Karkaroff wiped tears from his eyes and turned to Snape.
"How could you?!"
Snape turned away to the window, his nose blocking out the moon outside.
"I'm sorry. I couldn't serve Him any longer. Besides which, Dumbledore offered me a really great dental plan."
Karkaroff closed his eyes in pain. "After all this time, didn't it mean anything to you? Didn't it mean anything at all??"
Severus turned sharply, a few drops of oil flying from his hair as it swished around. "Of course it did. I love you. But it's not you, it's me."
"Oh." Karkaroff bent down to gather his clothing from the floor. "I'm sorry you feel that way," he said coldly.
"You-you won't tell Him will you? I mean--"
"No. I won't. Even though you are breaking my heart, I shan't tell Him you betrayed him. Now go," Karkaroff said, voice quivering as he turned his face away in agony. "Go before I do something silly."
Snape walked across the bedroom to him. "Like what?" he asked in a low voice.
"Like this!" Karkaroff flung his arms around Snape's neck with a squish and kissed him. Even though Snape's big nose was poking him in the face, he kissed their parting kiss fiercely, unwilling to let go. Finally, Snape pulled away, tears streaming down his face.
"Goodbye, my love. Parting is such sweet sorrow."
Karkaroff's face fell and tears rolled down his face to collect in his pointy beard. Drip."I love it when you plagiarize Shakespeare, Sevvie. Adieu." Drip.
Snape swept from the room leaving only an oily trail by which Karkaroff could remember him. Karkaroff leaned out the window and stared at the moon, rubbing the spot on his cheek where Snape's nose had left an indentation. Would he ever see Severus again? What would happen in the battle between the forces of good and the Lord Voldemort? Why must this happen??
"Adieu, my love," he whispered, watching the dark figure sprint across the moonlit lawn, trip over his cape, and scramble into the shadow. "Adieu." Drip.
FOURTEEN YEARS LATER...
When Snape entered the Great Hall, he looked around sourly. There was that Potter boy, talking with his annoying little friends, pointing and laughing at things and having an all-around marvelous time. It really was too bad that his class had been cut short by the arrival of Beauxbatons and Durmstrang; he had so been hoping to test whether Potter really had been researching his antidotes like he was supposed to. Probably not. Snape let visions of Harry Potter vomiting into a cauldron while the class laughed dance through his mind.
He took a seat at the staff table and looked down as Dumbledore came in with two people: a very large woman, almost as big as that oaf Hagrid, and-
Snape could feel something in his chest make a half-hearted effort at movement. After some consideration, he realized it was his heart, blasted thing. His palms got oily and his hair got dry. It couldn't be happening-not after all this time-
It was Karkaroff.
Karkaroff sat down and, after Dumbledore made a short speech, he started talking to the headmaster. He didn't notice Snape. Snape slunk down into his chair, wondering whether he should say anything. He spent the whole feast half-hidden by an enormous fruit platter. Now and then he would pick off a bit of mango, which was actually quite nice. When it was over, he stood. That was it. He was going to talk to Karkaroff. He smoothed down his hair, looked down at his hand, and wiped it hastily on his robes. Karkaroff was making his way out of the hall with his students, and suddenly stopped and turned. Snape ducked behind a first-year girl who promptly squealed, "Eew!" and waited while Karkaroff talked to Potter and Moody.
Snape peeked out after a minute, but the last of the Durmstrang students were filing out. Damn. He had missed Karkaroff. He straightened up, muttered, "ten points from Ravenclaw," and sulked all the way to the dungeons. This was Potter's fault, making Karkaroff unreachable. Stupid boy, first chance he got, Snape would slip some belladonna into his pumpkin juice. Let's see the little punk worm his way out of that.
The next day, at the Halloween feast, Snape continued to sulk. He had been busy all day grading papers. Even giving them all zeros hadn't made it any better. Surely Karkaroff knew Snape was teaching here, he couldn't be that thick, could he? Granted, Karkaroff wasn't all there-one time he had tried to fry up some nice socks for breakfast-but he had to know Snape was at Hogwarts. Maybe he was over him. Maybe he didn't care! How could he! Bastard!
Snape picked at his garlicked haggis as the champions for the Triwizard Tournament were called. He saw Karkaroff stand and applaud as that boy with the big nose-really, what a ridiculous nose, what would life be like with such a huge appendage sticking out of one's face?-was called. Crummy, or some such. Next, a skinny blond horse-faced girl chosen from Beauxbatons. Then that pretty-boy Diggory for Hogwarts. Snape flicked a bit of liver at Cedric as he walked by the staff table. He snickered as it stuck and Diggory didn't notice.
Snape stretched and got ready to stand when something else came out of the Goblet of Fire, and Dumbledore read out, "Harry Potter."
