Belphegor is depressed. No, actually he does not recognize the word. In the Varia prince's dictionary, such trivial things as depression does not exist. He is a genius after all. A gifted sadistic royalty like him is not that weak to harbor commoner feelings such as extreme sadness.
Yet the Storm Varia is deeply troubled. By what, he can't really pinpoint. But these past months after the Arcobaleno trials concluded and the seven strongest infants in the world were uncursed, Prince Belphegor has been feeling quite down the weather. Or as he says, being bothered by completely mundane things.
He is still far from being ordinary after all. Being part of the elite assassination squad of the Vongola means standing on the top class of the human species. It also helps that the Varia prince was born with bloodlust in him, so even in his state of depression Belphegor does so royally, or rather quite stubbornly.
Of course, Belphegor thought, as if he would allow himself be defeated by such nonsensical things troubling his mind. No, he absolutely does not feel disturbingly lonely now that his teammates left him alone in the mansion with the grunts who were down in the training rooms. (The lower-ranked Varia members had learned to stay away from their commanders when they are not summoned as a way to preserve their lives from the elite squad killing intents.) Belphegor's grin faded when he realized he is practically all by himself that night.
He pouted slightly as he strode down the large mansion to the kitchen to grab some dinner. He figured he will re-heat today's lunch. He slowly approached the microwave and placed the cold meal inside then dialed the machine and waited.
He was so lost in thoughts that he failed to notice the microwave light a bright red, his food hot enough. When Belphegor came to his senses, he saw the appliance smoking.
Belphegor quickly cut the appliance of its energy source and with a soured expression, opened the microwave to reveal charcoal-burned food. He cursed and throw the plate with a loud crash on the floor. If the grunts heard it, they didn't dare appear in front of the Storm Varia, suspecting he was on his usual princely tantrum again and would not like to get involve. It was the proclaimed mother of the bunch, Lussuria, who usually attend to the prince's needs. Or Squalo when the long-haired commander grows irritated at his childish and bratty manners. Only that there was no Lussuria or Squalo to come to Belphegor's fuming form over broken plates.
A new and overwhelming feeling rushed Belphegor and he felt sick to his stomach at that because for one reason or another he is suddenly feeling useless. Why? He mused. How could a talented hitman prodigy like him think of himself as useless? Heck, he didn't earn his title Prince the Ripper for nothing.
He reluctantly went over the fridge and found vegetables and some meat. He can't cook, he does not need to, he's a prince after all. He thought of calling over the subordinates to prepare him a meal. But just as he was about to yell for them, he hesitated and picked up some bread and carton of milk instead. He sat at the dining table and bit into a loaf.
It suddenly occurred to him that he absolutely knows nothing. He is a battle genius but he is very much dependent on others on a daily basis. Well, he is a prince and does not do manual labor but there isn't much he can really do aside from killing people and throwing his pretty knives impressively at enemies. Remove all of that and he is nothing but a teenager with bloody obsessions who can't cook, can't microwave his food, and can't take care of himself at all. When he first came to the Varia, Lussuria was tasked to look after him. Fed him, keep him clean, clean his mess and dirty room because aside from assassinating people the Storm Varia knows no other useful skill to ensure survival.
He was lucky enough the Varia found interest in him when he joined the group. An eight-year old sadistic killing genius would surely be an asset to the elite squad. Never mind that he is bratty, or childish, or practically useless for everything else aside from plotting murder.
He thought of Mammon, who was littler but is extremely useful when it comes to handling financial matters with the Varia. There is Squalo, who is loud and annoying but an effective captain and second-in-command. Then Lussuria, a martial artist and mother to the group. There is Levi, loyal like a dog to the boss but is useful when you need him to go on errands. And Xanxus, who might be temperamental but a capable leader to the eccentric bunch.
As much as Belphegor hates to admit it, his royal blood cannot hold a candle to what these people are capable of outside the battle arena. Maybe that's why they abandoned him. Maybe they don't want to keep him any longer.
