Is this really worth fighting for? Staying alive and constantly being thrown into dangerous situations just to find food, water, or shelter…? People we come across say we're lucky that we still have our minds and are survivors. Personally, I think they're wrong about that.
I'd rather be dead than live the rest of my life in fear.
I take a deep breath and sigh extremely loud, sitting on the wooden steps that descend towards the decaying outside world. I start drawing pictures in the dirt with a stick, while I wait patiently for Luke and Nick to return from fishing.
It's dangerous to wait alone outside nowadays. But I know I'm being watched from the window by Alvin and Rebecca.
And with that being said, their subtle conversation can be heard within the wooden frame of the cabin. Not loud enough to match words to the mumbles; but loud enough to know that they are there.
I smirk, looking up towards the clear late afternoon sky. My head pounds a lot, it's probably because of the sun, so I shouldn't really worry as much.
It's been a few years since I met this group; I met them here at this cabin when Luke and Pete found me. Not the best introduction I was looking for; being thrown into the shed and all. That dog bite did kinda resemble a Lurker's bite to be quite honest though... So I don't really hold it against them. They did the right thing; in a way. Pete was bitten a day after the shed incident, when him, Nick, and I went down to the lake. Alvin almost lost his life due to Carver when he tracked us down at the Ski Lodge; instead he shot Walter and Matt. Sarah, Bonnie and Sarita were devoured during the escape from Carver's camp with Jane. Not much happened since, considering those events happened roughly a few years ago. Kenny, however... Went insane... I don't know what's eating him, but he's not the same anymore.
The wind starts to pick up a little on the sunny late afternoon. The trees sway back and forth, while whatever's left of the birds chirp cheerfully throughout the dark, miserable forest.
My stomach grumbles, just imagining the delicious fish they'll bring back.
Maybe they'll find something else that's good too, or some cans of food. I'm getting sick of eating fish all the time.
Ignoring the constant rumbles, I continue scratching into the dirt with the brittle stick; it's mainly a bunch of circles and patterns; nothing too fancy.
The wind picks up, blowing the few strands of hair I have sticking out of my hat. I feel as if someone; or something caresses my cheek gently.
Lee taught me everything I know. Hiding, keeping my hair short, trusting others, and even teaching me how to shoot a gun. But most of all; he taught me how to be fearless from these Lurkers and to kill them without hesitation.
The sound of a branch cracking close to the forest edge grabs my attention; my hand immediately reaches for the small revolver I keep in my pocket that Lee gave to me before arriving to Savannah.
Shit.
My heart rapidly pounds inside my chest, causing the adrenaline to kick in a little.
Relieved, I see a small brown rabbit sprint by instead of one of the rotting undead.
"Oh thank god..." I breathe easily, pointing the loaded gun towards the cute critter, following his movements so we can have some variety to choose from tonight.
The trigger clicks, the deafening sound rings loud and clear throughout the dull forest, the rabbit lets out a small screech before falling limp, and the blood drips down from the bullet wound through the skull.
Damn, I've gotten better.
I smirk, standing up from the steps and walking towards the kill that's a few feet away, picking up the limp rabbit by the ears.
I hope I didn't ruin it...
Suddenly, the front door opens to the massive cabin, secluded in the middle of nowhere. Out steps Carlos; the group's doctor. With a slight concerning gaze in his eyes; bouncing between the fishing path leading far away from the house, and the gun that's still in my hand.
"Was that gunfire?" He narrows his eyes, suspicious about our surroundings.
Shit.
I whip around, looking at him with a sorrowful expression; maybe he'll go easy on me.
"I'm sorry, I wasn't thinking; I was just hungry..." I stammer a little, it is the truth after all. Carlos still terrifies me sometimes. He can be the nicest person in the world, until you say something that sets him off. But lately he's been suspicious of me for no reason at all.
His eyes soften a little.
"Then let's hope you didn't alert any Walkers. Bring the rabbit; we'll combine it with what the boys bring back."
I could've sworn he was about to lecture me.
I grin a little, walking back towards the cabin's dusty steps. Looking directly at Carlos, who keeps his eyes focused on the dirt path to the lake.
Carlos has been less active lately, ever since his daughter was eaten alive. I felt bad for Sarah in a way; after all Carlos tried to raise her in a "zombie free" world and didn't really teach her much about survival. If she knew this would have been easily avoided. I have a feeling that he became a doctor in the first place for her sake, based on how protective he was of her. I never told him but, I kept that picture she made me take of herself when I first joined the group, along with Lee's in my pocket. I just don't want to upset him if he sees her.
I sit back down on the step, leaving the dead critter on the same step beside me. Joining Carlos and looking towards the lake path.
Luke... Please come back soon, you promised we'd play cards.
I pick up the stick again, and continue to make circles. While the late afternoon sun pounds against us with such heat.
Why does it have to be so hot? Why can't it just snow, or rain a little…
"The calm before the storm…" Carlos mutters to himself, watching the skies as well as the outer edge of the forest, clearly taking note of how quickly the seasons have been changing lately.
It's as if he read my mind, I'm a bit worried now…
"Huh?" My eyes glance up to meet his while he avoids mine hastily.
"Nothing." He ends the conversation on that note.
He knows something, but what?
My head throbs a little; I should probably head inside soon and get some water.
A few minutes tick by, nothing but the sound of the wind, the rustling trees, and the birds break the awkward silence between Carlos and me.
"Any sign of Luke? Or Nick for that matter?" He breaks the silence, taking a seat right next to me, still darting his eyes around in case any unwanted visitors show up.
I hesitate a little.
If I say no he might get worried, I'm a bit worried for Luke's sake… Nick kinda scares me a little, always being drunk and all. I barely remember him sober.
He holds my gaze, demanding an answer.
Nick and I were both stuck in a shed a few miles from here a year or so ago. It's been so long that I don't even remember. He wanted to drink and gave up on surviving. He also had a very bad habit of randomly firing off the shotgun Pete gave him. He developed a very high tolerance for alcohol ever since.
"I- I don't know..." I admit defeat and look down; dropping the stick in the tiny collage of pictures I had just drawn.
His eyes narrow even more.
"Well, that is a bit odd." He bites his tongue, as if he's holding back on telling me what he's really thinking of.