After Potter went into the chamber, Snape scrambled to his feet and stormed his way there along with Crouch, the big lady, McGonagall, Dumbledore, and-Karkaroff. He followed the back of Karkaroff's head, wondering whether he should reach out and sweep him in his arms or maybe just tap him and clear his throat. Once in the room, accusations started flying. Karkaroff shot something at Dumbledore and Snape spoke up.
"It's no one's fault but Potter's, Karkaroff. Don't go blaming Dumbledore for Potter's determination to break rules." He looked at the stupid boy with that blank, moronic look on his face. "He has been crossing lines ever since he arrived here-"
He was cut off by Dumbledore, who shot him a warning look and said, "Thank you, Severus."
Karkaroff turned to look at Snape as Dumbledore questioned Potter. He curled his goatee around a finger. Snape could hear birds chirping and had visions of flower meadows, and running through knee-high grass into Karkaroff's arms. He scowled and made a noise of disbelief at himself and promptly changed the visions to something involving a dark swampy forest where he sloshed his way to a Karkaroff dressed in leather as some creature came out of the deep and ripped Potter in half. That was better.
McGonagall was quite unnerved by the look on Snape's face but said nothing. He was quietly humming Marvin Gaye's Let's Get It On. She turned and shuddered. What a creepy guy.
Snape watched in disgust for the next few days as Potter paraded around the school, basking in the light of being a Hogwarts champion. He saw the Slytherins flash their Potter Stinks badges and smiled to himself. Malfoy was such a little mama's boy twit, really, but he did have good ideas. He walked into the dungeon one day to catch Malfoy and Potter cursing each other and missing. He took great satisfaction out of taking fifty points from Gryffindor and giving Potter and Weasley detentions. And the way that girl Granger ran out of the room crying with those huge teeth sticking out of her mouth was really priceless. But just as he was about to go into antidotes, and was reaching into his desk for a vial of basilisk venom, that little rodent Creevey scampered in and got his hero Potter to go for some ceremony of some sort. That really soured his day.
As the first task approached, Snape was cheered slightly by the fact that Potter might be killed soon by a dragon. One night, as he was making his way down to the kitchens for some chocolate milk before bed, he spotted Karkaroff dashing down a staircase very quietly. This was his chance to talk to Karkaroff, who had been ignoring him. He lifted his robes up to his ankles and ran after him. Karkaroff made his way outside and ran toward the Forbidden Forest. Snape ran after him. Idiot-he would get eaten alive in the Forbidden Forest! He had to stop him-although it might be fun to see him running around yelling for help before stepping in.
Finally, Snape caught up to Karkaroff and put a hand on his shoulder. Karkaroff yelped and whipped around. Snape was about to say something but had to catch his breath first. He held up a hand and breathed deeply. He put his hands on his knees and tried to catch his breath as his shriveled little raisin of a heart made a few twitching motions.
"I-why didn't you-hold on-" he gasped and gulped some more air. He knew he should have taken Flitwick up on that offer of an aerobics class. All the other professors had accepted, even Binns, and now they spent Thursday nights running around the grounds in spandex. That was it, the spandex, he remembered thinking, Me? Spandex? Ridiculous, and I sure don't want to see McGonagall in that stuff-
"Severus?" Karkaroff asked after half an hour had elapsed. Severus held up a hand and wheezed a bit more. Than he straightened up and said in a completely normal voice, "I missed you."
Karkaroff blinked. "What?"
"I missed you. I didn't want to leave, but-"
"Severus."
"I had to do the right thing. I've often thought that-"
"Severus."
"-Maybe it could have been different, and I--"
"SEVERUS."
Snape lowered his arms from where they had been gesturing grandly in the air. "What?" he said impatiently.
"I don't love you anymore."
Snape clutched his hand to his chest. His-what was it called?-heart was sloshing wildly in angst. "WHAT?"
Karkaroff shrugged. "I cried, of course, but I got over it."
"But-but-"
"I'm sorry," Karkaroff said kindly. "But I've found someone new."
"Who?" Snape demanded.
"Vicky Krum."
"WHAT?!"
"Wonderful boy, really-"
"But he's eighteen!"
Karkaroff continued as if he hadn't heard him. "Of course, he has difficulty showing his feelings for me-"
"He's your student!"
"-calling me an icky old man and whatnot. I know he truly loves me. He's just covering by saying something about that Hermo-ninny girl-"
"That's not right!"
"You're absolutely right. Have you seen her hair? Absolutely dreadful-"
"That's it!" And the Snape's heart shrunk three sizes that day. "You're on my shit list! Number two, right after Potter! Don't try crawling back to me looking for any favor, because you won't get it! I'm glad I dumped you!"
Snape stormed off, tossing his hair back with a squelch. Karkaroff yelled after him, "Fine! Be that way! I've still got Vicky!" And he snuck off to see what was in store for the champions' first task.
