UPDATED AUTHOR'S NOTE (12/21/2014):
This is a fanfiction I wrote in 2008. It had plenty of reviews on here and spawned quite a few new Johnny/Carl shippers. Then one day, during a massive anxiety attack, I deleted my account and my deviantART account, erasing all traces of it from the internet. Now I've decided to reupload some things to here because I'm actually still impressed by 14-year-old me for writing something that didn't completely suck. So here it is, hah. I hope you enjoy it!
xxx
ORIGINAL ABRIDGED AUTHOR'S NOTE (circa 2008):
This fanfic is based on a quote from the episode El Bravo Magnifico. It went like this:
(Johnny is disguised as a woman)
Guy: Now surely a woman as beautiful as yourself has kissed…A man before.
Johnny: (completely breaking character) WHAT?! I—I WAS YOUNG, IT WAS NEW YEARS EVE, THE CHERRY COLA MADE ME GIDDY!
I cracked up as a result, thus this idea was born.
Also apparently, this is the first fanfic actually submitted under the Johnny Bravo fandom—Dang, the pressure's on now. I might delete this, I get so nervous and I'm afraid someone's gonna get mad at me, I can't say why.
xxx
It was New Years Eve, and 18-year-old Johnny Bravo was smoothing out his crazy hair with gel, making the finishing touches before he went to the party that would be just AMAZING according to all the kids around town. His mom trotted in just as he was adjusting his sunglasses, which really didn't need to be adjusted, because they seemed to always be planted on his face.
"Oh Johnny!" she exclaimed. "I can't believe my baby's going to his first adult party!" She started hugging and smooching him all over.
"Oh, Momma!" he groaned. "Get offa me, yer embarrassing me!"
"Oh, I'm sorry dear!" Bunny Bravo exclaimed, sniffing. "It's just too much! I can't bear it! Go on, go to your little party!" Johnny marched out of the room.
"I am, Mama!" He marched down the hallway and out the front door, with Bunny waving at him from the door.
"Good-bye honey! Have a great time!"
"Oh, I will," he said to himself. "In fact, I'm gonna try to find some pretty chicks to kiss tonight!" Little did he know, that plan was going to turn for the worse…or maybe better.
Johnny knocked at the front door, and it was answered by Bobby, one of the kids who had always been popular no matter what. And he never had passed an opportunity to look down upon the kids who weren't popular.
"Hey Johnny," he said with a harassing tone.
"Oh, hey Bobby," he grumbled, remembering his freshman year in high school when Bobby had thrown him in the trashcan at school. Of course, Johnny had muscles now. He had them ever since he fell in love with that Sandy girl, who unfortunately had to move away. He loved his muscles. Ever since Johnny had them, Bobby had been nicer to him rather than beating him up.
"Come on in, ol' pal!" He swung open the door, and Johnny looked around. There was a lot of noise coming from downstairs. He put his coat up on the coat rack and Bobby opened a door, revealing a staircase. "All the fun's down here, come on!" Johnny quickly headed after Bobby, shutting the door behind him. Downstairs was absolutely HUGE. There was a big tiled dance floor with a lot of multicolored lights, and people were dancing everywhere. Julia and Mark (Johnny's old classmates) were making out on a couch. He always thought Julia was hot, she had quite a body going for her. And he glared at Mark, envying that he probably knew what it really looked like underneath the clothes she wore. Johnny looked around everywhere, but everyone who was there seemed to be people who tortured him in school. Then, he heard a familiar voice.
"JOHNNY!" it exclaimed from behind him. Then he felt two skinny arms wrapping around his neck. He quickly turned around to see his old friend…
"Carl!" he exclaimed. "What are you doin'?!" He pushed Carl's hands off of his neck.
"Johnny, hi! I haven't seen you in a while! How are things?!"
"Fine. I'm fine." Johnny looked around, desperately hoping there'd be a sexy lady around in need of a New Years kiss when midnight rolled around. He stared up at the clock. 10 PM. He had a long time to find one. With Carl by his side there was no way he'd score a date. Carl actually used to beat Johnny up, and boy, did Johnny never forget that. However, Johnny was now taller than Carl, much, MUCH more buff compared to his scrawniness, and Carl was truly a nerd.
