TITLE: The Pains of Love
AUTHOR: Obi the Kid (hlnkid@aol.com)
SUMMARY: Pre-TPM. (Obi-Wan is 19) Non-slash. Obi-Wan POV. When Qui-Gon's
close friend is critically ill, how will it affect both he and his apprentice.
FEEDBACK: Yes, please.
ARCHIVE: Ask me first.
MY WEBSITE: http://www.angelfire.com/movies/obithekid/
DISCLAIMER: The characters and venue of Star Wars are copyrighted to Lucas
Films Limited. The characters not recognizable from this venue are
copyrighted to Tracy C. Knight. The story is the intellectual property of
Tracy C. Knight and is copyrighted to her. She makes no profit from the
writing or distribution of this story.
=================
The Pains of Love
=================
I entered the common area quietly, not wanting to disturb the aura of calm
that filled the apartment. Master Qui-Gon sat in silence, staring through
the window into the multi-colored sky beyond. His eyes wandering, not
focusing on any one object. Ever since his closest friend, Master Bren
Anders had become ill, he'd spent several hours each evening doing just what
he did now. Emotionally, this last month has completely worn him down.
Shadows under his eyes and slumped shoulders tell me that he is not handling
this well. I know how much he cares for Master Bren, she and I are the most
important people in his life. He would do anything for her, as would I.
Since the age of thirteen, she has been there for me. I am now almost twenty
years old, and she has become an integral part of life as I know it. I don't
know what I would do without her. Master Qui-Gon feels the same, but feels
it at a much more emotional level than I do. This is someone he has known
since he was a young apprentice. It's a deep and supportive friendship and
relationship. To see him like this pains me greatly.
The healers are unable to determine why she is so sick and over the last
week, things have taken a turn for the worse. Earlier today, Master Bren
slipped into a coma. I remember an hour after Healer Terran told me of this
news, I found Master Qui-Gon in the medical ward room, clutching her hand,
wishing her to wake up. It's not often I see my master cry, but he did then.
As he willed her to fight, I could see him losing that tight control that
he's always managed to maintain. Control over his emotions. Terran gently
touched my arm and motioned for me to see to Qui-Gon.
Placing a soft hand on my teacher's shoulder, "Master?" I said. To which
there was no reply. He just continued to stare at the still form that lay on
the bed before him. "Master, come with me. You need to rest." Stray tears
that he could not hold back slid down his face as he kept his attention
focused on his friend. I looked to Terran for help. The healer moved around
to Qui-Gon's other side, and put his hand under his arm. Together we pulled
Qui-Gon into a standing position. I grabbed his hand and forced him to let
go of Master Bren's. In turn, he squeezed my hand tightly, almost
desperately. I wasn't sure what to say, so I tried to be as supportive as I
could. "It's all right, Master. We'll help you."
With Terran on one side and myself on the other, we assisted Qui-Gon home.
That is where he sits now, by the window, peering out into space. Each night
he sits here in what appears to be some type of vigil. Only this night is
different. With his best friend now in a coma, whatever hope Qui-Gon had
seems to have vanished. As his apprentice, it's my job to look out for him.
And I have done so from a distance for the most part. These past weeks he's
seemed to need time alone, only seeking me out when he had the desire for
company. Now, he's shut me out almost completely. His shields are closed
tightly, and he has not acknowledged me since we got home from the medical
ward. As much as I want to help him, if he wont let me in, I don't know what
I can do. I wonder if he realizes that this hurts me as well. He's not
alone in his pain. I should deal with the pain that I feel. But that will
come later., For now I have to push that aside and concentrate on Qui-Gon.
Strong. I have to be strong for him.
As the hours roll on, I watch as the fatigue begins tearing down his
remaining strength.
I responded to the sound of the door chime, One of my master's closest
friends, Master Jerra Derson, stood before me. He offered his console and
his support. I asked him to stay, more for my own comfort than for
Qui-Gon's.
"I need to get him away from the window and into bed. Can you help me Master
Jerra?"
"I'm sure he won't want us to interfere with his vigil, but he does need
rest. Let's see what we can do."
We moved forward. "Master, you should lie down for a bit. Close your eyes."
"I'll be okay. Just leave me to myself."
Master Jerra and I exchanged glances. "Qui-Gon, your apprentice is right.
You do need to rest. Come on now."
To be honest, I was expecting more of a fight, and was shocked when Qui-Gon
got up from the chair and began wandering toward his bedroom. I was quickly
at his side and was again surprised when he took my hand. "Are you all right
Obi-Wan?"
"Yes, Master," I lied as I looked into his exhausted eyes. "I'm okay." The
last thing I wanted to do was add to his worries.
"Good. You get some sleep now."
"Yes, Master. I will. I'll help you get settled first." What I wanted to
do was get him into his bed and then utilize the Force to put him into a deep
sleep. He sat on the edge of the bed, pulled his boots off and then
collapsed into the soft blankets. He didn't protest when I tucked the larger
blanket around his shoulders and began sending a sleep suggestion into his
mind. Master Jerra assisted me to be sure that Qui-Gon's sleep would be as
restful as possible.
When we were sure that Qui-Gon would sleep soundly, we left him alone.
Master Jerra directed me to the couch.
