Terminator: Diaries
Friday, June 18th, 2004
Last day of sophomore year, thank god! Two AP classes can be killer...bio and psych. Seriously, shouldn't have taken shit like that, especially during this year...I mean, 10th grade was supposed to be the calm before the storm. Once I hit 11th, it'll be balls to the wall, I know it...
Anyway, the drama from this year is finally over, Jesus. I swear to god, relationships in high school should be outright banned; people get too giddy when Sally gets with Ben but Ben is already with Vanessa. Thank god I stayed out of it as much as I could, but, as we all know, if drama's there, just leave it to other people to try to drag you into it...
Saturday, June 19th, 2004
I know that my parents love and all, but seriously, so overbearing sometimes...they both told me that I needed to start preparing for the AP classes I was going to take in the fall, and they told me that I'd have to start doing community service after Independence Day! On top of that, SAT practice for me...I swear to god, people act like us teens are just robots that you can order around to "better their future." I bet 75% of the kids that I was in a class with aren't doing 25% of what my parents just asked me to do. This entire thing is loaded with bullshit. It's summer...give me a goddamn break!
Sunday, June 20th, 2004
The day before summer officially begins...it's getting hot, but in LA, it's always hot. I started thinking about this year's election...I've never been much for politics, but I know that we're in some sort of war, somewhere in the middle east. We probably shouldn't be there...at least, that's what my parents tell me, but, again, I'm not really interested in political stuff.
All I know is that I want Kerry to win...mostly because my parents tell me he's our answer to Bush. They also tell me that he hasn't been nominated yet, so it could be up in the air, I guess? I don't know. I started reading the paper to pass the time...turns out the Vatican was aware of sex abuse for centuries. Didn't really care, didn't really know anything about the sex abuse in the first place.
Well...not caring isn't the right term. I care that there are people out there being traumatized and exposed to bad and sexual stuff like that and all; I just don't know what to do about it. I feel like I never know what to do about things...
Monday, June 21st, 2004
Finally, summer is officially here, with its dry heat, its ice cream cones, and its endless, timeless memories with friends and, to a smaller extent, family. I don't know, I guess I'm your "typical teen." My friends and I went out to Santa Monica Pier, had some fun on the rides, and ate at Pier Burger. Good place, best burgers in the area...as far as I know.
Just getting a break from it all was invigorating enough for me; we went out on the beach, and the boys started playing with me. We built sand castles around each others' bodies, and swam in the ocean for what must've been at least two hours. Eventually, I got back to my phone, and discovered that my parents had called me about four times, specifically, my mom...tonight was not going to be fun.
Tuesday, June 22nd, 2004
Well, was right about the punishment...I basically can't go out of the house until next month. I know my parents are trying to keep me safe and all...but it's summer for god's sake! I'm 16, I'm nearly an adult! When are they going to treat me like one?
You know, this pisses me off so much that I think I'm going to argue with them on this! It's time I get some respect in this family, especially since I should be able to go out with my friends and stay out a little before coming home...
Wednesday, June 23rd, 2004
Well, turns out arguing once in awhile is a good thing. They didn't fully see my point, but I was surprised at how agreeable they were towards me expressing my own opinion. Because of that, I can leave the house tomorrow if I like.
Thank god, too...having to stay in the house until July was going to melt my brain. Nothing to do...I guess I can watch Netflix and stuff like that, but I don't want to just lounge around, especially for the first increment of my summer. It's going to be my junior year, so this is basically the last free vacation I have, free of studying, work, and overall stress. These next few years are going to be tough, I can already tell.
Thursday, June 24th, 2004
I've been seeing stuff about this movie called "White Chicks," and it's coming out tomorrow. Thinking I'll go out with a bunch of my friends, my boyfriend included, and go see it. We decided to go Griffith Park for the time being; can't remember what we did there, not an outdoorsy type person, even though I can't wait to get out of my house...
Friday, June 25th, 2004
As stated in the last entry, we went to go see "White Chicks." Didn't really expect the plot to go the way it did, but, then again, it was a poster of two black guys with the title overhead; didn't really know what to think of that once I saw it. All in all, a good movie, entertaining. I went home and took another nap; this summer is still one of the most boring I've experienced...I guess it's the calm before the storm.