He suddenly remembered his mother who is now cold, dead, and buried deep down the ground. He killed his family by his own hands. He never regretted it. He thinks they deserved it anyway. Strangely though, he felt a lump in his throat as his memory drifted back to that one summer when he was three years old. His mother crouched down in front of him, brushing his golden hair aside to peer straight through his eyes. Young Belphegor felt like the woman was looking to his soul. Her stare pierced him and he hastily pushed back his bangs in place. That was the first time he ever felt so vulnerable and human. He hated it, hated the feeling, so he killed her too. Killed the woman capable of making him feel that weak.
He killed her right? So why does he feel like a three-year old again with his mother's stare straight into his naked eyes. He does not believe in ghosts or the afterlife so it couldn't have been his mother's curse on him. Besides it has been 9 years ever since then. He's 17 now.
Belphegor finished his meal and left the dishes on the sink. Yeah, he doesn't know how to wash empty plates as well. He went back to his room and sat sprawled on his bed, his dirty clothes and other things lying around on the floor, his bed and blanket in a mess.
He unconsciously reached for his knife from inside his jacket and stared at the silver object with much interest like he had never done before, tracing its sharp edge with a finger. A drop of blood fell and landed on his bedspread. Belphegor eyed the red liquid flowing on his hands and his mouth formed an insane smirk.
Oh, his royal blood. He allowed himself a moment to watch the dripping red liquid. Then without warning, as if his hands have a mind of their own, he made a long cut on his wrist and blood spurted like waterfall. He laughed insanely, his uninjured hand covering his face as his creepy laugh reverberated the room. His royal blood.
It was his insane laughter that made the newly arrived Xanxus to burst Bel's room open. The Varia boss' scowled at the sight he found. Belphegor sitting crosslegged on his bed, his one arm dripping madly with blood, his face smeared with blood and he was cackling madly, his laughter echoing inside the room.
The Varia prince raised an eyebrow at Xanxus' presence and he stopped sniggering.
"Hello, boss. You're back early."
Xanxus glared at him and yelled deafeningly.
"LEVI!"
The loyal Thunder Varia appeared in less than 5 seconds beside Xanxus and panting.
"Yes, boss."
Xanxus flicked his head over at Bel's side and Levi wide-eyed at the prince.
"Bel!"
Levi rushed over at Bel's side.
"What happened? Who attacked you?"
Xanxus growled. "Stupid trash. He did that to himself."
Levi eyed Belphegor unbelievingly and saw the Storm Varia holding one of his knives caked with blood.
"This psycho…"
"Bring him to the Vongola estate or I would finish him right here and now by myself."
Levi immediately obeyed and Levi slung Bel's uninjured arm around his neck and supported the prince as they descend from the bed. Bel, too weak and too much of his blood lost, didn't complain even as he was being unceremoniously led outside his room. He felt himself slowly loss consciousness and he lung limp beside Levi. The older Varia grunted under his sudden weight but nevertheless carried him outside his bedroom door. Xanxus glowered at them and he yelled for the subordinates who immediately appeared and helped bring the unconscious prince to one of their cars.
They reached the Vongola estate ten minutes later. The Vongola Ninth and his family informed of the emergency ahead by Xanxus. A cot ready by the entrance when they arrived and Bel was carried all the way to the infirmary where the doctors await. The Ninth watched in worry as the Storm Varia disappeared towards the second-floor landing and Xanxus strode towards Timoteo.
"Effin' trash."
Timoteo glanced at his adopted son, the older man's eyebrow creased in concern.
"Did he really cut himself?"
Xanxus gave a low grunt in response. Timoteo sighed.
"Do they know about this?" The current Vongola boss asked, referring to Squalo, Lussuria, and Mammon who were still away on missions.
"Called them while we were on our way here. They're on their way back."
"Right. Let's just wait for Bel to recover."
Xanxus' face contorted into an angry expression. "Effin' trash who wants to die could just let me kill them instead."
ooOoo
Belphegor was out for the rest of the night. He lost so much blood the Vongola doctors were certain he would not be waking up until tomorrow. It was noontime when a disgruntled Squalo arrived. His long white hair in disarray and he wore a scowl on his face as he marched to Xanxus who stood at the waiting area outside of the infirmary. No one was allowed to see Belphegor yet.