"Obi-Wan, why did you lie to him? You are certainly not okay. Not in the
least."
"I know, I just didn't want to add to what he's already going through. I
need to be supportive, not a further burden."
"I see. It is good of you to think of him, but you're in pain as well. If
you'd like to talk, I am a good listener."
I knew what Master Jerra was doing, and I did want to talk, but I wasn't sure
how to begin or what to say. So, I just shrugged.
"You've been put in a difficult position. You are close with Bren and it
hurts you to see her like this. But you are also doing everything you can to
look after Qui-Gon, while watching him suffer emotionally. You have no one
to turn to for comfort. You know you can always come to me, Obi-Wan. It's
alright to do so. Your master and I have been friends for a long time, I am
always available if needed."
I nodded. Grateful to Jerra for offering comfort, but still torn as to what
to say...how to begin. I forced myself to talk, and once I did, the words
seemed to flow easily. It felt good to release.
"I...I...do hurt. The two people I love more than anything are in such pain.
I need to be as positive as I can for Master Qui-Gon. He needs me. But I
suppose I need someone as well. What if Master Bren dies? What will happen
then? To Qui-Gon? To me? I don't want to lose her, but I don't know what
else I can do to help. And...it hurts."
I continued talking. Master Jerra listened to everything. He let me go on
as long as I needed. Eventually, I talked myself out. Feeling myself
fallng, I looked to see Master Jerra had put an arm around my shoulders and
was pulling me to lean against him. He held the half hug for a few minutes.
"You're holding up well, Obi-Wan. Better than most in these same
circumstances. Qui-Gon will be proud. Just keeping being there for him
until Bren gets better. Call me whenever you need to. Okay?"
Sleepily, I nodded again and thanked him for his friendship. With a final
squeeze of my shoulder, he released me and got up from the couch. We said
good night, and he took his leave.
Qui-Gon was resting comfortably when I checked on him one last time before
turning in for the night. It felt so good to be surrounded by warm blankets,
I curled my tired body into them, and it wasn't long before I to was sleeping
as soundly as my master in the next room.
*****
When I awoke the next morning, Qui-Gon was gone. I figured as much. At
least I was able to allow him a few hours of solid rest. I got myself
cleaned up, shoved a little breakfast down and headed for the medical ward.
As expected, Qui-Gon was there, sitting at Master Bren's side, holding her
hand and talking to her. There was no change in her condition. Healer
Terran caught me up to date with what was going on.
"No change, but all her vitals are stable, so I count that as a good sign.
He got here about thirty minutes ago," Terran said in a hushed voice. "He
looks rested."
"He is. Master Jerra and I made sure he actually slept last night." My tone
then because more serious. "What are her chances?"
The pause before he answered did not instill me with a good feeling. "I
honestly don't know, Obi-Wan. Why she's sick, we still haven't discovered.
Some kind of mystery virus perhaps. But we are working on this non-stop.
Doing all we can."
I nodded and thanked him before turning my attention to the pair in the
sterile room before me. "Good morning, Master."
"Padawan. I know what you did last night. Thank you. I did need the rest."
"Master, you can talk to me about what you're feeling," I spurted out, a bit
quicker than I intended. "We can help each other. It...it hurts when you
shut me out." His eyes caught mine and he gave a weak smile.
"I know, Obi-Wan. I'm sorry. I am trying to deal with this...but...I...I
don't know."
The pain in his voice got to me, and I quickly looked away and moved towards
the window until I could regain my composure.
"Obi-Wan, come over here please." I hesitate before approaching him.
"Obi-Wan."
He found a second chair, and directed me to sit next to him. Once again he
took hold of Master Bren's hand and began talking to her in hushed tones that
only I was able to hear.
"Bren, it's me, Qui-Gon. Obi-Wan is here with me. We need you to wake up.
Come back to us." Over the next few hours, we sat together at her bedside.
Each of us took turns holding her hand and talking to her. Healer Terran
told us that that was the best thing we could do for her. But still there
was no change in her condition. No sign that she would awaken anytime soon.
******
Another week passed. My master alternated between the medical ward and our
quarters. At times he would shut me out and lose himself in memories. Other
times, he would insist that I sit and talk with him. Then there was one
night after I had spent the day training with Master Jerra and my good
friend, his padawan, Taj Elim. Qui-Gon had told me he would be home that
evening. When he didn't show up, I knew just where to track him down. I
found him next to Master Bren's bed, his head lying next to her shoulder on
the pillow, his left hand clutching tightly to hers. Not having the heart to
wake him, I located an extra blanket and draped it over my master's
shoulders. I left him to his sleep.
******
Today, I finally managed to get Qui-Gon into the sparring gym. We both
needed to do something to release. While meditation was helping to an
extent, there was no replacement for physical exercise to get some of the
frustrations out. He was a bit off the mark with certain moves, but I
chalked that up to the fact that he was tired. He was focused however, which
surprised me, and we sparred for two solid hours. It was a good workout.
Something we both needed.
"Thank you, Obi-Wan. It felt good to spar. I should have done that a couple
weeks ago."
"It's good for both of us, Master. And still leaves plenty of time to sit
with Master Bren."
"There's still no change. Terran thinks they might have an idea of what the
virus is that is causing her sickness. Something called the Malar virus I
think is what he said. They don't know much about it, but..."
