Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, names, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.
Chapter 1:
The Hunter
I sigh heavily, breathing in the smell of the woods coming back to life. The woods, my second home. The air still has a cold bite that sends shivers down my arms. But I don't mind the sensation. The sun is starting to set, so I head back to the fence. Back to the chain link barrier that surrounds district 12.
I pull myself from the fire I've made, and pour a little dirt over it. I stamp it out for good measure. I don't want anything to happen to this sanctuary I happened upon. Although I doubt a fire would make a dent in these heavily reinforced concrete walls. I found this house about a year ago. I was being chased by another pack of wild dogs. It didn't look like another living soul had set foot in this place for years. Ever since then, I got into the habit of hiding out here. My place away from the district; from the starving and the sick that make up the population. It sounds bad, but what can I do?
My father used to speak of worse times. He was a young boy during the dark ages. My grandfather used to speak of times even before that, before the wars scarred our planet, and the Oceans swallowed up so much of the land.
I pull on my leather jacket, pick up my game bag and leave my now broken bow in the corner. It was an old shoddy thing, but my father made it, so I love it. I'm not bad at making them myself. He taught me everything he knew before he got sick. When I look at his bow, I picture myself teaching my own children how to hunt someday. Not that I'll have the chance to have a family anyway, the only girl I've ever cared about is with someone else. And she's a town kid, what would she do with me, a son of a miner anyway? I know I'm only fifteen, but in a place like district 12, if you've made it this far everyone treats you like an adult, so I worry.
After leaving my hideout, I head down the familiar path. Through the woods. Past the fence. Into the streets. The same routine everyday, but always careful. I could be killed for my work. In fact, the only thing that saves me, oddly enough, is the very thing I could be killed for. About a year ago, one of our peacekeepers fell ill from some strange disease that no one had a remedy for. His name is Thadius Timon. He hates everyone. He was never kind, never caring. Not brutal, but just don't let him be the one to find out your crimes. I have learned that the hard way...
No one had any idea what to do about his health. They wouldn't even treat him in the capitol. He's as expendable as the rest of us, he was after all assigned to District 12. No one could help him. No one would help him. Except of course the Aisleys, a small family of apothecaries that live in town. But even they were limited in their resources. They knew what he needed, but had no means of getting the remedy. He was basically dying a slow painful death. I remember like it was yesterday.
I was alone in the woods, as usual. I was doing my regular hunting, and also gathering for the Aisleys. They gave me their usual requests for the medicines they use the most. Mrs. Aisley gave me a description of a new plant, one she had never asked for before. I knew what it was as soon as she described it. Very hard to find. Light green leaves, with dark veins. Easy to mistake for something else if you don't know what you're doing. I asked her what it was for, and when she told me, she might as well have said "Please don't find this plant". I laughed out loud unintentionally.
"You could save his life," she said.
I gave a serious nod, and went on my way. Me? Save the man who, not a month ago, made me, a skinny fourteen-year-old spend two days in the stocks for accidentally knocking over a drunk peacekeeper? Not likely.
I was gathering my usual plants a bit early. I had a few good kills to take home. I usually move like a wraith, but for some reason my feet ended up tangled in some foliage. I looked down to see that I was lying in a small patch of light green leaves, with dark veins. "Well isn't this my lucky day!" I said aloud before I could give it much thought. I had it in my mind to stomp on that plant until it no longer looked like something natural. But I just turned my back and started walking towards the fence.
It was as if I could hear Mrs. Aisley right next to me, "You could save his life". I like her very much, but why did that woman have to say that to me? Now I have guilt swimming around in my stomach like fish trying to escape from a barrel. I just kept walking. "You could save his life"... I stop to curse under my breath, and turn to gather the stupid plant. I'm not a monster, even if he is.
The look of shock and elation on her face that usually makes me proud of myself, turned my stomach that day. But I knew I did the right thing. The district was quiet for the rest of that month. I spent as much time as I could at home with my father. Mr. and Mrs. Aisley had done all they could for my father and more. But he was old, and his heart was weak. He couldn't work the mines, and I was too young. My older brother Isaak, who worked in the mines looked after us as much as he could, but he had a family of his own. The Aisley's never charged for their medicines, but in the seam, that still wasn't enough. We were starving to stay healthy.
One night, it was chilly and rainy. The kind of night that keeps every feeble citizen of our district home. But of course I had been hunting that day, but with little success. There was a quiet thrumming on the door that turned all of our faces pale and sped our heartbeats. A knock on a day like that one? Peacekeepers of course. Maybe someone saw me coming under the fence and it was finally my time to pay the consequences. When my mother came into the room with Thadius I knew that was it. He was there to take me away. I couldn't run or hide. But he just stood there. He didn't say a word, but he extended his arm and handed me a small round bundle, and left. It took me a moment to get a hold of myself, but when I finally opened that bundle and saw those coins in there, I nearly burst into tears. After that, he was still stern, but kind. And not just to me, to everyone.
I made my way to the Aisley's, but they were out. That's when I talked to her for the first time, the only person outside of my family that I truly care about. I see her at school, she is a year ahead of me, so we never run into each other. Flora Aisley. Like a fool I just looked at my feet.
"I heard about what you did for Thadius. That was big of you," she said. But all I could do was smile and nod like a nervous toddler. But she just smiled. And when she did, I found my voice.
"Anyone would have done it," I say.
"Not anyone Heath," She actually knew my name. That almost made me levitate off the ground.
"You would," I say. And after I do, I'm so embarrassed that I went back to just looking at my feet. This girl is small and delicate looking. She can't weigh more than ninety pounds soaking wet, and I'm terrified of her.
She opens her mouth to speak again, when she looks past me... or should I say through me. The smile on her face is so sweet and peaceful that it makes me turn to see what brought it on. Well it was more of a "who", that caused the smile. Kaiser Mellark. They are always together. He smiles at her, she smiles at him and his bouncy blond waves and blue eyes. Almost ALL of the town kids look this way, except for that one red headed family two houses over.
"Hi there," Kaiser says looking right at me. He's so nice, it's sort of impossible to be rude to him. Somehow I manage a decent enough greeting and make my way out of there.
We have spoken again since then. But every time we speak, it's the same thing. Kaiser appears out of seemingly nowhere, and I clear out. I think that if I see him kiss her, I might dissolve into nothing. I know it happens. But knowing it, and seeing it are two different things.
Now, here I am today. The same as always. I go to the Aisley's and drop off my herbs, then head home. I never charge them. Not after all they did for my family before my father died. Not after all they have done for everyone here. And ok, I might as well admit it has something to do with that beautiful blue eyed girl who sees me when no one else does. Not that it matters what I do anyway, she's made her choice. And it isn't me... The thought makes my steps falter, but I continue on to their house. Hoping to see her. Hoping NOT to see her.
I arrive at their house, and hear voices talking inside that sound busy. I decide to wait outside a while. Sometimes they have patients, but usually I just wait outside. I don't want extra time today. Time to think about tomorrow. Tomorrow when they draw the names of the children who will more than likely die a bloody death. The reaping. I keep myself busy by leaning on the outer wall of the house, just under a set of haggard shutters, and sing to myself. Music calms my nerves, makes me feel whole, keeps me grounded. I sing an old one today. Some old tune called Death And All His Friends. It sounds sad, but it's really nice. I'm midway through the song when something that has never happened before stops me.
I hear a creak above my head. I'm immediately startled onto my feet. My hunting instincts kick in and I'm poised run. But a voice stops me.
"I like that one." she says. She says. And I'm so mortified that I don't know what to do with myself. I am no coward. I can't think of a single thing that scares me. But there is something about this girl that turns the blood in my veins to ice water. I'm frozen there for seconds that tick by like minutes before I'm able to speak.
"I- I was just-" Darn it! I hear the words in my head, and feel them ready to be pushed out of my mouth, but my lips won't work.
"I was just- going to leave these for your parents. Here," I say. My hands fumble and I drop the herbs and watch them scatter to the ground. I look at her eyes, which are now wide, and I leave without another word. "Flee" would more accurately describe the way I clear out of that alley behind her house. I imagine that I resemble prey that has just barely escaped one of my arrows. Now I don't mind if my name is called tomorrow. Nothing can be as bad as this.
It is late in the day. But not too late. I run to my second home. To my abandoned house and lake. Maybe if I swim deep enough the water can drown out my horror... until tomorrow that is.
The Healer
I look down at the scattered leaves, and decide to go out of the window and pick them up. I could just walk around, but mother and father are with a patient, and the drop is not far. I do it all the time when I need to get away without being seen. Mother thinks I'm too wild for a girl. But hey, that's just who I am. I hit the ground easy and start to gather the leaves. I am nearly finished when I notice a small book sitting against the brick wall. Heath must have dropped it when he ran from me. I don't think he likes me very much. He barely looks at me or speaks to me. Actually I don't think he likes anyone really. I never see him speak to anyone at school either.
I pick up the book, and open it to see ink drawings of flowers and berries and other plants. Some of the pages are obviously old, but further into the book I see where he must have picked up the work. They are beautiful. I know these plants. My parents teach me all they can about healing. What a handy tool to have. I know he'll be looking for it. I feel bad. He probably wanted his privacy, and I just HAD to stick my head out the window and interrupt him. But I'm so worried about tomorrow, that I just couldn't bear to be alone. Kaiser is with his family, just like all of the other kids whose names will go into the reaping tomorrow. But Heath was here, as always. I like when he sings outside my window. I never make a peep because I don't want him to stop. But he was singing that song again. He has sang it once before. It's my favorite. And today, the day before the reaping, when my heart is in a vice, I couldn't bear staying silent. I set out to give him a compliment, and here I've only offended him.
I should go back into the house, but I can't stand that bedroom anymore. So I decide to take a walk. I set the leaves on the ground, but keep the book in case I run into Heath again. Not that he'll be pleased to see me again. I walk to the old Maple tree outside of the Donnor's house. Yesterday Kaiser asked me to marry him. I said yes of course. He loves me, and I love him. But I can't figure out why the thought of being Mrs. Mellark scares me. At least we have a year or two before we can even think about it seriously. But the sight of his house on the way to the Donnor's is too tempting to pass up.