Saturday, June 26th, 2004
Almost the end of June...I don't know why I get antsy at the thought of that. I don't know why, but I feel like summer is already drawing to a close, even though the first month of it isn't even over, and that first month isn't even a full month of vacation. Thankfully, though, my parents and I loaded up to go to San Diego to stay until the 30th. We got a suite at the Embassy hotel, and I had a pretty good time.
Their assortment of games on the Gamecube provided were pretty interesting; I was most invested in Super Mario Sunshine...platformers, got a weakness for them. Anyway, we decided to go sight-seeing; too bad we arrived a month early for Comic-Con, would've been interested it that...
Sunday, June 27th, 2004
I told my parents that I wanted to be left alone the previous day so that I could lounge around (ironic) and explore the hotel; thankfully, the experience wasn't all in the doldrums. I found this other family, a floor above us, with a boy and girl about the same age as me. I hung out with them for a bit; even though I knew I'd never see them again, they seemed pretty cool. I wanted to get to know them a bit more.
The boy was really into math; he had taken AP Calculus AB in the ninth grade; needless to say, I was feeling a little guilty and mad at myself...the girl was also pretty smart. She'd already taken both AP English classes and was gearing up to take AP Physics B next year, and that was going to be her junior year! Sons of bitches made me look like a slacker...sigh. I hope to god that the people I compete against for college aren't superhuman like these guys are; I stand no chance if they are...
Monday, June 28th, 2004
Even though it was another Monday on summer vacation, I was feeling very out-of-it. I guess I'm just programmed to hate Monday like the rest of the world, reminds me of how much I hate school and work in general.
Well, I don't hate school, but I also don't like it. I guess I'm sort of indifferent towards it, because I just do the work and get out. The entire thing is really easy to me too, so I guess I just need to challenge myself a bit more? I don't know...I hope I figure it out, though. It'll be my first year as an upperclassmen, which means that I'll be ruling the school.
And no, I don't mean that boys will be drooling all over me, but I have had a few that had crushes on me, and I had to turn them down, since, well, I have a boyfriend. I don't know why I have a boyfriend yet, though...I'm only 16, not that old. Then again, my parents try to treat me like an adult...so I guess that means I should try to act like an adult? I don't know, again, I'll figure it out.
Tuesday, June 29th, 2004
One of my good friends, Rachel, was in the area today. Decided to hang out and go to the mall to get something to eat. Ate at the Panda Express, which has good food...sometimes. We talked about what we were going to do next year...she's a cheerleader at my school, probably going to be captain next year. She's a nice person, pretty smart too...I get tutored by her in math, which is why math class isn't as challenging as it should be for me...I don't know.
We talked more about how we were going to try even more to circumvent the drama from last year; both of us weren't extremely mired, but people tried to get us involved, and we simply said "no." She's pretty mature for her age, most everyone in the school likes and looks up to her because of how much of a leader she is; she's pretty nice everyone, and tries to do the right thing. I wish I was her...I mean, I know she probably has her problems; she has issues with her parents at home and whatnot, she tells me they're going to get divorced and that she might live with her dad from now on. I hope she does okay...well, I know she'll do okay, since she's Rachel.
She's also one of those people that's completely genuine; she isn't that person that'll hide from you in public; she'll actually go out of her way to greet you and ask if you want to go get something to eat or something. I really have to keep in touch with her after high school.
Wednesday, June 30th, 2004
"Spiderman 2" came out today, and I was reading some of the reviews; pretty damn good, if I do say so myself...forgot to mention yesterday, Rachel's going to be captain of the volleyball team, too...she's superwoman, I swear. Anyway, not much to do today, but I guess that's what happens on your final day in San Diego. We packed up and went home, and I listened to music on my iPod for most of the drive home. Those siblings I'd met back at the hotel invited me into their room on the same day, and we played some Mario Kart: Double Dash. It was lots of fun, and at the end of it, they saw me off, and I never saw them again.
I hope they're doing well.
Thursday, July 1st, 2004
Summer vacation was really starting to set in; it had only been about two weeks since school got out. I'm scared, too; my junior year is right around the corner, meaning that I'll have to work harder than ever! I know I'm saying that again, it's just...wow. I met up with my friends today, though, and we went to see the new "Spiderman 2" movie that was just released yesterday. I have volleyball practice in a few days, and I'm super scared, but I hope we do better than we did last season. Only won a couple of games out of the several that we played.