I finished his sentence for him. "It's better than nothing." Smiling
briefly, I lowered my voice. "Master, what if she doesn't pull through this?
What do we do then?" It was my turn to seek comfort from my master. I was
calling our for his support this time.
"We can't think that way, Obi-Wan. We have to be supportive of her."
"Yes, Master, but..." I tilted my head down and stared at the floor. "I
don't want to lose her. She means a lot to me. I'm scared to lose someone
who is so close to me, who has been part of my family for so many years."
Qui-Gon put an encouraging arm around me. "I don't want to lose her either,
Padawan. She means a great deal to me as well. You've been strong since
this began, you've been a great comfort to me. Now we have to be strong
together. For Bren. Okay?"
Taking a deep, shaky breath, I gave him a nod. We have to be strong, for our
friend. She would do the same for us. As hard as this is, we have to fight
with her to defeat this virus. Qui-Gon gave me a smile and we walked off
towards the showers to get cleaned up.
*******
Qui-Gon sat with Master Bren in his usual place at her bedside. He'd fallen
asleep a while ago. Normally I would have headed back to our quarters for
the remainder of the night, but something...some strange feeling, told me to
stay put. So I did. And before long, I heard a soft groan. It sounded
like...like...someone just waking up. I was up and over to the bed quickly,
not believing what I saw. A huge and uncontrolled smile lit my face. I
could feel it, and oh did it feel good. Master Bren was awake. Her eyes
fluttered a few times until she found my unrelenting gaze. Leaning down, I
took her other hand and spoke softly.
"Hi Master Bren. We missed you. Try to stay awake, I need to find Terran."
It looked like she nodded once before her eyes closed again. A sudden
feeling of joy came over me as I rushed from the room to find the healer. I
should have woken Qui-Gon, but I was to excited to think straight. Then I
found myself yelling through the otherwise quiet halls of the medical ward.
"MASTER TERRAN? TERRAN? WHERE ARE YOU?"
The dark-haired man came hurrying out of one of the other patient's rooms.
"Obi-Wan, shhhh. What is wrong? I have patients trying to sleep."
My face flushed briefly with embarrassment. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean
to...oh, Master Bren is awake. Come quick. She just woke up." We ran to
her room and there she was again, eyes open. This time it was she holding
Qui-Gon's hand. "See? She's awake. This is great. Master! Master Qui-Gon
wake up! Master!"
I shook Qui-Gon until he lifted his head. As he did, his eyes fell across
the features of his best friend. "Bren," he whispered to her. "You're
awake." He took his hand and carefully caressed her face. She smiled
slightly before drifting into a peaceful sleep. Qui-Gon looked at the
healer. "Terran?"
"It's okay, Qui-Gon. She's just exhausted. Let me run some tests and see
what we have here. This is a wonderful thing to see. A very positive step."
I had to drag my master out of the room so that Healer Terran and his
assistant could run their exams. We waited in the hall, just outside the
door.
"Did she say anything, Obi-Wan?"
"No, Master. She was only awake for a short time. She had managed to grab
hold of your hand though. I think she's going to be okay. The Force told me
not to leave her room tonight. This is why. I have a very good feeling
about this." My excitement was growing. "She should stay with us until she
recovers."
"Easy, Padawan. I'm sure Terran will keep her here for a while, but I would
be glad to have her stay with us. Assuming we are not sent off for a
mission."
The healer came out to meet with us. "All signs are good. We still don't
know all there is to know about this Malar virus, but its effects seem to be
lessening. I am very pleased. You can go back in. If she wakes up again,
offer her a sip or two of water, and just keep supporting her as you have
been."
*******
Master Bren was awake again. Qui-Gon was talking to her and she would reply
to questions with short sentences. I stayed back and allowed them time
without my intrusion. My master needed that. She had first gotten sick
almost a month and a half ago, and had been in a coma for ten days. It had
been an exhausting time for all involved. But now our family was just about
whole again.
I heard a small whisper call my name. Master Bren was staring at me as she
looked past Qui-Gon's shoulder. "Obi-Wan."
Immediately, I was at her side. "Yes, Master Bren. I'm here." She reached
a hand up and touched my cheek. It was a loving, almost parental gesture.
"Thank you...for looking after him. Can tell...he's...proud of...you."
I blushed at the affection, but returned her smile. "He's my master, my
family...as are you. How do you feel?"
"Just...tired. Be okay. Love you," she said as her dark hazel eyes began to
weigh heavily.
Losing myself in those words, several tears escaped my own tired eyes. I
held her hand tightly. "I love you too." And there the three of us stayed,
in the company of the other, until Master Bren fell victim to sleep once
again.
I had fallen into a daze until I felt a slight touch on my shoulder. It was
Qui-Gon. "Padawan, let's return to our quarters and get some rest."
"Yes, Master. She'll be okay now."
"She will. And Terran says she'll be released soon. Then I can take my
family home."
******
Not long thereafter, three days actually, our friend was allowed to go home.
She'd shown remarkable improvement since waking from the coma several days
ago, and it was mostly a case of her fighting extreme fatigue now. Qui-Gon
and I helped her into a hover chair and I led the way back to our apartment.
