Disclaimer: The characters depicted, settings, and some terminology in this fan work are the property of Masashi Kishimoto. The views and opinions of this fan based work in no way reflect the views or opinions of Masashi Kishimoto. This is a fanfiction written purely for entertainment purposes and nothing more. The author of this fan based work receives no profit gain in writing this.

WARNING: Contains content NOT suitable for children under the age of 17, and readers are strongly cautioned. The following contains but is not limited to, light sexual acts, non descriptive rape, inappropriate language, self harming and violence.

Thank you soooo much PoseidonDemon for translating into FRENCH.

So any French speaking readers are welcome to travel on over to PoseidonDemon's profile for the translation if you'd like. : ) He was very nice and did a great job. Thanks again!

Rewrite 7/13/17

Naruto's POV

Everyday it's always the same. I pull myself out bed. I eat. I train. I don't have anything else. Why did I have to be born me? I've tried to be someone else, but I'm still the same person inside. I look cheerful and outgoing, but it's not really me. Inside the only thing I have is loneliness and doubt.

I try my best not to think that way but as far as I can remember I've been all alone. No mother to hug me, no father to teach me, no siblings to look after or to pester me. Just me. Was I ever loved even for a second? No... it's impossible...to love a monster. I was born a monster and I can't change that.

Neji was right, you are born into your fate. You can't erase it. You can't hide from it, and you definitely can't change it. I am the nine tails and I attacked this village nearly 15 years ago. I understand that I caused a lot of people pain that day, but I can't change who I am, and the villagers can't change either. I tried so hard to change their minds about me, but I guess deep down I don't believe I deserve to be forgiven.

Was I really so naïve as to think smiling and goofing off would make the villagers like me more? I still can't leave my house without being glared at or worse. I avoid walking outside at night for fear the villagers would gang up on me. Which they've tried several times in recent years, but Iruka or Kakashi had always stepped in. I still don't know to this day why I want to protect this village and everyone in it with all my heart.

I tried to hate them like they hate me, but it wasn't something I could do. I just feel sad for them. I took away their loved ones, and now they have to see me every day alive and well while their loved ones are rotted in ground. It must be really painful for them. Even so, I would give my life to save these people. The very same people who have made my life a living hell, but that seems to be my fate in the end.

I am a monster after all.

End Naruto's POV

Naruto sat on the cold cement floor of his kitchen hugging his knees to his chest, while a steady flow of tears blurred his vision. He leaned back against the wall lost in his dismal thoughts. He had tried to sleep the night before but he couldn't manage at all. He kept tossing and turning. It was early morning even though it was still dark out. He ended up staying that way for hours waiting to start his day. He was supposed to meet up with his team for training around 7am, though he really didn't want to go. It didn't seem like it mattered anymore. He was never going to be Hokage. He considered showing up and feigning illness to get out of training. Maybe Kakashi would buy it and let him leave early.

'Yea right.' he sighed thinking to himself.

Naruto sat like that on the floor until it was almost time to meet at the bridge. Naruto picked his cold trembling body up from the ground and tried his best to compose himself. It took a considerable amount of time before he was able to stop shaking and was able to plaster that ridiculous grin on his face. He quickly threw on his jacket and checked his reflection before leaving to make certain he looked composed enough.

'A grinning fool' is what he thought he looked like.

He locked his apartment and left. It wasn't long before the glares and whispering started. He did his best at being friendly by smiling and even saying "Good morning." All it earned him was more foul looks and a few resulted to throw rocks at him or even shove him. But he never got angry or fought back. He just kept on his way. It wouldn't be right if he fought back. It's not their fault they felt this way. Their hearts were damaged by what happened the day the Kyuubi attacked. They had no way of healing if they couldn't blame someone. It was just unfortunate for Naruto that he was that someone.

'It's my fate to shoulder their hatred.' he reminded himself.

