's official, this ship is gonna take over my life. Like Klaroline wasn't enough. *sighs* Oh well. Who needs real life anyway?
Post-3x05 because, really Pan? You just had to tell him? – so obviously, spoilers
Anyway, hope you like it, this is my take on what I hope Hook is going to do about the bombshell Pan dropped on him, and what happens afterwards. It's also my first Captain Swan story, so please please pleaaaase review :)
On a side note, Best. First. Kiss. since Veronica and Logan :D :D :D so worth the wait!
Disclaimer: they're not mine. But if this is what happens in the next episode, then I can learn to live with it.
He has never hated Pan more than he does in this instant, and that's saying something.
The little monster knew exactly what he was doing.
Information has always been the most dangerous possessions of all, and now Hook is left with more than he ever wanted to possess.
Baelfire is alive.
How's that for an unexpected turn of events? How's that for an unwanted, and Gods does he hate himself for even thinking it, turn of events?
Tell Emma and whatever it is that she was finally starting to feel for him gets crushed before it even has a chance to blossom.
Don't tell her and when she finds out – and there is no doubt that she will – she'll want nothing to do with him anymore.
And then there's that other tidbit that Pan saw fit to share with him. Bae is not only alive, he's here. On fucking Neverland. He literally came back to Hell. For Emma and her son. Much like Hook himself did.
Which makes things that much worse.
There's a painful grip on his heart, not unlike the one he felt when he overheard her heartbreaking confession to her parents.
I never stopped loving him.
He knew better then than to entertain any kind of hope… And yet here he is, chest crushed beneath yet another confession because fool that he is, he still couldn't help himself.
Damn it.
I never stopped loving him.
He would have given his other hand if it meant he got to be the one to hold her after her tearful admission.
He would have given anything to be able to be there for her the way she deserves someone to be.
And he's still wondering what he should do with the news of Bae's survival? Really? When he's told himself over and over again that he would do anything for her? When he knows that the one thing that she wants besides finding her son is something he can now give her? When the only man that could make her happy is almost within her reach?
He has many characters traits and many qualities he's rather proud of. Selflessness is not one of them. And yet, for her…
Pan was right. This is when he finds out what kind of man he really is.
Decision made, Hook disregards her order and takes off after her.
Hook winces as Henry's screams and sobs reach his ear and he tries to focus on his ship, but it's hard to concentrate when all he can think about is how much pain Emma is going through right now. Those cries sound even more depressing in the dead of night.
Amazingly enough, after he told her about Bae, they managed to find both him and Henry and to rescue them. Their little group is not unscathed, and a brand new scar on his left side will forever remind him of his terror when he thought he wasn't going to get to Emma in time to save her from the blade aimed at her heart, but they're all alive and well.
Except that Henry is almost as lost to them as he was when he was miles away. He's a lost boy now. He didn't want to be rescued, and he's letting them know at every turn. No amounts of soft words from his grandparents, magic from Regina or hugs from his parents can make him see reason.
It's been going on for four days, and no one on the ship has slept for more than a few hours at a time since they found him.
The worst part is, with Baelfire on board, they should be able to leave Neverland, but they can't because they can't be sure that leaving won't make things worse for Henry. They have to bring him back before they can find their way home. The only good thing about that is that David gets to spend a bit more time with his family before he has to tell them that he's stuck here.
"Hey."
Not tearing his eyes away from the horizon, Hook acknowledges Emma's presence with a small nod, his fingers tightening imperceptibly on the helm.
"He's not getting any better," she tries, probably hoping it will get a reaction out of him.
He's been rather distant with her – with everyone, really – since they found Bae, and he knows she's noticed. He hasn't exactly tried to be subtle about it. He doesn't see the point.
"I heard."
She seems momentarily put off by his laconic answer, but she doesn't let it deter her for too long.
"I never thanked you for everything you did for us."
Against his will, he can feel his features soften slightly.
"You don't have to."
"I seem to remember a time when my gratitude was all you were after," she teases offhandedly. At the dark look he shoots her, she has the decency to look sheepish. "Sorry."