THE END
"How could you?!"
Snape turned away to the window, his nose blocking out the moon outside.
"I'm sorry. I couldn't serve Him any longer. Besides which, Dumbledore offered me a really great dental plan."
Karkaroff closed his eyes in pain. "After all this time, didn't it mean anything to you? Didn't it mean anything at all??"
Severus turned sharply, a few drops of oil flying from his hair as it swished around. "Of course it did. I love you. But it's not you, it's me."
"Oh." Karkaroff bent down to gather his clothing from the floor. "I'm sorry you feel that way," he said coldly.
"You-you won't tell Him will you? I mean--"
"No. I won't. Even though you are breaking my heart, I shan't tell Him you betrayed him. Now go," Karkaroff said, voice quivering as he turned his face away in agony. "Go before I do something silly."
Snape walked across the bedroom to him. "Like what?" he asked in a low voice.
"Like this!" Karkaroff flung his arms around Snape's neck with a squish and kissed him. Even though Snape's big nose was poking him in the face, he kissed their parting kiss fiercely, unwilling to let go. Finally, Snape pulled away, tears streaming down his face.
"Goodbye, my love. Parting is such sweet sorrow."
Karkaroff's face fell and tears rolled down his face to collect in his pointy beard. Drip."I love it when you plagiarize Shakespeare, Sevvie. Adieu." Drip.
Snape swept from the room leaving only an oily trail by which Karkaroff could remember him. Karkaroff leaned out the window and stared at the moon, rubbing the spot on his cheek where Snape's nose had left an indentation. Would he ever see Severus again? What would happen in the battle between the forces of good and the Lord Voldemort? Why must this happen??
"Adieu, my love," he whispered, watching the dark figure sprint across the moonlit lawn, trip over his cape, and scramble into the shadow. "Adieu." Drip.
FOURTEEN YEARS LATER...
When Snape entered the Great Hall, he looked around sourly. There was that Potter boy, talking with his annoying little friends, pointing and laughing at things and having an all-around marvelous time. It really was too bad that his class had been cut short by the arrival of Beauxbatons and Durmstrang; he had so been hoping to test whether Potter really had been researching his antidotes like he was supposed to. Probably not. Snape let visions of Harry Potter vomiting into a cauldron while the class laughed dance through his mind.
He took a seat at the staff table and looked down as Dumbledore came in with two people: a very large woman, almost as big as that oaf Hagrid, and-
Snape could feel something in his chest make a half-hearted effort at movement. After some consideration, he realized it was his heart, blasted thing. His palms got oily and his hair got dry. It couldn't be happening-not after all this time-
It was Karkaroff.
Karkaroff sat down and, after Dumbledore made a short speech, he started talking to the headmaster. He didn't notice Snape. Snape slunk down into his chair, wondering whether he should say anything. He spent the whole feast half-hidden by an enormous fruit platter. Now and then he would pick off a bit of mango, which was actually quite nice. When it was over, he stood. That was it. He was going to talk to Karkaroff. He smoothed down his hair, looked down at his hand, and wiped it hastily on his robes. Karkaroff was making his way out of the hall with his students, and suddenly stopped and turned. Snape ducked behind a first-year girl who promptly squealed, "Eew!" and waited while Karkaroff talked to Potter and Moody.
Snape peeked out after a minute, but the last of the Durmstrang students were filing out. Damn. He had missed Karkaroff. He straightened up, muttered, "ten points from Ravenclaw," and sulked all the way to the dungeons. This was Potter's fault, making Karkaroff unreachable. Stupid boy, first chance he got, Snape would slip some belladonna into his pumpkin juice. Let's see the little punk worm his way out of that.
The next day, at the Halloween feast, Snape continued to sulk. He had been busy all day grading papers. Even giving them all zeros hadn't made it any better. Surely Karkaroff knew Snape was teaching here, he couldn't be that thick, could he? Granted, Karkaroff wasn't all there-one time he had tried to fry up some nice socks for breakfast-but he had to know Snape was at Hogwarts. Maybe he was over him. Maybe he didn't care! How could he! Bastard!
Snape picked at his garlicked haggis as the champions for the Triwizard Tournament were called. He saw Karkaroff stand and applaud as that boy with the big nose-really, what a ridiculous nose, what would life be like with such a huge appendage sticking out of one's face?-was called. Crummy, or some such. Next, a skinny blond horse-faced girl chosen from Beauxbatons. Then that pretty-boy Diggory for Hogwarts. Snape flicked a bit of liver at Cedric as he walked by the staff table. He snickered as it stuck and Diggory didn't notice.
Snape stretched and got ready to stand when something else came out of the Goblet of Fire, and Dumbledore read out, "Harry Potter."