"Where are we going?" Her voice was quiet and tired.
"Obi-Wan and I would like you to stay with us until you are stronger. And I
don't want to hear any argument. You can have Obi-Wan's room. He has gladly
agreed to take the couch."
I couldn't argue with that, as I usually fall asleep there anyway. "And I
promise to clean my room before you get settled. It's something of a
disaster in there." Looking down at her, I smiled. I was overjoyed to see
her return my gesture with a warm smile of her own.
*******
Late that evening, after Master Bren was settled and asleep, I once again
found Qui-Gon sitting at the window. I approached him quietly.
"Master, I was going to turn in for the night, unless you need something more
of me?"
His dark eyes turned into mine. "No, Padawan. Sleep well."
I was somewhat concerned by his solemn mood. "Is everything okay, Master?"
"Everything will be okay, Obi-Wan. Bren is improving with each day. I am
just...reflecting I suppose. I guess the 'what if's' are floating around in
my mind."
"You should keep your concentration on the here and now, where it belongs,
Master." I grinned as I attempted to lighten the mood. Thankfully, Qui-Gon
accepted my comment with a small laugh.
"That I should, Obi-Wan."
"If you need anything..." I offered carefully.
"Thank you, Padawan." He had reached up briefly and tugged at my braid.
I've noticed over the years, he tends to do that when he wants to tell me
he's proud of me. It's his way of showing affection without using words.
"Good night, Master. Restful sleep to you."
"You as well, Obi-Wan. Good night."
I curled myself into the soft cushions of the couch. Pulling the blanket
over my shoulders, I shivered slightly as a brief chill ran through me. Not
to long after, I was sound asleep.
********
Feeling a familiar presence close by, I awoke in the middle of the night. I
opened my eyes, and allowed them to adjust to the darkness. Qui-Gon was
there, draping a second blanket around me. "Master?"
"It's all right, Obi-Wan, go back to sleep. You we're cold. I was up to
check on Bren, and saw you shivering a bit."
"Oh. Thank you." But something wasn't right, and I called him on it.
"Master, what's wrong?"
He knew I had caught him, and that I would not drop this until he talked to
me. I sat up, as he brought his large frame down onto the couch. "I can't
really explain it Obi-Wan. I just don't want to be alone right now. I have
no idea why, or where this came from, but I don't want to bother Bren with
this. She needs her rest. If you don't mind, Padawan, keeping me company
for a while."
I had not known until now, just how much this close call with Master Bren had
truly affected Qui-Gon. It had gotten into his soul and hurt him deeply.
And even with a full recovery expected, the scars to the heart would not heal
as easily.
"How about we see if there are any good holo's on right now and maybe we can
talk.. We haven't sat and watched a holo together in a few years. I miss
doing those simple things. I miss...talking with you Master. Just the two
of us, talking. Like we used to do before life became to hectic."
"I do as well my, Padawan."
So we spent the next few hours sitting side by side on the couch. With the
holo playing in the background, my master and I talked...and talked...and
talked. I don't think we left a subject untouched. He even told me things
about Xanatos. And Qui-Gon never speaks to me of his former, dark-side,
apprentice. It's not that he doesn't trust me, but it's something that he's
tried to leave behind, and talking about it only brings more pain. But he
spoke of Xanatos, and Master Bren, and about lost friends and such. It made
me feel good that he was comfortable enough with our friendship to speak so
frankly about such emotional memories.
He knew I was faltering. My eyes finally got heavy and he had to nudge me to
keep me in the conversation. Eventually I gave out all together and fell
towards him, my head resting on his shoulder. I remember mumbling a few
words, something to the effect of 'good night.' A gentle arm went around my
shoulders, a comforting blanket over my chest. The soft words of 'thank you,
Padawan' were whispered to me, and that's the last thing I remember.
*******
Morning dawned, and I awoke to find Qui-Gon sitting in his favorite chair
next to the couch, writing in his journal. "Good morning, Master." I said
in my groggy, sleep-coated voice.
"Good morning, Padawan." My master looked refreshed. I think being able to
talk to someone last night helped that a great deal.
"How is Master Bren?"
"She's well. Tired, but doing okay. I was going to cook this morning and
serve her breakfast in bed."
I know of and have been a victim of Qui-Gon's culinary abilities in the past.
And in all honestly, they lack that key ingredient that makes a meal
worthwhile. Taste. I took the opportunity to break in and offer my
services. "Master, allow me to make breakfast for you both."
"I do believe you are trying to avoid my cooking. But I can accept that.
I'll let you do all the work. I'll see to Bren. The kitchen is yours."
That was close. My master is many things, but a good cook is not one of
them. I guarantee we all live through the morning meal if I prepare it.
******
That evening, the three of us sat on our balcony to watch the sunset. It's
always an incredible spectacle to behold. Nothing is more peaceful than
watching the sun fall behind the horizon.
Things were improving with each passing hour, and I had no doubt that within
a week, our lives would be just about normal again.
If this episode in our lives taught us nothing else, it taught us to be
thankful for those people that we have in our lives who love us for who we
are. Those who are our friends and family.
I have a sneaky suspicion that this family is going to get along just fine,
so long as we have each other to lean on and to love...and we keep Qui-Gon
out of the kitchen.