Other than that, pretty normal day...hate that I have to read Don Quixote for AP Lang next year...but, I guess that's high school for you...
Friday, July 2nd, 2004
I was extremely bored today, so I decided to go onto the internet. What I found there was pretty interesting, stuff about these crazy people who blew up this computer factory called Cyberdyne a few years back. Reminds me of 9/11 and stuff like that. God, I got so restless that I started to masturbate, not something I do often...
Anyway, back to Cyberdyne, pretty interesting stuff! Like futuristic tech that would replace all the jobs we had in our current world; imagine, a completely automated utopia where no one would ever have to work or get hurt. It sounds too good to be true; completely retarded that some terrorists decided to set us at least ten to twenty years back...
Saturday, July 3rd, 2004
Decided to play Four Swords Adventures. Was pretty fun and long too; got my best friend Madison to come over and play it with me. Decided to watch some stuff on Netflix after; "X-Men 2" and "28 Days Later," both pretty good films. Killed a lot of time, too; I think I'm writing this at what, 10 at night? Madi went home, and it's just me. Really have to think of a way to make this summer more lively...
Sunday, July 4th, 2004
Got to attend an Independence Day party! Lots of booze, too much, really...got some! Also had sex with my boyfriend, Jason. Good guy, too bad I was the one to take his virginity...a bit gross. But eh, was pretty good. Hell, who am I kidding? It was my first time too. All have to start somewhere.
The fireworks were more celestial than anything I'd ever seen this year; no movie or game could exceed the joy I felt watching those firecrackers pop in the sky. It was a good day, and an even better night. Had a lot of food, mostly hotdogs and burgers. Jason's father is a good cook, and it's kind've hot how he knows how to cook a little too...
Was a long day, though. Got home at about 2, and my parents were pretty flustered at me. I was able to hide the fact that I'd been doing some stuff that I knew I shouldn't have been doing, and they let me slide unscathed for the most part.
Monday, July 5th, 2004
Twelve much-needed hours of sleep...missed half the day, evidently, but it was worth it. Though, the part that succeeded that was not...I had to start community service today. I was thinking of doing miscellaneous stuff to get a feel for what I like to do while doing this, so I decided to volunteer at the Hollywood Public Library. My experience was okay...for the most part. Some creepers here and there, and they were looking at me a little funny, which is why I guess I have to watch my back.
All in all, though, I spent about three hours there; didn't take long to learn the ropes of the profession and run the library to an effective level. They told me to come back; I might, if I don't like feeding the homeless tomorrow. I've always had an affinity towards helping people that, well, couldn't help themselves. It makes me feel really good, gives me this euphoric inkling that nothing else can truly channel, even masturbation.
Tuesday, July 6th, 2004
Went to a homeless shelter today, lots of people...this one guy looked really familiar, but I couldn't put my finger on what his name was. Almost like I'd seen him online. Anyway, was pretty fun helping those who couldn't help themselves. Again, I get this euphoria with doing stuff like that, even if some of the people in that soup kitchen were just surviving off of welfare because they could.
Anyway, after volunteering there for about three hours, my friends and I went to see "Shrek 2;" totally going to win Best Animated Feature (I'm a bit of a movie buff). Pretty good day, tiring one too; I think I went to bed at around 10...a great contrast to the former part of my summer.
Wednesday, July 7th, 2004
Volleyball started again today, with my favorites, Madi and Rachel. The aura that surrounded the gym we were practicing in was definitely eclectic...everyone felt like this season was going to be the best yet: we got ten new girls, most of which were already seasoned in the game itself. Everyone was pretty fast and strong, too; also nice and cordial with one another.
They all seemed like copies of Rachel, all looking up to her like a once-in-a-lifetime role model; I knew the feeling, I was having it myself. A nice difference from last year (the seniors on the team were nasty people, talking behind other people's backs, hurting some of us, all in all, it was detrimental to the moral of the team). Again, looking forward to a great season!
Thursday, July 8th, 2004
Today was a whirlwind...got into a car accident, nothing major. The car got some dents in it, and my dad got us a rental car, a Toyota Avalon (also a bit interested in cars). The car itself smelt really good, like that "new-car" smell amplified by about ten times. It's probably something you shouldn't inhale on a daily basis, especially making an effort to, but its odor was just so inviting...you couldn't resist.
