The sun was setting around him, but he didn't feel tired at all. At this moment, h felt as if he never wanted to sleep again, and he despised the sun for having the nerve to leave him alone.
Alone.
The word seemed so foreign in his mind. The feeling was so familiar to him, it almost seemed comforting. No matter where he would go, the nothingness of his solitude would always be there. Imagine such a thing, comforting to be alone.
Navi was long gone and Link hadn't seen her in years, yet often times he'd find himself looking over his shoulder, waiting for her to nag him about constant slacking off. As years passed, the definition of "slacking off" had drastically changed for him. Right now, he wished she were there to tell him where to go regardless.
He currently had nowhere to go. That wasn't new to him. He had long since convinced himself that he could no longer return to the forest. Among countless petty reasons, he wasn't a true Kokiri, and he couldn't bear growing up there. Now he was the right age to be the hero of Time once again, and he yearned for an adventure anything like his seven years ago, but every day was more and more mundane.
He couldn't go back to the castle, either. Zelda had no memory of him aside from their first meeting. It was as if the bulk of his adventure had never happened in his adult years. In fact, he had no idea what anyone knew of his heroism. He hadn't spoken much to anyone in his lonesome since leaving the forest, and it was better that way, he often thought. It was a reflexive thought; he'd said it to himself so many times that he believed it without any regard.
Most of his days were spent in castle town, aimlessly wandering until the drawbridge was to close and he had to leave.
He had nowhere to go. The only place he ever called home had been that forest in the west. He couldn't go there. He didn't belong at the tight-knit community of Kakariko Village, and certainly couldn't live in a place as cold as Zora's Domain.
So this thin tree he leaned against near the Gerudo Valley was what he called home for tonight. It was enough for him since comfort was of no importance.
He knew he did not really belong in this world. He had served his purpose, and now no one remembered the time that the Hero of Legend saved them from peril. He had nothing else to do. But since he couldn't leave, where could he go? It was a question that he once thought about so often, all the words became empty sounds in his head.
He rested his eyes, knowing he wouldn't sleep until the sun would completely forsake him. This was the fate he had chosen and accepted: he had repeated this cycle for hundreds of days. He wouldn't admit it, but he had this feeling that there was some other adventure waiting for him. Sometimes, when he was feeling as courageous as when he had pushed open the doors to Ganon's castle, he would pursue his adventure. He would leave Hyrule field and keep it completely behind him and never changed direction, but he always ended up back here. He decided that no matter how many times he left, since he always ended up back here, it was a sign for him to just not leave. And so he wandered Hyrule, absolutely alone.
The Master Sword was no longer at his aid, for he himself had returned the spiritual stones and locked away the sword forever. He had no more use for a sword, anyway. In his boredom, years ago, he had trekked back through the now desolate temples and returned his weapons to their rightful places. He had no use for any of them, for Ganon had gone, and had taken evil itself with him.
He had kept his bow and arrow, however, because he could not bear to return to the forest temple and face Saria. He had nothing to be ashamed of, but he couldn't convince himself to go back.
He had also kept the hookshot, because it was a gift from Dampé and he would not accept its return. And Link kept it safe. In fact, he used it when he was caught sneaking around Gerudo Valley. When the timeline had been reset, the bridge to return to the spirit temple was removed, and he needed to return his silver gauntlets, and that had been the largest adventure he had been on in the past seven years.
He peeked open one eye to see where the sun was to estimate a time. It was about 8, he assumed by the trees' shadows around him. He had nothing better to do other than sleep. It was almost how things were before the Great Deku Tree had guided him to his short-lived destiny.
Through his open eye, movement caught his attention. At this time of day, Hyrule field was generally empty aside from flocks of birds that were looking for some late worms. Tonight, however, someone appeared to be walking alone across Hyrule field.
He supposed that wasn't completely out of the ordinary-castle town had just closed up for the night, but what did cause Link to raise an eyebrow was the fact that this person was walking toward him, or at least in his general direction. Maybe they were going to the valley beyond him.
As they got nearer, he recognized her- he would recognize her anywhere, and the horse she was sitting on was definitely what he would call a friend.
He knew Malon would not remember him except for their first meeting seven years ago, and just like everyone else she would not know of his adventures. They had only met once, and on that day of meeting, Link had promised he would return. Like the forest, the Lon Lon Ranch was just a place he did not want to return to. He couldn't quite describe why, but the only possibility that stuck out to him was guilt. He felt guilty for not keeping his promise, and never went back when he had the chance to make it right. He really could have made it right, and now it was too far late, he feared.
