L started building his own coffin long before the Kira Case even began.
Case by case, chip by chip, it came together as steadily as he solved cases. Unknown to the world, it silently awaited completion underneath the flickering of street lights in the early mornings when the sun was just barely visible, on damp pavement where hardly a soul had yet risen from their beds to walk upon. He was building his coffin, and he had no notion as to when it would be completed or what would put on the finishing touches.
Once he became involved with the Kira Case, L started building it faster, spent more time on it. It was as if he was scrambling blindly through the darkness, and he found himself running head-first into desperation. He needed to finish it, he just needed to, because his best friend was his greatest enemy and he needed to be prepared, because one day Light would make the world go away and L needed somewhere he could go to escape.
Sometimes L dreams about footprints left in spilled ashes, though he never understands its meaning. All he can remember is wishing that the rain would come to wash it all away—all of the footprints—and paint new artwork in the dust it leaves behind.
L continues to pursue secrets that don't exist anywhere but in his own mind just as hard as he tries to catch Kira, because he thinks that maybe they share the same wicked face.
Light (KiraKiraKira dammit) catches L building his coffin one night while everyone else sleeps. They are locked in a staring match that has been going on for months, and neither of them are willing to blink first.
Still staring, always staring, Light slowly comments, "I assumed you believed in your victory."
And L continues to meet Kira's gaze as he stares right back, stares right through Kira's innocent façade, because right now he is flirting with disaster and even if he dies he will never lose. "I am doing what I have to," he says, "and even though I am building my coffin does not mean anything at all."
Kira is grinning at this, and L knows, though the boy only replies with, "It needs some colour."
It maybe makes L wonder.
Kira and L speak without words and understand exactly their silence's meaning.
"Behind this mask is the face of a friend but the soul of an enemy. Don't go in, unless you know that I mean already. I am Kira, after all, even though you can't prove it."
L already knows. Light is such a smooth talker with words, but it is in what he does not say that L learns the most. It is in silence that they hold their deepest conversations. Silence is the only time they are ever honest.
"Just wait, Kira. I will prove it, and I will kill you. I hateyouhateyouhateyou."
"No more than I hate you."
The end is nearing and L finds himself once again waiting for the rain, though it is already pouring. His mind walks away from him, and this time he doesn't bother chasing it. Kira is going to kill him and he knows it and Light knows it but he can't find it in himself to care because of all this damn rain that is damaging the wood on his coffin.
L knows that it is complete now, even though parts of it are still missing, because he is not yet ready to die though he knows that he must. He reminds himself that dying is not the same thing as losing but is instead a necessary part of winning.
When Kira kills him, he smiles just as he does in the silence and L falls into his coffin, falls into it as the darkness surrounds his mind.
Holy hell, this was terrible. I couldn't seem to get into the right rhythm at all while writing this. Not only that, but I've also been having the worst writer's block lately pertaining to funny stories. If anyone has any ideas or requests for a humour fic, I'd most likely be happy to write it, and break this marathon of angst and death and insanity. Anyway, thanks for reading, and please review!
~Ratt Kazamata, 5/06/2012