The sun slowly drifts behind a huge cloud, taking off some of the heat from us. Leaving us with a subtle cool breeze, that floats around the forest.
I lean my head against the broken railing, pretending to ignore his attitude while my eyes stick to the fishing path.
I may only be fifteen, but I can assure you I can handle the worse. I've lost Lee, Krista, and Omid. I'm sure the thought of losing someone else just as important to me won't faze me much. I wouldn't like it, but I could probably handle it… I hope.
Just as Carlos was beginning to fear the worse; Luke starts to emerge from the forest path, kinda hard to miss a dull orange sweater amongst the green trees in my opinion. He carries two large trout with him along with a huge grin on his face.
"I knew they weren't attacked." I mutter loud enough for Carlos to hear. So that way he knows I knew where he was getting at.
He smiles.
"I know."
"Hey kiddo, look what I caught for the both of us!" Luke picks up the pace while Nick sluggishly moves along, not even going to attempt to catch up. Carrying five more trout in his hands and his rifle strapped to his back, along with a sour expression dripping from his sulky behavior.
Luke's smile brightens my day a little, making me forget about Sarah. We used to play cards, and read old books together sometimes... Yeah, at times she was annoying. But her friendship made me forget about the outside world.
"Oh! Some for Clementine and not for the rest of us I see." Carlos laughs, teasing the poor kid while he approaches us, standing right in front of me with his bright smile.
Everyone usually teases Luke now that me and him are even closer, especially Rebecca and Carlos. I wonder if it has anything to do with how protective he is over me lately.
I can't help but gaze at Luke while he quickly talks to Carlos a little about catching the fish, his eyes keep glancing over at mine from time to time, eventually he flashes a quick smile in my direction.
I can't keep my eyes off of him.
Luke rolls his eyes at Carlos after he finishes his long rant.
"Nick did better than I did. Hell, I was lucky that I even caught these two-" he was cut off by looking down next to me and the bloody animal.
"Who shot that?" Intrigued, he bends down and picks it up by the ears, checking out the bullet wound straight through the head and grinning a little.
Carlos nods in my direction, while he watches Nick carefully. Taking note of the type of mood he's in.
Why is Nick acting so weird? Did they run into anything, or anyone back there?
Luke's chocolate brown eyes widen.
"Good job, kiddo."
"Thanks..." I look down a little, hiding my small smile.
He still calls me 'kiddo' after all this time. Clearly I've outgrown my cute skirt and adorable sweater. I wonder how he sees me in his eyes...
Nick approaches us eventually, looking a bit worried, and very edgy, keeping Carlos on his toes.
"What happened?" Carlos notices Nick's strange personality; narrowing his eyes at him just a bit.
He looks up at him with sad, fragile blue eyes, opening his mouth a tiny bit.
"Pete was back there..."
My heart sinks to the ground, even though I barely knew him; I could tell me and him would get along just fine.
Pete was bitten a couple years ago when Nick, him and I went fishing to the same spot. We found the group that attacked me and Christa and the man that killed her as well, all dead. Pete was grabbed and bitten and there was no point of saving him. It took Nick a very long time to forgive me for the decision I made.
My heart does this funny little jolt, forcing me to look up and meet Luke's gaze that he keeps on me at all times it seems.
His smirk fades and his expression grows worried. Switching the fish and rabbit to his right hand, he kneels down towards my eye level.
"Hey kid, you alright?" He smiles softly for my sake, putting his hand on my shoulder. But his eyes tell me he's worried beyond belief.
I don't want to seem weak; I'm already the youngest. If I say I feel lonely because Sarah isn't here anymore I might upset Carlos. If I say I feel bad for leaving Pete I'd destroy Nick... Should I warn him about the sudden change in weather instead? Maybe he already noticed just like how Carlos did.
"N-nothing Luke, just; the weather's been slightly off..." I tell a half-truth, considering the weather has been off lately as well. It rained all morning, and yesterday it was very humid and very hot.
"She's right, it's only October; supposed to be colder." Carlos agrees. As if he's been wondering the same thing.
Luke's eyes question me carefully before picking himself up. He then offers me his hand, giving Carlos a fearful look.
A few snarls can be heard around the thick forest, the smell of the rotting flesh wasn't left behind either. Surely if we stay out here too long we'll draw attention to ourselves.
And there goes my perfect day.
"Let's head inside. We've been out here for too long." Luke turns quiet and protective; clenching the fish and rabbit in one hand, holding my hand in the other.
I smile softly, the feeling of his warm hand holding mine gently sends tingles down my spine.
The sky slowly darkens; the sunset's pretty colours glisten across the sky and reflect on the lake that's vaguely visible through the trees far off into the distance. The sound of crickets chirping and the croaks of frogs begin to emerge from all sorts of corners in the forest. Don't forget the awful, stomach churning groans and snarls too.
He pulls me up off the steps, as we head in through the door inside the cabin. Nick and Carlos hurry on in behind us. Locking the door and barricading it with a thick bookshelf that's inside.
What's wrong with everyone? They seem so tense and scared... It was just a noise; surely they're not too close.
I look up at him, his brown eyes fixated on the living room as we move towards the colourful space. He's still holding my hand from helping me up earlier.
He glances down at me briefly, feeling my eyes on him.
"What? Oh- sorry, I didn't mean to-" He shyly drops my hand, looking towards Rebecca and Alvin who are sitting on the couch discussing about what to do next, while he sets down the trout in the sink, and the rabbit on an old dish towel on the kitchen counter.
Rebecca and Alvin are married, Carver raped her a couple years ago and she didn't tell Alvin at all. She didn't tell any of us really, but it's very obvious it happened. Considering she helped Kenny kill him, and Carver kept mentioning her and the baby a lot. The two are inseparable, yet they argue so much.
"It's okay Luke..." I quietly reply, assuring him with a small, cheerful smile.
He and Nick treat me well ever since I joined. Luke never leaves my side, and Nick protects me even though he's drunk half the time. Sometimes I wonder if they've changed in the few years I've known them. I haven't noticed anything out of the ordinary except the occasional silent treatment the two give each other every so often.
