The Fight To The Flame
Under each chapter I put songs that really captures the essence of the Passage. Listen at will.
Italics mean thoughts or a memory depicted in real time
-CH.1 Love is Weakness
What So Not- High You Are (Branchez remix)
They push each other back and forth like the ebb and flow of a late night tide. Standing flush in the middle of the room, everything fades into the background. All you can hear is heavy breathing. Lexa pushes her jeaned leg further into Clarke's heated center, forcing her to let out a whiney moan near Lexa's ear. Clarke feels her sex pulsing at the hard pressure, so she starts to grind up and down arching her back as to give herself more friction. She absent mindedly needs it. There was no thinking, she was just doing what her body wanted. As their jeans heat up, the pace quickens at a slow incline. Giving Clarke the rub she longs for, she bites Lexa's ear while sliding her tongue across her lobe. "mmLexa…" she whispers, moving her lips down to the brunette's neck. Skimming with her lips, she bites tiny nibbles after each wet kiss. Her arms are wrapped around brown hair, wild and wavy. She can taste the sweetness of Lexa's skin mixed with a hint of saltiness. Clarke licks her lips as they move together in their own world.
Lexa quickens her pace at the sound of Clarke tasting her. She pushes her hips into the blonde, her jeans begging to be taken off. They stand there each of their legs lightly bent and shoved between each other. Lexa arches her back to allow her to slide a little down Clarke's leg and then crashes into the blonde again, and again… finding any way to get this girl to say her name. Their hips hit against each other as they grind harder and faster, determined to get the other off first not wanting to be the first one. Their legs are quivering trying to keep standing. Clarke grips at the girl commanding her to cum but she bites her tongue and holds on. The burning rise in their centers elevate on them simultaneously. Both unsure when the other will let go. Clarke is hungry and pushes her leg into Lexa's crotch so hard the girl's green eyes widen. Clarke unwraps one of her arms from around her neck and grabs a handful of breast that wades in front of her. Lexa pulls downward on the blonde's hips to meet her final thrust. "Ohh my fu…." she inhales with a hiss that makes Clark moan in return. "LEXA..yes.." Her sound is cut off by Lexa's tongue sliding into her mouth. Clarke wants to scream but Lexa bites down on her lip and wimpers, "shh….sh…uhh Clarke…" Lexa could barely get the words out as she herself wants to moan but she swallows inward allowing a throaty humm to vibrate through her.
The sound of this green eyed girl guides Clarke toward the edge. Lexa moans tilting her head backwards and they ride the wave of their orgasms against each other; mouths are open, lips now barely touching as they let their sounds fill their gaping mouths with heady breaths. Their lower bodies are doing all the work as their faces stay close together, not daring to lose the touch their lips so unequivocally need. They grip at each other's backs like it's the only thing holding them up now, searching for a way to get closer. Clarke winces with a quiet sigh and wraps her arms around Lexa's neck again, burying her open mouth on her shoulder. She bites down hard to muffle her extended release. It comes at Clarke in waves, each one crashing against her. She feels her hands go numb as the shocks pulse her against the commander. Lexa winces at the pain of teeth penetrating her skin. She pulls at Clarke's blonde hair to release her grip. She pulls her head back and is greeted with closed eyes and a smile. Lexa moans at the site of Clarke's satisfied face. A bead of sweat falls down the neck that is bent before her and bites her lip as she watches it fall toward the blonde's breasts. "you are so sexy," Lexa whispers before placing her face in Clarke's chest.
Breath after breath they keep holding each other…slowly still pushing their hips together riding their pulses out until they can catch their breath. Relishing in the aroma of their heat, Lexa's lip shakes upon a deep inhale. She lifts her head and tucks her face into Clarke's neck. She rests there, kissing and sucking as her head lay on the shoulder. Clarke gasps at each nibble and she digs her fingernails into Lexas lower back. "If you don't stop, I will cum again." Lexa bites her own bottom lip while giving Clarke a slow assuring grind before pulling away. Skimming her nose along Clarke's cheek, she stops to look into her eyes; Clarke still has her eyes shut tight trying to catch her breath. She can't believe she just came fully clothed, standing up in the middle of this room with Lexa. The brunette grins slightly as she brushes Clarke's hanging hairs behind her ear. Clarke opens her eyes to meet Lexa's light greens that are smiling at the edges. She can see Lexa clearly at this moment, full of content and purity. Clarke's mouth falls open to take a deep breath and her eyes close again. She can't believe this gorgeous girl likes her of all people; her insecurities come flying back as she unhitches her hot leg and turns away toward the window. Lexa still has one hand on her waist looking at the blonde with intrigue. In the softest tone she can mutter, "Clarke... Are you okay?..." carefully squeezing Clarke's skin just above her pant line. Lexa gulps like she might have gone too far too quickly, like Clarke might regret what just happened... Lexa hasn't let anyone this close in years and her mind lets her go to horrible places. She knows Clarke might not be ready; she has waited for this moment for months as Clarke slowly warmed up to her after that day...
Time is always shifting gears when they are together. This time it is going pain stakingly slow as she waits for reassurance. Clearing her throat trying to forget she could ever hurt Clarke, she inches closer and waits patiently for Clarke to respond.
Staring out the window, she feels Lexa's grip on her waste. She knows Lexa is worried but she doesn't know what to say because she isn't sure herself. She doesn't regret what just happened… She has been waiting for Lexa to kiss her for weeks after realizing this feeling she had every time she was near her wasn't just envy. It was something more... She wanted more. She couldn't keep blaming Lexa for that day, she understood. She knew Lexa was loyal and pragmatic. But Clarke still felt broken. After everything she has been through, it has left her feeling less than worthy. She loses most of those who get close to her. As she skims through all the reason why not to let this girl in, her past love, those she has lost along the way, and that day with Lexa, she rubs her own arms as her thoughts make her shiver.