More volleyball practice; coach made us run circles around the gym twenty times, but I know she's doing it for our own good. That's where Rachel came in: while doing the exercise with us, she cheered us on; the coach and her were working hand in hand, something that never would've taken place on last year's team. Also got to bond with my teammates a bit.
They all seemed superhuman and genuine themselves...some were doing things that I would never have dreamed of prior to this day. A lot of them were in the LA County Science Fair last year, some of them went to state. Again, I felt like a slacker, but it also motivated me. It gave me a challenge. I like challenges.
Friday, July 9th, 2004
Last day of volleyball practice for this week; a little bitter-sweet. Anyway, after that, I went back to the soup kitchen to help more in need. I started asking about their lives before they'd gone into poverty; some had been high school drop-outs, others had been affected by the recession of the early 90s, and some just weren't able to find work, even in today's bustling economy. It was surprising to me...but also humbling; I was glad I wasn't in the same position, but I didn't pity them.
To me, pity was a sign of disrespect to other people: "I'm so sorry about your current condition...you poor helpless thing! Here, let me give you some handouts to pass the time." From that moment on, I knew that the "handouts" these people were receiving were bare necessities; they couldn't live without them. Who was I to deprive them of their right to life and liberty? I know I sound a bit cliché...but those cliches and corny stuff have to come from somewhere, I guess.
I went home at about 6, got dinner (we had pizza), and started to watch more movies on Netflix. Tonight's list: "The Matrix" and "Saving Private Ryan."
Saturday, July 10th, 2004
As time has gone on, I've found myself more and more invested in this year's presidential election. Read into it a bit; not happy with myself for not paying that much attention during US History...congressional elections too, and this entire thing goes on a cycle. I know I sound super dumb for just having found out about this, but this is the first time it's actually intrigued me and not been read off of a textbook at the back of a podium by an ancient history teacher.
From the looks of the race, I think I can already tell who's going to win...and I don't like my results of prediction: George Bush. He started the "War on Terror" by invading Iraq, a country with completely innocent people and an innocent ruler who was just trying to take care of his own people, until the US stuck its nose in everything, like it always does. I sincerely hope Kerry wins.
Sunday, July 11th, 2004
Don't read the last entry, I made a complete fool of myself...I said the ruler of Iraq was innocent...Saddam Hussein, not a nice guy. I should really do more research on stuff before jumping to conclusions. This situation in Iraq is more complex than I'd once thought, but I can safely say that the US intervening there is certainly not helping the situation, or winning the supposed "War on Terror," which is a complete misnomer...should be called the "War on Civil Liberties."
I started reading about the US PATRIOT Act, which essentially takes away our right against random search and seizure, meaning that anyone, at any time, can search my house, without any permission from me. I swear to god, we live in a police state akin to Iraq...it's time for change, and I can spearhead that.
Monday, July 12th, 2004
Decided that, in addition to my community service and volleyball practice, I'd try my hand at asking people to vote for Kerry; I know he hasn't been nominated yet, but I'm near certain he's going to get the nomination, whenever the process is. The entire thing was pretty fun; met lots of nice, sentimental people, all liberals. I can't believe how much I know about politics now...and in just a few short days! Boredom really does motivate you to do things you thought you'd never get around to starting...
Anyway, after doing all three of those things (my summer is going to be packed as hell, especially since I'm going to start SAT prep next Monday...), I turned in and played a few games on my Gamecube; played Mario Kart: Double Dash, and finished the game. Was fun, but monotonous. I texted Madi and got into a complete drawn-out discussion with her over how we're both scared for our junior year, and how we're both going to keep each other from going absolutely insane over the amount of work we're going to get. This year is going to be scary...but as long as I have my two best friends by my side, everything is going to be absolutely fine, I just know it.
Tuesday, July 13th, 2004
Because I wanted to help Kerry win this year, I started doing more research about all the things he was going to change: main message, do everything that Bush wasn't doing, and stop doing everything that Bush was doing. Sounds like a good deal to me, but, then again, I've probably only scraped the surface of what goes on within the confines of my country. I feel so...unpatriotic. Forget I wrote that, that sounds stupid.