"Yeah Luke, the girl's alright." Rebecca teases, slyly grinning at him while Alvin chuckles. Clearly they've been keeping their eye on us, and they find something about it adorable.
"I just- didn't want it to be awkward-" He protests, trying to defend himself.
"You weren't awkward." I assure him quietly.
Rebecca smiles.
"Awkward? Honey please," She smirks again, teasing Luke. While the rest snicker a little except for Nick, who glares angrily. Picking up the bottle of whiskey he left on the table and taking swigs from it now and then.
I don't understand how someone can just pick up a bottle and continue to drink all throughout the night without getting sick, Nick's actions makes me worry.
Rebecca's always picked on Luke ever since he and I became closer. Sometimes he takes it seriously, other times; he goes along with it.
Luke smiles slyly at her, playing along with her this time.
"Guess I'm in love." He sarcastically jokes, looking down at me with a really sarcastic grin. Carlos snorts, looking in the other direction. Alvin coughs a little and Nick glares, gripping the newly opened bottle of rum.
"Uhh..." I look at them all with a confused look, Luke smirks, thinking that I know that he's joking.
Did he just...? What's going on here? Is it another one of Rebecca's jokes?
His eyes widen a little, realizing that I'm taking it seriously.
"I'm kiddin' Clem, promise."
I blankly stare at him.
"Okay... Can we play cards now?"
He looks down a little, avoiding my gaze.
My heart shatters a little, Sarah taught me some card games and that's what we did to pass time when she was alive, Luke always said he'd join us but he always found an excuse to avoid it.
"Sorry kid, maybe tomorrow. I didn't think it would get this late." Luke grins a little, sitting down on the other couch. While he motions to me to sit beside him on the empty cushion.
I was really looking forward to that too...
I smile a little to hide my disappointment; he always wants me around him a lot. I lower my head down so no one notices.
My heart is happy. I don't know why, but I've just been in a better mood ever since Luke came back. I don't think about Sarah as much as I do when he's gone.
Carlos stands by the sink, with a knife in his hand; cleaning out the fish and the rabbit, so we can eat tonight. The stench is horrendous; surprisingly it isn't making him flinch at all...
My head aches some more, I'll have to ask if there's any painkillers after dinner if this doesn't die down. I'm beginning to think it's not heatstroke.
Carlos still follows along with the conversations between Alvin and Rebecca as they decide what to do what's best for the baby when "it" comes. Considering none of us know what gender it's going to be, we've resorted to calling the baby "it."
That horrible smell... It's worse than the Lurkers.
The disgusting smell that hits you like a sack of bricks the second you cut open a rabbit interrupts Alvin and Rebecca's conversation with some brief gagging.
"Man that stinks." She waves her hand in front of her nose, trying to keep it away.
I gag a little, trying not to puke as well.
"They say you can't clean and eat a rabbit in the same day; we don't really have a choice." Luke smirks, noticing how disgusted I am by the smell. Clearly he's used to it.
"If I knew it would've smelt this bad I would've passed on killing it..."
He laughs a little.
"Hey, food is food. Remember that." His crisp brown eyes sparkle.
Rebecca snorts.
"It looks like you've eaten too much food back before this shit-show happened." Rebecca smirks, while Luke tries to hide his.
"Ha-ha, very funny." He rolls his eyes at her, while Alvin smiles a little. Acknowledging the fact that he may be muscular, but he's still a little pudgy.
I love how this group is; I wouldn't change anything about them for all the money in the world. We used to be so uptight and tense back when I first joined, but that's because we had Carver hunting us down like a beast and its prey. Lately we've run into less and less problems so the stress seemed to have melted away.
I sit beside Luke, resting my head on his shoulders and my legs curled up on the couch. He puts his arm around my shoulder, noticing that I don't feel too good.
I feel safer around him than anyone else. Almost as safe as I felt when I was with Lee...
To this day talking about Lee is still a touchy subject. Everyone knows about him here especially Kenny who was with us back then. But I can't help but feel that Lee is always watching me from somewhere, we've had a few close calls where I should've died and I ended up pulling through somehow and none of us can explain it; even Carlos.
"You alright, kid?" He calmly asks, while Nick sits down on the opposite side of me, holding the bottle of rum instead and is still taking swigs from it now and then. His blue and white shirt stained with dried Lurker blood, the smell of alcohol strongly emits from his direction.
"I see you finished off the whiskey." Luke glances in his direction while Nick tenses up and growls.
"Fuck off." He drains half the bottle after saying that. Luke sighs, they've been going at it for a few days now; I'm surprised Nick didn't snap and try to start a fight like last night.
Nicks had alcohol problems, ever since this started, he drinks more and more. I don't blame him one bit. I'd do anything to escape this reality too. But I noticed it picked up after the shed incident when him and I were looking for tools and we got trapped inside by Lurkers.
My head still pounds, even from being inside, I shouldn't jump to conclusions just yet, and it's only been half an hour.
"Yeah, I just don't feel too good..." I look up at him, ignoring their little spat; he nods his head in a complete understanding manner.
"It's flu season right about now, I get sick too when the seasons change." Luke assures me, tightening his arm around my shoulder, and glancing over at me every so often.
"Yeah..." I look down towards the floorboards. I feel my cheeks burn up just a tiny bit. Hard to tell if it's from me not feeling good, or Luke's sweet, thick scent that reminds me strangely of my home.
Maybe I am sick. I'm slightly tired, it's not even dark outside yet, and I'm starting to feel a little clogged up...
I let out a yawn, stretching my arms in the air before they fall limp at my sides, resting my head against Luke's chest, burying myself deeper into the oddly familiar scent of my home.
It reminds me of mom and dad…
I smile softly, I wish they were still alive.
He smirks, taking my hat off and placing it on the cushion between us and Nick; looking for an excuse to bug me like usual.
I'm too tired to even try...
His heartbeat thumps wildly against my face; his soft brown eyes look very tired as well.
My head pounds, like I have a head cold or something. I feel my body growing weaker by the minute; I really hope I don't die.
"Where's Jane? She will be missing out on dinner soon." Carlos speaks up; waiting until Rebecca and Alvin finishes their conversation with Nick before speaking. He washes the bloody knife and grabs a few matches; we have a metal garbage can we use to cook food in the back room; since it's not safe to go outside and all.
