"I'm sorry for your loss," Bucky told his friend.

Steve and him were alone in the cramped quarters that were assigned to them on board of the spaceship. The last few days had been quite hectic and now there was nothing to do but wait for them to reach their destination. And waiting led to thinking, and so, Steve sat there, gloomily on his bed. Bucky was barely three feet across from him, already lying down on his own bunk. He had only recently gotten out of cryonics, but he had been briefed on the latest events. Some alien called Thanos had brought destruction to Earth and had kidnapped Vision in order to use his infinity stone to enslave all of the galaxy. Sharon – Steve's girlfriend – had been killed in action, trying to protect Vision. Now they all found themselves in a spaceship; the Avengers – grown exponentially since his cryo sleep; the ship's crew led by a guy who called himself Starlord but whom everybody else called Peter Quill, and himself. They planned to fight Thanos on his own home planet, to rescue Vision, to avenge Earth and Sharon, and to save the galaxy... Or die trying.

"Thank you", answered Steve who let escape a deep sigh before laying down his upper body on his bunk.

Bucky thought his friend needed some space and quiet, especially since he did not argue when Natasha had dispatched both of them in a private cabin while some of the other super heroes had to crowd together in the dormitory that had been set up in the cargo hold. So he was a little startled when after a few seconds of silence Steve told him : "You know, when I was a boy, I always dreamed that growing up I'd have a normal life, you know, with a wife, a nice house with a garden, a dog, and probably children... But I grew up weak and women, they never looked twice at me... Then I became Captain America and there was Peggy, and I had hope that my dream would come true, but the plane crashed and when I woke up, seventy years had passed and Peggy had married and aged while I was in the ice. Again I had given up hope, but then I met Sharon and she was nice, and capable; a woman who could take care of herself... I envisioned a future with her. But now, I've lost her and I feel like, even if we make it and win this war, I'll end up alone..."

Steve sighed again, and Bucky knew he had to cheer his friend up, but he didn't know what to say, he tried anyway: "If" and he stressed that 'if' because he didn't have much hope himself, "we make it, then I'm sure that there will be someone out there for you. You'll be the hero and you'll be able to pick anyone you want in the whole galaxy !" He paused, sobering a little. "You don't see it now because you're grieving, but after a while, when you meet the right person, you'll get to build your home the way you imagined it."

"You're right Bucky, I don't see that happening." Steve slid on his bed to put his feet on it and lie down on his back, his hands beneath his head. "I'm still Captain America, I'll still try to save the world if it's threatened, putting myself at risk and the ones I love as well. No Bucky, I'm afraid that no matter how this war ends, I'll die a virgin."

Hearing these words got Bucky chocking on his own saliva, and after a fit of coughing, he had to ask : "How come a virgin ? You've never had sex ? Not with any of your dancers while you were on tour, nor with Sharon ? Ever ?"

"Well, Sharon and I never got married, so yeah, we haven't done it," answered Steve, slightly on the defensive.

"She minded ?" asked Bucky, trying to understand how come his best friend, a gorgeous super hero, could have remained a virgin all these years.

"No, she didn't. I was the one who wanted to wait. She said she liked how old fashion I was and agreed to wait as well. And of course I have not done it with any of my dancers !" Steve sounded outraged at the thought of it.

"Wow, you really are a boyscout..." Bucky felt a little amazed. "They must have been swarming at you during the war, and you still managed to turn them down ?"

"Well, yeah, some of them tried to seduce me, even asking for 'sex without commitment' but I wouldn't have it and, after a while, they stopped pestering me. "Why ? Did you do it ? I mean, back then, with your dates ?"

No Bucky wasn't a virgin, he'd done it with some of his dates back in the forties, and he'd even done it with other soldiers while they were on the field, fighting on the front lines. Some men could not remain celibate and while some of them preferred same gender sex, others just had to fill the void that war had created in them and found comfort in the arms of their comrades.

"I know it wasn't right," Bucky confessed, a little shameful, "but yeah, when they offered, I couldn't bring myself to deny them, I'm weak that way. I'm not perfect like you."

"I'm sorry," Steve apologized, "I'm not judging you. It's just that my mother had to raise me alone, and life was tough, even though she was married to my father. So I swore that whatever happened, I'd wait until I got married..."

Bucky thought about that for a while before asking: "You and Sharon were in love, why didn't you get married then ? Were you even engaged ?"

"No we weren't, we never got the time..."

"But, it's been a couple of years since I went into cryo, so surely you must have had some time to consider it... well if you really loved each other, you would have made time, even for a quick wedding at the city hall, don't you think ?" Bucky asked.

"I don't know... At the time, it didn't feel like a priority." Steve explained lamely. "But I did love her, she was amazing, dazzling even. Isn't this what you feel when you are in love ? Butterflies in your stomach, a little overwhelmed when the other is around ?"

"I'm not sure, I never got to be in a serious relationship, but I remember that when I was a boy, I have asked my mother how come she knew that my father was the person she wanted to marry."

"What did she say ?" Steve asked.

