Team Rocket and the Snow Queen

Part 1

"Mother, mother, will you tell me a story?" The little boy demanded.
The woman on the couch turned off the news. "It's late, dear; time to go to bed."
"But I wanna bedtime story! WAAAAAH!" He said.
"All right, you thankless little brat," she said, pulling some stapled-together papers out from a huge pile of junk, "I was about to send this to my publisher anyway; I might as well use you as a guinea pig. And stop calling me mother; you're just staying for the weekend because I like your real mother.
"Anyway, on to the story." She cleared her throat several times. On the brink of starting, she became shy.
"All right. Well now. So then. Here we go."
"To say that Jessie and James were the best of friends in the whole entire world would not be an understatement. In fact, it would be an overstatement. Or rather, it would just be a lie- a downright lie.
"The truth was that they did not get along very well at all. They fought like a Meowth and a Snubull. Jessie was arrogant, bossy and bratty; James was wimpy, whiny, and lazy. Frankly, it was a wonder their friendship survived for as long as it did. In fact, it was entirely Jessie's grandmother's fault."
"Why was it her fault, mother?"
"I told you to stop calling me that, and I was about to explain. Be patient."
"Aw, I hate being patient, mother."
"So do I. Stop calling me that. Anyway, whenever Jessie got into a fight with James and came home in a huff, her grandmother would always cackle 'I knew you two wouldn't last long! Poor kids shouldn't rub noses with the rich!'
"If there was one thing Jessie loved, it was proving her grandmother wrong. So she would go back the very next day and make up with James. Their fights often seemed silly by the next day anyway."
"Was Jessie rich?"
"No, why would you think that?"
"Because her grandmother said something about poor kids and rich kids…"
"Oh, no, actually Jessie was quite poor. She barely ever had anything to eat, poor girl. At least, she wouldn't have, if it hadn't been for James… who was the sole heir to a massive fortune. His parents were so rich they could buy their own tropical island if they wanted to, and have enough left to put a theme park on top of it."
"Cool! Did they?"
"No, dear. They hated tropical islands because they were so sandy, and they hated theme parks because they were so noisy."
"What did they do with the money then?"
"They bought clothes. They spent four hours every morning choosing outfits, washing, smearing on all kinds of beauty potions and lotions, choosing jewelry- that sort of thing. Then they invited their friends over to look at them and have dinner. In their spare time, they dressed up James. They loved stuffing him into the most uncomfortable (but expensive) outfits available, turning him into a little doll to play with. Then they invited all their adult friends over to stare at him, too, but never any children. Children were so noisy and dirty and they didn't want their outfits spoiled. They were very hateable."
"I don't like them, mommy."
"And I don't like you. Don't call me that.
"Anyway, the only fun James ever had was when he escaped to Jessie's house. The two would play for hours. Neither had any toys- Jessie was too poor, and James' parents thought toys destroyed clothes for some reason- but they played pretending games like doctor or teacher, or gardener with the flowers in Jessie's garden in the spring. Roses were the absolute favorite flower of both of them. When it was winter they had snowball fights. It was during winter that our story truly begins. Jessie had learned from her grandmother of something called a snowman-"
"That's silly, mommy, everyone knows what a snowman is!"
"Well, Jessie didn't. She never learned to read and her only friend was James who was not allowed to read children's books about building snowmen because books had sharp corners and might rip clothes. Don't call me that. Anyway, Jessie's grandmother expressly forbid them to put something as tacky as a snowman on the lawn, so the very next day Jessie and James set to work building the tackiest snowman they could. They put balls on top of each other and dressed them up.
" 'It needs clothes and a face and some hair,' said Jessie. 'Should it be a boy or a girl?'
"And then, of course, they got into a long argument about which gender their genderless snowman should be, until finally they solved the argument because the only thing they could find that looked enough like hair was a tangle of red yarn that Jessie had knitted in her spare time, and it was very long, so they made it a girl. Then they stole one of James' mother's dresses and one of her fancy fur coats and put them on the snowwoman. Then they went inside for cocoa.