In a matter of time, I find myself lying under the old apple tree in Kaiser's yard. His head is cushioned on my stomach and I play with his golden locks while we watch the gentle sway of the leaves above us. I like the feel of him beside me. Years of kneading dough and hauling flour have made him strong. For a moment I think he has fallen asleep, but then he begins to speak to me. He uses that gentle voice that I can't say no to.
"I wonder what it will be like," he sighs, "when we're married."
"Not very different from the way things are now I imagine," I say, but really things will be very different, and that scares me.
"I wonder what kind of parents we'll be."
"Parents!" I say louder than I mean to.
"Yes parents," he says, sitting up to look at me. But he just smiles.
"You're thinking a little far ahead don't you think? I mean, its going to be a long time before we can even consider that, and then..." trail off. "This time of year scares me. You aren't scared at all?" With the reaping's dark cloud hovering over us, I'm surprised he can stomach the thought at all.
"Yes. No offence, but, who isn't? If everyone let that stop them, we wouldn't be here. Be honest," he says smiling again, but this time he's began rubbing my stomach.
"Come on. You haven't pictured what our kid would look like?" he says as I smack his hand away, but I'm already laughing. And I can't hide the blush anyway.
"Yes. But that's only because I know you'll make some awesome kids, just like your bread," I say rolling my eyes.
"Ah yes," he says laughing. "I can't wait to put a bun in the oven. Hey! We should name them all after different breads!" Now he's really laughing, and I can't help laughing myself.
"Alright that's it. Time for me to go," I say. He objects but helps me to my feet and kisses me goodbye.
I make it to Maysilee and Maylea's house, and perch under the maple tree. This is where I usually sit. They can see this tree from their room. If they see me out here, and are free to have company, they come on over. Just as I'm about to rule out the possibility that they'll be allowed out, light pours from the front door of their small house. Out walks Scott Undersea. No one says so, but I think he likes Maylea. He is eighteen, and handsome. He is very nice, I can tell she thinks so too. Everyone admires him. He smiles and waves as he cuts through their patch of grass in the front of their house. And out comes my very best friends in the world. My sisters by love if not by flesh.
I tell them everything. About the proposal, my fear. They always know just what to say. Maylea is gentle and kind. Maysilee is brilliant and loving.
"What's that," asks Maysilee, pointing to the book that I'd forgotten I was holding.
"Heath dropped this... after he ran from me, " I say, and they laugh. "I don't know why he doesn't like me," I add. "Why would he anyway? He's always doing something exciting. I'm surprised he speaks to me at all." They both wear the same grin, the one that has some sort of meaning behind look alike, but you wouldn't know they were twins unless you see them in action together. It makes me wish I had a sister. Well... I had a sister, she died before I was born.
"That's not why he ran," Maylea says with a laugh. But before I can ask her what she means, their parents call them inside. We hug, and wish each other luck for tomorrow. As they walk away, all of the levity has faded.
Everyone is shaking in their boots this year. Not that they aren't every year, but this year is different. This year is the Quarter Quell. We have them every twenty-five years. They still replay footage from the first one. Twenty-five years ago, the districts had to vote in the kids that had to go into the reaping. That was truly awful. My parents sometimes talk about that year. It brought so much tension, people in the streets barely looked at one another. About a month ago, the Capitol gave the broadcast announcing the reading of the card. For this years Quarter Quell, there will be twice the amount of tributes. Fear, is an understatement. And everyone feels it.
It's dark now as I'm heading home. My parents are sure to be wondering where I snuck off to, so I quicken my pace. I trip over a lose cobblestone. After that I watch my feet in the failing light to make sure that I don't make the mistake again, so I didn't even see him coming when I run into him. He has that same look on his face from before and... he's all wet for some reason. His grey Seam eyes look away. I've always loved Seam eyes, his especially. They are so bright, they remind me of moonlight. His eyes land on the book, and I speak first since it doesn't look like he will.
"You left this in the alley. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to bother you, I just liked the song you were singing. I like all your songs." His eyes narrow, and his face drains of color.
"I was looking for that," he says quietly. "You didn't bother me. Not at all. I only- I just didn't know anyone was listening. And uh, thank you," he finishes slowly.
I hand him the book, and he takes it with shaky hands. It almost seems like he's nervous, but that doesn't make any sense. He's braver than anyone else here, and he's tall and strong, and far too handsome for that. Nervousness is probably like a foreign language to him.
"I hope I didn't ruin your habit of singing outside of my house. It's nice," I say, and immediately I realise how awkward that sounded. Like I've been spying on him or something. Now its my turn to be nervous. But he barks out a laugh, and once he does, I realise it's the first time I've heard him laugh. It eases the nerves that I don't fully understand anyway. But he's back to staring at the ground the way he does when he tries to get away from me, so I say goodnight and start walking.
"It's late," he calls out after I've made it a few yards away. "I should- I can walk you home. You did rescue my book," he says. I let him catch up. And as we walk, I catch a glimpse of his face out the corner of my eye. He's chewing his bottom lip, and clutching the book in one hand.
"So what is that anyway?" I ask, pointing to the book.
"Oh, this was my father and uncle's book. They drew these plants in here that are edible. Some used for other things- Perfume... Medicine," he says giving me a pointed look. And I smile.
"Did you draw any of those?" I ask.
"Yes. But I'm not as good as my father."
"Well. It's better than what I can do, that's for sure. And I like looking at them."
"Really," he says, and he's looking down again. "You can use it any time you like."
"Your family book? No," I say.
"Sure," he says as he stops and places it into my hand. "I don't mind," he adds in almost a whisper, and so I take it and promise to give it back soon.
As we draw closer to my house, I can see a faint glow coming from the windows. Almost home. But I don't want to be home where my parents are sure to be worried and sad. That makes me sound like a bad person. I'm sure I'll regret it if my name is called tomorrow.
Heath seems to have loosened up. He's stopped looking at the ground. I'm almost convinced that he doesn't hate me. Not that he likes me, he just no longer hates me. I wish he did like me. I don't have many friends. Well, I have a lot of friends, but none like him. We approach my house and he stops and turns to me. He doesn't say anything, he just nods goodbye.
"Thank you," I say quickly, and he comes back. "Oh, and thank you for the book. I'll take care of it. I promise. What's it like in the woods anyway?"
"The woods? Well," he says followed by a pause. "Peaceful. And exciting. I could- I mean if you'd like- or want... I could take you..."
"You would! Yes! I've always wanted to ask but, well, I didn't think you'd take me. To be honest I didn't think you liked me very much," I say. His eyes narrow, and he shakes his head.
"Didn't think I liked you? Everyone likes you," he says with a shy smile that makes him look less intimidating. Now its my turn to look away. I don't know what to say to that. But he doesn't let me hide my face the way he usually does, he ducks slightly to examine my face. "Ok. bye," he says quickly. And walks away.
What a strange boy. Well, he doesn't like me, even if he says so. I'm so boring and plain. I doubt he'll keep his promise to take me hunting. Add him to the long list of names that I hope do not get called in the reaping. I wonder what Kaiser would think of me hunting. He would probably talk my parents out of letting me go. I wonder if he would come with us. I doubt it, but that would be nice. The more I think of him, the guiltier I feel for avoiding him. Why should I? I love him, so of course I should marry him, and I will. .
The Hunter
I make it home late, but my mother barely blinks when I'm late. She knows that I'm safe. She wears a worried mask tonight though. I'm sure every parent in Panem wears that face tonight. She kisses me between the eyes as she does every night, and we both head to bed. She's a strong one, my mother.
I'm sure I would be terrified if I weren't so elated. Not only did she speak to me, now I think she actually doesn't mind my presence. And not only that, she wants to go to the woods... with me! Bring it on reaping, I'd win those games, even against 47 other opponents just to come home for that girl. I know these feelings will more than likely come to nothing. But for tonight, to distract me from the terror I should feel, I'll let myself imagine. More like get carried away.
I fall asleep, not worried about tomorrow, but repeating a name in my head over and over: Flora Everdeen. I like the way it sounds.
Chapter 2:
The Healer :
My family walks to the square, quietly. When we arrive, I kiss my mother and father. This is where we part until after the reaping, or until they have to say their goodbyes if my name is called. I stand in a roped off section for the sixteen-year-old girls. I quickly find Maysilee and Maylea, and we cling to each other without a word. My friends and sisters. I scan the clump of sixteen-year-old boys for Kaiser. I find him right away. He's already looking at me. We don't really need words to speak, and in a few seconds he's told me he loves me and not to worry. And I've said it back.
The sweaty pressure of Maysilee's hand brings me back to myself. I lean my head on her shoulder, and all at once the three of us huddle closely together the way we do on cold days after school. Now I worry again. What if they call Kaiser? What will I do without him? This worry makes me certain that I will marry him without question if we both make it out of here.
I remember my first reaping. I cried like a baby when my parents let me go. I can't find them in the crowd, but maybe that's for the best. I don't want to cry today. I really shouldn't worry. With so many other kids here, what are the odds of someone I love being called? But I don't want any of these other kids to be called either. I don't know all of them, but these are the faces that I see every day at school. And those hallways may soon be missing not two, but four other faces.
The reaping begins. Geniva Macbeth takes the stage and makes the announcement. I tune most of what she says out. Its the same every year. At some point the Mayer approaches the mic, and begins the treaty of treason. But this year, he also has to read the rules for the Quarter Quell, and that snaps me back into focus. Forty-eight names of children across Panem will be called today. And this makes me shiver.
District 12 only has one victor. Artemis Collins. He has aged gracefully, but his face bears a scar that cannot be fixed. And he always looks sad. Some say he lost his mind. After his games, he shut out his family and friends. And then they all died within the year. He speaks to no one, they don't even bother giving him the mic to say anything. My father says he used to be a wonderful person, that no one could help loving him. And now he is alone in the world.
Win or lose, the Hunger Games steals everything that makes you who you are.
I hear Geniva's signature "Ladies first!" which brings me back into focus. She leans forward and pulls a name from the bowl. And I can't breathe...
"Lissie Edwards," she says.
I exhale as I watch Lissie take the stage, her long train of silken black hair flowing loosely behind her. That's it. I begin to worry about which boys name will be called, and hope that it is not Kaiser. But as she reads the name, I remember. This is the Quarter Quell. As she reads the name, my mind goes numb. She does not read a boy's name. She reads the name Maysilee Donnor.