She changed her course slightly and was now certainly approaching him. She was close enough to him to where he could almost distinguish the freckles on her face, and it wasn't until then that Link realized he was staring with his mouth slightly open as if he were surprised to see her as he recalled the past.
"Malon?" His voice was dry and cracked on the second syllable. He cleared his throat and tried again.
"I thought it was you." She sat beside him and smoothed out her dress. Epona nodded toward him, and he smiled at her in acknowledgment.
Although he technically had not seen her in seven years, Malon looked exactly as he remembered her. She looked as happy as she was as a child. Even without saying, Link knew that Ingo never took her ranch for himself. She was so unhappy then, and even after liberating Epona, she hadn't been the same. He was glad she had no memory of such a thing. There were no shadows under her eyes or marks from her nervous habit of biting her lips. Link was silently shocked in his ability to recall that old observation.
He had spent too long remembering the past again. She noticed his distant look and prompted, "You remember me, right? Fairy boy?"
There was that nicdkname again. Link hadn't heard it in years, and he didn't care for the nickname then, and he certainly didn't care for it now.
"I don't have a fairy anymore," he droned, forcing himself not to think about his fairy. He didn't even think her name. "She left a long time ago. But I do remember you, Malon," he added, trying to sound encouraging but couldn't find it to change his tone. "I'd appreciate it if you called me by my name now."
"Oh. I'm sorry, Link." She frowned, clearly not understanding his pain. Of course she didn't, because she had only met him once before and had no idea of his memories with the fairy. His quests as a child still existed; he had liberated Dodongo's cavern and rescued the Zora Princess, but the temples he had adventured through in his later years were only his memory. From an outsider's view, he hadn't been with his fairy for that long, and had no reason to be upset over her loss, but all that had still happened for him and there was so much more than anyone would know.
"I saw you at castle town today," she said casually, the chipper ring in her voice showing no sign of sorrow for his loss. It was good for him because the last thing he wanted from her was pity. "You look different now, but you still wear green, so I knew it was you." She laughed. His neutral expression didn't falter. In fact, he made no indication of hearing what she said. He now looked downward, tugging on fist fulls of grass. Epona whinnied and he immediately jerked his head up to her sound out of a long ago habit. Upon realizing what he was doing, he put his head down again and resumed staring holes into the grass.
"Aren't you going to say something?" She leaned toward him into his line of sight, forcing him to look at her. He blinked and shook his head, coming out of some form of daze.
"Oh, sorry. I've just had a long day." He could say that about every day, but he wouldn't tell her that. She would probably get super concerned, which was something he did not want. No one should worry about him.
"Is there any way I can help?" Malon asked. Link pretended he did not hear concern.
"It's nothing a night of sleep won't be able to help," he replied, never buying his own lie in a million years.
"What, here?"
Link shrugged. There was nowhere else he was okay with going. This was fine. But then again, he didn't want her to worry, so he quickly attempted to stammer out a lie but was cut short.
"Do you always sleep here?"
"No." This one wasn't a lie. Sometimes he'd sleep more north, or when he was feeling unusually down, he'd go near Kakariko Village and listen to the residents go to sleep.
"Link, you don't even have a home?"
"Not since the Deku Tree died." At this point, he didn't remember if he had told her that story or not. It appears he had, because Malon gasped.
"You're joking. That was like six years ago."
"Would I lie to you?" He asked, his voice as serious as he could muster, because he would lie to her at this point. He already had, thinking of his promise of a return seven years ago. He apologized under his breath, she looked away from him.
A silence fell upon them. Maybe they were both waiting for the other to say something first. Malon eventually fulfilled this role. "Do you want to stay at the Ranch tonight?"
"I couldn't."
"Why not? Please?"
Multiple answers to 'why not' flooded him. Each answer was so unlike who he used to be, he noticed immediately. Excuses such as he was entirely undeserving.
"I insist. Come back to the ranch. What? Why do you look so upset?"
"No, I'm not upset, but I really can't."
Link didn't feel like fighting back when she was standing and dragging him by the wrist for him to follow her. Now on his feet, he remembered the height difference between them. For someone so much shorter than him, she was doing a fine job of leading him across Hyrule Field, but that was probably only because he wasn't resisting. Epona followed close behind Link, which confused him. She looked just as he remembered her, but they had only really met once. Why did she stay so close to him, an almost complete stranger?