"But the funny thing was that when they went back outside, they couldn't find their snowwoman anymore.
" 'That's weird,' said Jessie. 'I don't think it could have melted in such a short time!'
" 'Oh no,' said James, turning pale. 'Mom's best dress… and her expensive fur coat… mom will kill me!'
" 'Yeah, right,' said Jessie, 'I doubt she'll even notice that it's gone; she has, what, fifty favorite dresses?'
" 'A hundred and five,' James said, a little doubtfully, but eventually he decided Jessie must have been right and that his mother couldn't possibly miss a single dress out of hundreds, and anyway, she had no proof that he had stolen the dress. Or fur coat. So he went back home that evening, where his mom was waiting for him with thunderclouds on her face.
" 'Where is my favorite dress?' she demanded.
" 'Um, uh, um, in the closet?' James stammered.
" 'I saw your little grubby footprints leading into the closet! You had better not have damaged it! Now where is it?'
" 'Uh, we put it on a snowwoman and the snowwoman left!'
" 'You little liar!' His mother said, and she picked up a decorative pistol that was hanging on the wall, and, as James had predicted, proceeded to kill him, however she had neglected to put any bullets in the gun and James fled out the door.
" 'Don't come back without my dress and my fur coat!' his mother called after him.
"So James went out to look for the snowwoman. He spent the next few days on the street, cold and hungry, asking everyone he saw if they had seen a snowwoman walk by. Naturally, everyone he asked just laughed.
"But then, one day, he wandered out into the woods, hoping to find the snowwoman there. Instead, he found a wild Growlithe. He was delighted- this Growlithe had been his and Jessie's, but mostly his, until he had tried to take it home and his father had taken it away and left it in the woods. James had no idea had happened to Growlie, but it seemed happy enough- it knocked James to the ground and licked James' face with its hot pink tongue."
"Its tongue was hot pink?"
"No, its tongue was hot and pink. Don't be picky."
"I think it would be cooler if its tongue was hot pink. Make it hot pink."
"I can't make it hot pink; its tongue isn't hot pink and that's that. Shut up. Anyway, James then asked the Growlie to help him track down the snowwoman, and the Growlithe obediently picked up the scent of James' mother's dress and began to follow the trail.
"They were walking for quite a while, and James thought they were getting nearer Jessie's house- 'that makes sense,' he said, 'the snowwoman should be nearby'. It only just then occurred to him that he should have asked Jessie's help in the first place, which is what any intelligent person would have done. Suddenly an icy beam shot out of the woods and hit Growlie, encasing it in ice. Shocked, James ran forward, and guess what he saw?"
"The snowwoman!"
"No, a parade of pink elephants in goofy hats."
"Huh?"
"That was a joke."
"Oh. That wasn't funny, mother."
"Neither are you. Don't call me that. Anyway, yes, he found the snowwoman, he thought, but she seemed different. Instead of a lopsided blob of snow that happened to look sort of like a woman, she had an hourglass figure. The fur coat was wrapped snugly around her, with the hood covering her hair, so that all that James could see of her was her face- a pale, fair face, with dark eyes and frightfully red lips. For a moment, James thought she was a vampire. But then the woman spoke to him in a kind, caring voice.
" 'James," she said gently, 'I have been waiting for you.'
"James decided that she couldn't be a vampire because she didn't have a Transylvanian accent. He took a few tentative steps forward.
" 'Come to me, James!' The woman said. 'Come to me! Stay with me! What is left for you in your old life? Come, James! Come!'
"Growlie howled with apprehension-"
"I thought you said the Growlithe was frozen!"
"Did I? Oh, darn, you're right. Blast, I'll have to edit that… anyway, James walked toward the woman as though enchanted. All he saw were her eyes like obsidian, her fair face, and her bright lips. When he was close enough, the woman pulled him in a tight hug and kissed him on the cheek.