He shrugs, brushing off her apology. That one was his own fault, really. He's been making jokes about their mutual attraction since day one, he can't blame her for hoping that she can do the same and lighten the mood. Still, it hurts. Because they both know that even though it did start out as their usual banter, it meant more to him. More than it did to her, he never had any illusions about that, but there were a few minutes before Pan showed up when he actually caught himself hoping that it would grow into something more for her as well, with time.
Time he doesn't have now that the love of her life is back in the picture.
They stay quiet for a while, until she can't stand it anymore.
"Look, I know how hard it must have been to…"
"Don't."
She frowns at him. He doesn't know if it's the interruption or his harsh tone that threw her off, but frankly he doesn't care. He doesn't feel like dwelling on it, and her pity is the last thing he wants. Of course, she's never been one to take a hint, at least not when he wants her to.
"Hook, you did the right thing by telling me. I can't not thank you for it. Not when I know how tempting it must have been to just pretend that you didn't know."
"Don't make me out to be the hero here. I didn't have a bloody choice."
"Yes, you did," she counters. When he shakes his head at her, she frowns in confusion. "You could have kept it from me. You could have…"
"That's not true and you know it. Pan was trying to drive a wedge between us, weaken the group. I couldn't let him do that. Besides, we needed Bae if we were to ever leave this bloody place."
"I know that's not why you did it. You did it because you knew I wanted him back."
"I didn't do it for you, love. I did it because I couldn't stand the thought of you hating me once you found out. My reasons were entirely selfish, I can assure you."
Her eyes are trained on his face while he stares straight ahead, trying to block her out, and just as he feared, she calls him out on the blatant half-truth.
"Liar."
His eyes flash in anger. His façade is the only thing he has left and here she is, stripping him of it and leaving him with nothing but his shattered hopes and empty heart. Has she not done enough?
"Believe whatever you want, lass. I'm done with this discussion and your lad needs you."
He brushes past her on his way to his cabin, intent on catching a few hours of sleep so that he can safely navigate in the morning.
"Coward."
He instantly turns on his heels, fixing her with an angry glare.
"What did you just say?"
"You heard me," she says defiantly, her stance stubborn and proud and Gods, he just wants to shake her until she leaves him alone. Why is she doing this to him? Doesn't she know how hard it is to keep walking away from her every time he has to? "You're refusing to fight for me."
"You don't want me to fight for you," he reminds her, his voice dangerously low as he invades her personal space.
"What if I did?" she asks, and he freezes on the spot with her question, giving her more than enough time to think carefully about what she's going to say next. "What if I do and you're too caught up in your righteous pain to see it? What should I think? That you don't really want me? Or that you don't deserve me?"
The echo of a conversation long past brings the shadow of a smile to his lips, but it's gone as quickly as it appeared. He knows that she won't let it go without a fight, that she won't let him run away from this and with that realization, all the fight goes out of him, all the tension leaving his body as he resigns himself to having to make his most painful confession yet.
"That I'm putting you first."
For someone who has done nothing but put himself first for centuries, that's quite something. He might as well have told her that he loves her. He expects her to be at least partially confused about those quiet words, to demand an explanation. He can almost hear her annoyed What the hell does that mean? in his head. Instead, something seems to click into place and her eyes widen almost comically as his recent behavior suddenly makes sense to her.
"Wait a minute. You're not giving up out of cowardice. You're giving up out of honor," there's awe in her voice, and he feels like he should be offended that everyone keeps being amazed every single time he does something honorable. Really, this is getting old. Before he can comment on that however, she adds, "Because you don't want to come between me and Neal. Not because you think you don't stand a chance."
"Well, there's that too, if we're being thorough."
"But that's not all of it, is it?" When he doesn't say anything, she reaches out to place a hand on his arm, urging him to answer, "Hook?"
"No," he sighs with a small shake of his head. "It's not."
There's only silence for a while, and after a few minutes, her grip on his sleeve tightens as she takes a deep breath, seemingly coming to some kind of decision.
"I never thought I'd say this, but I'm gonna need you to be a bit less honorable."
His eyes, that were fixed on her hand, snap back up to hers at that.
"What are you saying?"
His intensity is enough to make her let go of him and take a step back, and the flicker of hope that came with her words disappears along with her touch. She must read something on his face because she holds her hand up in a universal signal for him not to jump to conclusions.