"I think she's upstairs sleeping, or washing off the Walker guts. She went out to town again, a few days ago remember? She brought back some cans and some water. And Kenny hasn't come out of his room in days." Rebecca's face cringes a little, holding her pregnant belly.
I've known Kenny since we met his family a few years ago. Katjaa, his wife and his son; Duck. We met at a farm and they were spending the night there, Kenny was so happy back then... Suddenly, Duck got bit and we didn't notice, until he started feeling weaker and weaker, eventually, Lee had to shoot him because Kenny couldn't bring himself to. And a few days after we did that, Katjaa shot herself, saying she couldn't live without her son anymore. We got split up for a year in Crawford, we all thought he died, but somehow he survived, and met Sarita, and they became a couple. And just a couple years ago, Sarita got devoured in the group of Lurkers trying to escape Carver's "camp." And ever since then, he's been getting more psychotic lately.
"Now, now, I'm sure this will be all over soon-" Alvin began. Considering the first pregnancy was a horrible reminder to us all.
She glares at him.
"You know nothing about pregnancy. We already lost the first child..." Rebecca looks down towards the floor, avoiding everyone's gaze.
"That baby wasn't even my own."
Alvin glares. That child was a lighter colour than he is, and had Carver's eyes.
A couple years ago she has given birth to a healthy baby boy; Carver's child. But due to him always crying all the time and there being Lurkers everywhere... Jane had to "take care of it" after the first few months due to us almost being invaded and killed. We almost lost Kenny and Nick. So we all decided to have a vote to end his life.
We all feel guilty, we had to make a quick decision; ending a humans life. Even if it wasn't Carver's child, we still had to for the safety of our group.
"Jane had to do the right thing. And don't think that she won't do it again if this one screams even fuckin' louder." Nick mumbles, taking a swig of his alcohol.
The room goes silent, everyone's eyes dart between Nick and Rebecca.
"Fuck man, seriously? That's low." Luke began, unimpressed with what he just said.
"What? It's true." He shrugs it off.
Rebecca's face goes blank, processing the sentence he said to her.
"How could you say such a thing...?" My sad eyes meet his, making him feel some guilt.
"Don't make me come over there and put a beating on your ass-" Rebecca struggles to get up, but Alvin pushes her back down again.
"It's okay Bec, just relax. He's drunk. You have to also think about the baby." He soothes her, glaring at Nick who shrugs, and takes another swig.
That was a bit rude. Nick's been getting more, mean lately...
I glare at Nick; he glances over from time to time, looking a bit sad; but refusing to apologize.
Carlos heads to the garbage can in the back room, lighting the fire and placing the trout and the cleaned rabbit in tin foil, taking a few minutes before he comes back, taking a seat in the comfy chair and constantly keeping his eye on the food.
"There's no point in living with regrets. It seemed like an in humane thing to do, Rebecca knows why we did it, and I hope she had forgiven us. But he was making too much noise, and we tried everything to calm him down. It could have been internal problems requiring surgery." Carlos puts an end to the conversation, shutting up the both of them.
Carlos has a really good point. It is true, babies need care, and there's no way one would survive an outbreak like this...
Rebecca looks down, sighing deeply and holding back a few tears.
"I know. I just wish he didn't have to die like that."
The room goes silent; killing a child was hard for all of us. But we had to do it if we wanted to survive.
Time ticks by ever so slowly, Carlos starts telling us stories of his doctor days before this Hellhole happened. Nick continues drinking, occasionally glancing over at me with a hurtful expression.
My head pounds even more, everything feels a bit dizzy.
I wonder why Luke acted like that when I mentioned the weather. Maybe I should ask him?
"Luke...?" I look up at him, while he looks down and returns my gaze; adding a smile.
"Clem...?" He mocks me, laughing a tiny bit followed by Carlos' grin.
"Ass." I roll my eyes, smirking a little.
"Sorry, what's up?"
"Why were you so worried when I mentioned the weather?"
His arm tightens around my shoulders, and his eyes avoid my gaze. Carlos looks down as well.
"The worst can happen tonight. It could be a storm, could also be Lurkers too. Bad weather could fuck us over." He assures me, looking around the room.
"Oh, okay..."
Seems to make perfect sense to me.
The wind howls even more outside. The sky is now completely dark and you can faintly but surely hear the groans of the Lurkers a mile away. The sound of a light rainfall taps against the windows and the structure of the cabin as well.
"Huh, maybe Luke was right." Alvin keeps his eyes on the part of the window that's not boarded up, Luke grins.
"When you work on the farm, it's natural to tell."
"Don't get too cocky now." Nick mutters to himself, taking another swig.
Luke tenses up against me, I can feel the anger burning inside of him; wanting to just stand up and knock him flat on his ass.
I place my hand on top of his for a few seconds, calming him down greatly while he relaxes a bit; looking down at me.
"Thanks." He whispers softly enough for only me to hear.
My heart pounds furiously, unable to open my mouth to speak.
You're welcome…
Carlos stands up, walking to the garbage bin and checking on the food. He pulls out the trout and rabbit with a long fire poker, setting them down on the counter and unravelling the tin foil.
"Come and get some food, Luke and I will darken the windows with the curtains." Carlos glances upwards at him and motions Luke to get up and help him, while Nick stands up and staggers a little bit towards the counter for food.
I smirk a little; for once Carlos is giving me a break. Usually it's me always securing the windows and doors.
"Sorry Clem, you gotta move." Luke hauls me upwards, placing me on the other end of the couch, smiling softly at me before he turns around to help Carlos.
I feel really dizzy...
I steady myself, Rebecca looks at me awkwardly. Alvin helps her up and together they walk to the counter as well, grabbing a plate of food and sitting down at the wooden table.
The sky slowly darkens even more, the wind howls against the structure keeping us safe. The rain begins to sprinkle over everything outside; increasing the amount of water every so often.
I hope I'm not sick, that's the last thing I need.
I help myself to the rabbit I shot, and some trout that they caught, taking a seat down next to Rebecca. Who then glances up from eating, hesitating on saying something.
"It must be hard for you Clementine. I applaud you sometimes; you smile and hold your ground, whereas others look for the easy way out of this miserable life."