"Hey Johnny," Carl said, holding up a cup. "Have some Cherry Cola. It's really good!" Johnny stared down into it, making sure it was safe to drink, then took a sip.
"Hey, MAN, this stuff is GOOD!" he exclaimed, gulping the entire cup down in a few seconds. "I'll be drinkin' this all night!" Carl did that long dorky laugh of his.
"I'm glad you have something to keep yourself occupied with tonight, Johnny!" He looked around, then whispered in his ear, "After all, all the girls here are taken." Johnny's eyes opened wide from underneath his sunglasses.
"What?! Awwww MAN!" he exclaimed. "Now what am I gonna do?!" Carl smiled a huge smile.
"I know! You can spend ALL night with me!" Johnny's eyes got big again.
"I wanna go home," he muttered under his breath.
Johnny's eyes soon caught sight of a beautiful young lady sitting alone on a chair. She was wearing a low-cut dress and some high heels. "Ohhhh momma," he whispered to himself, checking her out. He zipped right on over next to her. "Hey pretty lady," he said. "How about you and me hang out sometime? I'll let ya feel my muscles…" She stared at him, her blue eyes cold and menacing.
"Get off of me," she whispered harshly.
"Ohhh, I see, yer playin' hard to get, eh?" He put his muscular arm around her thin shoulders. "Maybe later I'll let you see my chest hair…They're blonde and curly." He winked at her.
She lifted up her well-manicured hand and slapped him right in the face, causing Johnny to roll off of the couch. "Ohh, momma," he whimpered. Carl stepped over to him and bent down to his face level.
"So how's that 'finding a girlfriend' thing working out for you?" he asked. Johnny merely groaned in response. "Come on, Johnny." Carl took his hand and helped him stand up. The woman on the couch stood up to admire Carl.
"My, my," she said. "You seem sweet, what's your name?"
"WHAT?!" Johnny shouted, his mouth gaping open. Carl laughed his incredibly dorky and drawn-out laugh.
"Carrrrl," he replied bashfully.
"Well Carl, may I have this dance?"
"I…" He was about to say something, but he wasn't exactly sure. Then he looked back at Johnny, who seemed pretty jealous. Yes! Johnny was jealous of him, and now he could make him even more jealous. "I'd looove to!" Then he did that laugh again. Johnny glared at him while Carl smirked from over his shoulder. He had made his target jealous…His plan was going on quite well.
"Oooh, why would anyone want a nerd like him?! Seriously! What is wrong with people?!" He walked away, grumbling to himself, then he sat on the couch while he watched everyone dancing again. He kept angrily sipping his cherry cola, making him happier by the second. "I need some wienerloaf," Johnny muttered.
Soon it was 11:30 PM. Carl walked over next to Johnny and sat down next to him, with that dopey bright smile. "Hiii Johnny!" he exclaimed.
"HEY CARL!" Johnny exclaimed, tossing his 30th cherry cola cup over his shoulder.
"I take it you enjoy that cherry cola?!" Carl exclaimed back. Johnny nodded quickly, sipping out of another one.
"YEAH, I DO!" he shouted. "IT'S REAAAALLY GOOD!"
"Just be careful, Johnny," Carl said suggestively. "It has a tendency to make a person do some crazy things once you've had one too many." Johnny raised one of his eyebrows.
"Really? Well that's just peachy!" He gulped down the 31st cup. "HEY, IS IT NEW YEARS YET?!" Carl shook his head and looked at his watch.
"Nope, we've got about 20 minutes!" Johnny stood up and jumped around.
"WOOT! TWENTY MINUTES UNTIL NEW YEARS!" Carl stared up at him.
"Um, Johnny? I think you should stop drinking that cherry cola."
"And why is that?" Johnny questioned.
"Um, because you're actually scaring me."
Soon, people were gathered around the giant flat-screen TV in front of the dance floor, counting down, waiting for the ball to drop.
"Johnny, you do know it is customary at these types of parties to…Um, well, when it's New Years, officially, when it turns exactly midnight, it's customary to…Kiss your date." Johnny raised his eyebrow, while Carl twiddled his thumbs.
