DISCLAIMER: All the characters belong to the amazing Mama CP, and the song "Looking Through Your Eyes" isn't mine either :)
THROUGH YOUR EYES
Julian Larson walked in the Orion Hall. He had to admit it, Kurt and Van Kamp had done a terrific job with the decorations, and the dim lights seemed to give the place a particular, almost magical glow.
All the boys wore elegant suits and the girls were stunningly beautiful in their Disney-inspired gowns.
Julian scoffed and leaned against the wall, loosening his tie. This sickeningly romantic atmosphere was exactly the last thing he needed right now. He didn't even know what he was doing there in the first place. He had no intention to go to the prom, but Derek practically begged him saying if Julian was going to stay locked in his room all night he would have stayed with him, ruining everything with Casey again. Surely his best friend didn't want him to be miserable forever, right?
Now, Julian didn't know what the heck did Derek cared if he went to that stupid prom or not, but he did know he owed Derek big time for everything he'd done for him in the last three years... he couldn't really say no, could he?
Julian looked around and spotted Derek and Casey not too far away from him. When Derek saw him, he smiled, said something to Casey and walked right up to Julian.
"Hey!" he beamed. "It's great to see you here, man."
Julian scoffed.
"Not much of a choice there... why did you want me to come to this stupid prom so bad? You'll be too busy snogging with Casey to pay attention to me anyway..."
"Yeah... about that. I... uhm... have a tiny little confession..."
"...why do I have the horrible, horrible feeling I won't like it at all?" Julian asked, alarmed.
Derek laughed a bit. "...because you probably won't. Look, the thing is... he came to talk to me. He asked for my help and -"
"So this is all Logan's doing?" Julian cut him off, staring at him in horror. He didn't really need to ask who he was.
Derek sighed. "Jules..."
"Fuck it. I'm going away."
"No - no, Jules - please!" Derek tried to stop him. "He didn't know what to do, okay? You've been ignoring him for three weeks.
"Well, he's been ignoring me for three years, so..."
"This is not fair and you know it. He misses you."
"I don't give a shit."
"Bullshit. You love him."
"Yes, so what?"
"You're his best friend. Do you... do you really think he wants to lose you? Do you think he could handle losing you?"
Julian looked at him for a few moments, trying to fight the tears he knew were about to come.
"He can't lose you, Jules..."
Julian looked away.
"What... what if he already has?"
Derek sighed and put a hand on his shoulder.
"Please... just - please. Talk to him. That's all he asks of you. He told me he's going to look for you after his performance. Talk to him and then, if you really don't want to have anything to do with him anymore... just tell him. But listen to what he has to say. Please..."
Julian stood silent for a few moments, deliberating. Then he sighed.
"I -" he started, but was cut off by Mr. Harvey, who announced the performances of the Warblers and the Therpsichores were about to start.
Not one whole minute later, Logan walked in on the stage and everyone clapped their hands politely.
Julian knew if he really wanted to go, this was his last chance, but how could he when Logan looked so stunning, so glorious in his dark green suit that matched his eyes?
Julian stared, almost unable to breathe, while Logan walked to the piano and sat on the stool. When he started to play a soft, sweet music, Julian immediately recognized the song.
As Logan played, many couples started to move towards the dance floor, hands linked, sweet, shy smiles on their faces. Then he started to sing.
Look at the sky, tell me what do you see
Just close your eyes and describe it to me
The heavens are sparkling with starlight tonight
That's what I see through your eyes
It was the most heartbreakingly beautiful thing Julian had ever heard in his entire life. The song was amazing in itself, but the way Logan played it and sang it... the raw emotion in his voice - and it hurt like hell knowing it wasn't and would never be meant for Julian.
I see the heavens each time that you smile
I hear your heartbeat just go on for miles
And suddenly I know why life is worthwhile
That's what I see through your eyes
And it was Kurt, Kurt always Kurt. The one who, despite everything, kept being Logan's everything, the one that made his eyes sparkle in that amazingly beautiful, horribly painful way. The one who made him smile, the one who never failed to be in each and every Logan's thought. Everything Julian longed to be, everything he was never going to be - and Hummel didn't even care. He didn't even want his love. It was so unfair Julian wanted to cry.
I see a night I wish could last forever
I see a world we're meant to see together
And it is so much more than I remember
More than I have known
Meant to see together? Really, Lo? Really? Julian thought. Hummel didn't even want him and he talked about destiny. Please.
At least Julian was a little more realistic about his chances with Logan... his non-existent chances. Why did Logan have to be so delusional and dedicate him sappy Disney songs? Why, when Kurt was barely listening to him, too busy slow-dancing with the hobbit?
And there are some things we don't know
Sometimes a heart just needs to go
And there is so much I'll remember
Underneath the open sky with you forever
Why did he have to do this in front of Julian anyway? He knew he'd be here - he made sure of that personally.
What was this supposed to mean? Was this his twisted way of showing Julian he would always love Kurt no matter what? Some kind of prelude to rejection?
Now, Julian never deluded himself thinking there might be something between him and Logan. He had no hope of being loved back... that was the reason he wanted to go, right? Because Logan always seemed to fall in love with someone that wasn't him. Julian didn't think he'd be able to forget him... but at least he wouldn't have to watch him fall for any other guy that crossed his way anymore.
Point is, Julian always knew Logan would have rejected him... but, honestly, this was the worst way ever to reject someone.
Here in the night I see the sun
Here in the dark our two hearts are one
It's out of our hands, we can't stop what we have begun
And love just took me by surprise...
