A/N: This story is depressing I will not lie to you guys. And it will become triggering as time goes along…

Missing You By: Billy Ray Cyrus

It had been almost two years since Jane died, she was in the middle of a huge case and the murderer got the best of her. But this story isn't about Jane exactly it is about her family and also her wife Maura and their son Andy, this is about their struggles through living without Jane even though it has been two years. This is about the weakness overpowering the strength, about getting where you are going.

Maura stepped into the house and walked straight to the kitchen not noticing the person on the couch watching her; the wine hit her lips and ran down her throat. In that moment Maura hated herself she had agreed to go out on a date, and she hated herself for going out. Setting the glass down she went to the fridge and pulled out a beer instead, she used to hate beer but she continued to buy Jane's favorite and she would drink a glass of wine and a beer at the end of the tough cases just like they used to.

Of course that one glass of wine turned into four and the beers sometimes matched, Maura was able to handle her alcohol a lot better. This was starting to frighten the woman that now stood from the couch, once she reached the kitchen that is when Maura noticed there was another person fear evident in her voice when she spoke.

"Angela, you scared me half to death." Maura stated as she tried to calm down.

"I'm sorry, that wasn't my intention. It was getting late and I was worried about you, Andy is sound asleep." Angela replied as she watched her daughter in-law down another beer and the pour herself another glass of wine. The occasional drinking had increased to every night, and then went to being tipsy, to being completely drunk every night. The older woman was worried; her daughter's death had impacted all of them. But Angela would tell you she never thought the younger woman in front of her would be going down the path she was.

Maura's designer dresses and heels were nowhere in sight, some days she wouldn't even put on makeup or style her hair she would just brush it and put it back in a ponytail. For two years Angela has wanted to sit her down and talk to her but never did the time feel right, but when Angela saw Maura gulp down the entire glass of wine she knew that tonight was the night.

"Sweetheart, why are you doing this?" The question made Maura pause.

"What are you talking about, Angela?"

"This!" Angela's voice rose as she pointed to the near empty wine bottle and the two empty beer bottles along with the half empty one in Maura's hand. "You have a ten year old son who is missing his mother, his hero while his other mother is standing in the kitchen drinking her pain away! Andy needs you! We all know you are hurting because we are all still hurting but this…you can't do this!" The scratchy, husky voice that Angela usually had was now high pitched and sorrow filled. Maura looked down at the bottle in her hands, Jane got her voice from her mother and that is when it happened.

The tears began to drip out then cascade like a waterfall, just thinking or even hearing her name caused her to begin to crumble inside. She had never loved anyone the way she loved Jane and having that other half of you ripped away in the most violent of ways made it worse, Maura felt arms begin to wrap around her. But she couldn't handle it, the physical contact it wasn't Jane's arms. Pushing away from the older woman Maura turned her back to the older woman. Angela continued to watch the younger woman; worry was etching itself into her face and eyes.

Maura walked towards the radio and turned it on, and was going to speak but stopped when she heard the lyrics she no longer had thoughts of speaking anymore. The radio hadn't been turned on since the night before Jane was killed, and the song on the radio was breaking her heart. Billy Ray Cyrus's song Missing You played, all of her pains were being sung out of that little radio.

Sobs started pouring out, she couldn't stop missing Jane. As she fell to the floor she felt arms wrap back around her. This time though she fell into the embrace, they weren't Jane's arms but they were the closest thing she had. They felt like Jane but there was something else, there was that love but it was motherly. That night Angela held her daughter in-law as she cried for her daughter that was gone, that night Maura let go. On that night Angela and Maura grabbed every bottle of alcohol and dumped it out, even Jane's beers were poured down the drain which was causing Maura to cry more.

The memories of sitting with her wife as she drank a beer as they talked, those talks were about anything and everything and she never knew until Jane died how much she would miss them.