Hello, dearies! I have a bit of a special something for you. Basically I got bored and decided to write something like 'My Immortal', 'Your Life With Ron Weasley', and some other terrible fanfics. It was also a bit of a dare. And it hurt my head to type as such. I also have a bit of commentary scattered around so you can get a bit of sanity.

A/N: HAI GUYZ! (This hurt terribly, dearies) Im riting a noo storee!

My nam iz Dementia Raven Eliza Ebony Joel. I have blak hair tht comez down 2 ma waist. It has red streeks in it and perpl tipz. Ma iyz r blu liek teh see. I'm emo and i cutt mi ristz. Im a witch and a vampire and a Satanist.

Nywayz, I go 2 Hgwrtz. Im in Syltherin (this is about the time I started getting a headache). BTW, im in mi sickht yer, so im 16. But I haf a problem. Wel, too. Im the pretyest gurl in skool and itz anoyying, and i rly, rly, liek FRED WEASLEY! (-sobbing- I'M SORRY, MY GINGER TWIN! BUT DRACO HAS HIS OWN AND I WAS DARED TO USE YOU!) OMS (Oh My Satan, geddit?) hez sooooo hott!

Wel, one dai in teh Grate Hal, i wuz eting brekfast and i saw…..FRED! Oh my Satan, he wuz sooooo hawt and sexxii! Nd Fred ternd Goff ova teh sumer so he werz blak now and cuttz himself. I wuz soooo happi cuz i wuz wering ma bst corset, blak miniskirt, blak bootz and mi MCR shirt and i loked rly god!

My best frnds Danica Velvetcrush (YOLANDA THIS IS U!) (I got these names by putting actual names into a goth name generator) and Astarte Metalwing (THIS IS U, JASMINE!) sat nxt 2 me.

"Hay, Dementia!" Danica sed 2 me.

"Hw's et gowing?" Astarte sed.

"OMS! U scarred meh!" i scarmed.

"OMS, sory!" Danica sed bac 2 me.

"OMS, hoo r u loking at?" Astarte sed.

"No1!" i scarmed bac. (The 'bac 2 me's and 'scarmed' are from 'Your Life With Ron Weasley)

Astarte lend in. "Iz it tht coot boi ova ther?"

Astarte wuz ponting at Fred! He looked soooo sexxii and coot in his blak clothez! Im pretty shoor tht Fred iz a Stanist 2 now. I rly hop he iz cuz hed be soooooo hawt!

"Him? NO! Hiz a Grifindoor!" I sed bac 2 her.

"AWWWWWW!" scarmed Danica. "Hiz soooo hawt!"

I maed a mad face. Fred wuz totally min!

"U wuld git in soooo much trubl!" i sed.

Tht wuz me bein smrt, u sea. (Yeah, right….I've created a bitch. A dumb bitch) If she thot she wuld git in truble thn she wuldnt wunt 2 dat him!

"Troo," Danica sed. "Hez stll sooooooo sexxii tho."

"BCK OF, BICH, HEZ MIN!"

Evry1 wuz loking at mi. I flipped them all off and walked away. Fjuckin prepz!

CHPTR OVA! IF U DIDN LIEK IT UR A PREP, SO GTFO!

ARGH, THE PAAAAAIIIIIIIINN! My brain hurts... Well, still, do you think I did a decent parody job? I hope I did because my friends Yolanda and Jasmine have urged me to continue…Well, I'm off to get some aspirin.

Review while I'm gone, please, dearies.