"Suddenly James felt as though he had been thrown into an icy lake. He gasped from the cold and shivered violently, trying to rip himself out of this scary woman's arms.
"But the woman simply kissed him again, and this time, James did not feel cold- not even the natural cold of the snow around him. But he didn't feel warm; he felt as though he could no longer detect temperature. He swayed to one side, a little stunned.
" 'Come with me,' the woman repeated. 'Come with me and you will lack nothing. Any luxury you desire can be yours. I will keep you, I will help you… I will love you, James.'
"James looked into her eyes, his green eyes meeting her black ones, and he nodded.
"In a flurry of snowflakes, James and the woman vanished.
"Growlie, who had worked to free himself from the ice and had finally succeeded, howled with sorrow."
"People don't just disappear in a flurry of snowflakes, mommy."
"Wow, you have, like, no willing suspension of disbelief whatsoever. Either that or your head has grown to the size of a watermelon over the Growlie-encased-in-ice incident. Either way, shut up. And don't call me that.
"James' parents were, well, less than distraught. In fact, they didn't even care about James' disappearance until a week later, when they realized that company was coming and they didn't have James to dress up and show off. Nearly frantic, they remembered that little peasant girl down the street- what was her name? Kiki? Beatrice? - and they decided they would take her in as their own child.
"So they headed down the street in their visiting-peasants costume- the plainest clothes they could stand to have in their closets; a plain white dress (made of fine cloth and with a fancy cut) for the missus, a cheap (900 dollar) suit for the mister. Despite the fact that they thought these clothes hideously cheap, they were still terrified. What if this little girl turned out to be a screaming brat who tore people's clothing? It was too terrible to think about. So they approached the house with great caution.
"Jessie was not in the house at the time. She was outside. She hadn't had any cause to worry over James, because it was not unusual for James to not show up for a week, and she hadn't given any credence to James' claim that his mother would kill him. So she was just playing around in the snow, feeling lonely and sorry for herself, when Growlie came running up to her. Because the Pokémon had been mostly James', she almost didn't recognize it or remember it, but it came back to her quickly. It puzzled her why the Growlithe was so upset.
"Meanwhile, James' parents had reached Jessie's house and were talking with Jessie's grandmother. Despite how much the child despised her, Jessie's grandmother really did love her and did not want to give her away, or sell her, but while she was good at arguing with her granddaughter, she was bad at arguing with most other people. Hoping the strong will of the child could save her, she said that she really could only leave this choice up to the girl and called for Jessie to come inside.
"Jessie told Growlie to stay put, she would come back for him soon enough, and she ran inside. Upon which her grandmother told her that these two fine people had come to adopt her, and she would do well to accept the offer. Naturally, this made Jessie despise the idea with all her being. She screamed, kicked, broke things, but in the end, her terrible temper and her grandmother's reverse psychology had no effect on James' parents, who were convinced that as soon as the girl saw all the beautiful clothes awaiting her, she would become docile as a lamb, for who didn't like clothes?
"Jessie didn't, that's who. After she destroyed three expensive dresses, not to mention the valuable fragile items that decorated their house, James' parents locked Jessie in the basement until she could behave better."
"Do James' parents have names?"
"That was certainly an abrupt question… uh, yes, they did. Everyone has names."
"Then what were they?"
"I don't know."
"Why can't you just name them?"
"I… don't know their names already! Just… be quiet and listen to the story!
"The basement was a dark and scary place. Only a little window in one wall, near the ceiling, let the weak late winter light shine through and cast creepy shadows on the wall. There were spider webs in every convenient corner- convenient for the spiders that is, not for little girls who did not like spiders. Jessie wondered vaguely if there might be bats.
"But Jessie was not a girl easily frightened. She simply found a brick and several boxes. She hurled the brick through the window, climbed on the boxes, and climbed out the window to freedom. She ran back to her house, where Growlie, true to form, was waiting obediently for her.