Julian tore his eyes away from Logan, fighting the tears he felt building up in his eyes.
"Sorry D... I can't - I just... can't." He said, keeping his eyes on the floor. "Tell him... whatever. I don't even know. I just need to get the hell out of here."
He made to go, but suddenly felt a hand on his shoulder.
He raised his eyes, finding Derek staring at the stage, stunned.
"...Jules," he whispered.
Julian frowned a little following hi gaze, and suddenly felt his heart skipping a beat.
...looking through your eyes.
Logan was looking at him - at him! - eyes soft and warm, and a small smile playing on his lips.
"Oh, Julian..." Derek said.
Julian could do nothing to stop the single tear that fell from his eye... but right now, he really couldn't care less.
Logan smiled a bit more, turning back to the keys.
Looking through your eyes.
Julian kept staring at him - with which he was sure was a very stupid look - while the song drew to a close.
The moment the song ended, the crowd burst into cheers, and Julian felt someone nudging him. He turned around and saw Derek grinning at him.
"Go get him, man."
Julian said nothing, he just walked out of the room, feeling dizzy and strangely light-hearted.
In the meantime, Logan was smiling and bowing on the stage. He desperately wanted to look towards the point where he knew Julian stood, but he couldn't bring himself to do that. What if he hated the performance? What if he was mad at Logan? Okay, Julian was in love with Logan... but who said he'd still want to be with him, after all Logan had done?
Just before walking off the stage, Logan dared glancing briefly at him... but Julian wasn't there anymore. He sighed sadly. Figures, he thought. Why would anyone want to be with a fucked up prick like him?
Logan walked backstage, brushed off everyone's congratulations and rushed to the hallway, heading for the front door. He really needed air.
"Nice performance," a well-known voice said.
Logan stopped dead and turned to see Julian leaning against the wall, looking at him intently. He stared back, mouth hanging open, not really sure what he was supposed to say, or do.
"...you came," he finally said.
Julian smirked a little.
"Couldn't really miss your performance, could I?" he answered. Then he hesitated for a couple of seconds. "...did you know that's one of my favorite Disney songs ever?"
Logan just looked at him.
"...sure I know. When I told you I had never watched Quest for Camelot you made a freaking scene and made me watch it straightaway."
Julian felt his stomach flipping a bit.
"...you remember?"
"Believe me, it's not something one can just forget," Logan said, smirking. "You yelled at me and kept whining for thirty minutes straight."
"It was almost three years ago."
Logan bit his lip.
"...that was one of the last things we did together before we started fighting all the time," he simply said, and Julian felt his heart twitching painfully. "...why did we even start fighting?"
Julian didn't say a word. Because he knew why. He also knew it was his fault. It wasn't exactly a coincidence that the fighting started around the time he realized he had fallen for Logan...
"...why am I here, Lo?" he finally said.
Logan lowered his eyes.
"...because I miss you."
"D... he said you wanted to talk to me."
"...I thought the song pretty much said it all."
"Well, sorry to break it to you, but you were wrong. What are you doing, Lo? What is this even supposed to mean? That now you magically stopped loving Kurt and fell in love with me instead? This is not fair, and you know it. You can't get my hopes up and -"
"That's not what I was doing," Logan cut him off looking at him again.
Julian seemed a bit taken aback.
"...then what?"
"I..." Logan sighed, then took a deep breath before going on. "Jules, I've been thinking a lot of things through lately... and it's not that I'm not interested in you, it's just... it never occurred to me, Jules! That we could be... something else. You were my best friend, and you were straight. You just... don't fall for someone who can't love you back if you can help it..."
"Then what the fuck was that song supposed to mean? Why... why singing it to me if you're going to reject me?" Julian stared at him with angry eyes, feeling the tears building up in his eyes.
"What - no! Jules... that's not what I meant. I told you, I've been thinking things through... and what I realized is... I love you. I know it doesn't make sense and you probably don't even want me after all I've put you through... but I just can't help it. You... Jules, just look at you. How could I not be in love with you? You are beautiful, brave, selfless and the best friend one could ever wish for. You're everything anyone would want in their life. And I should be crazy not to love you." Julian just looked at him with his mouth hanging open and his eyes full of tears. Logan rambled on, "Look, if you don't want to have anything to do with me anymore... I get it. I'm a completely fucked up, selfish asshole... but believe me when I say this asshole wants you. And -"
He never got to finish the sentence, because Julian threw his arms around his neck and kissed him hard. Logan's eyes widened in surprise, but almost immediately shut close and he started kissing Julian back, pulling him as close as possible.
When they finally broke the kiss, Logan smiled softly at Julian, who was just staring back in awe, not quite believing this was really happening.
"Come on," Logan said, smirking a bit. "I believe there's a prom going on in there." He took Julian's hand and headed for the Orion Hall.
Julian just followed, looking at his boyfriend - his boyfriend! - smiling at their intertwined hands, noticing just how perfectly their fingers fit together. He rolled his eyes a bit at the thought. All those movies he shot probably fried his brain.
Only, that wasn't a movie. That was reality. His reality.
And it was a million times better than any movie anyone could ever write.
AUTHOR'S NOTES
I finally finished typing this up! :D Hope you guys liked it.
THIS HUMBLE FANFIC IS DEDICATED TO THE LOVELY BETH... I LOVE YOU! HOPE YOU LIKED IT! :D
Let me know what you think... love you all! :)
PurpleSummer -3