NOTE- I'm not a writer, I don't really enjoy writing, (No offense to those who do) but this idea would not leave me alone, just letting you know that I have not practiced my writing skills very much. By the way, if you have an old Mac (and if you do I feel sorry for you) try copying this into TExtEDit and turn on SPEECH. It's hilarious.

The scene, a dimly lit bar, air quality exactly one level above intolerable, on 'the wrong side of the tracks'. Not that Domino City had any tracks, but for the sake of the poetic atmosphere it did. Anyway, a place where old hardened sea dogs, gangsters, other sorts of generally bad men would gather to talk, fight, drink, And if you were the particularly kinky sort, the unmentionable. Again, Domino City didn't actually have any of these sorts of people, but...poetic license bitches!

Seto Kaiba's was not the sort of person that you would find to be at one such a place, as it boasted neither a duel disk station or even the basic ingredients of a dry martini cocktail. It did however, have two things necessary to Seto Kaiba's rapidly depleted sanity at this moment. A bartender who was willing to overlook any underage drinking if you slipped him a couple Andrew Jacksons, and not a single person who would recognize him as the obscenely rich, fabulously handsome and well dressed Gods-Gift-To-Earth that he was.

"Kaiba?"

Fuck.

A short white haired boy wearing what one might mistake for black plastic wrap in bad lighting slid into the unoccupied seat next to Kaiba, ignoring the startled stares of those around who had in fact, mistaken his clothes for plastic wrap. Kaiba acknowledged him in the typical Kaiba way, which was not to acknowledge him at all for a good five minutes in hopes that he might leave and converse with someone else. Ryou was patient though, and exactly five minutes and thirty seconds (Kaiba was forever optimistic when it came to these matters) Seto set down his glass and turned to face Ryou. "What?"

Ryou smiled in a typical Ryou type way and asked in a voice far too cheery for a bar on the wrong side of the tracks such as this, "what on earth are you doing here Seto?

"I could ask you the same question, Bakura."

Ryou tittered in a way that only very girly men can, at the risk of being beat up by the more masculine members of the bar. Fortunately they were all so deep in their own drinks that they took no notice and thusly, the story can move on. "Oh, it's not unusual for me to fall asleep and wake up in seedy bars dressed like this." Seto raised an eyebrow at this, "and that doesn't worry you?" Ryou tittered again, and this time the other occupants DID notice and there was a general opinion in the bar that he should stop. "Well it did at first but, since there's nothing I can do about it why bother worrying about it? Anyway, what about you?"

"That's none of your business," snapped Kaiba. Ryou nodded understandingly at this. "Let me," Ryou said reaching into a physically impossible pocket for his wallet, "buy you a drink."

Ten minutes later.

"I came here," started Kaiba dramatically, waving a hand at the bar, the motion coming out as if he were swatting a particularly persistent fly, or waving away a bad stench, "...to forget."

Ryou bobbed his head understandingly in that way he does so well again, "Ah huh, mhm," Kaiba perched an arm on top of his head for the time being, but he didn't notice much. "Do go on."

"About MEN!"

"Ah, uh huh, mhm." The arm was making it rather hard to bob or nod understandingly, but Ryou managed through it. "I see, forget about what men?"

"Certain men! Certain men who use you, then loose you! Men who jump you in the street, pull you into a dark alley, ravage your body, then leave you, with a baby and a soiled Armani trench coat!" There was a lot of flailing at this last bit.

"Ah, uh huh, mhm." Ryou paused in mid nod/bob, "I beg your pardon? Did you say baby?" Kaiba gave Ryou a bulgy eyed look. "Baby! ME! A single parent in this world!"

"But...isn't that rather impossible? Being it as that you are in fact a man?"

"My greatness knows no bounds, " said Kaiba solemnly. " The doctors called a miracle, even if I just call it a pain in the ass."

"Ah...and how did this happen again?" Ryou leaned in close to Seto, as he ordered another round of drinks. "Who did you...uh... you know..."

