Very loosely based on Season 9 episode- Escape.
Disclaimer: Oh my gosh no, I wouldn't dream of ever gaining profit from properties pertaining to Smallville.
Author Note: Absolutely no kilts were harmed in the writing of this story.
A Different Escape:
Lois finished wriggling into her yarn-knitted nightwear. She had told Clark that he would thank her for
detouring to stop at the World's Biggest Ball of Yarn. As hard as it was to get into this thing, she did
wonder how Clark would get her out of it. Hell, that was half the fun! Grinning, she said a prayer that the
proprietor of the inn's Siamese cat didn't have a yen for yarn. They had already had more than
their fair share of interruptions. She wanted this night to be perfect for them, one that they would
always remember. They were lucky to get a room, as they had been late, and what was thought to be the
last room was taken by a Mr. and Mrs. Green. Luckily someone cancelled at the last moment, much to
Their relief. Where was Clark, by the way? He said he'd be right back. Don't panic Lois, this night is
going to be flawless. She made her way over to the bed, intent on lounging on it in what she hoped was
a provocative pose. Only her yarn sheath was so tight, she had to basically do an ungainly flop onto the
bed. She arranged herself as best she could, trying to ignore the sensation of this must be what it'd be
like to be a sausage. Hoping that Clark was hurrying back from whatever he was doing, Lois decided
to take the opportunity to close her eyes and fantasize about what was to come. Except she ended up
drifting off to sleep. In her dreams was a dashing Scottish warrior, Clark McKent, of the Clan McKent.
She, one Lois O'Lane, had spotted him in a nearby field. He looked to be getting ready for the upcoming
Highland games, as he was practicing his caber toss. She admired his form as his muscles flexed with
his efforts. She noticed the McKent clan colors of blue, red and yellow, and thought she would look
fine in those colors as well. She was torn from her daydream by a loud noise. She looked up and felt
her mouth drop open. McKent had tossed his caber with such might, that it was spinning end over end
so fast she barely see it. He then seemed to disappear from one spot, ending up in another, catching the
caber with one hand. What sort of magic is this? He then did it again. He dropped the caber when he
noticed her watching. Suddenly, he was in front of her. He was asking her if she felt ill, as she had taken
on the color of new wool. Her mind just couldn't understand what she thought she had seen, and in panic
she turned on her heel and ran. She didn't look back, but kept running, hearing him call out to her; Lassie
come home, Lassie come home, Lassie come hoooommmeeee.
Clark Kent was finishing up his shower, with a big smile plastered across his face. A weekend away with
Lois, with no deadlines or saves to deal with. He couldn't wait to get back to their room, and spend some
alone time with her. So lost in his thoughts of the night to come with Lois, he didn't really take proper
notice of the ominous sound coming from the pipes. Clark made his way back to the room, eager to see his
lady love. As he entered he saw her lying down on the bed. Realizing she was asleep, he took the time
to notice what she was wearing. It conformed to each and every one of her delightful curves, she looked
breathtaking in that shade of blue. She wasn't kidding when she said he'd be glad they had seen the
World's Biggest Ball of Yarn. Taking out a flower from the nearby arrangement, he sat on the edge of the
bed. Starting at the inside of her wrist, Clark stroked the flower along the inner part of her arm, moving it
up toward her shoulder and collar bone. Then he preceded to brush it against her neck, watching as the
petals grazed her skin as he traced along her jaw line. She was murmuring as he did this. "Lassie come
home." Clark grinned and shook his head. That must be some dream, he thought to himself.
He hoped to make all her dreams come true tonight. He leaned down and started to gently kiss her awake.
She awoke with a start. "Mm..Smallville?" She blinked her eyes several times, and said, "Oh wow. I think
I've seen Braveheart one time too many." Clark opened his mouth to ask, then thought better of it. This
was definitely a Lois thing. Instead, he brought the flower up between them. "For my lady." Lois tugged
at her lower lip with her teeth, and took the flower, tossing it aside. "Very nice my laird, but I'd rather you
ravish me." With that, she wound her arms around his neck, intent on bringing his lips back to hers.