The rain starts to get heavier and heavier, pounding against every inch of the cabin and drenching everything outside.
"It's not that bad, it's hard sometimes, but I definitely wouldn't see a reason to kill myself." I lie a little, taking a bite out of the delicious meal.
The thought of doing that swept through my mind a lot this past year.
She nods and smiles faintly.
"That's true. We are a lot alike." She starts to eat as well.
Minutes pass by as the silence engulfs all of us separately. Alvin finishes up and excuses himself from the table, placing his plate by the sink and then helping Luke and Carlos with the curtains. Leaving Rebecca and I alone with Nick at the table.
Why is she so talkative to me all of a sudden? I shouldn't complain, she used to hate me a long time ago for being 'another mouth to feed.' But I'm just curious…
"Luke seems to have taken a liking to you. It takes a lot to gain his trust. And that damn 'Lurker' saying he has; you seemed to have picked right up on it." She tries to make small talk. She must've known him and Nick the longest.
Luke's always called them Lurkers; I've meet people who called them many different things before, like Biters for example. I don't remember who used to say that; but it was a long time ago. I guess he's rubbing off onto me.
Quietly I begin to eat a little faster, to give me time to think about the words I'll need to say, without trying to sound harsh or rude.
"Yeah, I guess I did." I smile faintly looking down, focusing on my simple task of eating before I either pass out or puke.
Muffled movement can be heard upstairs in Jane's room; maybe she's ready to come downstairs now? I haven't seen her since she got back from scavenging food.
I stare at my bowl.
There's so much that I need to be careful of, you can't even keep a close bond with anyone because anything can happen. Lee... He was the one who saved me in the tree house. I miss him so much, but I can't show signs of weakness.
Nick attempts to eat his food, I can smell the alcohol thickly on his breath, he's in no condition to even speak a word to us, and so I doubt he would be listening.
"He always talks about you, you know. And whenever he doesn't know where you are he freaks out and panics like a little girl who lost her toy." She smirks slyly, while I pour both of us a glass of water.
"I know."
She gives me a weird look, expecting at least a chuckle out of me.
"Are you sure you are alright Clementine? You seem very off." She takes a sip of her water.
My headache worsens.
Should I tell her? Rebecca seems to be the only person that would be I don't want to put too much on her plate; she's pregnant, has a lot to deal with, mention the name Carver around her and she'll go into a frenzy, I really don't know if I should or not.
"Clementine...?" Her worried tone rises once again.
"I-I just miss Lee." Without thinking I open my mouth.
Lee…
I look down, losing my appetite.
Her expression softens. She must feel bad for pushing it.
"I didn't mean to bug you about it-"
"No, it's alright. There was so much I didn't tell him." I try to force a smile, Rebecca does the same.
"If it wasn't for Lee, I don't know how I would've survived this far... If he didn't find me in the tree house, I would've been done for." I hide back tears. I loved my parents very much, but Lee surpassed that by a lot. He took on the fatherly role and managed to teach me a lot of things, like surviving in this fucked up world.
Rebecca goes quiet; slowly she starts to eat her food again, glancing over her shoulder towards the open door to the living room.
"I've been through a lot too. Alvin's parents were with us when this started and his father got bit. Back then we didn't know what it was so his mother stayed with him in our bedroom. Eventually he turned and killed her. So we just barricaded the door and left them there. Not as bad as you had it, but I understand some of your pain. I really would have liked to meet Lee; he seemed very protective of you. It makes me wonder how he would react towards Luke." She smiles.
That is true; Luke is usually clinging to me. Plus he's older... I really do wonder what Lee would think of him.
I smile too, picking up my spoon again and eating a little bit, gaining some of my appetite back.
"He'd probably kick his ass; Lee hurt many people who tried to hurt us. Who knows how he would act to Luke."
She grins, eating her food. Thinking about what I've said.
"We're just really close friends me and him, I don't think he'd like me more than that." I continue eating.
Rebecca nearly chokes on her food.
"You'd be surprised."
I stare at her blankly.
What's that supposed to mean?
"Huh?" I question her greatly.
"Never mind, you're probably right." She smirks a little, maybe she's onto something.
I'm really confused; I best leave it alone until I have the strength to even think about all these outcomes and possibilities. For all I know; it could be just another one of her jokes.
We continue eating our food in a peace, talking about the past and how good things were. Not too long after, we hear several footsteps come trailing through the living room into the dining room. Luke, Kenny, and Carlos all come in, congregating around the meat and the bowls.
Luke seems nervous...
My heart lurches forward, aching to know what's on his mind.
"No words? Or a hearty hello even?" Rebecca sarcastically remarks; hinting in Luke's direction.
Luke turns towards her, his eyes keep glancing over at me.
"There's a number of them outside." He bluntly replies.
What...? It was just clear not too long ago.
Alvin enters the room, and looks around nervously, Nick lifts his drunken head and does the same as well, maybe he did hear the conversation…
"Shit man, what are we gonna do?" Nicks near perfect drunken words quiver through his lips, his deep blue eyes light up in fear and jealously.
The rain pounds harder and harder against the cabin. Luckily we're boarded up nice and tight, I hope.
Carlos stands by the counter, picking up pieces of meat with a fork and eating it right there instead of joining us at the table.
"Well, upstairs is nice and secure even if they broke through. But the best we can do is set night shifts on who watches their movements and hope for the best that they will be mostly gone in the morning." Carlos grimly replies. He must be getting sick and tired of living in fear a lot.
Luke walks over to the table with a bowl of food, while Kenny just quietly looks around the room at all of us.
I wonder if he's okay... It bugs me seeing him go through this.
Luke catches my eyes lingering on him, and smiles.
"No need for night shifts; I'll go all night-" Luke began.
We all just stare at him.
Luke never sleeps; he just wanders around a lot. It worries all of us, considering he's been like this since Carver kidnapped us literally moments after he ran into the forest to cool down from his and Kenny's argument at the Lodge.
"Uh, you're sleeping-" Rebecca began.
Here we go again. Luke is stubborn at times; especially when it comes to sleeping.
"I'm fine takin' the full shift." He stubbornly protests.
She looks at him, questioning his decision on staying up all night.