Anyway, I was dead tired by the time I got home; I just went straight to sleep. Everything today just sort of whizzed by me, so much to do, and so much energy to accomplish everything that needed to be done, but I put out why I needed to. This summer is finally starting to feel productive, but it's beginning to feel like it's just a lazy summer school, the feeling I was trying to avoid at the start of vacation.
Wednesday, July 14th, 2004
As I've told you before, I'm somewhat of a movie buff, and the itinerary for this week contained "I, Robot." It just looks so...well-done, even it it does have a corny line or two in it; it's set in the future, one where the robots try to take over again, and humanity prevails because, well, we're humanity, no one can beat us, right? Anyway, I probably just summed up the premise of the entire thing; still going to watch it, though, since it has Will Smith.
Besides that, I can't wait for the weekend itself (god, it really is starting to feel like school again...), because of the fact that I have so much to do. My parents know how productive I've been, and have told me that I can back out of any one of my activities at any time...I don't know, I just feel guilty doing that. I mean, I know I'm a lazy person and all, but it just doesn't feel right abandoning something I started. I'll figure it out, like I do everything else; the summer will probably be over before I even know it...school starts on September 7th, anyway, meaning that I'm nearing the halfway point of summer vacation.
Thursday, July 15th, 2004
Like I said before, midsummer...vacation really passed by quickly, already the middle of July. I watched some TV today, and saw one of the scariest things I'll probably ever see this summer: back-to-school sales. It's the middle of fucking July. Doing that to kids is like your boss reminding you that you have to be back at work the next day even when you've gone away for the weekend. Stuff like this should be outlawed, puts too much undue stress on the kids, especially high school kids, of America.
Anyway, got all my activities done; the chores I have to do have been moved to Saturday so that I could have time to do the other stuff that I was doing...that reminds me, SAT practice on Monday...sigh...
Why the hell do I have to take some stupid standardized test to validate and evaluate my own intelligence? It's not like a stupid test score is going to tell colleges if I'm ready for higher education or not. Anyway, rant over, for now.
Friday, July 16th, 2004
I think the "Kerry syndrome" is starting to wear off now...I don't really care who wins at this point, since I know that nothing's going to get done in congress anyway. Been reading up on that too; seems like congress is just there to waste time and get attention. So I guess the President doesn't matter that much, even with a title like that...I mean, he or she can issue executive orders and stuff like that, but can't do anything substantial, unless congress sanctions it.
Because of that, I think I'll move to another country when I graduate from college, probably Canada or something; I hear Europe, especially Great Britain, is a great place to live; the taxes are high, but everyone gets socialized healthcare and benefits like that. I don't know, maybe I'm just blowing steam, but the more I stay in this godforsaken country, the more I question why I live in it.
Saturday, July 17th, 2004
Went to see "I, Robot" today; it was...okay. Everything that I predicted basically happened, and on a small scale, too. It really didn't feel like it took place on a global stage, but rather a city stage, where casualties would undoubtedly be low, if there were any at all.
Anyway, went snooping around the internet...found out about this virus that was infecting a lot of computers all across the planet, scary stuff. No one knows what it is, but the military isn't speaking about it, so it's probably just some bug that some geeks created in a college dorm room to mess with other people's software and hardware. Some people say that it learns on its own, which obviously can't be true, because computers can't do that.
Sunday, July 18th, 2004
I feel like I'm going between rounds in a boxing match, the weekends being the interim before the next match begins. My SAT prep starts tomorrow, and I have a slew of other things I have to do too...this summer is eventful, but It wouldn't say that it's lively. Anyway, I'm looking forward to "The Bourne Supremacy;" this'll be the second "Bourne" film to have been released, but the first one was super interesting to me. I just like action movies a lot.
Anyway, to wind down the day, I slept, especially since I knew I'd need a lot of energy for the coming day: community service, volleyball practice, SAT prep, helping Kerry get votes, and I have to really get on Don Quixote...fucking school.
Monday, July 19th, 2004
Well, went through everything in the itinerary; heard about this new game coming out in the fall called "World of WarCraft." I've been a low-level fan of Blizzard, so me just hearing about this probably makes me sound like a neanderthal or something. I played StarCraft a bit, why can't they make an MMO out of that? I'm not interested in a sequel to the game, even if the story they had in Brood War was pretty interesting. Besides, the way Blizzard is with sequels, I'd be surprised if a sequel to the game were to be released in this decade, and we're not even halfway through.
