(A/N: Just a little something I wrote after reading the lyrics to this song. Nnoitora and Neliel, of course. I think they're rather out of character, to be completely honest, but I don't mind. I'm sure they would, but hey, there are worse representations of their characters than the ones I present.
On a somber note, my grandmother passed on just this past Saturday, and if this is a little depressing, I blame my sorrow. It's been really hard to write anything in the past couple of weeks, what with school and work, so forgive me for being so slow.
Also, Bleach belongs to Tite Kubo, and Lights In The Sky to Trent Reznor/Nine Inch Nails.)
Lights In The Sky
She's mostly gone
Some other place
Her side of the bed was cold. Her side of the comforter was untouched, not crumpled, save for the small bit on Nnoitora's end. He was used to giving her room to sleep. It was not every night that she wanted to cozy up to him, and he had found ways to get around that.
She had not touched her side of the bed in days it seemed. Her nights with him were sporadic; he treasured them.
He could not say where Neliel had gone, but she was mostly there, or wherever she went.
I'm getting by
In other ways
He knew he had to get by. If Neliel was not going to be there, then who was? Who would take care of him if it were not she? Who would love him if she did not? How could he go on if he did not have himself?
He had to find other ways. He had to rely on himself. The short times she stayed with him made him appreciate her more, but it also depressed him, for he knew she would be gone again in an instant.
Even if he were holding her in his arms, she was still a million miles away.
I tried to stay away
You know
Just in case
He had tried to stay away from her. He had tried not to be drawn to her. She knew, or at least, he thought she did. How could she not know?
He tried to stay away, just in case, so that he could spare his feelings. He knew her all too well, and he had seen her destruction in so many ways.
Just in case, to spare his sanity, he had tried to stay away.
He had been drawn to her in ways he could never understand.
I've come to realize
We all have our place
It had taken her a while, but she had realized. Each one had a place. Every single person that walked past her in the streets, seeming faceless, had a place in the world. Even she had a place, as small as it was, and Nnoitora, too.
It had taken a while for her to understand. It had taken time, but she had needed the time. Neliel had troubles with realizing that not every person functioned in her way. She had taken a great deal of time realizing that everyone had a mind. Everyone thought, and everyone spoke.
Everyone had a place, including her.
She still was not sure exactly where her place was.
Time has a way you know
To make it clear
He knew she had a place; he knew he had a place.
He knew where he belonged, and where she belonged. Time had opened his eyes, and he had begun to see.
He had begun to realize that her place was not with him, but it was with him. She remained with him for reasons that both of them could not comprehend, and he knew he did not want to.
Time made him painfully aware that she was afraid to leave, but she left him on a nightly basis nonetheless.
Time made it clear to him that she belonged with everyone, and he only belonged with her.
Time made it crystal that he was depressed about the entire situation.
Watching you drown
I'll follow you down
Her face was crumpled in a ball of pain. Her hands were balled at the sides of her pained face; her eyes open though she could barely see through the ice.
Nnoitora wanted to scream with frustration. Damn her for love of winter ice-skating.
He could only watch as she drowned. He could only watch helplessly instead of break the ice. Her mouth opened in a muted scream, her fists opening as she clawed at the ice.
The crimson streams came from her cracked and bleeding fingernails, her eyes rolling back into her head as she lost consciousness, unable to shut her eyes after that. Nnoitora could not look away from her frozen face, even after the body sank to the bottom.
Even after he could no longer see her, he stared, imagining that her face was there, and wishing that she were next to him again, blades gliding peacefully on the ice.
He wanted to follow her down, and his eyes fumbled for the black hole she had disappeared into.
I am staying right beside you
I have my role in this
He pounded the ice in frustration. Nnoitora had never felt such a crushing weight upon his chest, nor the lump in his throat. He had not been able to save her. How could he have missed the cracking ice beneath her blades?
He found the black hole and dove within it. The icy water made him cringe, and he wanted to crawl right back out, but he could not. He could not leave Neliel; he had to stay right beside her.
He had his role, and it was as her something. After all, he was not sure what she considered him to be. She was his best friend, among many other things, and he could not go on without her.
He thought he was rather pathetic for having nothing to live for besides her.
He also thought that it was his fault she had drowned. He dove beneath the water, gripping her stiff body in his arms and squeezing his eyes shut. It reminded him of the times she had been unwilling, and stiff in his arms. She had not wanted to die, but she had not been adverse to the idea.
She knew that when she went into the water that death was the best possible fate for her.
She had also known that Nnoitora would not wish to go on living without her.
And I am here right beside you
The lights in the sky
Have finally arrived
Something made him open his eyes. Something made him stir.
Something, a small lump of human, or so he thought, lay beside him. He reached out, prodding at her with a long finger. She stirred, her head turned so that it was recognizable, and her face lifted toward him.
The joy he felt formed a lump in his throat, and then confusion.
"Are we…are we dead?" he asked of the lump of human.
"I—I don't know." She returned, her eyes dinner plates in a saucer sized face. She sat up slowly, her eyes on him.
"We have to be."
"That's true." A look of despair crossed her face, but it was quickly replaced with peace, giving Nnoitora the confusion she had held just moments before. "I guess we'll be all right. What choice do we have?"
She was right, and for the first time ever, Nnoitora hated that. Her face tilted upward and her eyes searched the sky, her hand slowly rising
He looked in the direction she looked, and saw nothing at first, but then he saw lights, faint at first, but slowly growing brighter.
For a long, frightening moment, Nnoitora thought he might lose Neliel.
In the next, he took her in his arms instinctively; his crave for her body next to his own overwhelming and undeniable.
I can't disappear
Or leave you here
He could not leave Neliel there.
She would not leave him there, or be left.
He could not disappear, but he felt himself fading, and he was resisting.
He could not disappear, he just couldn't! Nnoitora would not leave Neliel in their death, of all times.
He had followed her down, and he would follow her up, into the lights in the sky.
Her face had paled considerably, and she felt so cold and so faraway, and Nnoitora did not know what to do.
His eyes sought the sky and he found that the lights had dimmed, and they looked farther away. He clung to Neliel; too afraid to let her go for fear that he would disappear. He could not leave her.
She would remain with him, unafraid and weary, like him.
He was not afraid of the world they were leaving, and she was not afraid of the world they were entering.