His thoughts were interrupted as a jagged stone was flung at his head and caught him off guard. He hissed in pain stumbled forward a bit rubbing his head. Naruto was seeing double. He managed to keep his smile in place even though his head was throbbing. He rubbed the back of his head gently. He gasped as his fingers made contact with his scalp. He could feel warmth on his finger tips.

'I'm so sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I'm sorry.' Naruto's face scrunched in pain as he fought back tears.

"It's that damn kyuubi!" a woman shouted as he staggered by clutching the back of his head.

"Go on get out here monster!" yelled someone from the crowd.

'I'm sorry. I'm sorry.' he continued his internal apologies as he passed through the center of town.

He pulled his shaking hand from the back of his head to get a look. His fingers were stained red. It wasn't too bad the blood on his fingers had already begun to cake up and dry. He kept trying to smile. These sorts of things were just part of his life. It was always going to be this way no matter how hard he tried to change it. He willed himself to keep smiling.

'I am a monster. It's my fault.' he clenched his fists at his side willing tears back all while smiling.

His eyes held sadness while his mouth was in an unnatural smile. If you weren't paying attention you would think nothing was wrong by the boy's actions and large grin. But those eyes told everything if someone would just look, but they wouldn't. No one ever noticed. Deep down whether he knew it or not he was screaming inside for just one person to notice. Just one person to care about him. He sometimes thought that if he could find one person to care for him he could fight fate, but that thought hadn't crossed his mind in years. He exhaled not realizing he'd been holding his breath upon reaching the bridge safely, and nearly forty minutes early.

He rinsed the blood from his hand and did the best he could do for his hair. The blood had crusted and dried leaving a rusty colored stain on the back of his. He sat along the stream waiting for everyone else to arrive. He stared at his reflection in the water and was only able to see the Kyuubi staring back at him. He cringed in disgust at his reflection.

'Monster.'

Naruto punched at the water's surface while tears threatened to flow, but again he willed them back deep inside grinning all the while.

'Did Uzumaki Naruto even exist?' he wondered if he ever existed as anything other than the kyuubi. He tried to think back but he always remembered the color red. The red chakra of the kyuubi deep inside. He remembered the snarls and growls that echoed in his dreams.

Inside it felt like his heart was fracturing to pieces. Whether he'd like to admit it he longed to be forgiven by the villagers. He longed for his hell to end, but he could see no way out. He was trapped in this life. A life that was chosen for him, a cruel fate he was born into.

It wasn't long before his ears detected Sakura throwing herself at Sasuke who just ignored her the entire time. It had been that way since Naruto damn near killed himself to bring Sasuke back to her. Sakura asked for a promise of a life time of him, and he made good on that promise to her. She treats him the same as always though mostly as an annoyance and sometimes like he doesn't exist.

Sakura never really talks to Naruto or even seems to care. She got what she wanted and now she didn't have time for him. Naruto shook his head pushing all the thoughts that troubled him down as deep as he could, and brought back his smile and readied himself for today's plans. Hopefully they were just training. He really didn't feel like going on any missions. Sakura's voice grew louder and Naruto stood.

"UH…where's Naruto…he's such a loser. He's always late. He's so irresponsible." she whined at Sasuke.

'A loser? After all this time that's how you still think of me? After I brought Sasuke back to you? What do I have to do to be acknowledged?'

Naruto dropped his head in shame. He would never be acknowledged by anyone, not truly acknowledged. Kakashi and Iruka mostly pittied him. His eyes stared into the stream in front of him. He wished the stream was deep enough to drown himself in, but it wasn't. He sighed turning around with his ridiculous smile and walked up to bridge.

"You're late Naruto!" yelled Sakura in a disapproving tone.

"Sorry." He managed to say, but the words came out clumsily.

Sakura was probably about to hit Naruto not realizing he'd actually been the first to arrive, while Sasuke had known the whole time he was there. He just chose not to say anything as it was none of business. Although, Sasuke thought it was out of character for Naruto not to say that he'd been there the whole time. Before he could think this through any further Kakashi poofed himself into existence or it would seem that way to a non-shinobi.

