One day, a young (and possibly homosexual) boy named Eddie strolled through the streets of a small eighteenth century American town.
As he pondered the possibility of a fellow Morman becoming a crazed writer, a cloaked man appeared infront of him. "Who are you?" Eddie asked the man.
"I am... BARNABAS CULLANE!" The cloaked man shouted, "And I am... A VAMPIRE!"
"Well, thanks for telling me," Eddie replied, "Now that you're finished shouting your monster-isim, what do you plan to do?"
"I plan to... Feed on your blood!" Barnabas over acted with glee.
"Sooooo, you're gonna kill me?"
"No!" Laughed Barnabas, "I'm going to turn you into a fellow vampire!"
"How will that accomplish anything?" Eddie asked Barnabas. Barnabas glared at Eddie for a moment, "I take it you have no answer?"
Barnabas muttered something under his breath.
"Sorry, what was that? Something along the lines of 'Oh, Eddie is right!'?" Eddie taunted.
Barnabas replied to this with pouncing on Eddie, sucking the blood from his neck.
Several seconds later, Eddie stood up, dazed, "Argh. That was a lot like what Saint Johnseph told me intercourse was like..."
Barnabas stared. Eddie wondered what was wrong with what he said.
"Ah, never mind. So, I'm off to my mother. I think they haven't died of this year's Black Death strike..."
Barnabas stopped him. "No no no, I don't think you understand... You're now a member of my family! MY VAMPIRE FAMILY!" He laughed. A decorative bolt of lightning struck. It killed thirteen Mary Sues, who seem to be swarming this area.
"What?! Why?!" Eddie yelled.
"I don't see why not."
"... True, true. Well, are there any hot chicks in your 'family'?" Eddie asked with glee.
"Yes!" Barnabas answered.
"Wooh! I can't wait-"
"And they're all your sisters now."
Eddie's face grew sour, "Damned. I wish I lived in the south..."
"How are you referencing a common stereotype before it existed? You're not my time travelling 'child'!"
"... Oh god, this book is going to suck."
And yet, Eddie was right! Much later, in the legendary time of the twenty first century, his small town turned into another small town (now with werewolves!") named Spoon, Washington, which harbored one of the worst books ever...
'Vampires Jumpin' Through the Forest'.
So, how did you like it? Just writing this to give my readers a quick dosage of parody while I'm trying to write new chapters for 'The Quite Peckish Games'.
In other news, I'm writing a webcomic with Seaapple! It's called 'Ron the Rabbit', and you can find it on my Deviant Art (My username is Noklevername.)