"That, " moaned Seto with a look of martyrdom, "is the saddest part of the sordid tale. I was merely taking my evening stroll through the dark alleys..." With this he sat back in his chair -and since it was a stool, nearly fell off-. "...I like," he said seriously, " taking strolls through dark alleys, since there is not a lot of people and those that there are, I can kick and laugh at since they're mostly hobos. Like, I was saying, I was taking an evening stroll through the dark alleys when I see Yugi Moto and Joey whateverthefuckhislastnameis walking the opposite way, drunk! DRUNK! Can you imagine that? Two underage students drunk, disgraceful!"

Ryou decided that now would not be a good time to remind Kaiba that they were two underage students drinking, or that he needed to home soon since he had a large math test tomorrow morning. So instead, he ordered another stronger drink and nodded encouragingly to Kaiba.

"I tell them, as a concerned citizen that perhaps they might go drown themselves in the river for the good of all humanity, and they what do they do? They jump me! Drag me up against a wall, tear at my fabulous new mauve and lavender Armani trench coat, with the cobalt blue trimming, and the low cut, and proceed to screw the living daylights out of me!"

Ryou gasped like a proper scandalized old lady "Yugi and Joey did? What IS happening to moral decency of the youth in this society?" If Ryou had a fan at this moment, he would've waved it, as he had no such fan, you must use your imagination. Needless to say he was very drunk at this point.

Seto Kaiba threw his hands into the air, "I KNOW! Then, as I lie there among the tattered stained remains of my beloved trench coat (Ryou tsked in sympathy at that), dying, using my last breath to swear that I'd haunt them till their dying days, and that I'd also use all my no doubt vast ghostly influence to sue them for every last penny. You know what they do?

Ryou leaned over in anticipation, spilling his glass as he did so, "what? Beat you? Laugh?"

"No," said Seto Kaiba with a dark look, "even worse."

"They didn't...they didn't-"

"YES!" Seto threw his hands up into the air, "THEY APOLOGIZE!"

"NO!"

"YES! Then they take me to the hospital and turn themselves in to the police!"

Ryou was so scandalized by this that if did have that fan (are you imagining it yet?) it would've flown across the roof like a stay golf ball, and into the drink of some hardened sea dog/gangster/other Not Very Nice Person. Again, you'll have to imagine that for yourself though.

Seto by this point was in full Very Wronged and Very Drunk speech mode. "The very NERVE of these people! Not only to take away my God Given right to die in a dark alley and haunt them for the rest of their miserable poor beggar lives, but they ALSO by turning themselves in, make themselves out to be the victims!"

Ryou was in awe, "what did you do?"

"Well I marched right down to the jail," sniffed Kaiba haughtily, "regardless of my many painful injuries and told the police that I had not been raped, and that those two had done nothing wrong. I'm not going to have them sitting in jail, and having everybody feeling sorry for them! Not to mention what it would do to my reputation! I can just see the headlines, 'Extremely Rich, Intelligent, and Handsome Tower of a Man Raped By Multi-Colored Hair Midget and Blonde Mentally Incapable Mutt? I think NOT!"

Ryou by this point had grasped Seto's hand in a show of companionship, "You did the right thing! I have never admired you so much!"

Seto glared in a surprisingly focused way that he should have been far past the point of doing, considering the amount of alcohol in his system, "don't touch me."

Ryou quickly removed his hand. "NETHER THE LESS! I shall never speak to them again!"

Seto smiled, "your emotion is touching, but that is not the end!

Le Gasp.

"After, this, after ALL this! They hand the audacity to apologize AGAIN, and promise never to see me again! Of course now, four months later I find myself pregnant! PREGNANT! "

"..."

After an awkward ten minutes of waiting for a reaction from Ryou, Seto Kaiba looked up and found that Ryou had fainted from the shock and excitement of it all. Oh and the alcohol. That was involved too. So Seto Kaiba shrugged, and left, leaving Ryou at the mercy of the more kinky men in the bar. This is forgivable though, as there were more important things on his mind, and after all it's not like Ryou hadn't been in that type of situation before.

TBC

...I'm very tired. Nothing else to say 'cept-

COMING NEXT.

"Mokuba...there is going to be some changes around here."

"Like what Big Brother?"

"Well for instance, there is going to be someone who I love more then you. Much more in fact, as he will most likely be an exact copy of me."

"...What?"

"Let's not make this any harder then it has to be. The point is you have to move out into your brother in law's house."

"...What?"