Memoirs

Note and Disclaimer: I don't own the character of M*A*S*H, but the character of Captain Jeanie Morrison (the main character and narrator) belongs to me. These are outtakes and some made up scenes from the series "This Forsaken War", chapters and others things that I discarded or some other scenes I thought of after the story series' end in 2010. I saved them because I liked them or made up a few I thought would fit in somewhere random. I figured it would be fun to put them all together and kind of complete the series almost, going from war to postwar. Some of the scenes, I filled in, to explain some chapters and get a few laughs. Enjoy!

The first evening together in the Swamp and kiss outside of my tent was never enough for me, as I've always thought. Walking around on Cloud Nine was not exactly the way to put it (although, I say, I kinda was mostly out of it), but I could never describe the feelings I've had when being around Hawkeye Pierce, especially after that first night together. Hell, it had been two nights since that first kiss in front of the nurses' tent, but I was hungering for more and more, wanting to be with him and to talk him in the same way we did before. And more was what I was about to get…in the form of another date.

When I had Post-Op duty one warm autumn morning (well, it was two mornings after that kiss), Hawkeye showed up as I was writing reports at the desk, something from the night before. It was not unusual surely for a doctor to come in and make rounds randomly, even if he was not on duty, but there was something in his blue eyes that said that he needed something and that I was his target. I avoided his glance when he eyed me and then turned to look back at him when I could not stand the eyes at the back of my head any longer. I felt that gaze was tearing me apart inside, one that inviting me into another world that mirrored mine in many ways and would show me more of his.

Even though I was busily doing something I hated doing (writing on paper, I mean), I was always interested in what Hawkeye wanted to say and do. Today was one of those days, just as it had been, when I was wishing he would call me out in front of everyone. I mean, it wasn't like Hawkeye had been paying much attention to me. Indeed, that had been growing since he invited me to the Swamp. He alone would seek me out in those two days, ask my opinion and even poke at me to join him in surgery. It wasn't something that didn't get people to talk (and boy, did I ever hear it from the nurses!), but it was something that made me special, like I was somebody and not the nobody people made me out to be here.

Besides, it made me warm inside to feel love once more, even if it was the giddiness of a teenager in school. Did I mention that it was two days since that kiss?!

When Hawkeye saw that I was looking at him too (finally realizing how wonderful it was to have someone who liked him for who he was and not for what he had under his pants), he went over to me, leaning in just so and barely kissing me quickly on the head. I felt the electric shock of it travel down through my body, which almost jolted me awake from the long shift I've had already. I tried my best to show that I was more interested in his words and not the second kiss we sort of shared, but that was hard to hide from Hawkeye. He didn't seem to mind though.

"So, how is my favorite nurse doing?" Hawkeye asked me, a description that made me warm inside, mixing in with the shock of the kiss.

I couldn't help but giggle like a schoolgirl too, even if Henry was nearby on duty and most likely straining his ears to hear every word said. "Oh, just getting by, I suppose," I replied. "What do you have in mind now, Hawkeye? You came in here for a reason."

"Well, I was thinking of maybe a dinner for two in the minefields, with a cozy little blanket and some gin newly made from this morning." Hawkeye grinned, like he was picturing it already. "I heard that it was a good morning today and that tonight is bound to make it a better night. Less artillery in the weather forecast, but there's going to be more of each other. Mother promised me."

I laughed out loud with pleasure, causing Henry to move his head from his patient to me in sort of a slow motion annoyed sort of way, like in a movie. Granted, he was very red-faced from exasperation (most likely from Hawkeye butting in when I was on duty and he was not), but he could do nothing nonetheless. Hawkeye was innocently talking to me, as he had for the past two days (sweetly, I should say), and ignoring every other nurse. However, it didn't mean that Hawkeye was guilty of something entirely, something that would involve me later on…and soon to be something else in the present moment. The problem for now was about to pull himself in, in the form of a major pain, to be precise.

Just when I was about to answer to my favorite person of the day (and perhaps the month or longer, if things went the way I wanted them to), Frank Burns appeared. Holding his pants from behind and only walking around in that and his undershirt and Army cap, he looked like he was more than pissed off. Even his Regular Army spit-and-shine boots were missing from feet, revealing more than just hairy toes, dirty feet and long toenails that showed chipped black nail polish (most likely painted because of Margaret Houlihan). I swear, even his nose hair was missing that tight hourly cleaning it was used to, cringing in a curl as he noticed Hawkeye by me. In a huffy sigh, Frank came over to us, shoving his way over bedpans and nurses to reach the desk, away from everyone else's earshot.

Being tact wasn't in Frank's book though. He was more interested in calling Hawkeye out on the silliest thing that recently happened. Without dignity or respect, he began, not noticing that everyone was watching the scene behind him.