"So what have you really been up to?" Malon had asked when the wall of the Lon Lon ranch had come into view.
"Nothing," he said shortly, half-hoping she'd drop it. But of course, she didn't, and pressed him on.
"Really? No more adventures after all this time? Last time I saw you, you said you needed to go visit Zelda again. Did you go do that? What did she say? Have you seen her lately? I haven't. But then again, I haven't been up to the castle in years. Daddy does most of that stuff, I just take care of the animals." She laughed, Link silently smirked. He had honestly forgotten how talkative she could be. Not that he minded-the more she talked, the less he'd have to. He was starting to feel a little sick regardless. His head was starting to hurt but he couldn't imagine why.
"I did see her again, but that was so long ago, I can't remember." He couldn't even count how many times he had lied now. Of course he had remembered.
"Oh. I'm sorry to hear that." Malon paused, leaving Link to gather more thoughts. Not even Zelda could remember what he had been through, not completely. He himself was the only person he could confide in and that was okay.
"How have you been?" Link asked, hoping they could spend more time talking about her than him.
"I've been good. The ranch has gotten crazy. Ingo's been acting weird, but that was never a real development, and as always, dad's lazy about doing work. It's just me running the farm, really, and it's overwhelming. All daddy does is deliver stuff. The easy work, if you ask me. In fact, dad's looking for extra help for me. You could totally do it, Link."
"Help? Like what?"
"Just some mundane things, like feeding the cuckoos, and-"
"No thanks." He'd been attacked by far too many cuckoos in his life to ever want to willingly be near one again.
"Oh, that's right. You're afraid of them."
"I'm not afraid," he defended.
"Getting scratched a few times as a kid does not count as a traumatic experience."
He rolled his eyes. She had no idea.
"Well, you could do other things. You could help me milk the cows and groom the horses- oh my gosh, that reminds me. You remember Epona here, right?" The horse whinnied at her name. "Well, she's become the fastest horse we own now. Of course, she's still way out of control, so no one rides her but me."
Link didn't respond. Without consciously meaning to, he made his footsteps fall heavier, resisting her pull. He wouldn't look at her. She stopped, and Link suddenly wished he were alone again.
"What's wrong?" Malon asked, stopping and finally letting him go. Link no longer felt in control of himself. His headache had become more of a whole overwhelming ache. Malon spoke, but her words were lost on him. He felt numb suddenly. He didn't even feel the dull thud of his knees collapsing and slamming into the dirt. There was a knot in his stomach that he'd never felt before. He didn't feel enough to panic. He just fell. Malon's hands were on his face, he silently asked her to leave. Maybe it was hearing about Epona, though she had presently been here the whole time, had been with him for his forgotten quest. He was thinking about it now, though he vowed not to. Was this what he had become after trying to forget so much?
Malon panicked enough for the both of them. He heard, "Oh my god, are you okay? What's wrong? Oh my god," but Link couldn't focus his eyes anywhere but the ground.
"I can't go," he heard himself say. He wanted to say something else, but couldn't open his mouth again. He found himself looking up at Malon, who had absolutely no idea what to do, and that was the last thing he saw before shutting his eyes. He didn't feel it, but he heard himself collapse. Why was this happening? Why did his stomach feel so knotted? He was having trouble remembering to breathe. Was this some kind of anxiety attack? Link couldn't feel himself. He felt completely lost, mentally and physically. This was something he could not do. He didn't want to be around her after being so distant. Why hadn't he felt this way when he first saw Malon?
He opened his eyes suddenly, as if he had been able to the whole time. He still felt numb, and his left arm felt completely dead when he rolled over, accidentally hitting himself in the face in the process with a heavy and unresponsive arm.
He felt a pang of remorse in his stomach when he realized where he was. This was Malon's bedroom. He recognized her sheets, and the smell of the place, and of course, the dead giveaway was that Malon was sitting at the edge of the bed.
He honestly had no idea what had happened to him. He remembered only Malon approaching him at the hill on Hyrule field, and talking a little about Zelda, but that was it. How did he get here? Why was he here? He wondered if he agreed to this, and it was quite apparent that he was confused based on the reassuring smile Malon gave him. In the better light of the house, she looked exactly as he remembered her. Her hair was just the right color of red, her dress looked old but still flattering, and her smile was even the same.