The Hunter
I watch as Flora clings to Maysilee and her sister. I have never seen her cry, and it breaks my heart. She has to let go, and Maysilee walks onto the stage. She looks strong and brave. Not something you see on the face of a town kid every day. Not something you see on the face of any kid in District 12. But I can't keep my eyes off of Flora for very long, and when I look back, she has crumpled to the ground and is rocking Maysilee's sister gently as they both cry. I want to run to her and hold her more than I ever have. But the reaping continues. Now they will call the boys names. I am too worried about the broken girl on the ground to think of myself, when I hear them call the names "Vernon Plaid" and "Haymitch Abernathy".
Contestants shake hands. Closing remarks. End of reaping.
People begin to clear out. Four families linger in tears. Maylea Donnor has found her parents, and I see flora, still on the ground. I don't know what she thinks of me, or if she cares. But I care. And seeing her this way makes me brave. I walk to her, ready to wrap her in my arms. But he gets there first.
Kaiser scoops her up, and carries her in his arms. For a jealous moment I wish his name had been called. But I shake my head to clear it. I won't say I like him, but he's impossible to hate. And he does care about her, and I'm glad she is being comforted, even if I'm not the one to do it. But I can't shake the sick feeling in the pit of my stomach. Because she is hurt and there is nothing anyone can do about it.
My mother finds me, and wraps her hand around mine, and we go home. I know I'm too old for it, but I lean my head down and rest it against her shoulder as we walk. We both need this. She wraps her arm around me and we make it home. We don't speak. That's just the way our family is. She serves a big bowl of stew made with the rabbit and greens I gathered this morning before the reaping. She kisses me and goes to bed early, -it's not even close dark yet- but I know I'll never sleep tonight so I take a walk instead.
This evening everyones shutters are closed. The streets are empty. I make my way back to the square, the scene of this morning's awfulness. I pass the Donnor's. Their house is empty and dark. Probably saying their goodbyes at this very moment. I pass the Aisley's, their house is also empty. I wonder how Flora is holding up. Of course, I know the answer to that question. My parents were once friends with Artemis Collin's family, the only victor district 12 has ever had. They were a very nice family from what I hear. They lost all touch with reality until he came home, and then, he would have nothing to do with them. Both of his brothers were killed in a mining accident. And his parents fell ill and died shortly after the feast for his victory tour. Ever since then, he wasn't the same. Rarely seen out in public except on days like today.
I think of Flora feeling what his family felt, and I'm hurting all over again. I move on without looking back. I'm still walking when I see the capitol train roll into the station. Here to take away Lissie Edwards, Maysilee Donnor, Vernon Plaid and Haymitch Abernathy. Four kids from each district this year. Twice the amount of sorrow.
The Healer
I am in a long hallway in the Justice building clinging to my mother and father, who are clinging to the Donnor family. There are other families here for the other tributes. I have never been in a room with so many people this sad and broken before. Maysilee's parents and sister are called first. They rise with blank, determined faces, and disappear behind the heavy double doors. When they come back out, Mr. Donnor is carrying Maylea, who appears to have gone unconscious. The girl whom I have never seen cry, is now broken and irreparable.
I am called next. I will go in alone. I don't know what I'll say, but I know I'll be holding her the whole time. I make up my mind not to cry. When those doors open, and I see the tears streaming down her face, my resolve is broken. We melt into each other, and it doesn't seem like anything could break our hold. She doesn't let me go while she speaks.
"Flora? Can you do something for me?" she asks.
"Anything," I answer in a voice thick with tears.
"Will you look after Tony? Until I get back. And if I don't..."
"You will make it back!" I scream, almost hysterical. Now she pulls away enough to see my face and she smiles.
Always brave, even when she doesn't have to be. And I know that I have to be brave too. For her. The doors behind us open. Time is up. Not enough time. She kisses me between my eyes, and pulls me in for another hug. My best friend. My sister, in the worst place on earth. She lets go slowly, and when she does I feel cold and alone. I am ushered out of the room, and outside, where I finally let myself fall apart. I hope I never have to see that room again.
My parents try to take me home, but I won't go. They let me stay, and they head home so that I can have my space. I just sit at the end of the train and watch the flashes of the cameras that take the pictures of the four tributes of District 12. They board the train and I catch Maysilee's eye. She gives me her biggest, silliest smile, and I return it with my own. She boards and goes to the window, and waves as the train pulls off, and out of sight into a tunnel.
My body doubles over with pain and I wish Kaiser were here to carry me. I just lie on the ground, waiting for the cold to numb me, but it doesn't. I feel dead inside, and pain everywhere else. I squeeze my eyes shut, and cry. I don't know how long I stay this way. It starts to rain, and I don't care. But I am lifted off of the ground in strong arms. I guess Kaiser came looking for me after all. I lean into him without opening my eyes and weep. But when I open my eyes, I'm not in Kaiser's arms at all. I'm so startled by the dark hair that I jump. When pull back and see familiar eyes looking at me, I relax again. These are kind eyes. The bright eyes that I see almost every day. Heath. I don't know how he found me or why he cares, but he does. He looks at me, not with sadness or worry which I expect, but like his equal. Like a fellow soldier who was wounded. And I'm glad for that because it makes this moment a little less awkward and painful. He doesn't speak, and neither do I. There are no words for this.
He carries me home, my parents are already in the door. Kaiser is there to. Heath sets me gently onto my feet. And pulls back to look at me. I collapse into him, wrapping my arms around his waist. He pauses, and wraps his around me as well. I feel Kaiser's hand on my back, and I turn and wrap my arms around him and hold on as tight as my arms allow. I don't get to thank Heath. In the time it takes me to turn around, he is gone. I'm not sure my mouth could form the words anyway. I melt into Kaiser's dry, warm form. He smells like apples and maple syrup. A relaxing smell.
The Hunter
The last few days at school have been awful! Everyone is either sad, or comforting someone who is sad. I didn't even bother going into that building today.
I'm not the only one who's gone missing from school these days. Maylea Donner is never around anymore. Haymitch's mom is gone too. She teaches a class in my grade. I still see his brother around sometimes. I never knew Haymitch, but his brother is a friend, so I do what I can for them. Flora was absent yesterday. I don't know much about her, but I'm sure she hasn't improved. I think seeing Maysilee on that chariot in the capitol broke her heart. I saw her in the lunchroom window, crying silently, when I made the choice to skip today. My heart has a low tolerance for other people's pain.
I take my time walking, remembering the way it finally felt to hold her. I don't remember making the decision to pick her up, but the next thing I knew, I was walking with her cradled in my arms. I'll never forget the pain in those blue eyes when she finally looked at me. It felt like I was being stabbed. When we made it to her house, it was clear they were waiting for her. Kaiser was watching closely, and I suddenly felt guilty, and put her down. But when I did, she threw her arms around me. Slowly I wound my own around her, and placed my head on top of hers, inhaling the scent of her hair. Even in pain she emits a subtle sweetness. Then she let go. She leaned into Kaiser, and I left. That was it. We haven't spoken again, but we make eye contact in the halls sometimes. I'm not as nervous around her anymore.
I stop by my brother's house on my way home to check on his wife. She's been sick a lot lately. Her pregnancy has weakened her a great deal. I like her. She is kind. She's the closest I've come to having a sister. She was a town kid, so everyone was shocked when they got married. She sees me coming, and I smile.
"Hello Maggie!" I say. "And hello Katniss," I say to her belly. She laughs, a weak breathy sound. Isaak believes that the baby will be a girl, and he often jokes that they will name her Katniss. After the plant. My silly brother, but that's what everyone loves about him. He'll be late today, I'm sure. He works in the mines, but they also give him the job of transporting coal to the storage facility. That won't last though, they are closing it down soon, or so I've heard.
I cook the rabbit I've caught, and add various greens and roots to the pot. I'm not as good a cook as my mother, but no one complains. I watch Maggie nap as the stew simmers. Sometimes I wonder what it's like to have a family of your own. I don't think I will ever get that chance, but who knows.
Its late when my brother makes it home from the mines. Almost dark. We eat dinner and turn on the TV. Its mandatory viewing. Tonight they will interview all of the tributes. It will take an unspeakable amount of time this year. And its' heartbreaking to watch knowing that all but one of those kids will be dead in a matter of weeks... maybe even days. Ceasar Flickerman is sporting green hair and makeup this year. He looks the same as always. I wonder how old he really is, or if he's human... They start with District 1. Those kids make me sick. Districts 2 and 3 fly by. But I'm sad all over again when I see the brother and sister who were both called from District 4. I fall asleep somewhere around District 6, but my brother rouses me to see our district.
Maysilee looks stunning. She doesn't seem afraid, or even sad. But the girl after her sure does. I know that girl. She's in my class. Sits behind me every day. We never speak but it still hurts to see her this way. Vernon Plaid is a big boy. And he has a big personality too. Maybe that will get him some sponsors. Finally they interview Haymitch Abernathy. He's a year older than I am, but I see him around. The audience loves him from the start. His arrogant humor is somewhat funny. But I know he's nothing like that at all. I see him in the halls at school, always smiling with his arm around some girl from the seam.
And that's it. Interview night is over. The Capitol citizens are loving every minute of these exiting pregame shows. But the rest of Panem is in anguish. Tomorrow the games will begin.
I leave my brothers house, not ready to go home, but not willing to stay in front of that TV any longer. So I just walk around aimlessly. I make it to town, and I can't stop myself from just walking by the apothecary's. You would think that gravity anchored me to that place and not the ground.
The Healer
I can't stand it anymore. I climb out of my window wishing I had grabbed a jacket, but not willing to go back inside for one. The sight of Maysilee in that golden gown was too much. I'm thinking that maybe I will get Kaiser to come out with me, when I hit the ground and hear a startled sound behind me. The sound startles me as well. I turn to see wide grey eyes. Heath. What on earth is he doing here? Now my fear is replaced by nervousness. The last time we were together, I ended up crying into his his jacket collar. I feel suddenly defensive.
"What are you doig here?" I almost hiss.
"I was just out walking. I'm sorry I didn't mean to scare you, I just... couldn't stay at home," he says.
"You weren't the only one," I say in a more relaxed tone. He's not friends with any of the tributes the way I am, but at least he seems to understand. I wanted to find Kaiser, or be alone. Period. But now can't imagine being alone long enough to look for Kaiser. When he starts to leave I ask him to stay without even thinking about it. He does and we don't talk, just walk around in silence.