"You need to sleep, you haven't slept in days!"
He goes silent, before looking back up at her.
"I know. I'm just makin' sure that everyone's safe-"
She rolls her eyes.
"Yeah, 'everyone' is Clementine. We know that already."
He glares at her.
"I care about the group too-"
"You will get some rest tonight whether you like it or not. You have to. Please, let us handle this." Alvin cuts both of them off and sternly protests.
Rebecca sighs deeply, looking up at her husband then back at Luke.
"Alvin's right." Rebecca agrees, wincing in pain a little.
"Yeah..." I look up at him with sad eyes, knowing that I'm probably the only person that can convince him otherwise.
Luke huffs; eating a bit of food, while Nick's almost done eating.
"Fine, I'll get some sleep." He gives up. There's no point in arguing on what to do, especially with Rebecca.
Kenny eventually grabs a bowl as well, and sits down on the other side of me, while Luke is on the opposite side.
My heart hurts. I feel pain for Kenny; I've seen him lose everything he loved, Katjaa, Duck, Sarita. I can't believe he's made it this far. And then there's Luke. He never sleeps, at all. It bugs me greatly; he's starting to lose his mind I bet.
Kenny's eyes wander over towards me, noticing that I am staring at him.
"Hey darlin'. How ya holdin' up?" Kenny smiles that same smile he used to. His shaggy greyish beard replaces his mustache. I liked his mustache. While his eye socket is covered up with a scrap of leather; due to Carver beating his face in. A reminder that he took the blame for me, because Carver would have done something worse if it were me caught with that damn thing.
"Fine, I guess. I'm just a bit shaken is all, how about you?" I hold his gaze.
He tenses up, trying to relax to show no reason to worry.
"Tired, to be honest I just can't believe that out of our old group, only the two of us survived." He looks down, eating his food.
That's true, I remember everyone's deaths. It's sad because I was with Christa and Omid before I fell down in the river current a few years ago.
"Yeah... I miss Lee..." I sadly do the same.
I'd do anything to see him again. I just want to tell him about the group of people I met, and how happy I am.
Kenny grins.
"Lee. He was a character. He couldn't sleep unless he knew you were okay and healthy. That boy cared greatly about you. Hard to believe he was murderer huh?"
The room goes silent. Luke drops his spoon against the wooden table.
He was a murderer...? After all this time he never told me.
"You said he was Macon boy, right?" Rebecca questions Kenny, hinting that she's been down there before.
"He was a murderer?" Luke exclaims, clearly getting a bit defensive.
"Yeah, yeah he was." Kenny ignores Luke's outburst, focusing on Rebecca.
"Lee Everett?" She glances over at me.
"Y-yes… I... I didn't know..." I look down.
Lee always told me everything. Unless he thought I'd think differently of him if he told me...
"Shit, my parents used to go to their drugstore regularly."
"We stayed there for a little, when we were leaving Macon..."
She smiles.
Kenny looks guilty.
"Sorry, I thought you all knew. He caught his wife cheating on him and he murdered the man in front of her. Said he didn't do it but I know him. He murdered those Walkers viciously and knew exactly where to strike the second this mess even started." He continues eating his food while everyone seems a bit surprised.
"Very well. It is getting late, you should finish up before coming, the rest of us will start heading to bed. We have a lot to do in the morning. I'll take the first night shift, followed by Alvin then Kenny. Nick is too drunk to do anything, and Luke hasn't slept in weeks." Carlos sits up, and starts to head up the stairs.
I'm glad I don't have to do night shifts yet, I really like sleeping.
"Sounds good to me." Kenny smiles, eating the food that he has left in his bowl.
Luke puts his plate on the counter, and then turns towards me; grinning slyly.
Great. What does he want?
"Alright kid, you'll have to teach me how to sleep." He jokes, considering he hasn't slept in weeks. We share the same room, he sleeps on the floor and I get the bed, but lately he seems to be pacing around a lot, or lying on the bed beside me looking up at the ceiling. I think he's getting paranoid.
"It's not that hard." I began, while Rebecca gives me a look that tells me to stay with him.
I guess I can. It really isn't that hard though.
I smile, while Nick glares at Luke a little. His bottle's empty so he's done for tonight.
I wonder what Nick's problem is. He's been doing that a lot, glaring at Luke when he's near, always being rude. What's on his mind?
"Uhh Clem, can I talk to you for a second?" I guess Nick didn't drink enough to affect his speech. He suddenly gets up from the wooden chair, stumbling a little and heading into the living room, motioning me to follow him. Luke's eyes lock onto him like daggers.
I guess I'll find out…
"Sure...?" I follow his actions, walking calmly towards the living room door while Nick shuts it behind us.
My heart pounds.
What's he going to do? Did I make him mad?
He looks at me like he's about to kill me, and then his expression changes.
"I know, I'm not the type of person to do this, but I can't help myself."
What...?
Without a warning, He wraps his arms around me tightly. The smell of the forest and dried blood is glazed across his blue and white shirt. Along with the alcohol on his breath.
I feel his heart begin to lightly pound against me. Picking up its pace.
"W-what's this all about...?" I question him while he lets go and takes a step back.
He looks down, trying to avoid my gaze. As if he's embarrassed.
"It's just, before we all met you we really had no idea what to do with our lives." He began. Looking up at me and smiling.
"And then, that first day we all met you, it wasn't really pleasant for you I would imagine. But that day, in all the 20 years I've known Luke I have never seen him defend someone he just met in that type of situation, and feel so bad that you almost died. Yeah he can be a dick to me sometimes, but look at me; I deserve it for what I do." He finishes his sentence, with a smile. This is something I've never seen Nick do; even sober.
My heart leaps happily, did I really fix this group? I'm glad I decided to stay.
He looks down again, moving a little bit closer towards me.
"And, you made me realize that, no matter what situation we get thrown into, to always keep my cool. Because of you, I became a better person. We all became better people." He smiles, hugging me tightly once more. Except this time, I can feel his heart explodes with happiness.
Nick... I didn't know. I didn't know I did all of that…
"Why didn't you tell me sooner?" My voice barely manages a whisper, shocked that he's not slurring his words or vomiting in the corner over there.
He hugs me even tighter.
"I was scared to." He whispers faintly.
