My first published fic so please give feed back hope you enjoy :-)

If you were seen as fearless then nothing would be able to scare you,
nothing would make you feel unstable. I Sam Nicholls am normally seen as fearless un fazed by anything. There are only a small majority of people who I have let get close enough to me they know I actually have fears, emotions, feelings. That the brick wall I put up on daily bases can be chipped or cracked and that is when I am most vulnerable.

I went back to Toms after work something that was becoming much more of a common occurrence. We ordered a pizza for tea and sat and ate it in front of some evening quiz program. Once the pizza had been finished I snuggled in to his muscular body not wanting to move, feeling safe from anything. He held me in the embrace for what felt like hours, every now and then dropping a couple of kisses into my hair.

It was getting late but I couldn't face going back to my lonely house by myself, I turned to look at Tom and found his amazing brown eyes staring back into my blue ones. We laid affixed in each other's gazes before slowly reaching to plant a kiss on each other's lips. I'm not sure who first started it but we ended up in a situation of fiery kisses nether one of us wanting to stop.

I slowly pulled away and found myself on top of him. Tom slowly sat up so he was sitting next to me with his hands on my legs and my hands on top of his.
'It's getting late' he whispered
I turned to where the clock was on the wall and received the confirmation in needed. I turned to back to Tom and kissed him once on the lips before getting up with the intention to get my things.

Instead Tom grabbed my hand and pulled me back in to his arms, before kissing me again. I wasn't sure what he was planning but I was enjoying the moment, the two of us together. Our lips parted and Tom mumbled into my ear
'wan'na stay here tonight, it's late and you haven't got a car with you'
I thought about it, the offer was the best I'd heard in a while but it might mean owning up to things I wasn't sure Tom would except. But I guess he would need to know eventually I am sure I love Tom and want things to work with him.
'Ok then' I whispered back

We both got up off the sofa holding hands just at the fingertips. He showed me through to his bedroom, somewhere I had never ventured before. It was a reasonable size with a large double bed in the middle of the back wall. He led me over to the bed and we both sat down. Alarm bells where ringing in my head but I needed to keep my wall built not let it crumble now, right when I need it to be made of steel.

'Do you want a t-shirt or something to sleep in?' Tom questioned
'Please' I replied
He got up of the bed and went into his draws and produced a large t-shirt that would swamp me but be perfect to sleep in.
'The bathroom is just in there' Tom added as he gave me the top
'Thanks' I said as I took the top and went into the bathroom to get changed. I removed all my clothes except my underwear and pulled the t-shirt over my head, it came down to my knees but covered what I needed covering.

Tom had pulled on some pyjama bottoms while I was getting changed; he had also drawn the curtains and pulled the covers back. He noticed I had re-entered the room and looked me up and down.
'Wow' he breathed 'you are stunning Sam'
I looked down at my feet I hadn't been told that for a long while
'What side of the bed do you want' Tom spoke and broke me out of my trance
I shrugged 'left, don't mind'
Tom went to turn of the light and my fear heightened, I let him carry on and got into the bed. Once the light was off Tom came and joined me.

He pulled the covers up so they were comfortably around my shoulders before finding my hand under the sheets. He pulled me towards him so we were snuggled together in the middle of the bed. He kissed me full on the lips awaiting my response, it was a good distraction from the dark, I kissed him back equalling his passion. We got lost amongst each other for a while before slowing down. I was pulled back in to the present in Tom's bedroom with my head on his chest his hand stroking my leg.
'Good night' I mumbled into his chest

unbelievably I fell asleep relatively quickly, while listing to toms heartbeat. But at just gone midnight I woke and sat bolt upright. Where am I, who is here, what am I wearing. I had completely forgotten I panicked grabbing the sheets around me and finding another figure, unknown to me I had woken Tom.
Suddenly I realised I had stayed at toms, borrowed his top and got into bed with him. He had sat up and was stroking my back as I came to terms with why had happened.
'Sam?'
I registered the voice and the tender touch on my back. Tom had turned a bedside lamp on and everything was bought back into focus, it was ok I was safe no one was going to hurt me.

'Sam?' Tom repeated
I turned to face him and found concern written across his face
'What's up' he questioned me
'I...I'm...erm...kinda...scaredofthedark' I said
'Oh Sam, you should have said' Tom sympathetically said
'Sorry for waking you, I woke and forgot where I was and felt lost, scared' I mumbled the last bit.
'Im here now don't worry, I'll leave the light on is there a reason you don't like the dark?' I nodded and thought back to the time I didn't want to remember.

'Want to talk about it' Tom asked
I paused I wanted to tell him, have it out in the open not be treading on eggshells to when the next trigger may be.
' I feel most vulnerable when asleep, anyone could hurt me and being in the dark I am unable to see what is going on' I could feel the tears forming in the back of my eyes.
'When on my second tour I was captured, put in a prison, in a pitch black cell. People would enter beat me up and leave luckily I was found before it got worse and I left with just a few scars'

I finished as a small amount of tears made it down my face. I removed toms top, something I would never dream of doing before today. I revealed all my scars so Tom could see them. I heard the sharp intake of breath he took.
'Sam...' Tom could obviously not put words together
He took me back into his arms
'That is horrible what they did to you, but anything that has happened to you before will not make me love you any less, you are the most stunning, strong, amazing, talented women I have ever met and nothing will ever change that' Tom finished.
I settled back down into toms arms thinking through what he had just said
'I love you Tom, and thank you I needed that' I said before falling asleep on his chest dreaming of years to come.