After Potter went into the chamber, Snape scrambled to his feet and stormed his way there along with Crouch, the big lady, McGonagall, Dumbledore, and-Karkaroff. He followed the back of Karkaroff's head, wondering whether he should reach out and sweep him in his arms or maybe just tap him and clear his throat. Once in the room, accusations started flying. Karkaroff shot something at Dumbledore and Snape spoke up.
"It's no one's fault but Potter's, Karkaroff. Don't go blaming Dumbledore for Potter's determination to break rules." He looked at the stupid boy with that blank, moronic look on his face. "He has been crossing lines ever since he arrived here-"
He was cut off by Dumbledore, who shot him a warning look and said, "Thank you, Severus."
Karkaroff turned to look at Snape as Dumbledore questioned Potter. He curled his goatee around a finger. Snape could hear birds chirping and had visions of flower meadows, and running through knee-high grass into Karkaroff's arms. He scowled and made a noise of disbelief at himself and promptly changed the visions to something involving a dark swampy forest where he sloshed his way to a Karkaroff dressed in leather as some creature came out of the deep and ripped Potter in half. That was better.
McGonagall was quite unnerved by the look on Snape's face but said nothing. He was quietly humming Marvin Gaye's Let's Get It On. She turned and shuddered. What a creepy guy.
Snape watched in disgust for the next few days as Potter paraded around the school, basking in the light of being a Hogwarts champion. He saw the Slytherins flash their Potter Stinks badges and smiled to himself. Malfoy was such a little mama's boy twit, really, but he did have good ideas. He walked into the dungeon one day to catch Malfoy and Potter cursing each other and missing. He took great satisfaction out of taking fifty points from Gryffindor and giving Potter and Weasley detentions. And the way that girl Granger ran out of the room crying with those huge teeth sticking out of her mouth was really priceless. But just as he was about to go into antidotes, and was reaching into his desk for a vial of basilisk venom, that little rodent Creevey scampered in and got his hero Potter to go for some ceremony of some sort. That really soured his day.
As the first task approached, Snape was cheered slightly by the fact that Potter might be killed soon by a dragon. One night, as he was making his way down to the kitchens for some chocolate milk before bed, he spotted Karkaroff dashing down a staircase very quietly. This was his chance to talk to Karkaroff, who had been ignoring him. He lifted his robes up to his ankles and ran after him. Karkaroff made his way outside and ran toward the Forbidden Forest. Snape ran after him. Idiot-he would get eaten alive in the Forbidden Forest! He had to stop him-although it might be fun to see him running around yelling for help before stepping in.
Finally, Snape caught up to Karkaroff and put a hand on his shoulder. Karkaroff yelped and whipped around. Snape was about to say something but had to catch his breath first. He held up a hand and breathed deeply. He put his hands on his knees and tried to catch his breath as his shriveled little raisin of a heart made a few twitching motions.
"I-why didn't you-hold on-" he gasped and gulped some more air. He knew he should have taken Flitwick up on that offer of an aerobics class. All the other professors had accepted, even Binns, and now they spent Thursday nights running around the grounds in spandex. That was it, the spandex, he remembered thinking, Me? Spandex? Ridiculous, and I sure don't want to see McGonagall in that stuff-
"Severus?" Karkaroff asked after half an hour had elapsed. Severus held up a hand and wheezed a bit more. Than he straightened up and said in a completely normal voice, "I missed you."
Karkaroff blinked. "What?"
"I missed you. I didn't want to leave, but-"
"Severus."
"I had to do the right thing. I've often thought that-"
"Severus."
"-Maybe it could have been different, and I--"
"SEVERUS."
Snape lowered his arms from where they had been gesturing grandly in the air. "What?" he said impatiently.
"I don't love you anymore."
Snape clutched his hand to his chest. His-what was it called?-heart was sloshing wildly in angst. "WHAT?"
Karkaroff shrugged. "I cried, of course, but I got over it."
"But-but-"
"I'm sorry," Karkaroff said kindly. "But I've found someone new."
"Who?" Snape demanded.
"Vicky Krum."
"WHAT?!"
"Wonderful boy, really-"
"But he's eighteen!"
Karkaroff continued as if he hadn't heard him. "Of course, he has difficulty showing his feelings for me-"
"He's your student!"
"-calling me an icky old man and whatnot. I know he truly loves me. He's just covering by saying something about that Hermo-ninny girl-"
"That's not right!"
"You're absolutely right. Have you seen her hair? Absolutely dreadful-"
"That's it!" And the Snape's heart shrunk three sizes that day. "You're on my shit list! Number two, right after Potter! Don't try crawling back to me looking for any favor, because you won't get it! I'm glad I dumped you!"
Snape stormed off, tossing his hair back with a squelch. Karkaroff yelled after him, "Fine! Be that way! I've still got Vicky!" And he snuck off to see what was in store for the champions' first task.
THE END