Without warning, Squalo grabbed the front of Xanxus shirt and glared straight into his eyes.
"Hoy!"
Levi immediately went to separate the two assassins and Xanxus spat.
"You useless damned boss." Squalo panted heavily.
"How dare you accuse the boss!"
Squalo sent a glare to Levi's side before returning to Xanxus.
"He is your responsibility; how could you allow the brat to murder himself?"
Xanxus remained composed, albeit his insides are burning with anger and annoyance. That was when Lussuria appeared. The flamboyant man ran towards them, his expression etched with worry and his eyebrows furrowed with concern. He held a handkerchief on one hand and he dabbed at his eyes under his sunglasses.
"I can't believe it." Lussuria sniffed. "Bel-chan…"
Squalo strode towards the infirmary double doors but before he could as much as touch the door handles, Xanxus grabbed him by the collar and threw his form hardly on the ground.
"Stay trash. The doctors told us to wait."
It was a usual thing for Xanxus to be temperamental, it was another when he becomes patient enough to wait for the doctor's orders. Xanxus is an impatient man, he hates waiting. The fact that he does now only confirms the severity of the situation. Lussuria, recognizing this, wiped at his eyes. Squalo glowered from the ground.
A few minutes later, Mammon materialized out of thin air, black and indigo mist surrounding him.
"Am I too late? Is he finally dead?" he asked to the waiting group.
The looks on their faces told him the answer and the illusionist lowered on a seat beside Levi. They waited again.
After 5 more hours of grueling and tensed waiting, the doctors finally announced they could see the Varia prince. Xanxus led the way to the infirmary room.
Bel lay on a bed beside the window, his one arm heavily bandaged while the other has an IV drip attached. He turned his head to the direction of his visitors, a grin plastered on his face.
"Ushishi, welcome back all of you." He greeted casually. Squalo has to restrain himself from going at the blonde prince to throttle him by the neck. It was evident how weak the Storm Varia still is; his face pale and breathe heavy from blood loss.
Lussuria was the first one to approach. He pulled a chair beside Bel and sat to take a closer look at his from.
"Oh honey, how are you feeling?"
"Ushishi, better I guess."
Mammon hovered close to Bel and stared down at him.
"What crossed your mind for you to kill yourself?"
Bel brandished him his usual grin.
"You can tell us anything, Bel-chan. Do you have a problem?" Lussuria said softly.
It was then that Squalo lost his patience and yelled at Bel.
"VOOOIIII! If you're bored go find someone else to kill other than yourself!"
Xanxus stepped forward and glared at Bel.
"If you want to die that much, come to me and I'll do it for you. Useless trash." He seethed.
It was then that Bel's grin faded and he stared back at the group around him. No longer feeling in the mood, he reached for his blankets to cover himself and turned his back on them.
"You can leave now. The prince is tired and wants some sleep."
The group exchanged curious looks at Bel's suddenly odd behavior. Xanxus left first and the rest reluctantly followed suit.
The group met the doctor by the infirmary doors on their way out. He nodded at Xanxus' direction but Xanxus walked past him and out of the infirmary. Squalo and the rest of them stopped to listen to the doctor.
"He's experiencing what we medically call as depression. It is a mental state of extreme sadness that could led to anxiety attacks, and in his case suicide. We believe he has been depressed for quite a long time if he resorted to killing himself."
The rest of the Varia couldn't believe what they heard. Belphegor, depressed?
"Wait, I couldn't just believe what you said." Squalo voiced out which everyone mentally agreed. Depressed? Like hell that psychotic prince would be. Granted this might just be the works of his psychotic mind but depressed? He's no normal human being to be depressed.
"His findings suggest that he is. And I must tell you you should not take depression lightly. You've seen so yourself how it leads into." The doctor finished calmly.
Shit. The psychotic bastard just got more insane.
"Ohh doctor, what can we do?" Lussuria cooed. The Varia couldn't agree more to the flamboyant man's concern. They know how to deal with a bratty Belphegor, a childish Belphegor, even an insane bloodthirsty Belphegor. But a depressed Belphegor? They never encountered one until now.
