Title: Open Arms
By: MrsHeleneSnape
Warnings: SS/HG, Lang, Angst, OOC Severus (He's bound to be OOC, he's not dead!)
Disclaimers: I am not JKR. I do not own the world of Harry Potter. The song is property of Jonathan Cain and Steve Perry. It is not my intention to infringe on their copyright or to make any sort of monetary compensation off this work of fan fiction.
Song Title: Open Arms
Artist: Journey
Year: 1981
Looking back on everything I'm having a difficult time pinpointing the exact moment when it all went to Hell in a hand basket. There were so many good times, some overshadowed by the bad, that putting my finger on the precise catalyst has been hard.
When I reminisce on the good times we shared, the pain of it all isn't so bad.
Lying beside you, here in the dark
Feeling your heart beat with mine
It was shortly after the war had ended when we acted on the sexual tension that was palpable between us as we slaved over stock piling potions for the final battle. I had been agonizing between wanting him and wanting to kill him; he is such a surly bastard when under duress. The former won out, and I no longer had any desire for the latter.
If I'm brutally honest with myself, after Severus and I made love for the very first time, I cried as I know he did without me actually seeing it (He went to the loo afterwards and was hidden securely behind a silencing charm). It was all so unbelievably perfect: Severus was my first, so naturally the emotions of the moment overwhelmed me. I later figured out the reason for Severus' own emotional outpouring: he never expected to be worthy of love and he certainly didn't know how to react to a woman who wanted to be with him without money exchanging hands. We were both so sublimely happy. I never wanted that feeling to end.
As we laid together in our post coital bliss, I couldn't help but snuggle closer to him as he slept. I would never have taken such liberties had he been awake. I placed my head on his chest, listening to his heart beating. I was amazed to discover it was beating the exact same cadence mine was. It cemented my belief that we were meant for each other. I was in an oblivious, euphoric haze for the weeks and months which followed.
Softly you whisper, you're so sincere
How could our love be so blind?
During our time together in the Potions lab at Hogwarts prior to the final battle, I worked on the obvious needs for Pepper Up and Dittany while Severus nearly worked himself into a coma perfecting the Nagini Anti Venin. That wretched snake had always been important to Voldemort, so there were no doubts amongst the Order that Nagini would be a weapon.
Even though it sickens me to think about it, it turns out we were right. Voldemort set Nagini loose on the masses, allowing that foul abomination to attack everyone in its path. Nagini bit Snape first, injecting him with so much venom and ripping is throat so thoroughly that he was near death before I could tend to him.
I sobbed openly as I poured vial after vial of Blood Replenisher into his mouth, willing it and the anti venin to work as I administered the Dittany to his ravaged throat. "Please don't die Professor" I cried as the Dittany slowly closed his wounds. "You have so much left to accomplish sir. You haven't patented your anti venin and you're on the verge of a breakthrough with your Lycanthropy cure. You are still needed in this world sir, please don't leave it."
"Ugh!" he moaned. "I would not be missed whatsoever Miss Granger. Oh Gods that hurt!" he said as he gingerly touched the sealed flesh of his neck. "Hmph! Needed! Tell me someone who would be pleased at my continued existence...Hmm? Give me the name of one person who 'needs' me" he snarled with obvious mistrust.
"Me" I whispered as I averted my eyes from his penetrating gaze. "I need you."
When I finally looked at him, I saw his face soften at my declaration. I tried to gage his thoughts. I hoped that he wouldn't reject or rebuke me, but one can never be certain how Severus Snape will react to anything.
"And I obviously need you" he whispered tenderly in reply as he caressed my face. "I need you more than the air I breath. I wouldn't be alive if it weren't for you. I will be eternally grateful for that."
Now, as I'm reflecting on Severus' brief moment of emotional exposure, it was then that I discovered how in love I was with him. He still had serious trust issues but I was willing to overcome anything to be with him.
We sailed on together, we drifted apart
And here you are by my side
During the first few months of our new relationship, we had our ups and downs. We celebrated for almost a week when he finally created and patented his successful cure for Lycanthropy. It was this was the moment that sparked the beginning of our sexual relationship.
But when we had our low points the pain of it was almost unbearable.
I slipped into a mild depression when I discovered that I would never see my parents again. Severus and I had gone to Australia to retrieve them. I found out from the neighbors of Wendell and Monica Wilkins that a tropical cyclone had tore through the area six months earlier, taking my parents' lives with it. I went back to England despondent, not knowing if I would ever be okay again.
I foolishly withdrew myself from Severus and the wizarding world as a whole for a brief period of time. I was having difficulty rationalizing my parents' untimely deaths. I used magic to keep them safe and it obviously wasn't enough. Why after everything that I had been through could I not use magic to save them? If I couldn't trust my magic to keep my world secure, then what was the point of even being a witch?
Severus never gave up on me. Thank the Gods. I would never have been able to drag myself out of my despair on my own. Severus was determined to bring me back from the brink. In retrospect, I can now see that I was blessed. I had parents who loved me unconditionally and when their time on this earth was over, I was given someone else to love and be loved by. After significant soul searching, I decided then and there that now that I had Severus by my side I would never let him go.
Severus' trust issues reared their ugly head when we went public with our relationship. The Weasleys were unrelenting in their distrust of Severus. They didn't care about Dumbledore's pensieve memories or the testimonies of both the Headmaster's portrait and Harry. They were basing their disdain at our relationship solely on Severus' past behavior towards them, not on the truth or my feelings.
Needless to say we left the Burrow with a foul taste in our mouths for all things Weasley and several pissed off wizards in our wake.