END
AUTHOR: Obi the Kid (hlnkid@aol.com)
SUMMARY: Pre-TPM. (Obi-Wan is 19) Non-slash. Obi-Wan POV. When Qui-Gon's
close friend is critically ill, how will it affect both he and his apprentice.
FEEDBACK: Yes, please.
ARCHIVE: Ask me first.
MY WEBSITE: http://www.angelfire.com/movies/obithekid/
DISCLAIMER: The characters and venue of Star Wars are copyrighted to Lucas
Films Limited. The characters not recognizable from this venue are
copyrighted to Tracy C. Knight. The story is the intellectual property of
Tracy C. Knight and is copyrighted to her. She makes no profit from the
writing or distribution of this story.
=================
The Pains of Love
=================
I entered the common area quietly, not wanting to disturb the aura of calm
that filled the apartment. Master Qui-Gon sat in silence, staring through
the window into the multi-colored sky beyond. His eyes wandering, not
focusing on any one object. Ever since his closest friend, Master Bren
Anders had become ill, he'd spent several hours each evening doing just what
he did now. Emotionally, this last month has completely worn him down.
Shadows under his eyes and slumped shoulders tell me that he is not handling
this well. I know how much he cares for Master Bren, she and I are the most
important people in his life. He would do anything for her, as would I.
Since the age of thirteen, she has been there for me. I am now almost twenty
years old, and she has become an integral part of life as I know it. I don't
know what I would do without her. Master Qui-Gon feels the same, but feels
it at a much more emotional level than I do. This is someone he has known
since he was a young apprentice. It's a deep and supportive friendship and
relationship. To see him like this pains me greatly.
The healers are unable to determine why she is so sick and over the last
week, things have taken a turn for the worse. Earlier today, Master Bren
slipped into a coma. I remember an hour after Healer Terran told me of this
news, I found Master Qui-Gon in the medical ward room, clutching her hand,
wishing her to wake up. It's not often I see my master cry, but he did then.
As he willed her to fight, I could see him losing that tight control that
he's always managed to maintain. Control over his emotions. Terran gently
touched my arm and motioned for me to see to Qui-Gon.
Placing a soft hand on my teacher's shoulder, "Master?" I said. To which
there was no reply. He just continued to stare at the still form that lay on
the bed before him. "Master, come with me. You need to rest." Stray tears
that he could not hold back slid down his face as he kept his attention
focused on his friend. I looked to Terran for help. The healer moved around
to Qui-Gon's other side, and put his hand under his arm. Together we pulled
Qui-Gon into a standing position. I grabbed his hand and forced him to let
go of Master Bren's. In turn, he squeezed my hand tightly, almost
desperately. I wasn't sure what to say, so I tried to be as supportive as I
could. "It's all right, Master. We'll help you."
With Terran on one side and myself on the other, we assisted Qui-Gon home.
That is where he sits now, by the window, peering out into space. Each night
he sits here in what appears to be some type of vigil. Only this night is
different. With his best friend now in a coma, whatever hope Qui-Gon had
seems to have vanished. As his apprentice, it's my job to look out for him.
And I have done so from a distance for the most part. These past weeks he's
seemed to need time alone, only seeking me out when he had the desire for
company. Now, he's shut me out almost completely. His shields are closed
tightly, and he has not acknowledged me since we got home from the medical
ward. As much as I want to help him, if he wont let me in, I don't know what
I can do. I wonder if he realizes that this hurts me as well. He's not
alone in his pain. I should deal with the pain that I feel. But that will
come later., For now I have to push that aside and concentrate on Qui-Gon.
Strong. I have to be strong for him.
As the hours roll on, I watch as the fatigue begins tearing down his
remaining strength.
I responded to the sound of the door chime, One of my master's closest
friends, Master Jerra Derson, stood before me. He offered his console and
his support. I asked him to stay, more for my own comfort than for
Qui-Gon's.
"I need to get him away from the window and into bed. Can you help me Master
Jerra?"
"I'm sure he won't want us to interfere with his vigil, but he does need
rest. Let's see what we can do."
We moved forward. "Master, you should lie down for a bit. Close your eyes."
"I'll be okay. Just leave me to myself."
Master Jerra and I exchanged glances. "Qui-Gon, your apprentice is right.
You do need to rest. Come on now."
To be honest, I was expecting more of a fight, and was shocked when Qui-Gon
got up from the chair and began wandering toward his bedroom. I was quickly
at his side and was again surprised when he took my hand. "Are you all right
Obi-Wan?"
"Yes, Master," I lied as I looked into his exhausted eyes. "I'm okay." The
last thing I wanted to do was add to his worries.
"Good. You get some sleep now."
"Yes, Master. I will. I'll help you get settled first." What I wanted to
do was get him into his bed and then utilize the Force to put him into a deep
sleep. He sat on the edge of the bed, pulled his boots off and then
collapsed into the soft blankets. He didn't protest when I tucked the larger
blanket around his shoulders and began sending a sleep suggestion into his
mind. Master Jerra assisted me to be sure that Qui-Gon's sleep would be as
restful as possible.
When we were sure that Qui-Gon would sleep soundly, we left him alone.
Master Jerra directed me to the couch.