I hadn't realized I'd started to cry again. But I notice the moisture on my cheeks when he wipes it away. He leaves his hand there, and I don't look at him. I just stare at his jacket collar, the same one I cried into before. I lean my face into his hand and rest it there, and all doubts I've had of our friendship vanish. I shut my eyes, and after a moment of this I go ahead and cry into his collar again. His long arms wrap around me again. No one holds me this way. Not my parents. Kaiser does, but with him it feels different. I've only had one male friend, and he is now my fiance. And now I feel strange so I pull away.
I wake up the next morning with an ache in my chest. My parents did not wake me for school. But I think I'd rather have been there today. I hear the TV on downstairs, and I know what's on. For a moment I wonder if my friend is dead, then my door opens. My mother's expression lets me know the answer to that question. I race out of the room, and to the TV. I don't even think of the beauty of the arena, but when I see the boy's head on the ground, the other children hacking away at each other, the unspeakable amount of blood, I nearly faint. But I just vomit instead.
None of it was Maysilee's. I know that now. It was only for a moment, but they showed Maysilee walking through the trees up the mountain. She had a gash on her shoulder, but other than that she was fine. Alive. Maybe not well, but alive.
That night I go to the Donnor's house. Watching is mandatory, otherwise I know they'd never be able to stomach this. They're showing a boy alone in the woods. He tripped over an exposed root of a dead tree, but made back to his feet. Then he tripped over another... and then another. It's clear that something more is going on. The roots start dragging at him, and he's clawing at the ground, but it's no use. He's pulled underground. For a while nothing else happens, but the dead tree starts to grow leaves, and then a cannon is fired.
Maylea is not in the room. I go and find her in bed. Her mother tells me not to make too much noise, that she's ill. So I don't say anything, I just climb into bed next to her, curl around her and fall asleep like I did when we were little. At one point in the night, I hear her mother scream, but I don't let myself wonder what happens. When I wake up, Maylea's right hand is holding mine, but her left is holding someone else's. Scott Undersea. He sits at the edge of the bed asleep with his head resting on their entwined fingers.
I leave the room without a sound, exit the house without looking at the TV- I don't want to see- and head home. As I walk through the misty morning air, I wonder what this day holds. I stop outside of my door. My parents usually figure that I'll just spend the night at the Donnor's house when I don't come home by a certain hour. I stand there, not wanting to go inside. They'll more than likely make me go to school today, and I don't want to. I don't want to hear the other kids speculate on how many tributes are still alive. Or who died, and how. I just don't want to know. There's nothing I can do, and it will only hurt.
I sit outside for an hour, watching the sun rise. Soon my parents will be awake and working, and the streets will start to come to life with people. But for now its quiet. I almost don't see him, but at the last second I do. I see a hooded figure walking toward the fence across the meadow. I wouldn't be able to tell who it is, but the leather jacket gives him away. Heath isn't going to school either. I'm not sure I'm in control of what I'm doing, but I follow him. Every now and then I have to hide behind a tree, but I keep up easily. I watch as he approaches the chain links that guard our district, open a hidden slit in the fence and scurry out. I watch him continue on. Do I follow him? I have never even been this close to the fence, let alone step outside it! I look behind me, about to leave, about to head back home. Back to the sadness...
I can't do it. I hurry through the fence, and look for him. But He's gone. I've missed my chance, and no way am I staying out here alone. But then I hear him singing. Really singing.
"My brother where do you intend to go tonight,
I heard that you've missed your connecting flight,
To the blue ridge mountains, Over near Tennessee."
And now he is whistling.
"You're ever welcome with me anytime you like,
Lets drive to the countryside,
Leave behind some green eyed look-alike,
So..."
And that's when I step on the branch that gives me away.
The Hunter
I turn, loaded bow in hand. An instinct. I am about to let it fly, when I hear her shriek in terror. I don't know how long she was there, or why she is there at all. But I almost just killed her.
"What on earth are you doing?" I ask, my voice full of venom and face full of chagrin. She just stands there. And now she looks like she might cry. "Woah! Hey! I'm sorry, I didn't mean it that way. You just scared me to death. I'm sorry. I could have killed you. Are you ok?" And now she won't look at me. Great. She just stands there looking at the ground when she answers.
"M'fine," she says. "I... guess I'll go. Sorry I bothered you." I catch her arm as she turns. For one thing, she is about to step on one of my traps. And another, I just don't want her to go. No matter how embarrassed I am.
"Why don't you stay. You aren't bothering me. I just- how did you find me?" I ask.
"I sort of followed you," she says with a rueful smile.
"You shouldn't be wandering around these woods alone. It's dangerous. Watch this," I say, about to trip the snare I've set. I pull her out of the way, and pick up a long branch and brace for the snap. But nothing happens. I can feel her eyes watching me, and my cheeks burning with blush.
"Well uh, I've never been good at trapping," I say. And now she laughs, and so do I. "But still, be careful. Some of my others might work. Let's see if it's funny when you're flung eight feet off the ground." Now she's really laughing.
"Yeah. Ok," she says sarcastically. "So what do you do out here?"
"I'll show you if you want," I say. And unexpectedly she takes my hand. It's a few long seconds before I can move or speak, but I lead the way.
At first I'm distracted by the warmth of her fingers, but I'm a different person in the woods. Maybe the years of burying my fear out here have something to do with it. But no matter what it is, I hold onto her as long as she'll let me. I start showing her my favorite spots to gather. My favorite trees to climb. We're both enjoying ourselves.
"So, what was that. The song you were singing?" She asks. I had forgotten about that. How embarrassing.
"It's really old. My grandfather used to sing it. It's called 'Blue Ridge Mountains'. It's about these mountains you know," I say with a smile that she returns.
After a while I start to whistle the tune absentmindedly. But once I start, I don't want to stop, so I don't. When I hear her gasp, I'm sure I've done something wrong. But she's looking a the trees and then back to me. Oh, she's looking at the Mockingjays.
"You like birds?" I ask. "What is it?" The birds bounce around the tune the way they always do. I don't even think about it until she says something.
"I've never heard them repeat someone that good," she says with wide eyes.
"I think they like the song."
"I think they like your voice. I do." Now she blushes and lets go of my hand. "What time do you think it is?"
"Oh," I say looking at the sky. "Well, about three I'd say. Schools out by now at least."
"I should go home now," she says. "Thank you for this." And then she hugs me quickly, and I take her back to the fence.
It's a long shot, but I say it anyway.
"See you tomorrow?" I ask. She pauses.
"If I can make it. Wait for me as long as you're willing to I guess," she says, and I watch her leave.
When she's gone, I know I'll wait here for her all day if I have to.
The Healer
The number of tributes has gotten so low. And Maysilee is still one of them. Still alive. Last night, I watched her kill a boy with a poison dart. He would have killed her for sure. But the image burned its way into my nightmares. I keep seeing her shoot me with that blowgun. I know that if she makes it back she will be a different girl. My Maysilee won't ever come home. That's not fair, and I know it. Just the way it is. Her parents gave me Tony a few days ago. Tony is a small yellow Canary that her aunt gave her. Heath comes in when he drops his herbs off at the end of every day. Or should I say, after he walks me home from the woods, and pretends to have just seen me for the first time. But now he leaves a rabbit for us every day since he found out how much I love his stew.
He comes in everyday and tries to teach Tony songs while I watch closely. I find it hilarious of course. But the first day, he was finally close to getting it to try to sing and then I giggled and now that's the only sound the bird makes. Whenever I make a peep, Tony gets to giggling like a sixteen-year-old girl. I've met his brother and his pregnant wife, Maggie. I took her some medicine, she's not doing well. She knows a lot about medicine as well, but there really isn't much to do but alleviate some of the symptoms. His brother joked about naming the baby Katniss while we were eating the katniss roots Heath gathered, so that's just what we call her belly now. I truly love his family, it'd be hard not to.
Every day, I pretend to go to school in the morning. But instead I meet Heath in the woods. He tried to teach me to shoot, but I started crying and he had to take me home. With the games still going, holding a weapon just set me off I guess. After that he hunts, I gather. I tell him things that no other person knows about me. He doesn't judge me the way other people do. He trusts me with his secrets in return. Our visits to the woods have become a bright spot in the middle of my darkness. It's not that I forget the tragedy at hand, but in the woods I don't feel like its burying me alive. But today, I will have to go to school.
Heath doesn't push me the way Kaiser does. Once, when Kaiser was teaching me to bake, I kept trying to give up on one particular dish that I kept destroying. But he wouldn't let me. He just insisted that I could do it. Well I still haven't, and he still says that. I know he means well, but that can be a bit much. Now that I know someone who doesn't seem to care if I fail, I notice the difference. I don't know why I always compare the two of them, Kaiser and Heath. But I have to stop. It's not fair. And I want my fiance and my good friend to like each other. So I keep reminding myself not to do that. And why should I anyway? One is my friend, one is my love. There is no comparison.
My parents are leaving the house to go to the Donnor's place. Maylea has been... ill. She rarely gets out of bed anymore, and the slightest disturbance sends her into a state of panic. My parents are trying to come up with a remedy for her. I'll undoubtedly sleep at their house tonight. A knock at the door announces Kaiser's arrival. He will walk me to school today. He worries, especially since he hasn't seen me there in days.
We walk hand in hand, an automatic thing for us. Loving him is the easiest thing in the world. Like breathing almost. We make it to the building that serves as our school. Some say it used to be a small hospital. I make it through the morning without overhearing too many details about the games. But lunch is something new.
Adeline Beasly has placed herself in the seat next to Kaiser. Obviously flirting, the way she always does when I'm not around. She hates my guts, but only because she wants Kaiser. She would be beautiful if she didn't maintain a constant scowl. But look how kind she is to my boyfriend. She sees me coming and leaves before I reach the table. But then, the teacher in one of the grades above mine wheels a large screen into the room. The capitol has made a new arrangement. Students are now to watch recaps of the games on their lunch breaks, "As part of our education".
The screen comes to life, and I feel Kaisers warm fingers tighten around mine for comfort. The first images they show are the bloodbath at the cornucopia, which I had missed. I watch Maysilee gather a small pack and try to run, but she's caught by another girl, and they fight. The girl manages to stab Maysilee in the shoulder, but she is apparently inadequate with the knife, and Maysilee gets away, and runs for the woods. I know she is still alive. But seeing this... its killing the last living parts of my heart.