Lexa notices the rigid stature Clarke's body has taken and quickly wraps her arms around her from behind and rests her lips on her shoulder... Daring to ask again she whispers, "Clarke...?" She closes her eyes and rests the side of her head against the blonde's jaw.
Flume-Never Be like You Feat. Kai
Clarke sighs and allows tears to fall down her cheek, Lexa doesn't see this until she feels dampness on the temple of her forehead. Lexa rears her head up and sees that Clarke's eyes are a bright shade of blue under an ocean of sadness trying to escape. Clarke keeps her eyes staring out of the window, focusing on the moving lights on the streets below. The sun is almost peeking above the horizon. Lexa feels her heart sink into her stomach and a burn that wishes she could eat her pain away. She quickly shifts herself to stand directly in front of Clarke, hands now on both of the blonde's arms, Clarke shuts her eyes as to avoid Lexa's. They always derail her. She hears a soft deep voice," Clarke, I'm sorry… I didn't mean to push you too quickly. I…" She stops mid-sentence to lift Clarke's chin. "Hey..." Lexa clenches her teeth, trying to hold back her own tears, "Please look at me…" Clarke waits a few seconds before opening her eyes because she knows as soon as she does Lexa's green eyes will be there.
Lexa inhales as Clarke slowly opens her eyes revealing those blues she loves… As soft as she can muster she speaks, "Listen...I care about you a lot and I wanted to be close to you… I thought..." Lexa trails off beginning to tear up when Clarke stops her train of thought by cupping her face with her hands, " Lexa no..." She sighs and lightly kisses her swollen lips. Very slowly Clarke pulls away but leaves their foreheads touching. Her hands find their way to Lexas hips and she slides one finger into her back pocket. "I wanted you, and I'm glad this happened…" Clarke looks into Lexas eyes to make sure she knows that. They catch each other in their insecurities, as one falls the other one catches. It's a delicate dance that is fueled by guesses and hopes. Nothing is known for sure which is what makes this kind of thing so difficult.
Lexa nods and shuts her eyes, which allows the tears that built up to fall on the brim of Clarke's shirt. There is something about this blue eyed girl that breaks her walls down. She can usually keep her composure. Lexa looks up and let's out a deep-breath, " then talk to me Clarke... I want to know all of you." Clarke smiles into a small grin that lets her teeth show, influencing Lexas lips into an upward tilt too. Clarke closes her eyes and whispers, " you will when I'm ready. I'm just not right now…" She sighs at the next thing she is about to say because she knows it will hurt Lexa, " I am not ready to be with anyone… not yet." She moves closer to land a delicate kiss on Lexa's cheek and slowly releases her grip on her hips. She wants to avoid the brunette's gaze so she steps passed her, trailing one hand across her stomach as she steps toward the door. Clarke is running and she doesn't know why. The post orgasm clarity fills her mind with doubt.
Lexa is frozen, stuck between THE moment that so quickly became another. She realizes she hasn't taken a breath since Clarke uttered her last words. Her eyes locked on the lights outside as her fingers curl up into her palm. Tightening her fists as hard as she can, she inhales her first icy breath, only to hold it in again.
Clarke slows her walk as she reaches for the door. She hesitates before gripping the handle- thinking about looking back... But she knows if she does, she wouldn't leave. She would want to comfort the girl she knows is hurting behind her. And Clarke knows that she must keep walking, she can't let this linger if she isn't sure. It wouldn't be fair because she knows how Lexa feels about her. She got carried away in the moment but what a great moment it was. Clarke was always trying to do what was best for others instead of really doing what she wanted.
Everyone knew how Lexa felt by the way Lexa would favor her opinions despite her own, the way Lexa looked at her when she walked into a room, and the way Lexa threatened those who questioned Clarke's judgment. She noticed it all too keenly and wondered what it is about this girl that made her feel so charged and vibrant. She makes her forget the world around her, creating a new one all together.
Clarke shakes the thought out of her head as she swallows her feelings down deep. She lets out another sigh before she walks away from that world.
Lexa still feels the warmth of Clarke on her thighs and the trail of her fingers across her stomach. She wraps her arms around herself wishing they were hers and looks up to the ceiling... Tears slowly finding their way back to a home they are too familiar with. Her knees start to sway... so she gives into them as they collapse beneath her. She falls to the floor, crouched down like her abdomen is rupturing in pain. She lets out a grunt…only it's the feeling of abandon that floods into her soul. It's a pain that is so emotionally real that it manifests as physical twists in her insides. She has been strong her whole life, abandoned as a child forced to raise her sister alone, betrayed by her first love, and after so long she finally found something that filled the empty space. She felt something she gave up on along time ago... And now it seems too good to be true-
..it is too good to be true. Lexa thinks to herself, giving into the cool embrace of the tile floor.
I don't deserve her. She is so brave and loving, no matter what the cost. I'm weak and I cannot let love control me. I must not let love do this to me again. Love is weakness!
Lexa grips her fists as hard as she can, her fingernails almost breaking the skin of her palm. Right before the pain gets the better of her she achingly picks each limb up off the floor, one by one... Wipes her face with her shirt and walks toward the door. She still has her shirt in one hand lifted to her eyes to blot the tears away. She takes a deep breath before opening the door.
Ughh... the room still smells like her…
She looks back at the place they stood. Replaying it in her head before letting her damp shirt fall as she walks out of the room.