It wouldn't surprise me, I remember Pete telling me the story when he took Nick hunting for the first time…
"Just one more thing, Nick." I began, pulling away from his embrace.
He smiles.
"Yeah?"
"Do you ever get drunk?"
He laughs a tiny bit, pulling me closer again.
"Nope. I'd be dead before I get drunk." He smirks.
"Our little secret; okay?"
"Okay."
He holds me tighter.
He's not letting me go easily. Is it because he's scared still?
Just as he's hugging me, the door opens and Luke stares at the two of us, a look of sadness sweeps his eyes, whereas the rest of them smirk a little.
"What the Hell are you doin' to Clementine!?" Luke's defensive side comes out, trying not to kill him.
"Here we go..." I mutter quietly, Carlos smirks, hearing what I said.
"I was just- thanking her." He exclaims, immediately letting go of me, glancing at Luke's angry eyes.
My heart hurts a little; I hate the way that Luke treats him lately. Even after the fact that Nick was telling me how much Luke cared about me.
"You? Thanking someone? Did you hit your head?" Rebecca smirks, obviously joking around. She moves past Luke, Nick and I and towards the stairs with Alvin right behind her, shaking her head and laughing while they both walk up the steps.
"Try not to kill each other while I sleep, okay?" She calls.
Luke crosses his arms, glaring. Clearly he's not in the mood for joking.
Nick looks embarrassed; I bet he never even hugged anyone in his life before.
"I hugged her, so what?" He hides his embarrassment, while Luke motions me to head up the stairs, assuring me that he will be up in a little bit.
Kenny smiles.
"Give me a second, darlin'. I'll sort this out for ya"
And that's my queue to leave.
"O-okay... I'll see you guys soon."
"What? 'Sort out?' Do we look like fuckin' kids to you?" I hear Luke growl in the distance.
"You sure are actin' like one..." Kenny mutters.
I smile.
Finally, someone tells him how childish he is... It's cute sometimes, but it gets out of hand when he fights.
I stumble up the stairs a little, my eyes are really heavy. And I feel my body burning up badly.
I really don't feel good… You can hear their fighting from here; Kenny seems to be knocking some sense into them I'd imagine.
I stop in the hallway, listening to the muffled voices from the three of them downstairs, some words I can make out. They sound slightly angry.
"Co...e o... ..Man. Th...'s n...t co...l. You k...ow h... I fe...l a...ut h...r"
"I... so...ry! I fe...l th... sa...e w...y too, o...ay?"
Then I hear Kenny's voice, I can't make it out at all but I know he's slightly annoyed.
They fight over me like children and a toy, just what is it that makes them act like this? We're all friends, we're family now…
I open the door to the room on the left, the room where Luke and I always sleep in. Well, I sleep in. Luke just lays there or paces around all night. There's a huge bed and a couple pillows and blankets on the floor, a window that can see over the forest, which is kind of a bad thing, really. The rain hits harder and harder, thunder can be heard in the distance; followed by a brilliant streak of lightning nearby.
Huh, I guess Luke was right; it's a huge storm.
I sit on the edge of the bed, and kick my shoes off.
I don't know how we can get past another herd of Lurkers. Especially with what happened the first and second time.
The horrible images of Ben and the first herd appear. Losing him, and then almost losing Kenny in the process of saving him. Then, Sarah's desperate cries and pleas flash through my mind right after. Her and Sarita got separated while we were escaping Carver's camp, and neither of them had a weapon. It was too late, Luke and I sliced our way through to them but they were already dead…
Sarah; I'm so sorry... I tried, I really did…
My head pounds furiously, the headache doesn't stop and probably won't plan to for a long time. I think I have the flu.
A couple minutes later I can hear them walking up the stairs, one of the doors open and then close, and then not to long after that happened the door to this room opens and there stands Luke and Nick, smiling awkwardly.
What do they want...?
"Well, since we chose the biggest room and there's some space on the floor, I was wonderin' if Nick could...-" Luke trails off, looking down from my eyes.
Nick usually sleeps downstairs, and since Carlos ordered us to stay up here in the meantime... I guess it wouldn't hurt.
I stare at them blankly. Nicks face shows disappointment.
"Sure? One of you can sleep on the floor and I wouldn't mind sharing the bed." I suddenly smile at him, whereas he returns the smile, leaving Nick there all pale and tense looking.
Why is Luke offering him a place up here? Kenny must've done something.
Luke's brown eyes light up intensely.
"Not a problem, Nick can sleep on the floor-"
"Maybe I wanted the bed."
"Well, that's just too damn bad." Luke smirks.
"I always slept on the floor." He adds, walking towards me and closing the window's shutters.
Nick snorts, trying to forget about Luke's sudden outbreak earlier.
"Fine. Gonna tuck me in, Lukie?" Nick jokes, taking off his shoes and sitting down on top of the pile of blankets.
Lukie...?
I stare blankly at the both of them.
"You're a big boy now, Nick." Luke rolls his eyes while Nick laughs a little.
Weren't they just in a fight..? Maybe they didn't lose their friendship after all.
I smile, happy that they are still the same friends they were before I met them.
The two talk about how they were as kids for a few more minutes, remembering the moments they both had together.
"I overreacted." Luke breaks the silence.
Nick looks down,
"I overreacted more than you did." He smirks.
"I was 'drunk', and I'm sorry."
"it's okay man, I'm used to it by now. I shouldn't have lashed out. Also, you never get drunk you fuckin' liar." Luke assures him with a smile. He takes off his shoes and his machete strapped to his back, and then pulls the blankets back.
"I'm glad you two aren't fighting..." I smile softly; they both return the same smile.
"Yeah, it happens sometimes."
Luke crawls into the bed, keeping Nick in his sight, making sure he doesn't get sick I suppose.
This feeling... I feel, strange and happy. I used to imagine sleeping beside Luke would be like sleeping beside Lee, but I feel much safer.
My heart pounds again, probably smiling if a heart could smile.
"Yeah..." Nick agrees, and stands up from his comfy looking mountain and shuts the door behind him and then spreads the pillows out and wraps himself up with the blankets.
I never had Luke sleep in the same bed as me... I mean when he used to sleep he'd sleep very close to me. Is that the same?