Maysille finds a small amount dried beef in her pack, along with a bowl and a blowgun and darts. The darts would never be enough to kill anyone, but I already know that later she uses poisons from the arena to make them lethal. They show other tributes. They show the dead. Eighteen dead already! The boy from 12 among them, Vernon I think his name was. They show Haymitch Abernathy on the screen, alive and on the move. I don't know him very well, but I know he's brilliant. He's even had to aid some of the teachers here at times. And apparently he's a good fighter.
The careers are also on the move. They hunt up and down the mountain over the next three days, picking off the occasional stray, and also each other. On day four, they are about to kill a boy from 3, when the mountain bursts into liquid flames that slide down the slopes killing all but five of them. Thirteen tributes are left. And I feel in my heart the hope that Maysilee could make it. She will come home, she has to.
They show Haymitch take on three of the stray careers. There is one boy from 4 with deadly aim with his knives. He lands one into Haymitch's arm before he is killed by him. Haymitch kills the girl career, but is disarmed by the other boy. He holds the knife above his head with Haymitch's throat in his sights, when something unexpected happens. He falls to the ground dead. Out walks Maysilee.
She saved Haymitch, and so they agree to be allies. I hope it does not come down to a fight between the two of them, because he would surely win. They show clips of them huddled together to keep warm, gathering rain water, taking turns sleeping. They make a good team.
Only a few Careers are left, and they got split up when a pack of squirrels attacked. The girl from 1 hasn't been shown in a while, she got some of her fingers bitten off by the squirrels, but is still alive. The brother and sister from 4 move onward, injured but at a steady pace. There is a rustling in the trees ahead, and out runs a bear the size of a tank. Running is no good, but they try for it anyway. The boy trips her in an effort to use her to distract te bear. The bear has the girl by the leg, and is dragging at her, tearing her flesh. Her brother has her hand now, but lets go without even really trying to help. But this is the Hunger Games, and family devotion only goes so far. Not that it matters, because at the last second the bear grabs hold of him too. Now I shut my eyes. I can only hear their screams as they are slowly eaten alive. It seems to go on forever.
Now its nighttime in the arena. They show a girl, from 6 I think. She's relaxed in her hideout. She stares at the moon. And then she just keeps staring. Now it clear that the light has her trapped in some sort of trance, and she can't look away. Someone finds her, and she's dead without even a fight.
And then it's over. Back to class. The rest of the day goes by slowly. And painfully. I go straight to the Donnor's house after school. Kaiser kisses me goodbye, and turns to go home. But grab his face in my hands and kiss him in a way I rarely do in public. His presence is everything to me sometimes.
The Games are on the TV, and to my surprise Maylea is out of bed. But her face is slack and her eyes are dead. Scott is beside her on the couch, holding her hand as always. They watch as the girl from 1 buries her axe into another boy who was only twelve years old. And she is on the move again. A few hours pass before they show Haymitch and Maysilee. They are perched before a cliff just beyond a burned section of bushes. Maysilee looks beautiful even as tired and beat up as she is. She tries to get Haymitch to his feet, but he won't budge.
"All right," she sighs. "There are only five us left. May as well say goodbye now, anyway. I don't want it to come down to the two of us."
And that's it. She goes. They show her walking away, and she finds a small pond. Two cannons fire, and she sits there to rest with a sad expression. If only she could hear me telling her to hang in there. A beautiful pink bird lands a few feet ahead of her in the pond. A beautiful bird really. Maysilee smiles as she watches it move around in the water. More arrive and join her. The smile on her face is beautiful, the same one I saw the night before the reaping, and on the train as she waved goodbye. More birds come. And then even more birds after that. Maysilee rises to move on, and it's as is a switch were filcked. The flock grows quiet, and the all slowly turn to her.
My heart is pounding in my chest, and my breathing is faster than it has ever been. I quickly become lightheaded. Maysilee watches the flock, as still as a statue. Then she turns to run, and as she does... it happens. The flock engulfs her and she is fighting to escape. She is all but free, when she turns to crawl away. But there is another bird, and as she stares into its eyes, she opens her mouth to scream. Her scream fills the room, but so does another. Maylea. Maylea shreik is stabbing deep into the heart of me, and yet no one looks away from the screen as the bird stabs her through the neck.
The Hunter
The next day, Flora isn't at school. They wheel the screen back into the lunchroom, and we watch live feed now that there are only two contestants left. They are driven together by a windstorm that destroys most of the arena. The girl from 1, and the boy from 12. Haymitch is weak by now, but so is she. But she is still bigger than him, and she attacks with everything she has. Haymitch has only a knife, and he throws it, but it only gets lodged in her eye. She throws her axe as she screams, but only has one eye to see with, and it swipes Haymitch across his middle. He flees as fast as he can to that same cliff where he discovered some sort of forcefield. The girl follows, and hurls her axe at him, but misses and watches it fly over the cliff. Now it's just a matter of who bleeds to death first. But then the most unheard of thing in the history of the games happens. The axe comes back the way the rock did that Haymitch threw, and it buries itself in her skull. Trumpets sound. End of Games.
For the first time in years, District 12 has a victor. The roar in the lunchroom and halls is deafening. School is let out early, so I make use of the rest of the day as a hunting day. On my way to the woods, I spot an odd looking fellow. Broad shoulders, and a shade of Auburn hair I've never seen before. Something about him makes me uneasy, but I let it go. He's probably a cameraman from the capital. They're here... soon.
I don't bother waiting by the fence for Flora, something tells me she won't show. I have to figure something out to do for her, but there is nothing. I'm useless. I'm thinking this over, when I reach a patch of berries and see her there. Her back is turned to me. She hears me and turns to face me, tears staining her face. I go to her to hold her, but when I touch her she slaps me across the face. Stunned, I just stand there and take it. She finally looks me in the face, and gives up and lets me hold her. I don't know how long we stay that way, but I know I won't be the one to let go.
I don't know how she feels about me at all. Sometimes she looks at me like I'm more than her friend, and tells me things that I'm sure are her darkest secrets, but then runs into Kaiser's arms. But here she is now, her arms wrapped around me like vices. No, I don't know what she feels, but I'm certain now more than ever that I love this girl. So, I hold her as long as she'll let me. Even if she told me she hated me, I would still do anything for her.
The sound of her sobbing is like someone driving nails into my ears. Without thinking about it, I hum the song she likes, the one I sang under her window. I'm not sure if its for her or for me, but as I go on, she quiets and her arms loosen. Her body goes limp and I support her, but eventually give in and crumple to the ground with her. I don't speak. In my whole life I've never been in this position. I just keep humming. She releases her hold on me, and takes my hair in both of her hands and presses her lips to mine. This is something else I've never done before.
Her mouth is salty with tears. I don't think, I just act. And before I know it, my hands are in her hair as well. She pulls away gasping and leans her forehead against my own with closed eyes that still stream with tears. I can't help it. I couldn't stop the words from pouring out of me any more than I could stop a flying arrow.
"I love you," I whisper. Now a new kind of tears fills her eyes. I start to say her name, and she runs. I don't go after her.
I don't move at all, in fact I don't even know how I made it home. But all I do is think of what this means now. And of her pain, and the warm pressure of her lips, and her look of revulsion on her face when she pulled away. No, I don't know what this means. At all.
Chapter 3
The Healer:
My days are spent trying to find meaning, and my nights are spent mourning Maysilee. I see Haymitch around, but avoid him. It makes me feel guilty, and I don't know why. His mother just one day stopped coming to teach her classes, and then they found her body under a tree in the meadow. His brother fell ill shortly afterward and died. He has completely alienated his girlfriend. She tried to sit next to him at school, and he screamed at her so brutally that she did not repeat the gesture. After that, he never comes to school anymore. They say it's the curse of the victors, but everyone knows in their hearts that a more sinister host is behind it. I see Haymitch in the streets sometimes. He's always drunk, and when he's not he maintains a constant flow of tears.
It's been a week since I kissed Heath in the woods. I don't know what he was thinking in that moment, but I know what I was thinking. I just wanted to forget what happened, forget what I saw. And then he was kissing me back and saying he loved me. I know I care about Heath, but I also know I love Kaiser, more than I could love anyone else.
The feeling of Kaiser's hand in mine feels like it weighs a ton. And when he looks at me, I feel guilt. But I burry those feelings. I know where I belong. He's walking me home from visiting the Donnor's, and I'm so glad to have him with me. The Donnor's house is as silent as a graveyard, and about as painful to visit. When we make it to my house in town, there is a commotion inside. I hear a yelp of pain. I wonder who is hurt now as I wrench the door open, and the sight of him chokes me.
Haymitch Abernathy. He's lying on our table we have for medical purposes. I have not made any attempt at speaking to him even though I have had the chance. Why would I. We never knew each other as friends. But a part of me feels like I owe him my gratitude. Maybe that's why I feel guilt when I see him. No, Maysilee didn't make it home, but he was there for her. He held her as she...
I shake the picture out of my head. There is blood flowing from his hands, and my father has begun giving him stitches. I go over and begin helping him, cleaning some of the cuts, stitching one hand while my father does the other. I don't need to ask what happened. Of course he did this to himself, while he was probably drunk. My father leaves the room, and I take my chance while I have it.
"Thank you," I say with tears streaming from my eyes. "Thank you... for being with her." For a moment he doesn't speak.
"Don't thank me," He says in a slurred voice, he's crying too and I know the the tears have nothing to do with his hands. I don't know Haymitch, but I kiss him between his eyes. Not for him or me, but for Maysilee.
We're adding the last layer of bandages, when there is a knock on the door. A beautiful girl with dark grey eyes, and thick flowing black hair stands in front of me. His girlfriend.
"Haymitch!" she calls as I step out of the way.
"Emily?" He cries. I don't remember seeing her cross the room, but I blink and the next thing I know she is in his arms.
"Why did you come here? Why?" He shouts. "I told you to stay away!" She doesn't let him go and he holds her as best as he can with his damaged hands.
"I won't! I know you love me! I know it!" she cries.
My father and I exchange a confused glance, and leave the room to give them a moment. We can still hear, but there isn't much that can be done about that in such a small house.
