Title: Alone in the dark
Author: Leona
Pairings: 1+2
Disclaimer: The gundam boys not mine
Note: Sorry for wrong spell and grammar.
Heero…
I love you. You may never know but it's true. I love you. Not as a brother, or as a friend but as a lover. I knew it's so silly and wrong. Silly because I fall in love at the first sight and wrong because both of us are boys. And I knew you loves someone else, Relena Peacecraft. Even though I hate her but yet I admire her. She's kind, braves, and brought peace to the world. So perfect with you, a perfect soldier, who's willing sacrifice your life. You love her and visa versa. I couldn't pass her.
If you wondered why I love you, I better tell you now because next time you see me, I won't be able to answer it anymore. Actually even me don't know why. It just happened. At first, I confused. I convinced myself that I didn't love you, just 'like' you. But when you self detonate and thought you were dead, I knew right away that I love you. I envied you. You're so tough, so strong.
Actually, when you made love to me, I was so happy. Yeah, I know I agreed with you when you said it was a mistake. I'm so afraid to lose your friendship if I told you the truth. I don't want it to happen. Even if you don't love me at least you like me as your friend. Ironic doesn't it? I'm the one who told everybody that I'll never told a lie and here I am lied to everyone.
I'm such a coward. I'm sorry I always bother and annoyed you. I couldn't stay quiet around you. I'm scared if I do, I might do something that I'll regret. If I kept talked I could distract my self from you.
So I wore my mask. Just like you, I had a mask too. Same yet different. Your was cold and mine was a cheerful one. I'm a normal person, you know? I hid my sadness, anger, and frustration behind that mask.
My childhood life is a mess . I had no mother, father, or any family. Sometimes, some of bad people came to the orphanage and drag me out to beat me, raped me, and many other things when I was alone, when no one noticed me. All of my friends come and go. None of them considered me as a friend though. I'm scared… I'm scared cause when I was alone they'll come. I'm always alone in the dark… that until I saw you for the first time. I don't know how but you brought light to me.
Only Quatre knew all of this. Everyone knows that no one could lie to him.
I tried to live normal after the wall. Really!! But still I couldn't consecrate at my life. My thought always about you. I envied Quatre and Trowa. Maybe you also noticed that they're lovers. I often saw them hugging or even kissing when they thought no one saw them. It made me jealous. It's not like I hated them. No. I'm just jealous.
I wanted to be hold and kissed like that by you too. I wanted to spend my life with you. But I knew I'm hopeless. You're the reason I live until now. Without you I'm just left alone in the dark again. So I decided to do this. I'm not as strong as you. I couldn't bare this torture. I wanted to end it.
Good bye Heero. Don't blame yourself for this. This is my very own decision. I choose to disappear from this cruel world. Be happy with Relena. I'll never forget you. Even I'm in the hell. p.s. Thank you to show me your light in my pathetic miserable life.
Love you always,
Duo
Tears trailed down from my eyes to my cheek. Why? Why Duo? Why you had to do this? Why couldn't you waited just for one more night? I was going to confessed to you the night you disappeared.
I waited for you. But you never came home. I started to panic and called the others to find you. Can you imagine how shocked I am when Wu Fei found you inside the Deathscyhte. Dead. With this letter on you hand.
Don't you know we all love you? Don't you know we're all missing you? Look, Quatre is blaming himself. Wu Fei even crying!! For God sake, Wu Fei!! Trowa doesn't crying but I know he's crying inside. And me… you killing me inside, Duo.
Don't you know that I live in the dark too? Don't you know you're my light in my life? I'm just the same as you. I'm not a perfect soldier. I just wanted to end my life in honor way. I don't love Relena. I just love her as a sister. Baka!!
…No this is all my fault. If only I'm not such a bastard coward, he won't die. It's too late for that any way. You already gone. Leave me in the darkness. This time for sure.
~Owari~
So how's that? It's my first Gundam fic ever!! Please tell me what u think.. ^_~
Oh, yeah… Would someone help me with the grammar and spelling for my next fic (if there's ever one) ?? My grammar is sucks. .