TITLE: Carry On Through The Storm
RELATIONSHIP(S): Obi-Wan Kenobi/Qui-Gon Jinn
SUMMARY:
By fate or by chance, things go a bit differently in Naboo.
Or, the one in which Obi-Wan's emotions are all over the place.
TAGS: SLASH, ObiQui, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort
NOTES: Written for the Jinnobi Challenge
Lots of love and thanks to infinitejedilove (tumblr and AO3) for helping me when I was freaking out.
'We carry on through the storm
Tired soldiers in this war
Remember what we're fighting for'
- Battlefield, SVRCINA
After hours and hours of exercising his rigid self-control and discipline, Obi-Wan finally let himself feel the stormy turmoil that was raging within him. He had chosen to meditate in the beautiful gardens in the Naboo palace because the Living Force was abundant there (and it made him feel closer to Qui-Gon). When he had received the news that Qui-Gon was finally out of danger, and was well on his way to a full recovery in the bacta tank, he had hastened out of the infirmary and made his way to the gardens, the relief that filled him pushing him towards his breaking point.
For just a second, he relaxed his control and let himself feel the devastating sorrow and the crippling agony that had almost incapacitated him when his Master fell (the single moment of unbearable pain that streaked through him before his Master had blocked it from their bond). He breathed out, a single tear rolling down his cheek, and he brought his emotions under control again.
First, slipping into deep meditation, he slowly began the long process of examining and accepting the sickening despair (Qui-Gon was hurt and it was a mortal wound and oh Force, Obi-Wan was not ready, would never be ready to let go of the man who was everything to him) and pain (the phantom pain in his gut ached but more than that, more than the exhaustion that threatened to pull him under, his very soul was crying out in pain and rebelling against the logical conclusion of how everything was going to end) and released them into the Force.
Next, he came across the crimson fury that was deeply buried under chains of pure will. He reflected back to the moment in the generator room when the Dark Side was so close, the moment when all he had to do was just reach out and the Dark Side would have swept into him like a long lost lover. The only reason he was able to turn away from the Dark and trust in the Light was because of a promise. A promise that Obi-Wan had made both to himself and to his Master, to never fall, to never turn to the Dark Side, after Qui-Gon had apprehensively accepted Obi-Wan as his Padawan. Obi-Wan had sworn that he would never let his Master get hurt, never let his Master go through something even remotely resembling Xanatos' betrayal.
He let the absolute fury (fury at Qui-Gon for rushing ahead in a mad decision instead of waiting for Obi-Wan, fury at the Sith for daring to hurt his Master, fury at the Senate for being blind), driven by desperation, go.
Then, his mind and his very being was flooded with the only other emotion remaining, that was always present no matter how many times Obi-Wan tried to purge it. The blazing love that he felt for his Master.
When Obi-Wan had finally realised the love that he held for Qui-Gon, he was not surprised, when he had been able to think clearly after he had finished panicking. He had always known that his place was by Qui-Gon's side. And even though, at the moment of realisation, Obi-Wan had been an adult by all standards, he knew that he had to wait till Obi-Wan had become a Knight before approaching his Master. And so he had kept quiet about it, even though both Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan had known what was always simmering underneath. It was impossible not to, impossible to hide something of that magnitude, considering the strength of the Force bond between them.
Obi-Wan did not try to release the steady love that filled him, into the Force. From past experience (during the panicking stage), he knew that it would not work.
Breathing out, he relaxed and immersed himself even further into the welcoming call of the Living Force swirling around him, revitalizing him. A flicker of distress at the back of his mind drew his attention.
It was Qui-Gon. His uneasiness, even though he was unconscious, transmitted through their bond, calling to Obi-Wan. In an impulsive action, without considering the consequences, Obi-Wan began to widen their bond and began acting as a conduit between the Living Force in the garden and his Master in the bacta tank. He sent, along with healing energy, feelings of safety and protection and, unknowingly, his deep admiration and adoration of the other Jedi.
His decision and actions had an unforeseen effect of strengthening their bond even more. Their bond, which was previously like a strong tributary, due to the healing Force energy flowing from Obi-Wan to Qui-Gon, became something akin to a deep and steady river.