"She said she just knew it. That it all went so smoothly between them that she never really wondered. They could talk of everything, they were never bored when they were together and felt lonely when they were apart. That even when they sat together in silence, the silence was comfortable, and not awkward." Bucky also remembered that after she said all that he'd told her that he would marry Steve because that was how he felt for his best friend. He remembered his father chocking on his drink as he heard what his son just said, but his mother only laughed. She told him that boys could not get married and that he was still young and that one day he would find a girl with whom he'd feel that way. And growing up he tried, he tried to find a girl he could love the way he loved Steve. He probably had sex with his dates in order to feel something more, but that never worked. And it was barely better with other men, he enjoyed the sex more than with any girl he'd been with, but none of them were Steve, and Bucky still felt empty. His dream was to spend the rest of his life with Steve, and just like him, he feared that it would never come true.

"She was probably right," Steve allowed, "yours was the happiest family I've ever known."

"We were..." Bucky sighed. "Ages ago." It hurt to think about the good old times, because he lost so much during and after the war.

The silence that settled in the tiny cabin was anything but comfortable, it was pregnant with misery and ghosts from the past, Bucky had to break it, even if it meant asking awkward questions: "What about foreplay ?"

"What about it ?" Steve wondered.

"Well did you have foreplay with Sharon ?"

"No we didn't either, it wouldn't have been fair to her, and... I'm not sure I could have stopped there had we started..." Steve confessed.

"Why not fair to her? I hope you realize that women can enjoy sexual activities; at least if it is done properly by their partner." Bucky informed him.

"I know that! I'm a virgin, not a moron," Steve argued. "No it wouldn't be fair to start things and not go through with it, or go through with it and betraying myself."

"Steve confess!" Bucky teased. "You wouldn't have known what to do, would you ? Don't worry there's no shame in that, she would have understood and taught you!"

"Shut up!" Steve growled before turning on his side to face the wall and pout. Well Bucky imagined that he was pouting, as he could not see his face. A pouting Steve would be so cute...

"What about men?" Bucky asked towards his friend's back.

"What about them?" Steve grumbled, but there was some curiosity in his tone as well. Good, he wasn't really upset then.

"Well, if we make it out of this mess alive, maybe you could have sex with a man... Maybe even with an Avenger, they're harder to kill..." Bucky suggested.

Steve slowly turned back towards Bucky before informing him: "I don't know if you were aware of this, but nowadays, two men can get married... At least in the States and some other western countries."

"Yeah, but men can't get pregnant, so you could have sex with one if you were so inclined..." Bucky countered.

"And nowadays there are a number of contraception methods that will allow a woman not to conceive if she doesn't want to." Steve pointed out. "You don't understand, it's the sex before marriage that bothers me. It's like, I made this promise to myself as a teenager and then the serum imprinted it in my brain and now I couldn't do it weather I wanted it or not. Not unless I'm married."

"That's an embarrassing side effect." Bucky said, sympathizing. "So I guess you'll just have to defeat Thanos, manage to live through it and find your soul-mate and marry her, or him since it's legal nowadays."

"Stop jeering me Bucky," Steve complained, "I'm not in the mood."

"You're in a better mood than you were before this talk Cap," Bucky noted. "Anything's possible you know, we are on a spaceship with a walking tree and a talking raccoon... Don't give up hope. If Captain America loses hope, then we're all done for, and it's the whole galaxy we're talking about here. So yes, Sharon's dead, and yes you're hurting, and no, you won't forget her, but you have to go on. There are other people who loved and lost their love and they thought it was the end of their world but they kept on living and eventually they found someone else to love.

"Do your job and live through it. The possibilities are limitless if you live. It will be the end only if you let yourself despair and die. And you don't want to die a virgin do you ? Plus if you die, I'll die trying to save your ass so you'll have my death on your conscience, and you wouldn't want that either."

"Don't!" Steve warned him. "Don't say that, I kind of already have your death on my conscience. At least I thought I did, when you fell off that train. And what actually happened to you may be a fate even worse than death."

"You're an idiot!" Bucky chided him. "Me falling off that train was never your fault. There's no way you could have saved me, we were too far apart! Don't blame yourself. Not when you keep saving me, even if it's seventy odd years later. And yes, being Hydra's puppet certainly was a fate worse than death, but you had nothing to do with me falling in their hands, you saved me from them Steve, twice."

"But I dragged you into the fight against Hydra, and once again I drag you into a desperate fight..." Steve said, clearly feeling guilty.

"I knew when I joined you in the Howling Commando that there was always a chance that I wouldn't make it. When I signed in to become a soldier, I knew that I may die on the battlefield. You didn't drag me, I volunteered to fight against Hydra, and I volunteered for this mission as well. I have enough innocent blood on my hands, I think I may feel better if I can make a difference out there." Bucky explained. "And what if you had saved me from that train back then? I'd be over a hundred years old, how could I hope to help you kick Thanos' ass, if I were that old?"

Steve had to laugh at that: "I wouldn't expect it of you, if you were. You dumb-ass!"

"And you would be short one man for this mission, and if this Thanos is such a bad-ass, then maybe one more person can really make a difference..." Bucky said.