"I do love you, and that's why you have to stay away! I won't let him take you from me!" he says quietly, but with as much enthusiasm. "Do you think their deaths were a coincidence? No! He killed them! Like he'd do to you if he knew I loved you! I may have made it home alive, but if they kill you, they kill me anyway."
"And what do you think is happening to me? Being without you is killing me. You're killing me!" she says. The room is quiet. Haymitch doesn't bother arguing with her anymore I guess.
They leave together, wrapped in each others arms, and I promise to bring him a salve for his hands in the morning. They are gone, and across the road I see a man. He's in the shadows, but I can still make out his features. He's a big man. He's got deep red hair, mother would call it auburn. I know only one thing about him. He is not from here.
I rise early in the morning to take Haymitch the medicine my father made for his hands. No one is home, so I go ahead and leave. What I heard him say last night gave me nightmares. His mother and brother... killed? No. That doesn't happen here. But a part of me knows he isn't lying. And then, above all else, the creepy redheaded man in the road, just watching. Something is off, and I don't know what.
Later that night I decide to try Haymitch's house again at the victors village. My hand is just poised to knock, when I hear an odd thump, and a yell followed by screams. I duck my head and start to run, but the sound continues. I can't help myself. I know I probably don't want to see what is going on behind that door, but fearful curiosity has gotten the better of me. I clutch my jacket around me tighter, and tiptoe to the window.
I was right to want to run away. I wasn't prepared. No matter how many times I've seen broken bodies on my television and even in my own home, nothing prepared me for the sight before me. Haymitch is strapped to a chair with restraints around his ankles, his waist, wrists, and head. There also appears to be some kind of contraption forcing his eyes to stay open. Haymitch is crying out, pleading begging. And finally he's just shouting her name.
"Emily!"
The man crosses the room, and places a strip of tape over his mouth. The man with the red hair! My insides contract, but I keep quiet. My eyes follow his bloody footprints back to where he came from. Back to what I guess to be Emily. Beautiful Emily. She was beautiful.
The Hunter:
I haven't spoken to Flora since she kissed me. I see her at school, and she is always so pale these days. Almost as if she's seen a ghost, no more like turning into one. I miss her, and I wonder if she thinks of me at all. But now she'll have nothing to do with me. My fault I guess. I should have just kept my feelings to myself.
I walk as fast as I can. My time is evenly divided between hunting and Maggie. She seems to get worse as the pregnancy progresses. Her belly is getting bigger now, but somehow she seems smaller than ever. I walk into their house, and to my surprise, my brother is home. I walk into the house and watch as he draws a picture of her. He's the true artist in the family.
I watch Maggie laugh weakly, but she's happy. My brother is hidden behind the sketchbook, but his eyes peek out, and I can tell he's smiling. As I watch them, I can't help but want what they have.
The Healer:
I never speak of what I saw or heard. Not to another living soul.
It has been a few months since I watched my best friend die. Since I have been in the woods and since I have spoken to Heath. I have thought about the last time I saw him. I have only ever kissed one other boy in my life. What I did to him was unfair, but I have made my decision. I am going to marry Kaiser. What I did was in a moment of panic and distress and meant nothing, but it left a hollow ache behind that I don't fully understand. I have heard him asking my parents about me, but I won't talk to him.
The TV crews on every corner just make all of the pain feel fresh all over again. They're preparing for the victory tour which kicks off next month. No one has spoken to Haymitch Abernathy.
I would have stayed home today, but my mother is out. She was gone when I woke up, so I'll deliver her medicines today. I walk through the streets of the seam, and see a crowd surrounding one of the small houses. No, not just any house. I know that house from my days of hiding from the TV with Heath. I hear a sharp scream from inside. Maggie. She must be having the baby.
I push through to help, and when I make it inside I lock eyes with Heath for a long second. I go into the room with Maggie, and see that my mother is already here. The amount of blood is frightening. In all of my years of watching my parents deliver babies I have never seen so much. My mother looks relieved to see me, but there is also another look in her eyes. A look that I know, the look that means danger and helplessness. My hands go into action automatically, but I'm powerless against nature. First the lifeless baby emerges, and I watch with tears as my mother tries to revive the child. Minutes pass, but no hope arises. My mother looks at the father and mother of the child, and doesn't need to say a word. Maggie lets out a breath, and doesn't take another after it. I watch as her husband holds her. He is alive, but looking at him, surely he is dead.
The peacekeepers arrive to take the bodies, and his face stays that way. He sits there limp and with dead eyes as they take away both mother and child. The house has cleared except for my parents, Mrs. Everdeen and Heath. Heath sits in a corner with tears streaming down his face. He looks at me, and I go to him and hold him, awkwardness forgotten. He is still my friend and he needs me, if the roles were reversed he would do the same. We stay that way until it gets dark and my parents take me home.
The Hunter:
My dreams are haunted by images of the baby and Maggie, and filled with the screams. I have never known a pain like this, and it swallows me whole. I stay with my brother as much as I can. He drinks now, and I don't stop him. He's lost all touch with reality. Sometimes I see improvement, but he is a different person now.
I walk to his house in the bitter cold to make sure his fire is lit, and that he has food. He hasn't worked since... that day, and his money is running out. When I push the door open, I get an unexpected surprise. Flora is there already, with fresh baked bread, and building a fire. She looks at me, but doesn't speak. I miss her almost more than I can bear, but I'm helpless against giving her what she wants. And she doesn't want me so I don't try to push her.
"Hi Heath," she says. She gives me a hug, and I think that maybe she does miss me, or at least still cares. Of course she does, it's in her nature. We watch my brother put on his boots so he can take a walk. It's good for him to be getting out. He packs a bag, and we all leave. He's probably heading to the woods. We watch as he walks away. He's singing again. That's a good sign at least.
Strange things did happen here,
No stranger would it be,
If we met up at midnight in the hanging tree.
The rest of the words fade out as he leaves. I'm about to head home myself when Flora calls my name. I look at her, and it's a long moment before she speaks.
"I'm sorry," she says. "For so much. For making my problems your own, and dragging you through the mud... and for the kiss. I was just- well you know. But, I'm with Kaiser, and you're my friend. My best friend. But I can't be with you that way, but I don't want to lose you either. I know that's selfish," she says.
"It's ok," I say, even though I don't mean it at all. "You were in pain. People do things they don't mean when they're in pain. Let me walk you home."
We walk for a while and I feel like I should say something else. "Let's just forget it. You're my best friend too, and... I don't want to lose you either. I should have come to you and talked about this. I'm sorry too."
We walk, and Kaiser spots us on our journey and joins us, taking her hand in his own. I look straight ahead, but I catch Flora's eyes dart up to my face and know we'll never be the same. We may talk, but she'll never look at me the same way again. But, there is also something else in her face, almost as if she has something more to say. Kaiser asks how my family is, and he's genuinely concerned. And I know he is the one who sent the bread that Flora gave my brother, but I can't help wanting to hit him in the face right now. Here he is showing me kindness, and my only thoughts towards him are sulfurous. I feel guilty for making out with his girl and taking his bread, but deep down I know he won, so I let it pass.
I say an awkward goodbye to both of them and head home. I walk, and there is a commotion in the streets. A person running here and there. And is it just me, or are they looking at me funny. No one speaks but I follow the crowd. They lead to the meadow, but I can't see around them. I try to get closer to whatever it is they are looking at. When I approach the crowd, a heavy silence falls over them and they look at me. Slowly, one by one they part. And now I see what they are looking at. Or should I say who.
My eyes start at the base of the tree limb, then down the rope, and land on my brother's lifeless body. My mind flies back to his house with a blurring sensation, and I see him packing the rope into his bag with a drawing of Maggie clutching her swollen belly, and I hear his voice again.
Strange things did happen here,
No stranger would it be,
If we met up at midnight in the hanging tree.
The Healer:
When I hear what happened, I immediately rush out into the night air. I have to find him. I go to his house but its empty. I look everywhere, but can't find him. When I make it back home, the reality hits me like a two ton weight. My body slides to the floor of my room, and I sob until I see the sunlight peeking through my shutters. I leave the house again, but I'm not sure for what now. But without even realizing it, I head to the fence and into the woods. I just want to feel that strange thrill I get when I'm in the woods. But it never comes. Maybe I was imagining it.
I turn around to head home, and when I do, there he is. He doesn't have to say anything for me to understand him. The tears on his cheeks give him away. I throw myself into his arms and we stumble backwards. He doesn't sob, but there is more depth and pain in his silent tears. As he holds me, I start to feel what I was looking for when I came out here. Maybe it wasn't the woods at all, maybe it was him.
The Healer
"What's the surprise Everdeen?" I say.
"Shh. Quiet. You'll get it, so stop asking," he says.
Heath and I fall into our same old habits over time. Eventually the awkwardness fades, and is now finally gone. Maybe it's because of the need we both feel that no one else understands that drives us together- the need to forget the pain inside of the district. You can't run from it or forget it, no. But you can distract yourself, and that's what we are for each other. I tell him everything now. I don't even leave out the horror I saw at Haymitch's house. He checks in on him as much as he can. I also get Kaiser to leave him bread.
I follow behind him and watch him hunt as always. My parents found out about my trips to the woods, and forbid them. After that I slipped into a sort of depression. It got so bad that they practically begged Heath to take me out again. Kaiser doesn't like it. Not one bit. He's not the jealous type, he knows where my heart is, but he is certainly the worried type. Every day he walks me to the fence, and is waiting in the same spot for me to return. My evenings belong to him.
It has been a full year since the Quell, but sometimes it feels as fresh as it did while it was happening. I look at Heath walking ahead of me. He doesn't talk about his brother anymore, but sometimes I see tears in his eyes when we reach certain areas of the woods and know it is somehow connected with his brother.
We reach our usual stream where we take a rest. Today there is an almost canine scent in the air with a hint of something more, but I'm so overcome by thirst that I just drink straight from the stream, face first. I turn and face him, about to ask what the big sruprise is again, when I see him reach into his jacket pocket. He pulls out a small orange ball. No, I know what that is.
"Is that...?"
"Yup. An Orange," he answers. I've seen Oranges, but I've never tasted one before.
"How did you-"
"It's a secret. So are you going to have some, or just sit there gaping at it?"