"Sorry I'm late guys I got lost on the path of life…."

"Yeah right!" yelled Sakura angrily clenching her right hand into a chakra filled fist.

Kakashi looked in Naruto's direction waiting for a reply from the blonde about his being late but it never came. Kakashi realized how out of character it was for the blonde and spoke up.

"Eh, Naruto aren't you going to yell at me too?"Kakashi teased him.

"He just got here too sensei!" chimed Sakura with a smile.

"I see. Is that so?"

"Yea…hehe...I woke up late." Naruto lied with a grin.

"Okay well anyways training's been canceled for today!" Kakashi replied indifferent to their qualms. The jonin had only one thing on his mind today.

'The new Icha Icha paradise came out today!' he thought grinning beneath his mask.

With that he poofed himself from existence again rushing to the book store to get the new issue of his beloved porno novel.

"What! He made us wait just to cancel?!" yelled Sakura shaking her fist in the air.

"Hn." Was all Sasuke muttered not seeming to bothered by the cancellation.

Naruto was secretly glad it ended up this way. He was in no mood to mess around with pointless training. He didn't think it was possible to feel worse than he'd felt this morning but he did. He felt awful. His chest ached with each inward breath he took. Sakura's words to Sasuke however little it seemed cut Naruto like a kunai. He thought at the very least he could trust his own team not to talk about him behind his back.

"Well I'll catch you guys later then!" Naruto yelled cheerfully as he turned to walk away.

Sasuke stared at the dried blood on the back of his head and wondered what had happened for moment before the thought was pushed from his head. Sakura had decided to bombard him with questions and nonsense.

Naruto may have smiled as he walked home but inside he was dying. Behind that smile of his was child curled up in a ball of pain. He just felt so alone, so cold. He avoided eye contact with the villagers on his way home. He wasn't sure he could keep his smile going. He tried his best to shut out the harsh names they whispered as they passed him, but in his state it was hopeless. He heard every hurtful word they uttered and the pain it made him feel was almost unbearable. It hurt so much he could barely breathe. It was like his heart was cracking with each whisper.

It wasn't long before he reached his home. In his state of dejection he hadn't managed to shut his front door completely. Naruto's eyes stung with tears he tried not to shed. He slowly staggered into his bathroom. He looked in the mirror. His reflection seemed to morph in front of him. The kyuubi's red eyes stared back at him. His hands grasped the sides of the sink as he leaned forward. He grimaced as his tears flowed freely down his face. His gaze set on the drain in the sink. He was afraid to look back up at his reflection. He was afraid to see those eyes staring back at him.

'Does Uzumaki Naruto exist?' he slowly lifted his head to look in the mirror. 'No he doesn't. Only the kyuubi exist.' he saw only red staring back. That was his answer. Uzumaki Naruto never existed in the first place. Just this demon.

Naruto punched the mirror full force. The shards of broken glass shattered and flew to the ground. Naruto wasn't far behind. He fell to his knees sobbing uncontrollably. Blood dripped down his knuckles onto the tile floor. Naruto barely noticed the pain through his turmoil. Kyuubi healed it before he noticed he was hurt.

"I'm sorry." he cried.

He was sorry for the lives taken by the kyuubi. He was sorry he was alive. He was sorry he caused so much pain to those around him. He was sorry he was the cursed nine tails. Naruto could hear the villagers whispers and yells echoing in his head. He cringed as they echoed and echoed on and on.

'Just die monster!' was the last phrase that echoed.

Naruto sat up looking around the bathroom floor. The broken glass glittered in the sunlight streaming in from his window. It was almost as if the heavens answered his turmoil. He was granted a way out. He reached for a long thick shard of glass and grasped it tightly not caring that it dug into his hand.

'Uzumaki Naruto doesn't exist.'

~Tsunade's Office~

"Ah you're finally here." Tsunade's tone was impatient as she held out an envelope without looking up from her work.

"Yes Hokage." he sighed taking the papers out of her hand.