Bucky tried to imagine what his life would have been like if he had not fallen off the train, if he had survived the war to come back and live a normal life in America, but without Steve. Mourning his friend for seventy years only to discover that he hadn't died. The guilt he would have felt for not finding him before then – that was if he were still alive and not senile. Would he really have found someone else to love? He felt he was a hypocrite for telling Steve that he would definitely find someone once this "mission" was over, because he couldn't believe it for himself. He had only ever loved one person and that was Steve Rogers and even if his feelings couldn't be reciprocated, he didn't think he could fall in love with someone else. Fate had been cruel to him, making him a puppet used by Hydra, but somehow fate had also given him a second chance to spend some time with his best friend. That thought was bittersweet.

He had remained silently thinking for a few minutes when he heard Steve call his name: "Bucky?"

"What?"

"I'm sorry and a little ashamed. I'm bothering you with my problems when you've been through so much worse," it was like Steve could read his mind. "You may not be a virgin, but you aren't happily married either... I feel so selfish right now."

"You're not selfish Steve, you're grieving," Bucky corrected. "You know what? I think it's time to go to sleep, and tomorrow we'll focus on our war against Thanos and how to defeat him. And once we have won, and only then, should we worry about love and all that comes with it."

"OK," Steve agreed. "Good night Bucky."

"Good night Steve."

Bucky covered himself with his blanket and turned to face the wall, but he didn't follow his own advice, and instead of trying to fall asleep, he imagined how loving Steve would feel like. How it would feel to hold him in his arms. Once Steve had been so small and fragile that Bucky barely dared to give him brief manly hugs, too afraid that he'd hurt him. But he had changed and his now wide and muscular chest could withstand even the pressure of Bucky's metal arm. He imagined how the strong muscles would feel against his body, the softness of his hairless torso, the heat that would come out of him and radiate to his own skin, warming his soul. He remembered Steve's smell; a manly musk that belonged to no other person...

Then he imagined pressing his lips against Steve's. How his stubble would scratch Steve's perfectly shaven chin. How Steve would yield and open his mouth to let Bucky's tongue get in; then they would kiss like they'd never kissed anyone before, tongues wrestling in a needy but sensual dance.

By that time, Bucky could feel that his manhood was rock hard and there was nothing he could do about it because he could hear Steve gently snoring a few feet away from him. But that didn't matter, even if he couldn't find release, this arousal felt good. It made him feel human in a way that he hadn't thought possible since he'd been taken by Hydra. For so long he had been imprisoned inside his own mind, having no control over his body whatsoever. His life had been like watching a nightmarish puppet show from the perspective of the psychotic puppet he had become.

So he kept dreaming. He would grab Steve's erect manhood in his right hand and start stroking it. With his left hand – that was still flesh because in his imagination anything was possible – he would slide down the length of Steve's back before reaching his buttocks and squeezing the firm muscles playfully.

Then his mouth would abandon Steve's to plant little kisses along his jaw, down his neck, towards his shoulders, then coming back towards his pecs, his tongue teasing Steve's nipples which hardened beneath his touch.

He would still be stroking Steve's manhood, massaging it slowly so that he wouldn't be coming too early. And Steve would let little moans escape from his throat because he couldn't hold them back while assaulted by such pleasure.

His mouth would journey south from those alluring nipples; he would kiss, lick and suckle his way down the flat plane of Steve's stomach, then his tongue would explore his bellybutton...

Eventually his lips would find the thin tail of soft blond hair that led to Steve's manhood. Bucky had seen it before and after the serum, it had grown along with the rest of his body, but not extravagantly so. He imagined that aroused it would be beautiful, long and thick and vigorous. He would put his mouth on the tip, licking at the beading liquid that would have escaped it; he would taste Steve's precum, and be the first person ever to do so. He would cup Steve's balls in his hand and gently and lightly roll them in his palm. He would lick Steve's shaft from the bottom to the tip, teasing him before taking him in his mouth to start and suck on it. And Steve would have his hands in his hair, not to maintain his head in place, but only to toy with the long brown strands. Bucky would keep on sucking, moving his head up and down until Steve reached climax with a cry of fulfillment.

Then he would lay Steve down and get his mouth even lower, letting his tongue play with his best friend's entrance. He would take his time, letting Steve get used to the sensation before replacing his tongue with a finger. He would go slowly, gently making room for more than one finger, more than two fingers. He would use lotion, he didn't want to hurt Steve... And while his fingers were busy, he would go back sucking on Steve's newly awaken arousal. And finally, when he would be completely relaxed, well lubricated and was comfortable with three fingers invading his privacy, Bucky would withdraw his hand and replace it with his own erect manhood. He would go slowly at first, trying to be gentle but also enjoying the tightness of Steve's hole, but then it would be too much to cope and he would go faster and faster. His hand would be gripping Steve's member and pumping it so that his friend could enjoy the experience all the more. And then, eventually they would climax together, and Bucky would collapse in Steve's arms and they would lie together entangled in a deep feather bed and Steve wouldn't be a virgin any longer.

While this was but fantasy, Bucky could feel his own very real arousal lessen at the thought of climaxing. He tried to stop thinking altogether in order to let it deflate completely and to finally let sleep claim him.