"Don't you ever eat?" Malon asked him when his arms had enough feeling back in them for him to sit up.
"What?"
"You blacked out, remember? I put you up on Epona. Wasn't easy, but hey. I did it and everything's cool."
"I, uh," Link began, scratching his head and realizing his cap was gone. His hair was an absolute mess, he probably needed to wash it, but that wasn't important right now.
"Are you sure you're okay?" She asked with genuine concern that made Link want to curl up. No one had asked him that in a while, not that seriously.
"Fine," he lied through gritted teeth. It was coming back to him now, how he had been pulled across Hyrule field and couldn't move.
She frowned, obviously calling his lie. He didn't feel bad for lying right now. It wasn't like he had asked or willingly come here, so why did he need to tell her anything?
He let his head fall back on the pillow. He felt stronger now than when he had opened his eyes moments ago, and all he wanted to do was lash out, mostly because he did not want to be here. Even subconsciously he didn't want to be here; his panic attack only proved it.
"Are you hungry?" She said, completely dismissing his lie and smiling again. She was very persistent about helping him.
"Um, I guess. But I-"
"That had better not be some dumb excuse. I'm going to go grab some leftovers from dinner. Don't leave. You might faint again." She sounded serious, like a mother would be, though it wasn't like either of them would really know. "Don't even get out of the bed," she warned before shutting the door behind her.
Link still felt angry and he couldn't determine why. He stared at Malon's ceiling as if he were memorizing it. He had a horrible feeling about staying here, and following a small dose of guilt, he wondered how he could leave without Malon knowing. He obviously was not willing to jump out a window just to avoid walking out the door. Maybe he could wait until Malon fell asleep to leave.
For reasons unknown to him, Link snapped his eyes shut and did his best to relax and forget all this when he heard Malon approach the door. He uncurled his fists, let his head fall to one side.
She looked him in the eye and told him to eat. There was some kind of soup in her hands and he didn't refuse. She sat beside him on the bed and talked while he ate. It wasn't anything he needed to respond to, so he listened and occasionally nodded to show his paying attention, which he certainly was. He missed the sound of her voice, he realized halfway through one of her stories about naming one of their new cows.
Eventually, she asked him again to sleep here. He refused again, but she would definitely win in a competition of stubbornness.
But at the end of the next hour, it was dark, and an argument was a lost cause. She offered her own bed to him for the night and he obviously refused. She didn't fight him there, because "staying here is just enough for me," she insisted, and soon Link was almost asleep on the couch.
Malon was sitting in the room, but she wasn't looking at him. Or so he thought, because his eyes were shut and he felt as if he were nodding off. There was a fire in the fireplace, and the noise distracted him from everything else.
Before too long had passed and before Link was completely asleep, Talon walked in through the door. Malon explained the whole situation while Link pretended to be asleep.
He heard Talon sigh at the end of her story. "Well, let him stay here as long as he wants, you could use some company, right?"
"Yeah. Thanks, daddy."
"Sure, thank you. 'Night, daddy," she added And Link heard Talon walk away.
"Good night, Link," she then whispered to him, barely audible over the dwindling fire.
He felt her hair brush along his face again, and along with that, Malon leaned down and kissed his forehead lightly. His face remained neutral but he felt his stomach knot again.
A part of him honestly wanted to spend the night and hang out here for a while, but a more dominant part of him convinced him not to sleep. There was no clock in here, no real way of telling time, but he was almost sure at least two hours had passed when he woke with a start in the middle of the night. It was still dark outside and now inside too because the fire had died out. It took him more than a few seconds to regain his senses and remember where he was and why. He felt guilty again.
He blindly looked for his shoes. He had taken them off around here somewhere-Malon had moved them under the couch-he slid them back on and felt his way through the dark to the door. He was leaving so much guilt behind here.
He held his breath until he had shut the front door behind him. Immediately across from the door were the stables.
If Epona had been the same Epona in which Link parted with last, he may have felt the need to visit her. But even passing the stables made his stomach turn for the nth time tonight, and approaching the door was completely out of the question. His cap was still missing, somewhere in Malon's possession, but that no longer mattered. He didn't need it, and he would never come back.
Before shutting the gate a final time, Link added the Lon Lon ranch to his never ending list of places he wouldn't go back to.