"You know you're a chunin now. You could try sounding a bit more enthused now and again."

"I didn't ask to be a chunin." he replied lazily.

"Well it doesn't matter, I need you to take these papers to Naruto anyway." she retorted.

"That guy? He's so..." Shikamaru trailed off.

"He's so what?" Tsunade growled growing impatient.

"Troublesome." he answered thinking about Naruto and his personality.

"Do your job without complaint Shikamaru." she waved him off without another word.

'Why do I have the troublesome tasks? I was just minding my own business when she sent her goons out for me to do her bidding.'

The Nara boy sighed lightly at his predicament. He has a lot more responsibility as a chunin than ever and he was beginning to wish he'd let Temari of sand beat him during the last chunin exams.

'I guess it can't be helped. They are labeled as important so I guess a chunin has to deliver them. It's still troublesome.' he grumbled to himself.

~Back with Naruto~

His sobbing peaked. He hated himself more than anyone would ever know. He thought he could continue shouldering the villagers hatred, but it was too hard. He just couldn't keep it up. He knew how he could atone for his past sins. He looked at the glass fragment in his hand and for the first time in years he smiled, and it wasn't forced.

Naruto took the shard and stabbed his own stomach. Naruto grunted in pain but just kept stabbing repeatedly into his gut. He stopped only to breath in the pain. To Naruto it was like that pain was his redemption, and he could taste it. The blood started pooling around him. The kyuubi within fought to heal Naruto's wounds as he inflicted them.

Naruto heard a noise in the background but kept on stabbing and slashing trying to exhaust the fox's chakra so he could bleed enough to die. This pitiful scene went on for a while, and then he started sobbing again. Even in his state he thought of his feelings of guilt for all the pain and suffering he'd caused the villagers.

'I'm sorry for everything.'

Shikamaru stood in the doorway of Naruto's home looking confused as to why the front door was left open. He knocked again, and after a few moments of waiting he grew impatient and let himself in. His eyes scanned the room.

"Naruto?" he called out.

'Don't tell me the knucklehead is still sleeping at this at hour. Ugh this is becoming more and more of a hassle.'

He entered the kitchen and as he turned the corner he could hear cries from the direction of the bathroom. He forgot how troublesome this was and wondered if the cries were Naruto's. He reached the closed door and stood outside listening. It definitely sounded like crying.

"Naruto?" he called knocking lightly on the door, when his call was met with sobs the brunette grew anxious.

He opened the bathroom door without even thinking. Shikamaru's eyes widened in shock at the grisly scene before him. It was a sight that would haunt him forever. The blonde was barely conscious stabbing himself repeatedly in the abdomen. Although, the most disturbing thing was the smile on Naruto's face.

"Hey!Stop!" Shikamaru yelled rushing to Naruto.

Naruto's eyes displayed the shock he was feeling seeing Shikamaru there in his house. He wondered why Shikamaru was there. His hand gripped the shard as tight as he could, it was too late to stop now.

"Naruto stop!" Shikamaru yelled desperately trying to pull the shard out of his hand.

"Leave me alone!" Naruto pushed Shikamaru back smearing his blood on him in the process.

"Damn it? Why would you do something like this?!" he yelled at the blonde finally pulling the shard from his gut.

Naruto lost consciousness and Shikamaru picked him up and ran the fastest he'd ever run in his whole life. His heart pounded in his chest as he made his way to the hospital. He gripped Naruto tight as he neared the hospital pushing himself to run even faster.

The villagers seemed quite happy at the sight of Naruto covered in blood barely hanging on to life. They watched hoping he'd die. Shikamaru hadn't noticed his gaze was focused on the hospital swiftly coming in to view. Naruto was stirring a bit and opened his eyes weakly to look up at Shikamaru.

"Damn it Naruto stay with me!"

"Sorry." The blonde whimpered weakly.

"I don't understand. Why?"

"Uzumaki Naruto never existed."

AN: Rewrite as of 7/13/17