"Memories"
A McPriceley songfic based off of the song "Memories" by Panic! At the disco off of the album "Vices & Virtues"
A/N: I did change the song a bit to fit the fic.
The "man" in the song is McKinley while Price is the "she."
The "I" switches back and forth between both of them (or at the same time)
This is kind of a mix between my own ideas and elements of other fics and/or rps.
Also, Price isn't the youngest, but he was the one with the most promise.
I have no idea what the plot is for "A Streetcar Named Desire," so just go with the words, not the work.
Yes, my headcanon for McKinley is Connor.
Set in the BoM universe.
I don't own anything.
He was the congregation's vagrant with an unrequited love. When you're passion's exaltation, then finding refuge is not enough. She was the youngest of the family and the last to be let go when they decided they would try and make it on their own.
Twenty-two years old, Connor McKinley was the district leader on a Mormon mission in Uganda. When he went on his first mission, he was nineteen. He was originally in Japan, but when he got moved up to district leader, he was transferred to Uganda. He came to the conclusion that missionaries needed to have more life experience before going out on a mission. Nineteen was way too young. No higher education, no experience at domestication other than with their parents. When he was moved from Japan to Uganda, he thought of it as a step-down, but once Kevin Price came, he could have never wished for anything better. Or anything worse.
Kevin Price had been told by his priest that he had a lot of potential. His parents made him work hard in school. He wanted to impress everyone. Kevin Price had a lot of pressure on his to do something incredible as a missionary. He worked, and worked, and worked on being the perfect Mormon since he was nine years old. He couldn't let a decade's worth of work go to waste. He'd always thought that he would marry a nice Mormon girl and have a nice, big Mormon family. Since he couldn't get married or have kids until after his mission, he never wasted his time dating during high school. He tried to be the perfect Mormon, was a Boy Scout who eventually earned his Eagle Scout, volunteered all the time, did Key Club in high school, tutored kids, and so many other things that he would eventually get Planet Orlando in the afterlife. He had a short mental breakdown when his plan to go to Orlando was crushed by being assigned to Uganda, but he eventually accepted it. He figured that Uganda would still let him do his job. And, it did, until the best and worst thing happened to him.
Oh memories, where'd you go? You were all I've ever known. How I miss yesterday and how I let if fade away.
"Connor, we can't do this." Kevin pulled away from Connor.
"Do what?" Connor asked.
"This."
"What do you mean?"
"My mission ends in a week. After that, I'll be going back to Utah with my family, and I…I-"
"And you what?"
There was a pause. "I-I don't think we can be together."
"Kevin, I'm leaving my position as district leader soon, too. We can-"
"That's not what I mean."
Connor's mouth was wide open. "Are you embarrassed by us?"
"No I'm not, but-" Kevin looked anywhere but Connor's eyes.
"Kevin, don't do this. We can make it work."
"I don't think we can." Kevin left the small couch that he and Connor had been sitting on each night after the Elders had gone to sleep for the last year and a half.
When July became December, their affection fought the cold, but they couldn't quite remember what inspired them to go.
When McKinley was in 5th grade, he started having gay thoughts which started with his friend Steve Blade. Since he hadn't had thoughts like these before about anyone and he was confused, he told his parents. He wasn't exactly reprimanded, but his parents showed their disapproval. His parents got him into football to get his mind off of those sinful thoughts. Since then, Connor has tried not to think about anyone that way ever again as to not cause any more trouble for his parents or anyone else.
This worked until Kevin Price came into his life in Uganda. Try and try as he did, he couldn't help but think about Kevin the same way he used to think about Steve. Eventually, what Connor decided to do was just let his urges work him whenever he was around Kevin, as long as they weren't too telling of his true feelings for him.
Kevin noticed McKinley's growing affection for him but didn't think much of it. At first, at least. They were talking more and more. Well, as much as they could between Price and Cunningham going out into the village and McKinley having to look over the other Elders' areas.
One night, McKinley had seemed a bit off. When asked about it, he said that he had a new bout of stress about the mission. Connor wasn't talking that much, so a bit later in the evening, Kevin had asked him if he wanted to talk later.
"Later?"
"Yeah, after the other Elders go to sleep."
"You know I can't do that. That's breaking the rules."
"Heavenly Father won't mind if we do it once."
Connor couldn't resist the opportunity to be with Kevin alone. "Fine, but only after we're sure they're asleep so we don't wake them. Just this once."
Price smiled. "Good, see you later." Connor couldn't help but smile a bit to himself, too.
