The disclaimer telling all of you that I don't own any X-Men characters is in hiding. Why is it in hiding? It seems not everyone is happy about the Superhero Squad Show on Cartoon Network. In fact…
Jean Grey Is Ticked Off About Something
"Hello out there," Jean stood in front of the audience. "Since everyone else here is standing up and complaining about how the X-Men are perceived in the new cartoons, I figured I might as well do it as well. I want to take this opportunity to express my opinion on some of the things that have been going on and how we are being portrayed. I'm not happy."
"When are you ever?" Todd was heard from the back.
"The source of my complaining is the recent Super Hero Squad episode 'Mysterious Mayhem at Mutant High'," Jean ignored Todd. "There were just so many things wrong with that episode I had to say something."
"Yeah the biggest one was that it was all about the X-Geeks!" Pietro called out.
"My first complaint is the so called football team at Mutant High," Jean went on. "Called the Muties. Okay in the first place, the Xavier Institute doesn't have a football team! Second if we did have a football team, we would not call ourselves the Muties!"
"Yeah there's so many other names that would be more appropriate," Pietro shouted. "The Losers, the Weirdoes, The Dorks…"
"The X-Nerds!" Todd called out.
"The Stuck Ups!" Lance shouted.
"The Jerks Who Don't Win So Much!" Fred called out. "Because Nobody Likes Them."
"Another quick point is that even if we did have football team who would we play?" Jean snapped. "Certainly not the Brotherhood, since they are no challenge whatsoever on the field. Really, these guys make the Detroit Lions look like Super Bowl material. In fact they make a preschool team look like Super Bowl material!"
"Somebody's been studying their insult book," Lance remarked.
"But let's get back to my main argument about the football team being called the Muties," Jean calmed down. "It was right there in big red letters. This might be news to some people. Muties is a derogatory term. It's racist. It's basically the N-word for mutants. They are teaching kids that's it's okay to say a racist name! I have a problem with that! I mean you don't do that! You don't name a sports team after a group of people using a racist name!"
"Sounds like you and the Cleveland Indians critics have a lot in common," Lance remarked. "Of course that's baseball but the principle is the same."
"Well there is the Cleveland Browns," Fred spoke up. "Oh wait, they're named after a guy right? Not a skin color."
"Yeah it was named after this popular sports guy named Paul Brown," Todd said. "See there was thing naming contest for the new football team in 1945 and his name was chosen."
"Really?" Pietro asked.
"The funny part is that Brown wanted the team to be named the Panthers but there was some legal stuff blocking the whole thing," Todd shrugged. "There was this other team called the Cleveland Panthers across town so Brown finally agreed to the name and it stuck."
"I didn't know that you knew stuff about football," Pietro said.
"Eh, I picked up some trivia and stuff here and there," Todd shrugged. "Quite frankly I'm a bit disappointed on how the team is doing this year."
"Can't complain about the Colts," Pietro said. "Those guys are on fire! Of course they have a fast mascot too so no wonder I'd identify with them."
"I'm a Patriots Fan," Lance admitted. "Hey white guys with guns, how can you go wrong?"
"Actually…" Fred began.
"Excuse me! This is my piece here!" Jean snapped. "This is supposed to be a statement about mutant rights and discrimination and you've turned it into a football thing!"
"Well you're the one that brought it up," Fred pointed out.
"Yeah!" Todd nodded.
"Moving on," Jean let out a breath. "My second point is how the X-Men were portrayed as idiots! NOT ONE WORD QUICKSILVER!"
"Hey you said it, not me," Pietro giggled.
"Seriously, I mean having some super villain sneak in an unlocked back door and disguise as a lunch lady is supposed to fool us?" Jean snapped. "A lunch lady with a mustache and a five o'clock shadow? Seriously? And you wouldn't think we'd notice if someone's mind was taken over?"
"Not in Cyclops' case. I liked the part where Xavier opened up Summer's head and didn't find anything?" Lance snickered. "I loved that part! Brilliant writing!"
"Big surprise he was the first one who got mind warped," Pietro laughed. "I guess the guy wanted to start on an easy target!"
"And you really think the Professor wouldn't notice that Scott would be the one to do damage right in front of him?" Jean went on, trying to stay on point. "Or have his mind taken over that easily? Seriously? And that none of us would notice things going wrong or all kind of mayhem and insanity going on at the Institute?"
"Compared to all the other mayhem and insanity that goes on there it would blend right in," Lance said. "Jean you gotta admit that weird stuff kind of happens to you guys all the time."
"Three words Grey," Pietro said. "Sadie Hawkins Dance."
"You guys are never going to let us forget that are you?" Jean snapped at them.
"Hey it's the one time you X-Men screwed up royally instead of us," Pietro said.
"Yeah you really think we're not gonna hold onto that?" Fred asked. "Kind of helps get us through some dark days."
"We may have done a lot of stuff but creating a portal where man eating dinosaurs invade the school? You gotta admit that's pretty impressive on the destruction meter," Lance added.
"We had to work extra hard to top that!" Pietro said. "Thanks for raising the bar!"
"Let's move onto another point," Jean let out an impatient breath. "It's a minor point but it has to be addressed. The Danger Room is for training only! It's not used for glee club or special assemblies or anything frivolous! And it's certainly not used as our cafeteria! In fact food in the Danger Room was banned thanks to a certain incident with Nightcrawler and a bucket of fried chicken. Don't ask. The point is no food is allowed in the Danger Room!"