" 'Growlie,' Jessie said, 'something has happened to James.' She reflected on James' prediction that his mom would kill him, but then decided it couldn't be related. 'I need you to sniff for James and find him.'
"Growlie first led Jessie to where he had last seen James, then put his nose to the ground and followed the trail. They came to a river that had not yet frozen. Jessie took some branches off the ground and tied them together with some handy twine she had in her pocket, and then she put the makeshift raft in the water and jumped on top.
"Needless to say, the raft broke and she was left floundering in the icy water. Growlie, disregarding its type weakness to water, leapt in and held her head above water as they were dragged downstream.
"After they floated a little ways, they were fished out by a kind looking but terribly wrinkled old woman. The woman took them to her house to warm them up."
"Did she have a name?"
"Jessie never learned her name, and you will see why in a moment.
"The woman's house was this lovely little one story building. It was small, but beautifully furnished and cozy. It had a bathroom with hot water, so the woman drew Jessie a bath while Jessie drank hot chocolate. But the water she put in the bathtub was from the Pool of Forgetting."
"What's the Pool of Forgetting, mommy?"
"It's just an obscure reference to Greek mythology. Don't call me that. When Jessie bathed in the water, her memory became foggy. The woman, meanwhile, stood by Jessie's tub, washing Jessie's long red hair-"
"Like yours, mommy?"
"DON'T CALL ME THAT! Anyway, while she washed Jessie's hair she began to call Jessie her 'dearest daughter' and say other things that convinced Jessie she was the daughter of this old woman, and that she had lived here all her life, and that nothing exciting had ever happened over the course of her miserable existence.
"This disappointed Jessie very much, and she was also very disappointed in herself for failing to make some excitement of her own. The woman seemed to realized this, so she added some lavender oil to the bathwater- enchanted lavender oil that would make Jessie… subdued, let's say. Jessie felt like she were living in a fog, always trying to remember something important, with a vague feeling that there was more to life than embroidering with her mother, but unsure what could possibly be more important. It was like she had a personality crisis.
"The old woman dumped Growlie out into the snow to fend for himself, fearing that he could bring back the child's memories. And so Jessie lived in her foggy world for far too long.
"But we shall leave her there for a moment. Now we will tell what happened to James.
"James found himself whisked away to a palace of ice. It was carved like a diamond, with the various planes of ice reflecting the light in a rainbow of colors. As for the light, it came from glowing crystals mounted in the wall. The lights were all different colors- yellow, blue, white, purple, green, gray- but they tended to be color-coordinated, so that each room had lights of only one color. As for the furniture, it was solid blocks of ice. Everything was carved with ornate patterns and was very pretty, but there was nothing made of cloth. The beds were little more than slabs of ice with a lot of gaudy carving that looked like fancy pillars and a cloth canopy and fancy pillows and a cozy bedspread, but in reality it was only cold, hard ice. Not a living thing stirred within this frozen palace, save for the mysterious woman and James.
" 'You have complete freedom to go wherever you wish and do whatever you please,' the mysterious woman said. 'You may indulge in whatever delights you.'
"There were indeed many delightful things in the palace- books, toys, board games, everything a child could want- all made of ice."
"How do you make books out of ice, mommy?"
"Only the cover was made out of ice. Don't call me that.
"But after a while, James became very lonely. The icy woman never did anything with him; she merely watched him, or ignored him altogether.
" 'I'd like some friends, please,' James said one day, sure the woman would not deny his request.
"She responded by zapping his icy toys, and they began to move. James was thrilled at first, and played with his toys for many an hour- but they were like animals, and not like people. James longed for someone to talk to, and he took to wandering throughout the halls listlessly, hoping to find some exciting room.