Severus didn't say anything when we arrived back at Spinner's End. He let go of my arm when he saw that we had safely side-along apparated and retreated to his basement Potions lab.
I let him go, not saying a word about what has just transpired at the Burrow. I wanted to give him and myself time to collect out respective thoughts before I approached him.
So now I come to you with open arms
Nothing to hide, believe what I say
An hour later I descended the basement stairs to speak to him. The bottom step creaked, alerting him to my presence. He took a deep breath, schooling his face with an unreadable expression, and quietly spoke to me. "What is it Hermione? Come to tell me you agree with the Weasleys, that we are fooling ourselves if we think our relationship could work?"
The tears came quickly and unexpectedly at his tactlessness. "No" I sobbed as the tears flowed down my face. "I came to tell you that I love you and I don't give a damn what anyone thinks. The only person whose opinion matters to me is you. I can't stand the thought of you believing the crap coming out of their sorry mouths."
So here I am with open arms
Hoping you'll see what your love means to me
Open arms
"I never knew I was that important to you."
"You mean everything to me. It was you who went with me to Australia. When I asked my so-called friends, they said they couldn't be bothered...that they were too busy trying to rebuild their own lives. That should have been my first clue. To them I was only a means to an end. They never really gave a damn about me outside of helping them with the ongoing war. Now that it's all over, they have no use for me." I took a shaky breath before I asked my remaining question "Is that how you feel too? Now that it's all said and done am I going out like last week's rubbish?" I couldn't look at him for the overwhelming anxiety at seeing my fears become a reality in his eyes.
"I need some time Hermione. Please don't think that I'm ending things right now. I just need to get away from the situation and think things through. I'll be leaving within the hour. I'll owl you when I've figured a few things out for myself. Please don't leave, stay here. I'll return, I promise. I just need to be by myself for a bit" and with that he turned, walked up the stairs and out of my life.
Living without you, living alone
This empty house feels so cold
It has been three weeks since his departure and I feel his absence more and more with each passing day. I was beginning to hate this house, his home, what would have been our home if those bloody, nosy Weasleys hadn't butted into our lives. I had taken to sleeping in the guest room, as it has a smaller bed and doesn't feel as empty without Severus in it with me.
Wanting to hold you, wanting you near
How much I wanted you home.
I agonized over his leaving. I missed him so much. I wrote him everyday telling him so, but I was unable to send them as I had no clue where he went.
I poured my soul out on that parchment. I wanted him home. I didn't care what the world thought about our relationship. I only needed him to be here with me. I needed him more than I needed anything: food, clothing, air. I would do anything to have him back. I only wanted him to be happy and I prayed he could find happiness with me.
But now that you've come back, turned night into day
I need you to stay
I awoke in the middle of the night to the sharp crack of apparation. I didn't care that I only had on my bra and knickers. I knew Severus was the only person who could apparate inside the house. I quickly descended the stairs to find Severus standing in the living room, looking relieved to be back.
I threw myself at him, entwining my body with his and crying into his shoulder. "Oh Severus! I missed you so much."
He held me close, taking comfort in my declaration before making one of his own. "I've finally come to a decision Hermione. Perhaps we should sit before I say what I need to say."
So now I come to you with open arms
Nothing to hide, believe what I say
My tears of joy quickly became tears of sorrow. I released him from my near stranglehold and warily sat by him on the sofa. "You've come back to tell me it's over, haven't you? You're all that I could ever want or need, but all that matters to you is the ignorant opinions of a group of hypocritical bastards. Why won't you believe that I don't care what anyone thinks, I only care about you?" I asked as another sob shook me to the very core.
So here I am with open arms
Hoping you'll see what your love means to me
Open arms
"I do believe you Hermione" he said. I was shocked and my gaping mouth conveyed my astonishment. "I've been agonizing over how to tell you that these past few weeks. I know you would never lie to me and it kills me to think that my hasty actions might have destroyed our relationship. Please tell me I'm not too late to save things between us."
"No. You're not too late. What took you so long to figure out that I wouldn't lie to you about something as important as my love for you? I love you Severus Snape, you think-headed man and I will proclaim it to the world if it will reassure you of it. You mean more to me than I can adequately express and my life would be a shell of its former self if you weren't in it."
"I realize that and I feel the same way. I love you Hermione Jane Granger, hopefully Snape." He whispered the 'Snape' sentiment so softly I almost didn't catch it.
"Snape! You want me to be Hermione Snape?" I asked with a shocked look on my face.
"Only if you desire it as much as I do. I've come to realize that I can't and won't be without you. I want you to be my wife, if you'll have me" he said with a reserved look in his eye. I could tell that he didn't want to reveal to me just how much he truly wanted this.
"Yes!" I breathed softly as I moved closer to kiss the love of my life, my fiance, my future.
A/N:Damn VH1 and their Video On Demand service! Why do they have such great songs on VOD that are just begging for some Slytherin love? ACK! MHS runs screaming from the television and the radio. Thanks for reading!
Open Arms by Journey
Lying beside you, here in the dark
Feeling your heart beat with mine
Softly you whisper, you're so sincere
How could our love be so blind?
We sailed on together, we drifted apart
And here you are by my side
So now I come to you with open arms
Nothing to hide, believe what I say
So here I am with open arms
Hoping you'll see what your love means to me Open arms
Living without you, living alone
This empty house feels so cold
Wanting to hold you, wanting you near
How much I wanted you home.
But now that you've come back, turned night into day
I need you to stay
So now I come to you with open arms
Nothing to hide, believe what I say
So here I am with open arms
Hoping you'll see what your love means to me Open arms