"I just need to think clearly." And she can't do that while she's touching him? Interesting. "I'm saying that I will never stop caring about Neal, but…" She gestures between the two of them. "There's something there and I need to find out what it is."
This is the absolute worst thing she could have said. Contrary to what she might think, he does have some pride left.
"So what? You want to take me out for a test run and give me back if you're not satisfied with the goods?"
"No! No, that's not…" She lets out a frustrated breath, though he's not sure who she's frustrated with, him or herself. "Damn it, Hook!" Ah. Him, then. "You're a risk. You know that, right? I just need to decide if I can take it. And that's kind of hard to do when all you do 90% of the time is try to get in my pants and joke and just be an obnoxious jerk."
Despite the seriousness of the situation, he can't help but smirk at that, but his voice is grave when he asks, "What about the other 10%?"
She scoffs.
"The other 10%, you risk your life for me and my family and you make me smile and you look at me like…" Her voice trails off as she shakes her head, at a loss for words, and the best description she can come up with is to motion in the general direction of his face. "like that!"
Moment, his mind is suddenly screaming at him. That's a moment. In over three hundred years, Hook has become an expert on those precious, rare, blink-and-they're-gone moments that can define a whole life, seal fates, bring entire kingdoms to their doom or… Or lead to a happy ending. This is theirs. The moment when he has to make a choice and risk everything or definitively let her go. And whatever she has to say on the matter, one thing he's never been is a coward. So he does the only thing he can do. Brings his hook underneath her chin to tilt it up, making sure she's looking at him for what he has to say next.
"Like I love you."
She gives him a weak smile and tries for nonchalance. At this point, he doesn't know why she bothers, they both know what's at stake here. "Yeah, that."
"That's because I do."
She nods resolutely, letting him know that she believes him, and he brings his arm back to his side. There's nothing more he can do but wait for her next move.
Her next move is a kiss. Her fingers grasp the collar of his coat as she holds him against her, just like she did before, like he could ever even think of pulling away when her lips are on his and her tongue is begging for entrance. He obligingly deepens the kiss, and he lets his arm wrap itself around her middle, pulling her closer, his hand tangling in her hair. He feels more than he hears her whimper as he starts exploring her mouth, a jolt shooting straight to his heart – and well, another vital part of his anatomy – at her wordless request for more.
Still he can't let himself go, not completely, not without some kind of reassurance that this is not a dream.
"Emma." Her name leaves his mouth in a breathless whisper against her lips and she tries to pull him down again, but he brings his hook around her wrist to still her movements, his other hand still softly stroking the nape of her neck, and she seems to refocus enough for him to say what he has to say. Resting his forehead against hers, he sighs. "Don't do this unless you mean it. I couldn't…" Take it. Forget it. Survive it. Take your pick, lass. He doesn't say any of this though, just lets out another sigh and concludes. "Just don't."
She shakes her head almost frantically, heeding the urgency in his voice.
"I do. Mean it, I mean."
"What about Neal?" he has to ask because apparently he's a masochist, and because he can't let her give him this hope only to have her crush it again.
"We're over."
"Really?"
That didn't sound anything like the casual inquiry it was supposed to be. More like a plea. She just nods and leans forward for another kiss, but a heartbreaking shout from below deck abruptly brings them back to reality and he feels her grip on his coat tighten as she closes her eyes, trying to shut the sounds of her son's suffering out. Without thinking, he pulls her closer, tucking her head against his chest in a comforting hug as a single sob escapes her before she has a chance to pull herself together. Placing a soft kiss against her hair, he holds her as he sways them slightly to some inaudible music.
"You're going to get him through this," he promises, because if there's one thing he's never doubted, it's her love for that boy, and he knows this is going to be enough.
"I know."
"You should go."
She nods against him, tightening her hold on him for a second before releasing him and giving him a small, thankful smile. With one last peck on her lips, he lets her go, calling her back just as she's about to disappear below deck.
"Swan!" When she turns around, he wiggles his eyebrows at her so that she knows they're back to normal, hopefully with a few additions to their relationship. "When you want more, you know where to find me."
And because she reads him like a book, she sees straight to the uncertainty he thought he had so successfully masked. And because she's her, she rolls her eyes at his use of 'when', but then she smiles softly and nods. "Yes, I do."
A promise.
That's enough for now.
FIN