Cotton Candy Bingo: Our song

Thanks to Sabrina06 for ways to make Heinz miserable.

Rated T for language.

Heinz Doofenshmirtz looked in the mirror of his small apartment bathroom, straightening his tie. Tonight was one of the most important nights in his life, and he wanted everything to be perfect. Tonight, he was going to ask Charlene to marry him.

They'd met entirely by accident. His brother Roger had thrown a party, and she'd come along with a friend of hers. And then one of Roger's friends, a guy named Dave, had started hassling her. Heinz had mistaken her for someone he knew, and his enthusiastic greeting had scared Dave away, to her immense relief. She'd thanked him, and after realizing what he'd done by accident, he'd waved it off as just helping a young woman in trouble. She'd given him her number, though, and the next day, he'd decided to call her.

It had been like a breath of fresh air. His other dates had all been with evil women of various sorts, and they'd always seen him as competition for control of whatever piece of the world they wished to claim. Charlene saw him as a hero. Someone who'd gone out of his way to help her out of a jam. He'd been stunned that anyone could see him that way, and when it was someone as fantastic as Charlene...maybe things were looking up for him after all. He'd realized that she'd never want a villain, so after dating her for just a couple weeks, he'd sworn off evil of all sorts. What did he need the Tri-State Area for, when he had the love of Charlene?

He stepped out jauntily, climbing into his old car and driving over to Charlene's apartment. He'd asked her out to dinner tonight, on the six-month anniversary of their first meeting, and she'd readily agreed. She was out the door before he even had the car parked, jumping into the passenger seat. She leaned over and gave him a kiss that curled his toes.

"We should get going," he said after a couple minutes kissing her back.

She gave him an embarrassed smile, and then reached over and turned the radio up. "I love this song. It reminds me of you," she said, and he listened to part of the chorus.

And then a hero comes along, with the strength to carry on, and you cast your fears aside, and you know you will survive...

He looked over at her, stunned. "Really? You really see me that way? I mean, I know a lot of folks think of Roger like that, but...me?"

She took his hand. "You, Heinz."

He kissed her hand, then put the car in gear and drove them to the restaurant. The box in his pocket burned like an ember, at least in his mind. Everything was going to be perfect. For once in his life, he was going to do something right.

Dinner went well, and while Charlene went to the ladies' room, he slipped the ring to Enrico, the waiter, and asked him to hide it in her dessert. She returned, and ordered a piece of chocolate cake, offering to share it with him. Enrico headed off to the kitchen with a wink at him.

"You seem nervous, Heinz. Is something bothering you?" she asked.

"No! No, not at all. Not pondering our relationship and our future and things like that at all. You know me, I live for the moment."

"Heinz, you're an awful liar."

He hung his head. "Yes, yes I am."

"So what's bothering you?"

He was saved by Enrico arriving with one piece of cake and two forks. Smiling at her, Heinz delicately poking at the edges of the cake as Charlene took larger bites out of the middle.

He saw it happen, as if in slow motion, but couldn't get his voice together to stop it. Charlene put her fork in the cake, and pulled out a piece, evidently not noticing the ring dangling out of the bottom. She popped the fork into her mouth, giving him a startled look as she swallowed reflexively. Her eyes bugged, then she put her hand to her throat, choking.

Quickly, he rushed over, put his arms around her from behind, and gave her the Heimlich maneuver. With a cough, the ring went flying, wrapped around a piece of chocolate cake. The cake separated from the ring in mid-air, landing on the floor as the ring plinked into the wineglass of a young woman at the next table.

The woman heard the sound and looked into her wineglass, seeing the ring, and then gazed at her date with a delighted expression. "Oh, William!" she said to her confused companion. "It's so soon, I wasn't expecting it...but, yes! Yes, I will!"

"Wait, what?" William said. "That isn't mine..."

The woman stood up, outraged. "You think you can toy with my affections like that?" She grabbed her purse and stalked out of the restaurant.

"I'm sorry about that, that's mine," Heinz said, using the woman's spoon to take the ring out of the wineglass.

"You!" William said, shoving his chair back. "You ruined everything!"

"Wait, what?"

"You think I ever intended to marry her? But now she's going to expect it, and it's all your fault!"

"Look, I'm sorry about it, I didn't mean it to happen like that..."

"You and that slut of yours had better..."

Heinz dropped the ring as he balled up his fist and punched William in the face.

"I don't know what happened," Heinz said to his cellmate, an alleged car thief named George. "He was yelling at me, but that's okay, I'm used to it. But then he said something about Charlene, and...I just lost control."

George shrugged. "Sounds like he deserved it."

The sheriff's deputy who'd brought Heinz in came to the door. "Doofenshmirtz? Bail's been made. Come with me, please." He unlocked the door, and Heinz waved to George as he exited the cell.

Heinz waved at Steve, the property-control officer. Steve said, "Haven't seen you for a while, Heinz. Keeping yourself out of trouble, or just not getting caught?"

"Oh, I've been keeping out of trouble, but somebody insulted my..." he paused, unsure of the right word here. Girlfriend? Fiancée? She hadn't accepted yet - he hadn't even proposed yet. "Girlfriend," he finally decided.

"Good for you," Steve said. "Sounds like she's a good influence on you. Keep it up, okay?" Steve slid the envelope with his belongings back to him. He glanced in, and it looked like everything was accounted for. He hadn't had the ring when he'd been arrested, so it wasn't worth hoping it would have showed up again.

The deputy led him over to the waiting area, and Heinz was surprised to find Charlene there; he'd expected Roger, as usual. She smiled at him and hugged him tightly, and he again wondered at just what he'd done to find this incredible woman.

"Come on, let's get out of here," she said, leading him out to her car.

He sat in the passenger seat, and said, "I'm sorry about all this, Charlene. I wanted it all to be perfect, because that's what you deserve. But...well, it's me. This is what I am."

"I know. My hero. Saved me again, and then defended me. What more could I ask for?"

"Charlene, I don't have the ring any more, but...will you marry me?"

She gave him a sly smile, and showed him her left hand. "What, you mean this?" The ring sat on her finger, shining in the light of the streetlights. "Yes, Heinz, I will marry you." She leaned over and gave him a kiss. "Come on, let's go get your car back from the restaurant." She turned on the car, and the radio came on, playing a familiar song.

So when you feel like hope is gone, look inside you and be strong, and you'll finally see the truth, that a hero lies in you...

Heinz looked over at Charlene as she drove. I can be somebody's hero, he thought, and a broad grin crossed his face. I've never done that before.