I watch him slice the fruit with his hunting knife, and then he passes me a slice. He watches expectantly as I bite into it. The noise I make is involuntary, and he laughs at it. I have never tasted something so wonderful in my life. I must say thank you about a hundred times, and that still doesn't seem like enough.
I rise to my feet and face Heath, and when I do, his arrow is aimed right between my eyes. I don't know if he is joking, but the look in his eyes is one I have never seen before. Dangerous. The moisture in my own eyes is clouding my vision. I don't understand. His voice drops to an almost soothing whisper.
"Flora," he says in a tone deadlier than poison. "It's very important that you do exactly as I say. Do not make a sound. Do not move until I tell you." I don't understand, but I don't dare question him.
"Don't turn around. No matter what you hear, don't look back. When I tell you to run, I want you to turn left, cut through the stream, and go. Don't stop. Do you understand?"
As if in answer, the tears roll from my eyes.
"Run!" He screams.
I turn to run and as I do, I feel the arrow slip through my hair and past me. What I hear next, is a sound I have heard before. On TV, in the arena, I listened as a bear tore two tributes to pieces. And there is no mistaking the deep throated growl that comes from behind me. Behind me, Heath lets out a cry of pain, followed by more instructions for me to keep running. I can't. I stop and turn to help him. All fear aside I can't let him die.
I watch as the bear and Heath hurtle towards me, arrows sticking out of the bear in every direction. Blood pouring down Heath's arm. He catches hold of me, and has to almost drag me along. I have never been in this part of the woods, but I'm too terrified by the sound of the beast pursuing us to give it much thought.
I can't see. I can't feel. I can't think. Right now, nothing outside of this horror exists. I am not even aware of sitting huddled in on myself in the floor until I feel strong hands on my shoulders. I start kicking and screaming, thinking that surely a bear the size of a tank has got me. But when I open my eyes, it is only Heath. Where on earth are we? I want to ask questions, but I can't. Not yet.
"Are you ok?" He asks panting and wiping at the blood on his arm. Seeing the blood brings me back into focus. I examine the wound.
"I'm fine. But you're not!" I say.
"Oh stop it. I'm fine. Just a scratch, I promise." He's right, it is a small wound, but its bleeding a lot. I rip the hem of my shirt away to fashion a bandage. "Can you make it home?" I ask.
"We can't leave yet. It takes arrows a long to bring down a bear," he says.
"You've done this before!"
"Well this isn't my first time in the woods," he says laughing. It amazes me the things that he laughs at. I'm uninjured and scared out of my wits, and he's bleeding and laughing.
"Why do you come out here?" I ask, and he looks puzzled.
"Because I have to," he says. I don't know how to respond to that, so I change the subject.
"You should rest if you can since we're stuck here."
He builds a small fire, and we curl up on the floor in front of it. I fall asleep in a few moments with my head resting on his lap. Even with the terror of being pursued by bears, this place seems perfect. Like warm syrup being poured from a jar. Sweet. And it spills over into my dreams. When I awake, his hands are stroking my hair. Now I'm relaxed enough to ask questions.
"What is this place?"
"Oh I think it was here a long time ago. Maybe before there were even districts, and games. Better times. I think people used to come here to this lake to and swim and fish. That's how I like to picture it anyway. Maybe when we are married, we'll do the same."
"Ha! I doubt Kaiser will let any child of ours come out here." The look on his face changes to something more serious.
"I know. That's why I said 'we'." His meaning sinks in now. And its so absurd that I can barely find words. But when I find them they are bitter and heated.
" 'We'! What do you mean 'we'?"
"Why not? You love me," he smiles and adds, "you just won't say it."
"How can I love you when I've already agreed to marry Kaiser!" I shout in outrage, and after I do, I wish I could take it back. The pain in his eyes is almost unreal.
"When?" He whispers.
"A year maybe." He doesn't say anything, he just nods. I'm starting to think that maybe he meant what he said, about loving me.
"Well," he says, "why are you here with me? The woods scare you to death."
"I thought you were my friend."
"Wrong answer. You don't kiss your friends, even in a moment of distress. At first I thought you did it just because you were upset. But when you stopped for me today, even though I know you were terrified of the bear, I knew you really do love me. No, I haven't let that go. And I know you haven't either. Now be honest with yourself and with me."
"It doesn't matter. It was only one kiss. It doesn't change anything. I love Kaiser, and I always will. That is my choice."
"Love isn't a choice. And I know you love me. Now be honest," he says leaning closer.
I can't see anything outside of the silver of his eyes. It scares me because I think he is going to kiss me. It scares me because I want him to.
"You liked kissing me?" he asks. I nod. I didn't mean to, I have no control of anything inside or outside of my body at the moment.
"You want me to kiss you now?" he asks, and now his hands are cupping my face. I can feel the pulse in his thumb. I shake my head no, and his eyes narrow. He sees my lies even when I don't. I give in and nod my head yes.
"Tell me you love me." Now I shake my head no. I wonder why he doesn't just do it!
"You're wondering why I won't just do it? I can see it in your eyes. I can see everything in your eyes. They are the windows to your soul, and I see you. And to answer your question, I'm waiting for you to say it back. I won't kiss you again until do."
Now he lets go of my face and leans back to stare at me. No, it's as if he's staring through me, like he said. My cheeks feel cold where his hands were, and I want them back. But now I think of another set of hands, familiar ones. Kaiser. Now I find my voice.
"Then that was our first and last kiss. The bear is dead. I'm going home," and I try to say it with as much conviction as I can muster, but my voice shakes.
We make it back to the fence and I see Kaiser sitting under a tree with a book. Waiting. Immediately I'm seized with guilt. Heath pulls back the slit in the fence.
"I'll be waiting," he says with a smile.
"I won't be here tomorrow, or ever again," I say.
"That's not what I meant."
I'm about to say something hurtful but I can't, he's gone.
CHAPTER 4:
The Hunter
My mother is busy in the kitchen. The weight on her shoulders gets lighter every year. Yesterday was the reaping, and my name was not called. Neither was Flora, or Kaiser. This was their last, and final reaping. She is safe now that she is eighteen. But after today, they are both free to marry. I don't know if she will go through with it, but the pain I feel when I see them together tells me that she will. I've done all I can, I don't have the heart to push her any further. I'm not the one she wants, I respect her enough to let her go. But only if she's truly happy.
My mother is oddly happy. She's almost buoyant. She kisses me on the forehead as I head out, and to the Beasly's house. Their roof needs a repair. They're a town family, but they still can't afford anyone else. Its warm today, warmer than usual. By lunchtime, it's hot and I'm drenched in sweat. Mrs. Beasly offers me one of her husband's shirts, and I remove mine and wait.
Eventually Adeline comes out of the house. She is gorgeous, but everyone hates her for some reason. She seems nice enough to me. She tosses the shirt to me, hitting me in the face. I just laugh. Everyone thinks she's mean, but I think she's just misunderstood. She does scream at people a lot... Ok she's mean. But I find her bitter humor pretty funny. We chat for a while as I rest. I think we're actually becoming friends. We started sitting together at lunch every day when I first began working on her roof. She always sat alone and so did I. Might as well be alone together. She comes with me into the woods sometimes. I guess we were thrown together because we share a similar pain.
She is madly in love with Kaiser, I'm madly in love with Flora. We keep each other busy. We're in the middle of a discussion, when I see her. Across the street she stands, staring at me with wide eyes. Flora. She's outside of the seamstress's place. And I can guess what the length of long, white fabric is in her hands. I don't turn to see it, but out of the corner of my eye, I see Adeline scowl at her. She turns to me and gives me a sympathetic look and goes back into her house. I lock eyes with Flora again, and now I feel oddly naked, so I put the shirt on. Now I watch as Flora goes into the dressmaker. I used to wonder why girls in school who were heartbroken would draw little hearts with arrows through them. But now I understand. That's exactly what it feels like.
I walk home after the repairs are done. I know that as soon as I get back, I'll curl up and try to sleep. I make it home, and it is oddly dark inside. No glow of a fire is coming from the widows. I open the door and scan the room. My eyes land on a single figure in the darkness. But I can just make her out. I can just make out the odd way my mother is slumped in her chair.
The Healer:
After thanking Hazelle for helping with my dress, I head home. I try not to think of Heath, so of course he's all I think about. During the day I manage to bury whatever I feel for him, but at night he finds ways to sneak into my dreams. I also think of Kaiser, and how happy he is to be planning our wedding. The sight of him happy makes me feel good. I try to think of that when the fear of our marriage haunts me.
I arrive at my house, and think of the small amount of time left I have here. I go inside, and my mother is gone. I look at my father about to ask where she is, but he doesn't have to say a word for me to know something is wrong.
"Flora," he says slowly. "Its Mrs. Everdeen sweetheart."
"Mrs. Everdeen? Is she ok?"
"Flora, she's gone."
Almost immediately my body is seized with spasms of pain. My father carries me to bed, and I lay there and cry. I think of all of the times I sat around the table with her, and Heath, and Maggie, and Isaak. Three of those people are gone. I don't sleep much. Most of the night look at the plant book Heath let me use a few years ago. Could it have been so long ago? Its seems like only yesterday we were all together laughing.
In the morning, I try to find Heath in town and in the seam. But I already know where he'll be. I approach the fence. It has been so long since I have been in the woods. The last time I was in here, I was chased by a bear. I ignore my fear and look for Heath in his usual spots. Even with all of the time that has passed, I still care enough to be there for him if he needs me. I hear voices, so I follow the sound.
I peek through the bushes, and I see him. He's crying, and holding onto someone tightly. I recognize that long blond hair that his face is buried into. Adeline. I knew they had become friends, but I didn't know the extent of their relationship. For a moment I can't look away, and I can't put a name to the emotions welling up inside me, but there are tears in my eyes. Now I turn to leave, and of course I step on a branch announcing my presence.
I turn to see the shocked look on both of their faces. Adeline's face settles into her usual scowl as the shock wears off. No one says anything for a few long seconds, so I just turn away and run home. I want to bury myself, but I don't know why. I think long and hard trying to figure out why I'm hurt. All of my thoughts lead back to the sight of Adeline in Heath's arms. I remember what it was like to be held in those strong arms, the way his head felt resting on my own. The way his heart feels beating against me, always pounding. Now he's holding someone else. And that bothers me.