"Saddens us, this does," said Master Yoda, leaning on his stick. "But for this mission, send you, we must."
"You will be knighted before you depart," said Mace Windu, looking at Obi-Wan sympathetically.
Glancing between the two Council Members, Obi-Wan steeled himself and nodded, accepting the Council's decision (because that's what a Jedi does, put duty over personal feelings. The Galaxy comes first).
And so, Padawan Obi-Wan Kenobi became Jedi Knight Obi-Wan Kenobi, while his Master was still unconscious and recovering from the near-mortal wound (thank the Force for Naboo's Healers). Obi-Wan was firm in his decision that his Padawan plait would be cut only when his Master had woken up and only by his Master. Till then, he would wind it within his hair, hidden.
"Did your learning bond with your Master break, Obi-Wan? I cannot sense the Master-Padawan bond at all."
Obi-Wan looked at the Council Member, who had put forth the query and observation, in surprise. Before he could answer, another Jedi answered, "It is understandable when you consider the trauma they both had gone through."
Obi-Wan bowed and left the room, trying not to make it seem like he was escaping, excusing himself to prepare for his mission, all the while focussing on the awareness of Qui-Gon pulsing at the back of his mind, stronger than before. He was confused as to why the other Masters could not sense the bond. But he was also glad as that meant he would not be forced to break the bond as was customary during the Knighting ceremony.
"It is a pity, really," observed Mace Windu, glancing at the retreating form of the newly knighted Jedi. "Their bond was a thing of beauty and strength."
Yoda merely hummed.
It was almost eight days after Obi-Wan had left on his mission, to follow a trial that indicated a Sith presence, that Qui-Gon gained consciousness. Light years away, Obi-Wan jerked in his seat, as a bright presence unfurled in his mind, brimming with life and spreading hope and joy in his soul. A beaming grin spread across his face as the first thing his Master did was reach out to him, seeking reassurance that Obi-Wan was well and unharmed.
Obi-Wan sent back a caress of joy and affirmation that yes, I am well. Everything will be explained soon enough. Rest for now, my Master. I am here.
The grin gentled into a loving smile as Qui-Gon drifted off into a natural sleep, his utmost faith and trust in his Padawan travelling through the bond.
Later, Obi-Wan will forever deny that he was smirking devilishly when he felt his Master deliver cutting retorts to the Council as he told them what, exactly, he thought of his just-Knighted-Padawan being sent on a solo mission. Obi-Wan learnt a few new words that he had never heard of before.
Qui-Gon's confusion when the other Jedi mentioned their broken bond was enough to freeze Obi-Wan. Truth be told, Obi-Wan did not want to be separated from Qui-Gon, in his mind. And he was apprehensive that if Qui-Gon told them the truth, their bond would be severed.
Feeling his Padawan's (Knight. He's a Knight now) fear, Qui-Gon made a split-second decision.
"Gone your Master-Padawan bond, is?" Yoda questioned, his ears lifted.
"It appears that way, yes," murmured Qui-Gon. In a way, he did not actually lie, seeing how the connection between them was too deep, too strong to be an ordinary learning bond.
Qui-Gon could guess why his Obi-Wan did not want their bond to be broken. And if he was really honest with himself, Qui-Gon knew that he was reluctant to let go of this even more intimate connection to Obi-Wan, for the very same reasons.
'We have much to talk about, my Obi-Wan.'
'Indeed, my Master.'
'I am not your Master anymore, dear heart. Call me Qui-Gon.'
The pleased smile was evident in the reply.
'Indeed, Qui-Gon.'
A/N: This is my first ever Star Wars fanfiction and I'm really insecure about it. So, tell me how you thought it was. Please be gentle though, it's my first time ;)
And yup, I know that Qui-Gon Lives!AU is overdone but I really adore that AU and I couldn't help it! Obi-Wan deserves to be happy!
The next chapter contains a few snapshots at different times. Thanks for reading and let me know if there are any mistakes.
May the Force be with you.
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