"But we don't have any dates." Carl bashfully dug his foot around in the ground, staring up at Johnny.
"Well…Yeah, that's my point." He gulped. "So, we're gonna be pretty lonely, huh?"
"I DON'T CARE ABOUT LONELY! I CARE ABOUT NEW YEARS!" He shook Carl by the shoulders, obviously still on a rampage from the cherry cola. Then everyone began to count down.
"FIVE…"
"JOHNNY, QUIT IT! I HAVE SOMETHING TO GIVE YOU!"
"FOUR…"
"THEN GIVE IT TO ME ALREADY!"
"THREE…"
"I—I CAN'T!"
"TWO…"
"CARL DAGGONNIT GIVE IT TO ME!"
"ONE!" Everyone kissed each other passionately on the lips, then Carl and Johnny looked around quickly, stared straight at each other, and without even knowing what the heck was happening, kissed each other right on the lips, really, really quickly, it was less than two seconds. They pulled back, and that's when Johnny's cherry cola rush wore off. He looked around, realizing what just happened, then he pulled his fingers to his lips. Then, Johnny let out a huge, high-pitched scream.
"AHHHH! CARL!" he shouted in disgust, "WHAT DID YOU JUST DO?!"
"WHAT DID I DO?!" Carl shouted. "YOU MUST BE TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF! I DIDN'T KISS YOU! YOU WERE PRACTICALLY ON TOP OF ME! YOU CRAZY ANIMAL!"
"WHAT?! NOW LISTEN UP BUDDY, I'VE ONLY KISSED ONE GIRL IN MY ENTIRE LIFE, WHY WOULD I WANNA KISS A GUY?!" Carl shrugged.
"Gee, I dunno JOHNNY, maybe you're EXPERIMENTING! IT'S PERFECTLY NORMAL TO EXPERIMENT WITH THE OPPOSITE SEX!" He shouted this, based on his own personal opinions. Then Carl's voice softened a bit. "And come on Johnny…You can't say you hated it." Johnny raised his eyebrow and pondered this a moment.
"Oh yeah? Well…" He thought some more. "Oh yeah?! OH YEAH?!" Carl nodded slyly.
"Yup. You can't say you didn't enjoy it, because Johnny, you've always said if someone else kissed you that you'd love it, no matter who it was." Johnny remember when he had told him this, and silently cursed himself in his head.
"Aww…Fiddlesticks!" he exclaimed, stomping his foot down. "Carl, what if someone actually saw us?! Then what would we do? I'd have to move, I'd have to…"
"Calm down, Johnny! Everyone was kissing, and nobody needs to know about this! We can keep it a secret if you want."
"Don't you tell anyone!" Johnny exclaimed. "Or I'll pound you, you little worm."
Carl blushed, thinking about something else. "By the way…That was my first kiss." Johnny blinked and stepped backwards.
"Well congratulations," he said, not quite meaning it. Carl stared at Johnny for a second, watching Johnny turn around and walk away slowly, probably scarred for life. Carl's eyes then darted down to the floor while he pondered this. What if Johnny really didn't like him? What if he actually meant that he didn't enjoy the kiss? Johnny always said he didn't like Carl, but he never actually thought he meant it! Carl shuffled the other way, embarrassed. This was going to be the start of a long year.
Johnny muttered something about mouthwash while he walked out of the basement, up the stairs, and out the front door. He noticed Carl walking down the street and instantly got a bad feeling in the pit of his stomach. "Aw man," he groaned, noticing that Carl was crying. "I didn't mean to make 'im cry!" He ran over to Carl. "Hey Carl, I—I'm sorry." Carl sniffed.
"No, don't be!" he said, a bit over-dramatically. "I'll be fine! Just go, leave me, Johnny!" He was making all these dramatic poses while he said that. He looked kind of ridiculous. Johnny raised his eyebrow and turned around.
"Well, okay." He shrugged. Carl slapped his hand across his face. He didn't actually think Johnny would turn around! Didn't he know anything about reverse psychology?
"Whatever…" Carl said to himself. "I'm going to go check on my ant farm. At least they appreciate me…" Johnny glanced back at Carl and smirked to himself, rather smugly, in fact.
"I hope Momma stocked up on cherry cola!"
THE END