Later that night, after their curfew, McKinley quietly and cautiously left his room and the hut to sit outside and saw Price playing with the dirt. Connor sat down next to him.
"So, what's the matter?" Price asked McKinley.
"Oh, just the mission, you know. Nothing new." McKinley glanced towards Price but didn't make eye contact.
"Connor, I know that's not true."
Connor was caught off-guard by Price's use of his first name. The Elders were always very formal, even with each other, when talking. McKinley looked up towards Price with surprised eyes.
And it was beautifully depressing
"Kevin!" Connor said about louder than he would have. He grabbed Kevin's wrist.
Like a streetcar named desire.
"Kevin, I love you."
They were fighting for their love that had started growing tired.
"Connor, I love you too, but…" he pulled his hand out of Connor's grasp. Connor's vision became blurred. Connor tried to walk towards Kevin or talk or do something, but he couldn't do anything.
All of a sudden, his sadness turned into anger. "So, then what was this? If you knew that you- we were never going to be together, why did you do this?"
"Connor, calm down. You're going to wake up the other Elders."
"Oh, don't be all nice now. You led me into a relationship, let me fall in love with you, but you know it would never fit your plan for little precious Planet Orlando."
"I meant it when I said that I love you."
"So, what happened? Did you screw up our first time and you just decided to entertain me?"
"No, Connor."
"No, no more." Connor couldn't take it anymore. He turned his back and went towards his bedroom, tears slowly falling down his face. Kevin always knew that this would end badly, but he couldn't be ready for what he felt.
Neither would sleep that night.
And, the money lost momentum, and the bills were piling high. Then the smile had finally faded from the apple of their eye.
Connor walked like a sloth over to Kevin. "Hey, I'm really tired. Is it okay if we skip tonight?"
Looking at the bags under his eyes, Kevin half-smiled. "Yeah, that's fine."
Connor yawned. "Thanks. Sorry."
Kevin placed his hand between Connor's chest and shoulder. "Don't worry about it." He let it linger there longer than he should have.
A few weeks later, the same conversation happened again. And then night after that. On the next night, Kevin ended the conversation with "Actually, I need to talk to you tonight really quickly. I promise it'll be quick."
When Connor walked outside, instead of seeing Kevin as he typically did, sitting on the ground, writing in the sand, he was pacing over a small area. When he saw Connor, he nearly jumped.
"Connor, what's happening?"
"What do you mean?"
"We haven't been seeing each other a lot lately, and I feel like you're avoiding me."
"I'm not avoiding you."
"Then why haven't you come out in a while?"
"It's like I've been telling you: I've been tired lately."
"Over what?"
"Different things with the mission."
"That's bull-poop. Nothing has changed in the last few weeks."
"Kevin, we just decided to add another village to this district. It's not that easy to set up a new location, let alone in Uganda."
"There's something else."
"I don't know what you mean."
Kevin moved his gaze downward for a few moments before returning them to Connor.
"Are you tired of our relationship?"
"What? Where did that come from?"
"I mean, we haven't been talking a lot or seeing you…"
"I told you: I've had a lot on my plate lately."
"I feel like I might be."
Connor didn't know how to move. "What?" It was more a statement than a question.
"I mean…I don't know. I don't know what to think anymore."
"I never really have while living here."
Kevin gave a quick chuckle. "I mean, I don't know what to think about us anymore."
"What can I do?"
"What do you mean?"
"What can I do to help you know what to think?"
They were young and independent, and they thought they had it planned. Should've known right from the start you can't predict the end.
"Assurance. I need to be sure that our relationship is going to be able to work."
"Absolutely."
"I need to know that we can do this. I need to know that we can make it work out in the end."
"I'll do anything." Connor walked closer to him. Kevin reciprocated, and they were eventually standing nearly nose-to-nose. The air between them was needy, wanting, and anxious. Kevin's eyes were all black in the dark of night. It seemed sudden, but Connor kissed Kevin softly. Reassurance filled both of them. Kevin broke the kiss momentarily to look back at Connor. He went back to Connor's lips and deepened the kiss.
Oh, memories, where'd you go? You're all I've ever known. How I miss yesterday, and how I let it fade away. Don't fade away.
The next day, Connor couldn't look at even look at Price. How could he do this? Things need to go back to the way they were.
Kevin left a week later. At least Connor didn't have to look at him any longer. Kevin had gone back to Uganda.
Connor resigned a few months later. He hadn't heard from Kevin. He figured that he never would.
A few years later, Connor would see something about Kevin in the news after he had done something. He didn't know what; he was too dumbstruck to be able to take any information in. Of course, he was standing next to his wife and three kids.