Suddenly, there was an inhuman sounding cry that seemed to fill their room. Breaking off their kiss to
utter, "What the hell was that?" They both went out into the hallway, the noise seemed to be coming from
the room next to theirs. Clark was tempted to use X-ray vision, but opted instead to just knock on the door.
Clark called out, "Are you alright in there?" Giving Lois a look, who looked as anxious to find out what
was going on as he was. He was just about to knock again when the door was wrenched open. It was none
other than a very disheveled Oliver Queen. "Uh Oh, so not room service." Oliver said, as the trio stood
there each experiencing the upturn of the awkward dial. Lois noticed the hat that was dangerously askew
atop of Oliver's head. Pointing to it, "Ollie, isn't that part of the Robin Hood costume you once wore
when we were toget.." Only to be interrupted by a fourth voice, "Where or where is my Merry Marauder?"
A voice that was quite familiar to both Lois and Clark, as it was Chloe Sullivan who came up from behind
Oliver, wrapping her arms around his waist. "Ollie, come on, you still have some major plundering left to
dooo…Oh!" As Oliver abruptly turned her toward their hallway guests. Quickly closing up her
tartan robe, Chloe said, "Of all the inns in the world, you two happen to be staying at ours?" Clark had
never wished for the power of flight more. He lifted his shoulders in an apologetic fashion. Lois just
cocked her head and then crossed her arms, "Well, I guess we know who Mr. and Mrs. Green are."
Straightening his feathered cap, Oliver replied, "Very funny. We thought Mr. and Mrs. Arrow was a
bit much." Lois gave a look to both of them, before commenting, "Speaking of a bit much, bloodcurdling
screams, are a real mood killer." Chloe's eyebrows went upward, "Not on our side of the wall." Clark
broke in, "Ok, now that we know a murder isn't being committed, why don't WE go back to OUR room."
Before Lois could reply, Chloe's eyes had focused more clearly on her cousin's attire. "Lois, are you
hoping to be on the next cover of Family Circle?" With eyes narrowing, Lois snapped back, "Look
Maid Marian, there is a story to this, but it might be a yarn I choose not to share!" Clark tugged at Lois'
arm, attempting to get her to take the hint to get back to the room. Clark then tried to say good night to
"Mr. and Mrs. Green", only to have the door slammed shut in his face. With a sigh, he followed after Lois.
Who was pacing at the foot of the bed when he reentered the room; Clark got her to stop, giving a
reassuring caress to her face. "Smallville? I need your honest answer here." Gesturing to her outfit,
"Too much?" Clark looked her up and down, and indeed gave her his honest answer. "You're perfect."
Lois gave a relieved smile, and stepped back into his arms. So, McKent, where were we?" Lowering
his head to capture her lips once again, a loud popping sound occurred, and suddenly the duo was
standing under a torrent of water. They both sputtered, as Clark realized that was the serious sounding
rumble coming from the pipes earlier. Lois had her eyes shut, shielding them from the deluge, Clark
took the opportunity to use his heat vision to weld shut the burst section of pipe. The water had
stopped alright, but the damage was done. Up to their ankles in water, what was supposed to be
the perfect night for them, had turned anything but. Lois went behind the changing screen and peeled
off her soaking wet yarn-mare, putting on Plan B, a nightgown with a plunging neck line. Meanwhile,
Clark had gotten out of his wet things, and had put a towel around his waist. Going very easy on the
heat vision, he managed to dry both bed and bedding. Sitting down at the end of the bed waiting
for Lois, he had to wonder where it had gone so wrong. More importantly, how he would make it up to her.
Soon after, she came out and slowly waded over to him. Lois was determined to salvage their evening.
No cousin, nor ex lover or even medieval plumbing, was going to get in the way of their weekend together.
She could tell from the expression on his face, he felt the same way. Leaning over, Lois gave Clark a
lingering kiss, full of promise for the night still ahead. Pulling away for a moment, she looked down at
his towel, asking, "Is it true that a Scotsman doesn't wear a thing under his kilt?" Shaking off any nerves
he might have been feeling. Clark looked deep into her eyes, while undoing the towel and parting it,
"Aye my bonny lass, aye." Lois responded with a throaty laugh and a quick straddle. Not long after,
Clark and Lois added their own unique noises to the McDougal Inn night.
~McFin