"What's wrong kiddo? Are you shocked that I'm goin' to try sleepin' for once?" He chuckles a little, patting the empty space that I purposely left between us.
"I won't bite, I promise."
My heart picks up the pace.
I smile at him. How did I know he was going to say something like that? He always jokes so much about us.
"Yeah, you better not. I kick in my sleep."
"I'm okay with that." He smirks, laying down on his back under the covers and staring at the ceiling for a long time.
The wind howls against the old window; rattling the frame while the pouring rain bashes against the glass. Thunder roars across the forest and shakes the house lightly. The lightning strikes brightly enough to light up the whole room. As pretty as it is; I really hope it dies down soon.
I stand up and blow out the candle that Rebecca must've put in here moments ago before I got upstairs, lifting up the covers and slowly sliding in between them.
Luke's body burns warmly, emitting a soothing, gentle warmth while he turns to face me.
The air is really cold up here. And he's so warm. I'm glad he chose to sleep here. He's like my personal heater.
He just stares at me awkwardly for a few minutes. My heart beats a little, wondering what he wants.
"You know, Clem-" He began.
"I'm lying right here you know that, right?" Nick speaks up. I'm not sure if he was sarcastic or not.
Luke laughs a tiny bit.
"Yeah moron I know you are. But I'm still sayin' it."
Nick forces out a tiny smile, but his eyes show pain. Obviously not from Luke's words, considering that's how they act.
"But Clem, I know I said this before, and I'll say it again." He began, lying on his side facing me.
What was it that he said? He's said a lot to me over the couple years. I can tell he's trying to be like Lee, which I'm grateful for, but sometimes it hurts knowing that he isn't around anymore.
My heart beats rapidly, what does he want?
He looks down, taking a deep breath. Then looks back up and holds my gaze.
"I will protect you. I'll do what Lee did, and I'll make sure I'm still around so I can be here for you." He smiles, wrapping his arms around my body and pulling me into him.
My heart throbs against my ribs, I smile faintly.
He's so warm. I knew he wanted to be like Lee. I'm so glad that I met these people…
"Barf." Nick replies sarcastically, rolling over on his side, trying to refrain from saying anything else.
"Oh shut up, no one asked you." Luke replies sarcastically.
"Yeah, whatever. I'm going to bed now, anything to escape this." Nick closes his eyes and begins to snore softly after a few minutes.
Luke...
His body is even warmer. My head's pressed against his chest while his arms are tightly around me. I can feel his heart pound insanely fast.
"Maybe tonight I'll get some sleep." He whispers quietly to me, letting his head slump forward with his chin pressed against my forehead.
"Maybe, I hope so." I smile warmly, moving my arms and wrapping them around his waist.
I feel him smile.
The thunder kicks in, cracking across the land followed by the flash of lightning that brightens the whole room for a split second, even with the curtains across the window.
"I will protect you Clem. From now on, no more runnin' away like I used to... I wasn't thinkin' before, I was only thinkin' of a way to save you when Carver kidnapped you all. If he hurt you..." I feel a small trickle of water hit my forehead, followed by one of his hands moving from my back, to the back of my head. He takes off my favorite purple and white hat and places it on the floor. Moving his hand to cup the back of my head gently, he presses me even closer against his heated body.
"Luke, that was two years ago. He didn't hurt me, I shot him, remember?" I assure him, he hugs me even tighter.
Carver kidnapped us at the Lodge and brought us back to his camp, roughly a thousand miles from where we were. He was beginning to be more sadistic. Luke tracked us down, it took him a few days but he did, broke in and camped out in a small comic book store. He got hungry and risked the chance of getting caught while stealing food; and he did. Carver beat the shit out of him when I wasn't there and then pulled all of them together. Luckily I was snooping around in his office at the time, I pulled out my gun and while I hopped down the store's ginormous shelves, and shot him in his shoulder.
"Lee did a good job." He smirks, remembering that mid-air shot that caught everyone, even him off guard.
"Yeah…"
Lee did do a good job. He taught me how to survive on my own, and for that I owe him my life...
"From now on if I ever get separated from the group again, I'm keepin' you in sight. I don't know what I'd do if I were to lose you, kid..." He vows with his voice quivering, I feel his heart pounding faster and faster against my body.
Luke... How come you never mentioned this before? I'm curious.
The lightning strikes again outside; brightening the room for a quick second before fading into darkness once again.
Nick snores, tossing around on the pile of blankets and pillows. The rain and the thunder doesn't slow down either.
"Luke...?" I open my eyes a little and meet his gaze.
"Yeah?" He whispers back, smiling a soft smile.
"How come you never told me this before?"
He goes silent, still holding me close to him.
"I was afraid on what your reaction would be back then. Knowin' that I only cared about what happened to you and Nick, I do care for the group, but if you got hurt or turned... I would probably murder everyone, who was dead or alive. I'd be so angry..." I feel the wet tears hit my forehead again, a little bit more than the last time.
I've never seen him cry before... I had no idea that this is what he felt. Was this what Rebecca was saying to me about earlier?
"Luke... It's okay, I'm right here. You won't lose me, Lee taught me to be better than that." I comfort him, moving my hand and wiping away his tears.
He calms down after a few seconds, smiling in the end.
"I'm sorry, it's just the thought of losin' you kills me. I know I was reckless before, but I promise from now on I will always be by your side."
He takes my hand and holds it, kissing my forehead and letting go. With a cheerful smile on his face, he closes his eyes and continues to keep smiling.
My heart explodes with happiness; I smile a little too, looking down and moving my arm back around his waist.
"Goodnight, Luke. Sleep tight, okay?" My eyes close, heavy from the sickness that washes over me.
"I will. You too. I'll protect you..." His tired voice rings slightly through my ears, followed by the sound of heavy breathing.
He's asleep for once. It's been a couple weeks since he slept. I'm really happy for him. Also with the things that he said, I'm a bit shocked… I didn't know that's how he felt about me.
The thunder and rain continue to march forward, the lightning intensifies as well. Nick's snores are drowned out by the thunder. I hope this storm passes over; this is the last thing we'll need...
I try silence my endless thoughts, and only focus on two things; Luke's promise,
And his warmth.