"Obi-Wan, why did you lie to him? You are certainly not okay. Not in the
least."
"I know, I just didn't want to add to what he's already going through. I
need to be supportive, not a further burden."
"I see. It is good of you to think of him, but you're in pain as well. If
you'd like to talk, I am a good listener."
I knew what Master Jerra was doing, and I did want to talk, but I wasn't sure
how to begin or what to say. So, I just shrugged.
"You've been put in a difficult position. You are close with Bren and it
hurts you to see her like this. But you are also doing everything you can to
look after Qui-Gon, while watching him suffer emotionally. You have no one
to turn to for comfort. You know you can always come to me, Obi-Wan. It's
alright to do so. Your master and I have been friends for a long time, I am
always available if needed."
I nodded. Grateful to Jerra for offering comfort, but still torn as to what
to say...how to begin. I forced myself to talk, and once I did, the words
seemed to flow easily. It felt good to release.
"I...I...do hurt. The two people I love more than anything are in such pain.
I need to be as positive as I can for Master Qui-Gon. He needs me. But I
suppose I need someone as well. What if Master Bren dies? What will happen
then? To Qui-Gon? To me? I don't want to lose her, but I don't know what
else I can do to help. And...it hurts."
I continued talking. Master Jerra listened to everything. He let me go on
as long as I needed. Eventually, I talked myself out. Feeling myself
fallng, I looked to see Master Jerra had put an arm around my shoulders and
was pulling me to lean against him. He held the half hug for a few minutes.
"You're holding up well, Obi-Wan. Better than most in these same
circumstances. Qui-Gon will be proud. Just keeping being there for him
until Bren gets better. Call me whenever you need to. Okay?"
Sleepily, I nodded again and thanked him for his friendship. With a final
squeeze of my shoulder, he released me and got up from the couch. We said
good night, and he took his leave.
Qui-Gon was resting comfortably when I checked on him one last time before
turning in for the night. It felt so good to be surrounded by warm blankets,
I curled my tired body into them, and it wasn't long before I to was sleeping
as soundly as my master in the next room.
*****
When I awoke the next morning, Qui-Gon was gone. I figured as much. At
least I was able to allow him a few hours of solid rest. I got myself
cleaned up, shoved a little breakfast down and headed for the medical ward.
As expected, Qui-Gon was there, sitting at Master Bren's side, holding her
hand and talking to her. There was no change in her condition. Healer
Terran caught me up to date with what was going on.
"No change, but all her vitals are stable, so I count that as a good sign.
He got here about thirty minutes ago," Terran said in a hushed voice. "He
looks rested."
"He is. Master Jerra and I made sure he actually slept last night." My tone
then because more serious. "What are her chances?"
The pause before he answered did not instill me with a good feeling. "I
honestly don't know, Obi-Wan. Why she's sick, we still haven't discovered.
Some kind of mystery virus perhaps. But we are working on this non-stop.
Doing all we can."
I nodded and thanked him before turning my attention to the pair in the
sterile room before me. "Good morning, Master."
"Padawan. I know what you did last night. Thank you. I did need the rest."
"Master, you can talk to me about what you're feeling," I spurted out, a bit
quicker than I intended. "We can help each other. It...it hurts when you
shut me out." His eyes caught mine and he gave a weak smile.
"I know, Obi-Wan. I'm sorry. I am trying to deal with this...but...I...I
don't know."
The pain in his voice got to me, and I quickly looked away and moved towards
the window until I could regain my composure.
"Obi-Wan, come over here please." I hesitate before approaching him.
"Obi-Wan."
He found a second chair, and directed me to sit next to him. Once again he
took hold of Master Bren's hand and began talking to her in hushed tones that
only I was able to hear.
"Bren, it's me, Qui-Gon. Obi-Wan is here with me. We need you to wake up.
Come back to us." Over the next few hours, we sat together at her bedside.
Each of us took turns holding her hand and talking to her. Healer Terran
told us that that was the best thing we could do for her. But still there
was no change in her condition. No sign that she would awaken anytime soon.
******
Another week passed. My master alternated between the medical ward and our
quarters. At times he would shut me out and lose himself in memories. Other
times, he would insist that I sit and talk with him. Then there was one
night after I had spent the day training with Master Jerra and my good
friend, his padawan, Taj Elim. Qui-Gon had told me he would be home that
evening. When he didn't show up, I knew just where to track him down. I
found him next to Master Bren's bed, his head lying next to her shoulder on
the pillow, his left hand clutching tightly to hers. Not having the heart to
wake him, I located an extra blanket and draped it over my master's
shoulders. I left him to his sleep.
******
Today, I finally managed to get Qui-Gon into the sparring gym. We both
needed to do something to release. While meditation was helping to an
extent, there was no replacement for physical exercise to get some of the
frustrations out. He was a bit off the mark with certain moves, but I
chalked that up to the fact that he was tired. He was focused however, which
surprised me, and we sparred for two solid hours. It was a good workout.
Something we both needed.
"Thank you, Obi-Wan. It felt good to spar. I should have done that a couple
weeks ago."
"It's good for both of us, Master. And still leaves plenty of time to sit
with Master Bren."
"There's still no change. Terran thinks they might have an idea of what the
virus is that is causing her sickness. Something called the Malar virus I
think is what he said. They don't know much about it, but..."