"After a while, he found a room with a lot of different statues in it. Boredom had led him to have a destructive streak, so he decided to try pulling the arms off the statues. But most had arms that were very solid. When he came to a statue of a beautiful faerie, he pulled that arm- and the arm lifted like a lever. A long rectangle in the center of the room fell away into a set of steps, Harry-Potter-escque. James descended into a room unlike any in the palace. The walls were not made of ice, but of normal wood. The torches, while still glowing crystals like the lights in the palace, glowed with a natural orange-red flame color. The hall led to a room filled with bottles of mysterious liquids in all colors, and some bottles that were simply empty. There were crystals similar to the light-giving crystals, but these did not glow and were broken in half. There were Bunsen burners that had flames of eerie colors, like purple and green, which should not have existed. By the wall, looking out of place, was a stone- not ice- statue, another statue of a faerie, and a very beautiful one at that. She had dark hair flowing down her back, a dress with a flaming pattern on it, and a determined look in her eye. Her hands were held up, one on each side of her, and she was holding a stone flame in each one. James wondered what the statue was doing here- it did not fit with anything he had ever seen in the ice palace. But then, that was probably why it was down here. There was a door leading out of this room, and James went to look.
He found a small room that was dominated by a fountain. Well, I say fountain, but it was more that a huge waterfall poured into an ivory basin. James had no idea why the water didn't overflow the basin; it must have been magical, or else there was no way the basin could hold all that water.
" 'Hey!' A little bossy voice shouted. 'Hey you in the purple!'
" 'James turned, a little surprised. 'You mean me?' He asked.
" 'No, I'm talking to the waterfall,' the Meowth snapped. 'Who do you think I'm talking to?'
"James saw a small white Meowth in an iron cage, suspended from a chain in the ceiling.
" 'Who are you?' He asked.
" 'I'm the obligatory talking cat,' the Meowth replied. 'What's it to ya?'
"James blinked, a little puzzled. 'You're the what?'
" 'Never mind. Look, kid, I'm kinda in a jam here, so if you don't mind opening the cage and setting me free, I'll try to do you a favor, okay kid?'
" 'Um… sure,' said James, opening the lock on the cage.
"Suddenly the walls began glowing red and a loud noise blared from nowhere.
" 'Oh, darn,' the Meowth said. 'Better run before you get in trouble with the Snow Queen.'
" 'Is that the woman who lives here?' James asked.
" 'Yes, now don't ask stupid questions and RUN!' The Meowth scampered off through the door James had entered by.
"James raced as fast as he could, and soon found himself in the room with the statues again. The icy walls were also pulsating red light; it was terribly creepy. James pushed the arm of the statue back and the floor closed up. Then he ran into his room and started playing with his toys.
"After a while, the Snow Queen entered his room. 'Have you seen a Meowth scamper past, by any chance?' She asked, her voice even more icy than usual.
" 'Uh, Meowth? Here? In this dead place? No, of course not! Why would I have seen a Meowth?' James stammered.
"The Snow Queen left James. James was left sitting on the floor, and though he did not feel any cold, he shivered. Things had just gotten a little more dangerous.
"Growlie had decided to follow James' scent trail, and he and Meowth met halfway between the two prisons. Neither seemed-"
"Mommy?"
"Don't call me that!"
"But, mommy, if James was teleported to the castle, how did Growlie follow the scent trail?"
"Hah! I already have a solution to that, so there! Anyway, neither Growlie nor Meowth-"
"You didn't answer the question, mommy. And you failed to tell me not to call you that."
"Well, don't call me that! And be patient! I'll explain later!
"Neither Growlie nor Meowth seemed surprised to see each other.
" 'Oh, hiya, Growlie. How's the girl?' Meowth asked.
"Growlie barked a few times.
" 'Pfft. Seems like more trouble than she's worth… but she'd probably listen to me.'
"Growlie barked a few times.
" 'He's okay… a little stupid, but then humans always are. I miss the faeries… but if he's The Chosen One I suppose I have to put up with him.'
"Growlie barked a few times.
" 'You think so? Okay then, we'll trade places for a while and see how it works out.'
"Meowth and Growlie shook paws, and each continued in the direction they had been heading in.
"By the time Meowth reached Jessie's current home, it was springtime. The garden was in full bloom, and the snow that had been there was nothing more than a memory.