"Pierce!" Frank began, not knowing what else to say other than calling Hawkeye out on something, to get his attention. "Pierce, how could you?"

"How could I do what, Frank?" Hawkeye asked very innocently as he turned away from me, smiling as he picked up a clipboard from the corner bed next to where I was sitting. "I also didn't know that the Army was demanding a new uniform. Where was the memo?"

"This is no new uniform, you degenerate," Frank hissed, waving part of his pants, even in front of a patient in a jaw sling, mind you. "You stole my belt, stole my shirts and switched pants sizes on me! I am wearing an enlisted man's uniform pants now, without proper rank!"

"Oh, come off it, Major," I decided to say bravely, testing the waters as I twisted my body around to face the two. "What difference does it make? We're all one color here, right?"

"And that's supposed to be red," Hawkeye added, making a check mark on the clipboard before he moved on to the next bed. "Red for blood, Frank. We're all the same here. Why does it matter you have somebody else's green pants, which everyone wears, by the way?"

"Find me my pants and shirts, Pierce!" Frank screamed, taking off his cap and throwing it to the ground, stomping on it in the process. In the meantime though, his pants fell down and there was a good sore site for all to see.

There was an immediate response, I have to say, but Frank did not see it right away because of how involved he was with Hawkeye. Nurses turned away quickly, some of them turning pink in the face with embarrassment, although I saw some snicker. Patients who were up and about had to avert their eyes, some of them also snickering at the officer who now was giving them a show. Hawkeye and I could not stop laughing, him most of all. I had to cover my mouth with my hand, trying to keep meek and quiet without getting on report, but I could not help myself. Hawkeye was slowly drawing me out, bringing out the best in me, and it delighted me to be that person again.

And then, of course now, there was Henry. Good old Henry, whose annoyance was now at an edge (and might topple over). He soon came over to us, tapping Frank on the shoulder to remind him of something important. And while Frank was shocked and did not bother to stop showing off, he saw his mistake quickly enough and pulled whatever he had left up. And boy, was Frank red in the face too! I don't think I saw a man more humiliated in my life, not even Clarence, my stepfather, when he made a scene in the driveway.

Then again, I don't think Clarence knows the meaning of shame, except on others. I could see the similarities between him and Frank and also the differences. While I did not want to see how the two were the same, I also saw that Frank might have delighted in making others miserable, but he was above the law and would ensure that his tracks were covered. In this case, I was sure that he would get even with Hawkeye…and that his opponent would be there to counter this senior officer always.

"You know, Frank, you're out of uniform," Henry said seriously, trying not to crack a smile too (his mouth twitched and I saw it). "I will have to put you on report to General Barker."

"And you let those…those…animals…get away with running around in their robes and worse?!" Frank screamed, pulling Henry behind the curtain to the office for more privacy, even though there was none, especially with a bare behind still being shown. "I will get you no report, Colonel! Make no doubt about that!"

It was then, behind that curtain, that Frank disappeared into the office space, door flapping behind him like a tree in the breeze. From where we were, the three of us heard him yelling at poor Radar (who was most likely getting into something he wasn't supposed to) and some things being thrown about the office with Radar protesting about how he cleaned the office just yesterday. Then, there were some orders that Radar was going to patch in a call to somebody or another and he had to do it now.

Henry tried hard not to laugh along with the others as he came back from behind the curtain, but there were catcalls behind him that he had to still. "Easy now, men," Henry cautioned to the crowds behind him. "There'll be more where that came from."

"Will he join the USO?" a wounded man asked him, the same one who had his jaw in a sling.

"I'm sure we'll hear an announcement from Major Burns' booking agent soon," Hawkeye added with a wink to the wounded man, looking back to me with his blue, blue eyes and coming back to me. "So, Jeanie, how about it? Lunch at the minefield?"

It took me seconds to give Hawkeye an answer. From the merriment of the people around me (save for the sniveling nurses who were pissed about me getting some attention) to the laughter in Hawkeye's eyes, I could not deny something that I've wanted since that night in the Swamp. I had to go along with what my heart was telling me…and it was telling me to take it for what it was, to take some chances, and to be the Jeanie that was supposed to be.

"Take me away," I only said, even as Henry growled and had to walk away to meet up with Frank again, giving us the privacy that never could be. "Just give me a time and I'll be there."

Hawkeye said nothing in return. I saw the new shine in them though, something I never saw when he was with other women. I could have been imagining it (of course, honeymoon periods lasted so long), but there was no mistaking what Hawkeye wanted. I wasn't a new conquest since I seemed to be much different from the other nurses. I was just a friend, something he craved in a world where there seemed to be few and more to fight against.

And that was fine with me too. I was content to being a friend…although I was wishing for more too.