I finished his sentence for him. "It's better than nothing." Smiling
briefly, I lowered my voice. "Master, what if she doesn't pull through this?
What do we do then?" It was my turn to seek comfort from my master. I was
calling our for his support this time.
"We can't think that way, Obi-Wan. We have to be supportive of her."
"Yes, Master, but..." I tilted my head down and stared at the floor. "I
don't want to lose her. She means a lot to me. I'm scared to lose someone
who is so close to me, who has been part of my family for so many years."
Qui-Gon put an encouraging arm around me. "I don't want to lose her either,
Padawan. She means a great deal to me as well. You've been strong since
this began, you've been a great comfort to me. Now we have to be strong
together. For Bren. Okay?"
Taking a deep, shaky breath, I gave him a nod. We have to be strong, for our
friend. She would do the same for us. As hard as this is, we have to fight
with her to defeat this virus. Qui-Gon gave me a smile and we walked off
towards the showers to get cleaned up.
*******
Qui-Gon sat with Master Bren in his usual place at her bedside. He'd fallen
asleep a while ago. Normally I would have headed back to our quarters for
the remainder of the night, but something...some strange feeling, told me to
stay put. So I did. And before long, I heard a soft groan. It sounded
like...like...someone just waking up. I was up and over to the bed quickly,
not believing what I saw. A huge and uncontrolled smile lit my face. I
could feel it, and oh did it feel good. Master Bren was awake. Her eyes
fluttered a few times until she found my unrelenting gaze. Leaning down, I
took her other hand and spoke softly.
"Hi Master Bren. We missed you. Try to stay awake, I need to find Terran."
It looked like she nodded once before her eyes closed again. A sudden
feeling of joy came over me as I rushed from the room to find the healer. I
should have woken Qui-Gon, but I was to excited to think straight. Then I
found myself yelling through the otherwise quiet halls of the medical ward.
"MASTER TERRAN? TERRAN? WHERE ARE YOU?"
The dark-haired man came hurrying out of one of the other patient's rooms.
"Obi-Wan, shhhh. What is wrong? I have patients trying to sleep."
My face flushed briefly with embarrassment. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean
to...oh, Master Bren is awake. Come quick. She just woke up." We ran to
her room and there she was again, eyes open. This time it was she holding
Qui-Gon's hand. "See? She's awake. This is great. Master! Master Qui-Gon
wake up! Master!"
I shook Qui-Gon until he lifted his head. As he did, his eyes fell across
the features of his best friend. "Bren," he whispered to her. "You're
awake." He took his hand and carefully caressed her face. She smiled
slightly before drifting into a peaceful sleep. Qui-Gon looked at the
healer. "Terran?"
"It's okay, Qui-Gon. She's just exhausted. Let me run some tests and see
what we have here. This is a wonderful thing to see. A very positive step."
I had to drag my master out of the room so that Healer Terran and his
assistant could run their exams. We waited in the hall, just outside the
door.
"Did she say anything, Obi-Wan?"
"No, Master. She was only awake for a short time. She had managed to grab
hold of your hand though. I think she's going to be okay. The Force told me
not to leave her room tonight. This is why. I have a very good feeling
about this." My excitement was growing. "She should stay with us until she
recovers."
"Easy, Padawan. I'm sure Terran will keep her here for a while, but I would
be glad to have her stay with us. Assuming we are not sent off for a
mission."
The healer came out to meet with us. "All signs are good. We still don't
know all there is to know about this Malar virus, but its effects seem to be
lessening. I am very pleased. You can go back in. If she wakes up again,
offer her a sip or two of water, and just keep supporting her as you have
been."
*******
Master Bren was awake again. Qui-Gon was talking to her and she would reply
to questions with short sentences. I stayed back and allowed them time
without my intrusion. My master needed that. She had first gotten sick
almost a month and a half ago, and had been in a coma for ten days. It had
been an exhausting time for all involved. But now our family was just about
whole again.
I heard a small whisper call my name. Master Bren was staring at me as she
looked past Qui-Gon's shoulder. "Obi-Wan."
Immediately, I was at her side. "Yes, Master Bren. I'm here." She reached
a hand up and touched my cheek. It was a loving, almost parental gesture.
"Thank you...for looking after him. Can tell...he's...proud of...you."
I blushed at the affection, but returned her smile. "He's my master, my
family...as are you. How do you feel?"
"Just...tired. Be okay. Love you," she said as her dark hazel eyes began to
weigh heavily.
Losing myself in those words, several tears escaped my own tired eyes. I
held her hand tightly. "I love you too." And there the three of us stayed,
in the company of the other, until Master Bren fell victim to sleep once
again.
I had fallen into a daze until I felt a slight touch on my shoulder. It was
Qui-Gon. "Padawan, let's return to our quarters and get some rest."
"Yes, Master. She'll be okay now."
"She will. And Terran says she'll be released soon. Then I can take my
family home."
******
Not long thereafter, three days actually, our friend was allowed to go home.
She'd shown remarkable improvement since waking from the coma several days
ago, and it was mostly a case of her fighting extreme fatigue now. Qui-Gon
and I helped her into a hover chair and I led the way back to our apartment.