"It was not hard for Meowth to infiltrate the house. He was a professional thief. He found Jessie sitting in the garden, doing embroidery and looking bored out of her mind and very confused. Meowth waited until the old woman went inside to get some lemonade, and then made his move, landing in a cat fashion in the middle of the garden.
" 'Yo,' he said.
"Jessie was a little delighted by the cat's sudden appearance. 'Who are you?'
" 'I am Dracono Gurello Meowth the 2nd, but you may call me Meowth. I'm here to save you.'
" 'Do I need saving?' Jessie asked, a little confused. She stabbed herself with the needle.
" 'Well, yeah. I'm here to save you from your miserable life of boredom and take you home to your mother.'
" 'My mother's inside,' said Jessie, but she didn't sound convinced.
" 'Come on! Don't you want to have a little adventure?'
" 'Well… but mommy said never to talk to strangers. How do I know you're telling the truth?'
"Meowth thought about this for a moment.
" 'Well… Hey! Where'd all the roses go?'
"For you see, the old woman, through dark arts, had discovered the love Jessie and James had had for the roses, and feared that seeing them would bring back the child's memory. So she had kept the roses in the garden from growing that year. Nor were these fears ungrounded.
" 'A rose?' said Jessie. 'I always felt there was some flower I really loved, and that I was always looking for, but I wasn't sure what. Could it be a rose?'
" 'Probably. You're so much like your mother…' Meowth found the bush he was looking for. 'Hah! This is a rose bush, but the flowers are all gone for some reason… hey, Jessie!'
" 'What?' Jessie asked, without stopping to wonder how Meowth knew her name.
" 'I need to do a bit of spell breaking. Poke your thumb on this thorn, will you?'
" 'What?' Jessie repeated. She had a very low pain tolerance. 'Why?'
" 'That would be way too complicated to explain right now, but poke your thumb on this thorn and sing.'
" 'Sing what?'
" 'The rose song… don't tell me you never learned it!'
" 'Uh, no… I guess I never-' but just then, Jessie remembered the song her grandmother had taught her one spring, the spring that she had met James. 'Actually, I just remembered. Okay, I'll try.' She pressed her thumb to a thorn and began to sing, 'Rose, rose, bloom for me, bloom for me and all to see.'
"Suddenly, at the tips of all the branches, buds grew, petals opened, and roses were revealed, all in fast motion. They were a deep, glorious red, and their petals were streaked slightly with sunset orange.
"Jessie gasped, as all of a sudden her memories were restored to her.
" 'Thatagirl!' Meowth said. 'Now come on! We have to rescue James!'
"They escaped back over the garden fence and made their way to the ice palace.
"Meanwhile, Growlie had followed James' scent, all along the river, to the very end of it. The river seemed to flow into a cave and vanish. Now came the part Growlie had been dreading. He took a deep breath, summoned all his courage, and dove in.
"The water was absolutely frigid. Growlie nearly drowned.
"Eventually, however, the waterfall spat him out into the basin James had seen, and Growlie dragged himself out, where he collapsed with exhaustion.
"Suddenly, he heard voices outside the room. He did his best to hide behind the basin, but it hurt for him to move.
" 'How many faeries did you haul in this time, Balthazar dearie?' the Snow Queen asked."
"Oh, sure, mommy. Let's just do a cross-over of Pokémon and Neopets at the same time. See if I care."
"DON'T CALL ME THAT!
" 'Only a handful, my lady,' the Lupe growled. 'They are few and far between. It seems that you are already in possession of most of them.'
" 'Good,' the Snow Queen purred. 'That's just the way I like it.'
"Their voices faded, and Growlie decided it was safe to sleep. Just to close his eyes for a few moments…
"Oops, speaking of eyes closing, it's midnight. Your real mom will kill me. Get in bed this instant, you little brat!"
"Aw, mommy!"
"Don't. Call. Me. That."

End Part 1