Disclaimer: the wonderful S.E. Hinton owns everything, I own nothing :(


I sighed heavily before I gathered my things and got out of the truck, preparing myself to face another shift of work after a day of work already. Usually my schedules weren't so hectic, but lately it seemed that everything was going to hell. My friends and my little brother were going to the movies tonight, and instead of joining them and enjoying a relaxing evening just hanging out with familiar companions – even though movies weren't really my thing – I was going to work again. Clocking in, I mused to myself, Is this all I do anymore?

It certainly seemed that way. Ever since our parents died, I had been put in a position of responsibility that, quite frankly, scared me. I was only twenty years old, I felt unprepared and ill-equipped to raise two teenagers by myself and still work enough to make ends meet. It had only been eight months, but it felt like ten years at least, the burden of responsibility falling heavier and heavier on my shoulders with each passing day. I was more tired than usual, and I snapped more at Ponyboy, something that I regretted every time. We used to have such a great relationship, but since our parents died we seemed to grow apart. Every time I thought about it, I was saddened; it was like I had lost my brother. Sure, he was still there, he came home from school every day and did his homework and watched sunsets, but he barely even spoke to me beyond a "Hey, Darry" or a "What's for dinner?" anymore. I felt like I had lost him, but I didn't know what to do to get him back; most times I felt it was too late, anyway, this legal guardian persona of mine had taken over and the big brother persona was gone. I tried to balance the two, but my big brother side rarely won out. Where there was once familiarity, there was now awkwardness. I knew he could sense it, too, and I knew that he was both confused and disheartened by it. Guilt flooded me; I should be a better brother. I should ask him more about how his day went, how he was feeling, what was going on in his world. While I may not understand it, I could at least listen and give him the time of day.

Time of day. And since when did I even have that, anymore? Between roofing and working here at the factory, I had precious little time to myself anymore. I used to have fun once, used to hang out with the gang more, used to go water-skiing with my old friends. Used to, used to, used to…I sound like a broken record. Sighing again, I tried to focus more on the work in front of me instead of letting my mind wander again. Pony's rubbing off, I thought amusedly, reminding myself that if he were the one drifting off I would be reprimanding him. He needed to focus more, in general. His schoolwork was good, but I usually had to prompt him to do his homework. His common sense was practically non-existent, which bugged me to no end. I knew Pony was smart, but sometimes he sure didn't show it.

Like today.

When I had heard him yelling, I had feared the worst. Flashbacks of Johnny were running through my head as my feet had pounded on the pavement, and with each step I had begged whatever higher power there may be to spare him the horror that Johnny had experienced. When I knew he was alright, relief had flooded me, followed quickly by frustration. He had been walking home alone…alone! He knew better! I knew he knew better. There was no question in my mind of him graduating high school, but it would be a miracle if he could survive the world that long with his common sense. Or lack thereof.

The bell whistled, signaling break time, and I meandered over to the break room for a cup of coffee. Nodding acknowledgement to my coworkers, I poured myself a cup and took a sip before I grimaced. It tasted like it had been sitting there forever, but I needed the pick-me-up, so I downed it as quickly as I could before chasing it with a cup of water to get the bitter aftertaste out of my mouth. If I was a smoker, I would have ducked outside for a smoke, but I was too proud of my physique to risk damaging it in any way. But, a step outside into the cool night air sounded refreshing.

Looking up at the stars, they reminded me of Ponyboy and his fascination with sunsets, star gazing, drawing and writing. He wouldn't discuss anything like that with me, he probably thought I was too serious, but I enjoyed a good look at the stars. He probably never noticed, but whenever I yelled at him for taking too long taking the trash out because he was watching the sunset, I would always watch the sunset for a bit before telling him to hurry up. He never knew it, but we watched the sunsets together. It was like our thing to me, going out to the porch and watching the sunset while my youngest brother watched it from the driveway, the trashcan still in his hand.

I heard the bell whistle again, signaling break time was over. Back to the grind, again.

Stepping up to my workstation, I felt tired and worn out. I hoped that the rest of my shift would go by quickly so I could go home and relax under Sodapop's skillful hands. Maybe tonight, I could change things… I thought. I'll ask Pony about the movie, try to find out what's going on with him, try to connect with him. I've tried so many times but it seems I just screw it up. Maybe tonight could be different, though. I longed to have the relationship we used to have as close-knit brothers and though I usually mused that it was too late to salvage our relationship, tonight I harbored hope that perhaps that wasn't the case.

I felt that tonight was going to be a night of change, I just felt it. I would start tonight with Ponyboy. This weekend, I would try to reconnect with my old friends that I had recently been out of contact with. It didn't have to be much, just a couple of phone calls; I could manage that. Maybe one day, I could go water-skiing again and be as carefree and reckless as I used to be.

One day.

This decision put a lightness in my step as I left the factory floor. Yes, things were going to be different, starting tonight.