"Where are we going?" Her voice was quiet and tired.
"Obi-Wan and I would like you to stay with us until you are stronger. And I
don't want to hear any argument. You can have Obi-Wan's room. He has gladly
agreed to take the couch."
I couldn't argue with that, as I usually fall asleep there anyway. "And I
promise to clean my room before you get settled. It's something of a
disaster in there." Looking down at her, I smiled. I was overjoyed to see
her return my gesture with a warm smile of her own.
*******
Late that evening, after Master Bren was settled and asleep, I once again
found Qui-Gon sitting at the window. I approached him quietly.
"Master, I was going to turn in for the night, unless you need something more
of me?"
His dark eyes turned into mine. "No, Padawan. Sleep well."
I was somewhat concerned by his solemn mood. "Is everything okay, Master?"
"Everything will be okay, Obi-Wan. Bren is improving with each day. I am
just...reflecting I suppose. I guess the 'what if's' are floating around in
my mind."
"You should keep your concentration on the here and now, where it belongs,
Master." I grinned as I attempted to lighten the mood. Thankfully, Qui-Gon
accepted my comment with a small laugh.
"That I should, Obi-Wan."
"If you need anything..." I offered carefully.
"Thank you, Padawan." He had reached up briefly and tugged at my braid.
I've noticed over the years, he tends to do that when he wants to tell me
he's proud of me. It's his way of showing affection without using words.
"Good night, Master. Restful sleep to you."
"You as well, Obi-Wan. Good night."
I curled myself into the soft cushions of the couch. Pulling the blanket
over my shoulders, I shivered slightly as a brief chill ran through me. Not
to long after, I was sound asleep.
********
Feeling a familiar presence close by, I awoke in the middle of the night. I
opened my eyes, and allowed them to adjust to the darkness. Qui-Gon was
there, draping a second blanket around me. "Master?"
"It's all right, Obi-Wan, go back to sleep. You we're cold. I was up to
check on Bren, and saw you shivering a bit."
"Oh. Thank you." But something wasn't right, and I called him on it.
"Master, what's wrong?"
He knew I had caught him, and that I would not drop this until he talked to
me. I sat up, as he brought his large frame down onto the couch. "I can't
really explain it Obi-Wan. I just don't want to be alone right now. I have
no idea why, or where this came from, but I don't want to bother Bren with
this. She needs her rest. If you don't mind, Padawan, keeping me company
for a while."
I had not known until now, just how much this close call with Master Bren had
truly affected Qui-Gon. It had gotten into his soul and hurt him deeply.
And even with a full recovery expected, the scars to the heart would not heal
as easily.
"How about we see if there are any good holo's on right now and maybe we can
talk.. We haven't sat and watched a holo together in a few years. I miss
doing those simple things. I miss...talking with you Master. Just the two
of us, talking. Like we used to do before life became to hectic."
"I do as well my, Padawan."
So we spent the next few hours sitting side by side on the couch. With the
holo playing in the background, my master and I talked...and talked...and
talked. I don't think we left a subject untouched. He even told me things
about Xanatos. And Qui-Gon never speaks to me of his former, dark-side,
apprentice. It's not that he doesn't trust me, but it's something that he's
tried to leave behind, and talking about it only brings more pain. But he
spoke of Xanatos, and Master Bren, and about lost friends and such. It made
me feel good that he was comfortable enough with our friendship to speak so
frankly about such emotional memories.
He knew I was faltering. My eyes finally got heavy and he had to nudge me to
keep me in the conversation. Eventually I gave out all together and fell
towards him, my head resting on his shoulder. I remember mumbling a few
words, something to the effect of 'good night.' A gentle arm went around my
shoulders, a comforting blanket over my chest. The soft words of 'thank you,
Padawan' were whispered to me, and that's the last thing I remember.
*******
Morning dawned, and I awoke to find Qui-Gon sitting in his favorite chair
next to the couch, writing in his journal. "Good morning, Master." I said
in my groggy, sleep-coated voice.
"Good morning, Padawan." My master looked refreshed. I think being able to
talk to someone last night helped that a great deal.
"How is Master Bren?"
"She's well. Tired, but doing okay. I was going to cook this morning and
serve her breakfast in bed."
I know of and have been a victim of Qui-Gon's culinary abilities in the past.
And in all honestly, they lack that key ingredient that makes a meal
worthwhile. Taste. I took the opportunity to break in and offer my
services. "Master, allow me to make breakfast for you both."
"I do believe you are trying to avoid my cooking. But I can accept that.
I'll let you do all the work. I'll see to Bren. The kitchen is yours."
That was close. My master is many things, but a good cook is not one of
them. I guarantee we all live through the morning meal if I prepare it.
******
That evening, the three of us sat on our balcony to watch the sunset. It's
always an incredible spectacle to behold. Nothing is more peaceful than
watching the sun fall behind the horizon.
Things were improving with each passing hour, and I had no doubt that within
a week, our lives would be just about normal again.
If this episode in our lives taught us nothing else, it taught us to be
thankful for those people that we have in our lives who love us for who we
are. Those who are our friends and family.
I have a sneaky suspicion that this family is going to get along just fine,
so long as we have each other to lean on and to love...and we keep Qui-Gon
out of the kitchen.
END