Desperate for Attention

Chapter 1: Dreaming the Impossible (?)

Armin stretched as he walked down the castle corridor, the sound of his boots hitting the stone floor echoing loudly. He chewed on his lower lip as he recalled his dream from the previous night. It had been so odd. In the dream, Jean had snuck into his room and fucked him relentlessly, all the while reiterating to Armin how much he loved him. It wasn't the fact that it was a male that shocked Armin. He had known he was gay for quite a long time now. It was the sheer realization that Jean had been the one in his dream. He usually dreamt about Erwin or Reiner, occasionally Eren, but never had Jean entered his dreams. He shrugged to himself. It was only a dream, after all. The mind sometimes does strange things, and since it can't construct imaginary people, it made sense that someone Armin saw regularly would sneak into a dream once in a while. The slender blond strolled through the entrance of the dining hall and sat in his usual seat, next to Eren and Mikasa.

"Hey, Armin!" his Titan shifter friend said. "What took you so long? You're usually the first one in here." Armin fought to hide the blush that threatened to appear on his cheeks. In truth, he had been lying in his bed, pondering over his dream and wishing it could have continued just a little longer. He didn't hate the dream with Jean. In fact, he had enjoyed it. He had really enjoyed it.

"Oh, Mikasa," a deep voice came from behind the three. "Have you reconsidered my offer?" They all spun around and saw Jean with a smirk on his face. Sighing, Mikasa stood and punched Jean square in the jaw, causing him to yelp in pain.

"Go away, idiot," she muttered monotonously. The hurt boy slunk away, whining the entire time like a dog after being beaten in a fight. The boys sitting next to the raven-haired girl both had expressions of slight shock on their faces.

"What was his offer?" Eren asked breathlessly. Mikasa shrugged in disinterest and took a bite of bread.

"He asked me if I wanted to sleep with him," she said with a full mouth. Armin felt the slightest flip in his stomach. He was a little jealous. It was obvious Eren was in love with her, but now she got Jean, too? The blond let a puff of air out in annoyance and self-pity. He had to be honest with himself. None of the other guys here were gay. They wouldn't look at him that way. He ate his breakfast in silence and they all went to training. It was incredibly hot outside and he couldn't keep his eyes from straying over to watch Jean. The boy was muscular and moved beautifully, Armin couldn't deny that. After the grueling hours of training, Hanji grabbed Eren and took him away for experiments while Mikasa disappeared into her room. Armin, bored and rather lonely, took to roaming the corridors of the castle they called headquarters. As he walked past the dining hall, he heard voiced and laughter. He stopped and stood in the entryway, watching the others who had gathered there. Sasha had found more food somehow and was munching happily, Reiner and Connie were laughing at each other's lame jokes, and Jean was doing completely ridiculous impersonations of Commander Erwin and Corporal Levi. The blond's bright blue eyes were locked on Jean. He couldn't help but chuckle as he imitated the Corporal's cleaning habits.

"Well, look who it is, the little blond thing that's usually attached to the half-Titan," the sandy-haired boy smirked as his eyes locked on Armin's. The smaller boy shrank a little, hating the tone of the other's voice. Instead of replying, he simply turned on his heel and walked briskly towards his room. He'd never be graced with kindness from Jean, which was evident. Before he got too far, he heard Sasha's voice echo from the dining hall.

"Damn it, Jean! Why do you have to be so mean to him? Don't you think he has enough problems to deal with?" she yelled. Armin reached up and wiped the tears from the corners of his eyes. He was glad that the others stuck up for him, but he couldn't help but feel that made him a burden. What he wanted more than anything was for someone he could curl up next to in bed and kiss when he felt alone. Of course, that was never going to happen. He was alone, in that respect. Love like that wasn't possible hear. He slammed his door as he walked in, tired of everything.

"Armin," shouted a voice from outside his door. He turned around nervously. Who was it? Why would someone follow him? He opened the door just a crack and peeked out. Jean stood there, a frown on his face. "Can I come in and talk to you?" As much as Armin wanted to avoid the situation, he opened the door, allowing Jean access.

"What do you want to talk about?" the small blond asked, looking up into Jean's eyes. The taller boy shoved his hands deep in his pockets.

"Do you like me, Armin?" he asked softly. Armin once again attempted to hide his blushing cheeks.

"I guess I like you as much as everyone else," his voice was a whisper. Jean shook his head and ran a hand through his messy hair.

"Not like that. I mean, do you like me?" his emphasis on the word making his question more clear. He bit his lip as Armin covered his mouth with one hand in surprise.

"I… well… You're handsome… I mean… I don't know… Maybe…" Armin stammered. "Yes." This time there was no hiding the crimson shade that occupied his cheeks. He was blushing fiercely now and he cursed to himself. The blue-eyed boy wouldn't look the other in the eyes. However, he gasped when he felt a hand cup his chin and raise his face up to look at the taller boy.

"Armin," Jean began. "I'm sorry I've been an asshole to you. It's just difficult to be around you. You see, Marco was the only one who knew I was gay. He was the only one who knew I was attracted to you. When he was alive, I could get my feelings out. I could confess to him about you. I could vent. He's not here anymore, though. I lost my best friend. I haven't been able to let it all out, so when I see you, the frustration becomes too much. I never meant to make you upset. I just have trouble controlling myself around you. The only way to keep myself from kissing you is to push you away. I'm sorry." A tear had fallen from his right eye and was streaming down his cheek. Armin's cheeks felt much hotter than they had; in fact it felt as though his entire body was on fire.

"Jean, why didn't you just tell me?" he asked. The taller boy laughed sheepishly.

"Well, I never knew you liked guys, to be honest. It wasn't until a few minutes ago, when Sasha told me she was nearly positive you were gay, that it dawned on me," Jean blushed. Armin's eyes darkened and he whimpered. Jean took the act as an invitation and kissed the smaller boy roughly, biting at his lower lip and running a hand through the Armin's long hair. Suddenly, the blond pulled back.

"What about Mikasa? You've been flirting with her for so long," he mumbled.

"I knew she'd turn down my advances. It was a cover. It's true that I desired one of the Titan shifter's closest friends. It just so happened to be the beautiful blond, rather than the other," Jean's voice was sincere and he brought his head down to capture Armin's soft lips again. Armin forced his tongue inside Jean's mouth, causing the sandy-haired boy to moan loudly and push him back on the bed. With Jean on top of him, kissing at his neck and jawline, Armin didn't feel so lonely anymore. In fact, he was feeling rather companionable. However, the most prominent feeling he had was that he was hot. With the weight of the larger boy on top of him, he was burning up. He needed Jean. He wanted his dream.