"You have to stay by his side. Support him and make him feel loved and secured. He needed that."
The eccentric group, except Lussuria, flinched at the words love and secure. What the eff are those even? Love? The Varia? Those two words weren't meant to exist together.
"Aren't there any other ways?" Squalo hoped. If it was something like fighting then he could do it, but giving the brat love leaves him clueless on what to do.
"Well, I suppose you need to understand him, spend time with him more, and maybe talk to him. He's in a delicate state, fragile I should say, the tiniest things could turn his mood down."
The Varia could only stare in disbelief and disgust. The doctor is basically ordering them to babysit the blonde teen. And delicate? What the hell is delicate about that insanely bloodthirsty bastard of a prince?
"Fuck." Squalo spat to the general agreement of the group.
That's it. The Storm Varia finally snapped. Levi was about to open his mouth to tell them they could just find for his replacement than bother themselves with a depressed Belphegor but Lussuria got ahead of the Thunder Varia.
"Now, we should work together, okay? For Bel-chan's sake." The flamboyant man turned to his teammates, his expression twinkling in hope. They stared incredulously at him before giving a sigh of resignation and they all reluctantly grunted a 'Yes'.
ooOoo
It took three more days until the Vongola doctors allowed Belphegor to be released and back to the Varia mansion. Lussuria was more than happy to accompany the blonde prince back, Levi grudgingly tagged along.
The Storm Varia does not know but his teammates had gone over plans and schemes to aid his current condition which Lussuria lovingly calls Operation Keep Bel Happy. Squalo yelled his loudest yet, Levi grumbled, Mammon threw them a dark and murderous look, and Xanxus was determined to shut them up for good. The hell, they are the Varia, not some motherfucking nursery or mental institution.
But all grudgingly agreed, even Xanxus, when on the second day of Bel's stay in the hospital and Lussuria dragged Squalo along for a visit, Bel was sulking and refused to talk to any of them. He threw an impressive set of knives at his visitors and the two visiting assassins recognized that it wasn't his usual bratty attitude. They knew of course, they were practically Bel's caretaker since he was eight and had gotten accustomed to his tantrums.
With that, they were all but determined to make this new mission a success. Not that they haven't considered the alternative, Levi was quick to bring it up during their meeting.
"Let's just look for a new recruit."
There was a hum of murmured agreement among the group.
"But will we find someone as talented a psychotic as him?" Mammon voiced out.
There was a moment of silence until they all sighed. Xanxus grunted. It is hard to find a Storm Varia replacement that could par up to Belphegor. Even though they hate to admit it but their youngest assassin is an asset to the elite squad.
So when Belphegor arrived at the Varia mansion, looking more alive than he was three days ago, the elite assassination squad lined up outside to meet him. Xanxus was the exemption of course. He was up in his office as usual, drinking expensive wine.
Belphegor stepped outside the limo, one hidden eyebrow raised in question at the sight of his teammates waiting at the entrance hall.
"What's this? What are you all up to?" he asked suspiciously.
Lussuria went over at Bel's side and cooed. "Isn't this wonderful Bel-chan? They came down to welcome you back."
Bel does not think so.
"No, it's not." He strode past them. "Do we have food? The prince is famished."
Lussuria followed Belphegor to the dining hall.
Squalo, who was left at the entrance with Mammon and Levi, scowled.
"Vooiiii! He just ignored us!"
"I told you it would end up like this." Mammon commented.
"Then you should have told us that! This is pretty ridiculous." Squalo shot back.
"I did. You weren't listening and Lussuria was being insistent on it."
Squalo felt like he would age fast soon enough. Why can't this thing called depression be cured by some medicine? Wait, it can. The doctor told them of some anti-depressants, but Mammon was quick to refuse.
"No. Bel's insane enough without some drugs keeping him up."
And so they abandoned the idea, left with no other choice but to babysit the blonde prince.
"I can't believe I'm doing this." The long-haired commander grumbled.
Dinner came and all of the elite squad gathered around the dining hall. It's not really all that surprising. As a rule, the Varia frequently eat dinner together. It was one of the few traditions the eccentric squad managed to keep. What was strange with this arrangement is that the Varia officers seemed to be focusing their attention on Bel, again with the exemption of Xanxus who was wordlessly focused on his steak.