"Unless Kitty cooked it," Lance added. "In that case it has to be transported in there for proper disposal."
"Doesn't always work," Todd said. "Remember that last batch of cupcakes she made?"
"You mean the one where they had to call that special Haz Mat team from SHIELD in order to get rid of it?" Pietro asked.
"That's the one," Todd nodded. "How the heck do you make a cupcake that can absorb and store radiation?"
"Forget that, how do you bake plutonium in a cupcake in the first place?" Fred asked.
"My final point…" Jean went on.
"Wouldn't the oven explode?" Fred kept asking. "I mean you would think…"
"My final point!" Jean interrupted testily. "Is that how we were portrayed. In particular how I was shown to be some kind of peppy air headed cheerleader! I was never a cheerleader! I was an athlete! A soccer and track team player! There is a difference!"
"Yeah you were a peppy air headed jock, not a cheerleader," Lance quipped. "There is a distinction."
"I was not an air head!" Jean snapped.
"Oh yeah you were," Todd said.
"I was not!" Jean snapped.
"Two words, Jean," Pietro held up his fingers. "Duncan Matthews."
Jean was speechless for a moment. "Yeah I thought that would shut you up," Pietro smirked.
"I'm gonna shut you up if you don't let me have my say!" Jean snapped. "Okay maybe that was a mistake!"
"Maybe?" Todd asked. "Maybe it was a mistake to date a guy who turned out to be a self absorbed mutant hating bigot?"
"Maybe it was a mistake to date a guy who treated your friends like garbage?" Lance asked.
"Maybe it was a mistake to date a guy who didn't treat you right?" Fred pointed out. "And wouldn't even dance with you at dances?"
"Maybe it was a mistake to date a guy that fooled around with more than half the cheerleading squad every time your back was turned?" Pietro asked.
"Which explains why Jean doesn't want to be confused with a cheerleader," Lance added.
"Okay it was a huge…" Jean stopped. "What do mean more than half the cheerleading squad? I thought it was only a couple of girls?"
"By a couple of girls you mean a couple dozen, then yeah," Pietro folded his arms. "That counts."
"No, there is no way he cheated on me that extensively!" Jean snapped. "He couldn't have dated the entire cheerleading squad!"
"Well not the guys obviously," Fred said. "And that one cheerleader who was his cousin. Guess he's not into that."
"And there was that one cross eyed girl from Special Ed they had to put on the squad because her mom got an injunction or something," Todd scratched his head. "But other than that…"
"No way! I would have known!" Jean snapped.
"Like you knew everything before with your telepathy?" Lance snickered. "Yeah that was reliable!"
"You didn't need to read minds to know what was on Duncan's," Todd said. "And what was going to happen when you went off to that soccer game over the weekend. You know the one where you had to stay overnight in Jersey? The one Duncan said he couldn't attend because he had to do stuff?"
"He wasn't lying," Pietro quipped. "He had to do Cindy Chalmers!"
"That other time you cancelled going to the movies with him in order to do an extra training session in the Danger Room?" Lance said. "He did a training session of his own with Mindy Green in the back row!"
"And that weekend we ended up at Camp Ironback?" Todd said. "Duncan spent it at the lake with Sandy Haner and Mandy Galyor. Admittedly not on the same day. Even found time to go out with Gloria Glimble."
"The time you were supposed to go on the field trip but got bumped by Rogue?" Lance asked. "Duncan was sweating bullets because he had a field trip of his own in Carol Delaney's house while her parents were away!"
"Didn't you think it was strange he had her underwear in his locker?" Fred asked. "I mean wasn't that enough of a tip off?"
"He had her underwear in his locker?" Jean yelled. "Why that miserable…"
"Remember that time that the football team had an away game?" Lance smirked. "Apparently the coach believes in rewarding players for a job well done. That's all I'm gonna say."
"How do you know all this?" Jean snapped.
"You never read his blog?" Fred asked. "Or checked out his Spacebook Page? What kind of girlfriend are you?"
"You should have seen some of the pictures he put up after you two broke up," Todd snickered.
"Face it Jean," Pietro quipped. "Every time you turned your back, Duncan got a girl on hers."
"WHAT? WHY THAT SON OF A…." Jean screamed. She used her telekinesis to rise into the air. Several objects began to fly around wildly.
"Uh oh…" Todd blinked. "This is not good."
"Guys I think we pushed her a little too far," Fred gulped.
"No? Ya think?" Lance snapped at him.
"DUNCAN MATTHEWS YOU'RE A DEAD MAN YOU $%&$#%!" Jean screamed.
"Jean! Watch your language! This is a T rated fic!" Pietro yelled. A chair was thrown telekinetically, hitting him with it. "AAAAAHHH!"
"SECURITY!" Todd yelled.
Due to technical difficulties the rest of this fic has been cancelled.
The picture describing the 'technical difficulties' was a crazed Jean in Phoenix form frying Duncan Matthews.
"Better him than us," Todd said.
"Or our bosses at Marvel," Lance said. He looked at the audience. "You're welcome!"
CRASH! SMASH!
"JEAN! CALM DOWN! CALM DOWN AT ONCE!" Xavier was heard yelling. "AAAAHHHH!" He was then shown flying across the room. "JEEEEEEEEEAANN!"
"So much for Red's Goody Two Shoes image," Lance remarked.
CRASH! SMASH! CRASH!
"And the deposit we put on this room," Todd blinked.