Summary: Well I'm going to do something I've never done before. I'm writing a Journal Entry from the point of view of Darth Vader except there are no stories of victory no stories of the blasted rebel scum, but rather just personal thought, thoughts, regrets, Questions that he can't get answers to. Contains References form TCW, Kotor II, and even a special other-franchise reference. This May be AU or maybe not. You decide for yourself. I hope you enjoy it.

Disclaimer: I do not own Star Wars

Personal Log of Darth Vader

Star Date: 35:3:5

Journal Entry: #2652

Journal Title: The Insidious Force

As I write down this journal entry, I lay here in my chambers shaking and find myself facing something I've not felt in years. Fear. The Empire had just finished building the Death Star, and of course Tarkin in his arrogance and quite frankly his idiocy was more than eager to show its destructive power.

I warned him. I warned him that she wouldn't betray the rebellion, but truth be told I don't think he cared. Even when I worked with him during the Clone Wars, Tarkin had always been a Sadistic Greedy, Arrogant Man-Child. The Death Star was like a new toy to him and like a greedy arrogant child he was going to show off that new toy no matter who or what got in his. Alderaan was just at the wrong place at the wrong time.

So what about the destruction of Alderaan makes me so afraid? Believe it or not it's not the amount of dead. This isn't the first time I have seen the razing of a planet, while I do to a certain extent mourn, it's not for the reason most people would mourn. I mourn because I have finally come to realize how powerless I am in the face of fate, how meaningless this struggle really is and despite my power despite my knowledge of The Force, I am still left with this one question. Why?"

Everything that has happened within the last eighteen years or so is something I myself witness long ago in a vision I had on a mission to Mortis. From my transformation to a Sith Lord, to the death of my beloved Padme, to the destruction of Alderaan. All of it.

During this mission my former master Obi-Wan Kenobi, my Former Padawan Ahsoka Tano and I had come across the celestial beings who were simply referred to as Father, The Son, and The Daughter, the two siblings represent both sides of the force the Daughter the light side, and the Son the Dark. Even now I do not fully understand what the Father fully represented.

The father showed me this vision of things to come, and in my naiveness I vowed to never let it happen, but the father stopped me and said if there were to be balance in the force these things must be allowed to happen.

Then may "Balance" be buried to the voids of Hades never to return! What kind of Balance requires the cries of millions of voices to suddenly be silenced? The Father once told me and I quote

"Too much light or dark would be the undoing of life as you understand it." But isn't that what we strive for not to leave life as it is and be satisfied, but to make it better?' What life requires Murder, in order to function? What life requires rape war, slavery in order to function? And if that "Is what life requires in order to function properly, then maybe life deserves to burn."

If the Father were still alive, if he were standing right in front of me, I would ask him one question. He says if light were to overpower darkness. If good were to overpower Evil if order, justice peace, were to overpower, war, injustice, chaos, whose undoing would it truly be? Would it be our kind's, or would it be his?

It would be one thing if the Will of the force, was divine, if it was perfect, but as the betrayal of the Son showed, it isn't. Those who control the will of the force, are corruptible, fallible, even flawed. They can be tricked. And they can be killed. I have seen the gods. I have seen the Will of the Force, and if imperfection is what makes a man, then the gods are but mere men. Master Yoda once said that I cannot control the will of the force and that I myself should accept its will. Maybe I could if I did not know that the ones who are in control of it are as bit a flawed as I am.

It's all rather a sick joke to be truthful. Both Jedi and Sith knew that what seemed like divine will was simplely the influence of greater beings. They called them Celestials. But no Jedi or Sith wanted to admit the truth. Well no one but one that is.

Mere months after the Jedi purge I once made a pilgrimage to Moraband, or as it was once called Korriban. During my pilgrimage I came across a Sith holocron made by a Sith named Darth Traya, her teachings were unlike any Sith or Jedi I had ever known. Unlike the teachings of Bane or even Revan, Traya told an entirely different view of the Force. She believed the Force to be akin to some sort of deceptively sinister, indifferent god. She pointed to the numerous wars fought by countless Force users, as proof that the Force cared nothing for the lives it consumed, so long as balance was achieved. This philosophy emphasized the belief that neither the light nor the dark side was truly superior to the other, and that if people were to be truly free, the Force had to be eliminated from the galaxy.

While she may have been misguided, she was more right than wrong. seeing Alderaan's destruction and my vision fulfilled has made me realize this. The force is not to blame, there are those out there in the farthest reaches of the galaxy, who play a game of chess. The pawns are the people of the Galaxy and the prize is its fate, the war we see in front of our eyes is not because of politics like our eyes would fool us into believing. But rather it is the war of gods who wish for nothing more than to mold the galaxy in their image with very little regard about the death and destruction they cause. But can it be helped? Can man ever claim it's freedom?

It's funny. When I was but a slave on Tatooine, there was a myth of a god of war. Whom decided to do what was thought to be impossible. He defied fate, he slayed the gods, and he gave something his people never had. He gave them hope, and he gave them the ability to choose their own fate.

Despite what Princess Leia thinks of me, I am not a monster, I regret every decision I have ever made. And that regret comes from realizing that it was my fate to become Darth Vader, it was my fate to bring the destruction to the Jedi. By trying to defy fate, I made myself a fool and played right into its cold, cruel hands. The Sith code states that the Force will set us free, but I realize now it is the Force that needs to be set free.

But it that even possible? Can someone whether they be Jedi or a Sith be like that god of war, the one that defies fate, slays the gods and give man and the force their freedom. I can only hope.

I wonder what it would be like. Would the gods be master duelist? Would each one of them be masters of a certain technique. Could one be so masterful at lighting they could cause great Tempests? Would one be so powerful at telekinesis they could push entire solar systems from their orbits.

and what would happen if these gods are slain and the Force is set free? More than likely the Sith and Jedi will fight a they always have, but at least they can be fought knowing that the path they choose is their own.

Will these things come to pass, I know I will not live to see it. But maybe someone else will. whether it's a hundred years, a thousand years or ten thousand years. Maybe someone will rise up against them, and show them they have no strings on them.

Maybe. Just maybe.

"Computer. End entry"

A/N: I hope you like it, Let me make clear, I am not trying to be anti-religious. I am a Christian, but see that's the thing, one of things about Christians is that we do believe in free will and we do believe that we can choose whether to Follow Jesus or not. Will there be consequences depending on the choice. Yes, but that is both choices. The two greatest gifts man has ever been given are Salvation and Free will. Do you think Kreia was right in her views of the force feel free to post your views in the review page, or feel free to PM me about it. Hope you enjoy it, peace and good will.

John 3:16

"For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life."