"Here, Bel-chan, try this one. Squ helped cook this!" Lussuria sang.
"Voiii! I only chopped the vegetables because you told-" his speech was cut by a blow to the stomach by Lussuria.
"You were saying?"
Squalo coughed. "T-Try it, Bel."
Bel ignored them and scooped a portion to his plate. He didn't catch Lussuria gesture to Levi. The Thunder Varia sweatdropped before turning to Bel.
"Uh so Bel, how are you feeling?"
Bel lowered his spoon to scrutinize the older man.
"What of it?"
"Uh well, I was wondering how you were feeling." Levi said uncertainly.
Belphegor flashed him a grin. "What? Are you disappointed I didn't managed to kill myself?"
If it was a normal day for the Varia, Bel's comment would have been followed by a series of agreements along with bickering and protests as to why he still managed to come back alive. But it wasn't a normal day for them.
Levi flitted his eyes back and forth, unsure how to respond. After all they agreed to be more careful and considerate around the depressed Bel. They flinched altogether when Lussuria mentioned the word.
"W-We we're worried. Yeah, yeah that's it."
Lussuria flashed him a bright smile, signaling a job well done.
Apparently, Belphegor didn't take it so. He dropped his utensils on the table and left the dining hall without so much as a word. The rest of them watched him leave in confused stares.
"Bel-chan!" Lussuria called back after the initial shock. But the blonde prince disappeared around a corner. Lussuria turned to Levi with a look of accusation.
"What? I did what was on the plan right? I was considerate for once!" the Thunder Varia defended himself.
Squalo growled and throw his spoon which hit his plate and made a loud clashing sound.
"This is useless!"
"You're too nosiy, trash." Xanxus voice rang in the dining hall and all of them flinched and relegated back to their seats.
Belphegor strode to his room and slumped down on his bed. The back of his left hand touching his forehead and he laid still.
It does not escape his knowledge that his teammates are doing all sorts of weird things because of what happened, of what he did to himself. Bel hopes they would stop doing that. It makes him feel stupid, like he is some weak little kid. He saw how Levi was forcing himself to act out of his character when talking to him. He just wants them to act naturally around him: argue with him, bicker, squabble, play murder with him, not treat him like he is a sick bastard on the verge of dying any moment soon.
Well he was on the verge of dying three days ago, but he lived. He survived, he had beaten death. Here he was hoping they would all make a fuss about him making it alive, declaring their disappointments at his survival just like they did with each other whenever one of the other would be back from their missions.
It feels all weird and wrong for his teammates to be acting differently around him. It makes things so unnatural and he hates it. Like something is wrong with him and they are all careful to tread on eggshells when dealing with Bel. What's that? He's not that fragile!
'Because you're such a burden to them, Bel. You should have just died.'
Again with that voice. Ever since that day he cut himself, the voice inside his head was getting louder that whenever he hears it now it's like someone whispers to his ear.
Belphegor covered both ears with his hands.
'They would be happy to get rid of you.'
Belphegor covered himself with his blanket.
'You're just a murderer and nothing more. Lose that talent and they will abandon you.'
Belphegor stood up and went down the training rooms.
The next day, the Varia elites woke up to the stench of blood coming from the underground training rooms. When Squalo, followed by Lussuria, Levi, and Mammon, opened the door to the rooms they were greeted by the floor drenched in wet blood with around 15 of their underlings dead bodies scattered all around. A crouching Belphegor was in the middle of the room, bloody hands covering both his ears and his face smudged with dry tears.
ooOoo
END.
What did I just do? A depressed yet still bloody Belphegor, anyone? For those waiting for my other stories to update, I'm really sorry! I'm on the way of creating new chapters. I've just been busy with school and life these past months. Hopefully I will be able to upload new chapters next month.
This story has actually been in my doc manager for quite some time now, I've only remembered it today while going through some stuff. Hope you enjoyed! I'm still on the process of continuing the next chapter but I already have some ideas in mind.
Til next time!