Anyway, heard even more about this new "learning" virus; apparently, it's been infecting machines all over the world, possibly even the one I've been using. I don't use the internet for much...I don't feel like it's all that useful yet. Only thing to do, I feel, and it's not even that evolved yet, is use some social networking sites, like MySpace or Friendster.
Tuesday, July 20th, 2004
Well, August is twelve days away, and I'm already getting antsy...I always get really stressed around August. It's the month before school, and you start hearing a lot about back-to-school sales and stuff. If you don't get in on it, and this may just be me, you feel like you're going to be a failure in life who never goes to college and never gets past McDonalds.
I indubitably don't want that to be me, and deep down, I know that isn't going to happen, but it's like it's a primal instinct in me or something...I just hate this summer.
I admit it, I hate this summer "vacation;" it feels like June 18th never happened. I'm in a makeshift summer school; I have to drop something, so I'll decide on that tomorrow. I really need to learn how to manage my time and energy...
Wednesday, July 21st, 2004
Well, I quit the Kerry campaign thing. In the end, it was just too much to handle, especially with all the other stuff I was doing. Started reading Don Quixote today...was meh, never was really interested in reading, especially reading things that I was forced to learn about. He belittles his own novel in the beginning, so at least he's self-aware of how boring his own story is to me. Anyway, SAT prep has actually been quite a help in ameliorating my SAT scores; I took a few practice tests for the math portion; I've been doing pretty well.
Things are looking up...a bit. Since I've started studying in the summer for what's going to happen during the year, things should be a little easier for me, especially knowing the fact that if I hadn't started, I'd probably be staying up until three every night...
Thursday, July 22nd, 2004
TV and computer weren't working today...weird. Really, really weird. No one really questioned it, though; we aren't a tech-intensive family, at least, not my parents. I didn't really care, though; I switched the input on the box, and the television magically started working again, so that's a plus. I decided to take the day off today, and stay in the house.
My teammates were a little mad at me, but not too much; they were very forgiving. I knew that I'd have to run extra laps tomorrow and all, but it honestly didn't bother me. I liked running, because I didn't have to think while I ran. Anyway, I stayed in my house and watched Netflix the entire day; played a few video games too. I was lucky enough to get my N64 working; got to play "Ocarina of Time."
Friday, July 23rd, 2004
Tech still wasn't working today; getting pretty worried. Went through all the stuff I needed to do, nothing much else to talk about...I guess I've finally calmed down and adjusted. At the end of the day, I masturbated, and went to bed. I really wasn't in the mood to talk to anyone, but my boyfriend messaged me, right as I was gearing up to go to sleep. He asked me about how I was doing and if I was okay or not, since I've basically been booking it in terms of working and whatnot.
I told him I was fine, and talked to him about my last few days; he felt for me, knowing that I was getting a lot of stuff done, even though it was summer vacation. I asked him about what he was doing; he said that he was practicing to get ready for this year's soccer season; he was going to be on the varsity team this year, which was awesome for him. He was also preparing for his membership on the math team; our school was well-known for our ability at various math competitions.
I told him that I had to go to bed, and he said that he had to do the same; it was a nice talk, one of those talks that you only get every few months if you're lucky. I know I'm a teen and all, but I think that I honestly love him; I feel that he has that same connection with me. No, I do love him. I know that.
Saturday, July 24th, 2004
There was this big shootout in downtown today; a woman was chasing this guy in a damn crane-truck or whatever it's called...don't know how the chase ended, but it basically tore up most of the city. Property damage after property damage...you know, maybe this whole "War on Terror" thing isn't so bad, especially since it seems like shit like this happens every day now. Well, if it were a "War on Terror," I guess stuff like this wouldn't happen...
I read about the story even more; some police officers were saying that the cars they were driving just left them, of their own accord. Some were thinking that the cars had a mind of their own; no one knew the guy that was being chased, though. He looked oddly familiar, and I knew I'd seen him at least once or twice; never knew his name, though. He always looked worried, like something terrible was about to happen, something so calamitous that everyone should just listen to him. Erie to say the least. Anyway, the TV and computer were working for a few short seconds today, and then they went to static again. There's something really weird going on...