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This is the road to ruin
(and we're starting at the end)
/
"Stop pretending this is your home." Damon snarls as Caroline pushes the door to the boarding house open.
"Stop pretending I'm the reason for your misery." She retaliates. He doesn't answer, instead pours himself a glass of amber coloured liquor.
Caroline shrugs her coat off and unwinds the heavy knit scarf around her neck. "How's he doing?"
Damon snorts, swallows his glass down in a single gulp and pours another before he answers. "Miserable of course."
She sighs heavily, dropping coat and scarf off at the sofa. "Elena's with him?"
There's a heavy beat of silence, accentuated by the sharp knocking of fall wind against old wooden doors and window panels and the angry clatter of the tumbler as he sets it down. "What do you think?"
Caroline pushes out another heavy breath and attempts to find it in her to feel sorry for him. She fails. "Will you ever get over yourself?"
Damon laughs bitterly and Caroline leaves wordlessly.
/
There's no happy end for those on the sidelines. Years caught in between Elena's several dramas have taught Caroline so. Every year brings a new catastrophe; every new catastrophe always brings Elena back to Stefan.
Nothing ever brings Tyler back to Caroline. Or Matt. Or anyone for that matter.
/
The alcohol burns a trail down a throat and Caroline hisses softly at the dull ache. She sits up a little straighter and orders another shot of vodka.
"Burbon, no ice." Damon barks at the barkeeper as he slides into stool next to hers. He doesn't spare her a glance.
The barkeeper, a tall brunette, returns with their drinks and throws Damon an unmistakable smile. "Anything else I can get you?" she asks as she leans across the counter.
Caroline rolls her eyes exasperatedly and sips her liquor.
"You know, sugar, I would feel much better, if you'd do a lot less talking and a lot more working, but maybe do it elsewhere." Damon says before he knocks his shot back and watches the girl leave in a huff.
"Lemme guess…" Caroline slurs. "Elena and Stefan."
Damon sighs heavily and raises an eyebrow. "Elena and Stefan what."
Caroline laughs and stares into her empty glass, tracing the rim with her thumb. "Elena and Stefan anything. Does is it even make a difference? Everything they do aggravates you."
"Hmmm…" Damon hums lightly, absently examining the ceiling. "Yeah, I know. I'm such a drama queen, so easily annoyed by my brother making a move on my girl."
"Go cry me a river." Caroline deadpans and enjoys the silence settling between them as Damon leans across the bar and retrieves a half-full bottle of bourbon. He fills both their glasses.
"This is about Lockwood, isn't it?"
Caroline shrugs and takes a long gulp. "It's not like you care."
"Of course I don't." he drains his glass and refills.
They're silent for a long stretch of time, but Caroline's always been better with words than with silences. "At least Elena's here." She declares, throwing her arms up. "Go home, save what's left."
He laughs a little, swirls the alcohol in his glass. "I don't think there was much to begin with. For her at least. There never is."
Caroline sighs and raises her glass. "Here's to my runaway boyfriend."
"And to Stefan's runaway girlfriend." He says as he clinks their glasses together.
/
Maybe Damon's on the sidelines too.
/
"He's doing a lot better really…I mean, it's still hard and all, but he's hanging in there. " Elena says, vividly gesturing while she talks.
Caroline rolls over in her dorm bed and eyes Elena suspiciously. "You're babbling."
"Hm?" Elena tips her head sideways and starts dragging a broad paddle brush through her hair. "What were you saying?"
Caroline sighs, leans back against the headboard and switches the lamp on her nightstand on. "You're babbling, Elena and we both know what that means."
Elena stills her movements for a second, then snaps back up and goes back to brushing her hair. "I have no idea what you're talking about."
Caroline closes her eyes briefly and puts her right hand across her forehead. "You only babble when you're feeling particularly guilty and…I'm just gonna try a shot in the dark, but…Elena, sweetie , are you falling back in love with Stefan?"
Elena freezes and puts the hairbrush down. She folds her hands in her laps and starts picking loose hairs and threads off her dress. "Of course not. I'm with Damon now; I could never do that to him. Not after everything."
Caroline gets up and sits next to Elena. "You're helping neither of you like that, you know? Nobody wants to be a second choice and nobody should have to put up with their second choice for the rest of their lives, especially in your specific case."
Elena falls heavily into Carolines side, tilting her head against Caroline's. "It's not like I don't love him and I'm surely not 'putting up' with him, but…"
Caroline squeezes Elena's knee as she finishes her sentence. "But you don't love him like you love Stefan."
/
Caroline knows that no matter, which route Elena would've opted to take none of them would've led to a happy eternity with Damon. That's not what Elena needs. She doesn't need Damon and his dramas, his mood swings, his bad tempers and his never ending fear of coming in second.
Elena needs stability and calmness. Elena needs a serenity that Damon does not possess. Elena needs Stefan.
Caroline needs space to breath, but she also wants someone to care. Wants, not needs. Caroline needs holding on and letting go all at once.
/
Caroline and Stefan wait calmly side by side for the storm to pass. In her peripheral hearing Caroline keeps track on Damon's and Elena's garbled voices, on Elena's muffled, sobbed apologies and on Damon's hurt pride.
"You know…" she says out of the blue, just to break the silence. "Personally I think, you'd live much longer with a few miles between you and your brother. "
Stefan laughs lowly to himself and continues to stare ahead into the fire. "You're probably right, but…" he sighs heavily and casts a glance at the ceiling. "…I can't leave her alone with this."
