Commercials Done by Lord of the Rings Characters 1/3
Gandalf
*Gandalf walks on set like a boss*
Gandalf: When you get old, you start to slow down a bit. Simple things like fighting Balrogs, coming back from the dead, and saving the day get tiresome.
*Gandalf starts to talk using an epic voice*
Gandalf: That's why I use 8,766,000 Hour Energy Drink, the only energy drink that lasts an entire millennium! Let's demonstrate the effects, shall we?
*Gandalf proceeds to break through walls, kill a bazillion orcs, finish a game of QWOP in one try; the usual*
Gandalf: 8,766,000 Hour Energy Drink; so amazing that even I use it!
Sam
*Sam awkwardly walks in with a bag of potatoes*
Sam: Well, don't you know it; I have some potatoes, heh heh heh.
*director coughs off set*
Sam: Right! But they're all clean – I mean, they're all dirty!
*director sighs*
Sam: So, if you, uh, get what I'm getting at, I want to, you see, erm, get these potatoes, uh – undirty?
*Sam looks around him*
Sam: Where is it?
*silence*
Sam: Oh, it's off stage!
*Sam runs off set to go get his product. He comes stumbling back*
Sam: I can't find it! Its *dramatic* lost!
Director: It's in your pocket!
Sam: *pulls out his product from his pocket* Oh. Heh heh heh.
Director: ...*sigh*
Sam: So now to clean some po-ta-toes!
*Sam attempts to open the potato bag*
Potato bag: Trololololooo.
Sam: The potato bag won't open!
*ten minutes later and it's still not opening*
Sam: Desperate times call for desperate measures!
*Sam opens potato bag with teeth*
Sam: Now, we, uh, take a potato, and use this –
*Sam holds up a potato peeler*
Sam: Called the, uh…the, erm…
Director: *whispers* The Peel-Machine!
Sam: Right! Called the Pee-Machine!
Director: *ragequit*
Sam: So we take the Pee-Machine and peel our potatoes!
*Sam tries to use the peeler and cuts his thumb*
Sam: Bugger.
Director: *makes a sound that's a cross between an elephant giving birth and a balloon letting out air*
Sam: Just a bit of blood! *is bleeding all over his potatoes* Just a…a little extra protein!
*someone off camera gags*
Sam: Now, this Pee-Machine cuts very well, as you can see. *holds up a bloody potato* Just like my Gaffer used to say, 'It's not about the potato, Samwise, it's about the peeler!'
*silence*
Sam: *whispering to the camera* He didn't used to say that, I'm just being paid to tell you that.
*far off in the distance you can hear the director scream*
Sam: Time to go. Remember to buy the Pee-Machine; the best thing since baked potatoes!
*silence*
Sam: I think I might need a Band-Aid.
Legolas
*Legolas skips in*
Legolas: Being on a super duper awfully bad mission doesn't mean I should look like this:
*holds up pictures of Aragorn and Boromir*
Legolas: But sometimes there isn't even enough water to drink, let alone wash my *slow motion hair flip* beautiful locks!
*Legolas holds up a hat-like object*
Legolas: But this Hair Fresh Routine from CoverElf means that I don't even need water to wash my hair! Let me show you how this works.
*Legolas puts his hair into this pink hat-thing*
Legolas: Tiny little microbe things or something like that make your hair clean again! And when you're done with it, you can be eco-friendly and throw it out!
*Boromir and Aragorn walk in*
Aragorn: Dude, what's up with the hat?
Boromir: You look like a cupcake…
Legolas: YOU'RE RUINING MY CLOSEUP!
*Legolas bursts into tears*
Director: FML.
Okay, I've decided that since sometimes I get funny ideas for LOTR that aren't big enough for a series, I should make a ficlet fanfiction story to house them all. There isn't exactly going to be scheduled updates, so if you like this ficlet so far then you should follow the story so you know when there are updates *nudge nudge, wink wink*
These advertisements will make up three chapters, and then I'll do some other random stories when I think of them.
Make sure to Read and Review :D