"With this mess she made?" Caroline asks, tone sardonic, and adds. "You know he won't hurt her."
"Of course I know that." He mummers and opens his mouth to continue, but gets cut short, by the sound of a door slamming against a wall, followed by the sound of angry footsteps at the staircase.
"You happy now?" Damon barks as he enters the room.
Stefan gets up slowly, as if rapid movements might make the situation worse. Personally, Caroline thinks there's downright nothing that might make the situation worse.
"Damon…" Stefan starts, taking a step towards his brother.
"Oh, you spare me your eternal justifications." Damon shouts, angrily heading over to the liquor cabinet. "We are done."
"Look…Damon…"
Caroline wishes he would just shut up, but at the end, this is just so Stefan it's laughable. Stefan – always saving whatever little is left to be saved. Sometimes it would be for the better to let it rest, but Caroline muses that Stefan just can't live with this rift between him and his brother.
"Done, Stefan!" Damon empathizes, fumbling a bulgy glass bottle out of the cabinet. "You can leave now. Go dry some tears."
Stefan closes his mouth, shakes his head slightly and leaves wordlessly for the room that Damon just left.
"And what if I may ask, would you be doing here?" He sounds much sadder now, exasperated, tired. He drops into the seat that Stefan abandoned beforehand.
"I'm back-up." She explains quietly, looking down at the tips of her ankle boots.
He scoffs, shaking his head. "As if Elena needed more sympathising."
There quiet for a while, Damon gulping down his alcohol and Caroline trying to phrase her next sentence in her head. She decides to go boldly.
"You've had it coming." She points out.
"I know." He laughs dryly. "I didn't want to go quietly."
"No…"Caroline shakes her head, curls tumbling across her shoulders. "You didn't want to go without making a mess. You didn't want to leave them feeling content."
"Maybe…" he utters and she can feel him looking at her from the side. "Would that be so bad?"
"Yes."
/
Life is a constant back and forth, a constant struggle for control, a constant search for a safe harbour. Sometimes a harbour is a place, sometimes it's a person.
Caroline is her own harbour.
/
Stefan and Elena wait a month to proclaim their rekindled the relationship to everybody else and they wait a year to announce their engagement. It's a winter wedding.
Caroline smiles contently. She stands proud in the midst of a wedding, which she's organized. Everything is perfect, everything goes according to plan. The bouquets and arrangements are exactly as she's ordered them, dinner's been served to everybody's liking, even the DJ's doing an okay job and Elena looks stunning, which admittedly is not Caroline's victory.
"Hell of a party." Someone mummers behind her and while he's not an unwelcome guest, she surely didn't expect Damon to show up.
"You came!" she exclaims, a whirl of golden locks and the layers of her emerald skirt as she turns around.
"Yeah, begrudgingly." He snatches a flute of champagne from a bypassing waitress. "So, I take it my invitation got lost in the mail?"
Caroline tips her head sideways and smiles apologetically. "They didn't think you'd come."
"I didn't think I'd come either."
She releases a heavy puff of air struggles to find a way to change the direction of the conversation. "So, what do you think?" she asks, throwing up her arms.
He shrugs, sips his champagne and Caroline is suddenly acutely aware of how lame that was. "Very flowery."
"Flowery?" she echoes, arching an eyebrow. "I know it might seem much…most people have roses, lilies or peonies…maybe gerbera. That seemed petty and clichéd. Besides, those have a meaning."
"You know, I'd ask what that mean if I cared enough." He casually winks at a busty redhead behind her.
"Victorian flower language." She clarifies – suddenly irritated - and snaps her fingers in front of his face to get his attention. " Red chrysanthemums mean 'I love', Arkansas coreopsis stands for 'love at first sight' , the peach coloured roses declare that there's a reason to congratulate, white heather for good luck and the japonica camellias say 'My destiny is in your hands'." She smiles contently and nods her head a little.
"That's incredibly cheesy." he comments, pulls a sprig of heather from a nearby vase and tucks it behind her ear.
/
Here's a truth universally acknowledged: Nobody likes being alone, but nobody likes to admit that either.
/
Caroline sighs contently, sipping sweet white wine from the glass in her hands. She enjoys the lazy swipes of summer breeze stirring her hair. The garden is filled with laughter and the faint echo of music in the background. Somebody sings 'Happy Birthday', Elena laughs as Stefan kisses her cheek.
Caroline smiles slightly as Damon approaches.
"Having a good time?" she asks, as he sits down next to her, beer bottle in hands.
He shrugs, stares off into space and sips his beer. "I still don't get why she insists on celebrating."
Caroline laughs at that, louder than she intended. "I insisted for her to celebrate, she refused to. It's a surprise party."
He chuckles dryly, shakes his head. "That makes a lot more sense."
"I'm taking that a compliment." She looks at him from the site, then down at the tips of her shoes.
"Take it however you want." He empties his bottle and sets it down into the grass next to him. "So what's the world got in store for you now?"
She hums lightly, thoughtfully. "I hope something epic." She pauses as he laughs. "Something just for me and something far away from Mystic Falls."
He snorts. "Good luck with that."
She shrugs, sips her wine. "There's gotta be more to life than this."
"There used to be less to you than this."
She's caught off guard for a moment; so she raises an eyebrow as she looks at him. "Used to be?"
"Don't feel too flattered." He gets up and leaves, heading towards the bar.
Caroline smiles.
/
In order for things to get better, they have to get worse.