The Hunter:
The last few days have been quite miserable, but that's to be expected. I'm also confused because of what happened in the woods. Flora coming to find me, and then running when she did. Maybe Adeline had something to do with it, but what?
I stop by the old coal warehouse that my brother used to work at. This place has become my haven. The Capitol found an easier way to get the coal from the mines, to the trains. Always trying to make life easier in the districts, think sarcastically. The people who used to work here regularly, were out of a job after the change. Luckily, most of them have other talents, and use those to make a living here. They use the old gritty tables to sell pretty much anything you can think of. I even see Thadius here sometimes. People have begun calling it "The Hob", but that doesn't roll off the tongue easily. I doubt that name will stick. The authorities have agreed to let me keep our house if I can keep it up. But I'm a year shy of the legal age to work the mines. That's where the hob comes in. People in District 12 are so hard up for food, they buy pretty much anything I can hunt down.
I spot Sae's stall. she's about forty, maybe older, but she looks good for her age. She brings food to my house every day since my mother passed. I give that sweet woman anything she asks for. She always gets first dibs on the meat I bring in. I don't charge her, but she always gives me something anyway. I find out what she needs from the woods today, and head out.
I need to get to the woods again, or I might literally lose my mind. I walk through town, and I see Flora again. She's waking home carrying a dress bag. My observation is disrupted by a strage man. No, know him. I'd know that dark auburn-red hair anywhere. My mind conjures up Flora's story of what she saw a red-headed man do to Haymitch.
"Excuse me son," he says. "Can you by chance tell me where I can find Artemis Collins?"
He looks older, but his voice suggests that he is closer to my age. His voice also tells me that he is not from here.
"Well. Check the victors village, other than that, I don't know. Can I give him a message if I see him?"
"No. That won't be necessary. I'm just finishing some business. What's your name son?"
"Heath Everdeen."
"Well Heath Everdeen, you can call me Seneca. I'll be sure to remember your name. Take care."
And he's gone, taking his sly smile with him. I slip into the woods and think about the encounter with Flora again, but mostly I think of my mother. She would know what to tell me. Or just be a shoulder to lean on. I've lost everything but my own life, and I feel hollow. I don't go home, I just sleep in front of the fire in my little abandoned house, wondering who I will lose next.
The next day, I make it into town. Immediately I'm struck by the faces of the people running. It reminds me of the day my brother died, and I know something has gone wrong.
I was right. Artemis Collins is dead. They say he died of alcohol poisoning, but my mind races to the man with the red hair. The last time I saw him, Haymitch had won his games, and within two weeks everyone he loved was dead. Now he is back, and Artemis is dead. I hear his voice in my head again:
"Well Heath Everdeen, you can call me Seneca. I'll be sure to remember your name."
And I know I can never speak of this again.
The Healer:
I stare at the dress that I am to get married in. The wedding is just a few days away. Its a simple gown. When the wedding is over, it can be dyed and worn again. My parents are thrilled, Kaiser is thrilled. Everyone I know will be there. Except maybe one person...
My eyes dart to the plant book that he gave me. Whenever I see it, I remember everything about our friendship, and what we had become for each other, his love for me, and my confusion. Last night I dreamed I was carrying mine and Kaiser's baby girl. Then I looked closer at the baby, and she had blond hair and bright silver eyes. Then I thought it was mine and Heath's baby. I was wrong again. A voice started screaming at me. It wasn't my baby at all. It was Heath and Adeline's. The pain and jealousy I felt over that dream baby woke me up with a Sharp cry, and I never went back to sleep.
I need to do something. I've made my choice, being with anyone but Kaiser is impossible. But I need to find a way to let go of Heath. I have to stop being a coward and say goodbye. I pull on my jacket and head out into the windy morning air with the book in hand. I hate to let it go. I've spent so many sleepless nights flipping through the pages, but I no longer have any right to it.
I look for him at his house, but I know where he'll be. I pass through the slit in the fence, and head down the familiar path. Or, what I thought was the familiar path. I hear a sudden SNAP, and the next thing I know, I am dangling eight feet off of the ground. I cry out in pain, and he comes crashing through the bushes, arrow in hand. It takes him a long second to process what has happened, but once he has, he shoots the rope to let me loose, catching me just before I hit the ground. My ankle is throbbing, so I don't try to get down.
"Are you alright? What on earth are you doing here?" he says.
"I'm fine. I was... looking for you," I say as he places me on the ground. It's clear that I can't stand so he picks me back up. "I just had to give you your book back," I add. The color drains from his face as his eyes land on the book. He kneels to pick it up with me still in his arms. I don't know why I did this. It was selfish. I didn't want to feel pain anymore, and I've hurt him in the process.
"Well," he says with a sigh. "Let's get you patched up." And to my surprise, he carries me away from the fence. I wonder where we are going, but then I see it. The grey cement building that at one time served as a house.
He sits me on the floor and goes out of the door. Outside the wind has picked up, and a light rain is tapping on the roof. When he comes in, he is dripping wet, and carrying fire wood. He manages to coax a flame from the damp logs, and finally turns to me for the first time. For a long time he just stares at me.
"When is it?" he asks in a flat, removed tone. I don't have to ask what he means. The wedding. He knows it's coming.
"Three days." I can't look at him when I answer. I'm staring a the worn out floor, so I see his feet as he steps towards me and kneels in front of me. But he doesn't speak again. He just stares at me, and when I meet his gaze, it's as if he's looking through me, and not at me, like before.
"You have more to say. I can see it in your face, so just say it," he says. And I know there's no use lying to him.
"Do you love Adeline? I mean are you happy?" I ask, and when I do, I feel so rediculous. What business is it of mine. But that question has been coursing through my brain.
"What? Adeline? No. She's my friend. I've only ever loved one girl, and I still love her," He says taking my face in his hands.
"Why do you love me?" I ask in an astonished voice. He thinks for a moment.
"For a lot of reasons. But to start, we live in District 12. The poorest place on earth. Everyone is starving, sick or dying. But when I look at you, I don't feel hopeless or deprived. You see me when no one else does."
He keeps his hands on my face, and I realise that I want them there. I want more than just his hands to touch me. I want to feel his lips on mine more than anything else, and nothing outside of this moment seems to exist. An odd shiver rushes through me at the thought. Does he realise what his touch does to me? He must see that.
"I won't kiss you. Not until you've said it." I know what he wants to hear, but I just can't. I won't.
I take his hands in my own, and pull them from my face. He doesn't try to stop me. He helps me limp back home in the wind and rain.
"I can't live without you. I won't live without you," he says.
He doesn't say anything else, he just walks back to the fence whistling a familiar tune, but my mind is too muddled to figure it out.
The days fly by like hours it seems. I'm staring at my reflection in the long mirror in my parents room. I have never felt beautiful, but my mother has made me feel that way today. She has styled my blond hair, and painted my eyes with some sort of shimmering powder. I try not to feel nervous as I look at myself, but I can't help it. Kaiser is waiting downstairs, and so is the rest of my family and friends. When I think of how much I love him, my heart leaps. Loving him is like breathing. He's my calm, refreshing air. A human will inhale as long as the air is available. My mother opens the door smiling. Its time. Downstairs we will say our vows. And later he will take me to our home and we'll toast bread, making our marriage more official than any ceremony.
I walk to my bedroom one last time. I look around for a moment, and my eyes land on a small piece of paper sticking out from under the desk. I pick it up and flip it over. I stare at the hand drawn flower on it. Primrose. My mind flies back to one of my trips to the woods with Heath. I watched as he drew this for me... and suddenly I'm not thinking of the flower, but a thousand other memories. His smell, his bright eyes. And now I can hear his voice in my head:
"I can't live without you. I won't live without you."
Now I think of his voice. When he sang, how all the birds in the area fell silent, and then tried to sing along. He has the most amazing voice in the world. I think of the song he whistled the last time I saw him, The Hanging Tree.
And suddenly, I'm not thinking of him at all. I see his brother again on the last day I saw him, the last day he was alive, the last song he sang...
"I can't live without you. I won't live without you."
The Hanging Tree!
I'm running down the stairs, and I stumble over my dress. I regain my feet, and make it past the gaping faces watching my insane flight. Everyone is too stunned to speak or try to stop me. No one could stop me even if they tried. Not today. I'm running, but not to my wedding.
I look down and watch my feet as I run, through the meadow, through the fence, and into the woods. I don't know how long I run around, calling him, hours maybe. But I finally give up and the pain overtakes me. I fall to my knees crying in defeat. I'm too late. Maybe he is gone already. Hanging lifeless and pale in one of these trees. My memory is flooded with a thousand images of his smile, his eyes, hair, voice. All gone. How could I have taken so long to realise how essential he is to me? And then, as if by magic, as if my tears brought him back from the dead, he's there.
I don't remember actually moving my feet towards him, but my arms are now frantically wrapped around him.
"How could you think of doing that?" I blubber incoherently.
"What?" he asks, somewhat astonished.
"You can't- I won't let you end your life!" Now he pulls me away to look at me.
"What do I have to live for?" he says after a long pause. Bitterness is carved into his face.
"People would miss you."
"And? They'll get on. Everyone who truly cares about me is dead." Now I hear the double meaning in his questions. He's asking me to be honest. But my voice won't work. He lets me go, and walks away.
"I care!" I shout.
"That's not enough, what else?" and now the bitterness in his eyes is replaced by pain. My stubbornness is killing us both in ways I hadn't imagined. Finally, I say it.
"And because I love you," I say. And in my ears the words sound true.
My eyes are shut, so I didn't see him move towards me. But when his lips find mine, I feel and odd thrill of victory. At first he kisses me gently, and then there is a sort of violent happiness emanating from him. I have only ever kissed one other person, but not this way. I see now how its possible to love two people. Kaiser is my air, an instinct, but a choice, I could stop breathing. This is something deeper. Heath is my heart. Only now that I'm letting his touch affect me, do I realise what he's become to me. I no longer feel his touch outside of my body, but beating in my chest, and I have no control of it. He's kept me alive when I felt dead. He's in my blood, filling every corner of me. Now that I realise this, I know I'll never let him go.
The Hunter:
I watch her sleeping there in her shredded wedding dress. She wouldn't go home yesterday, not that I blame her. We just hid out here in this old house all day, and then all night. I can't believe she ran out on her wedding. I guess she did think I was about to kill myself. When I realised that was what she thought, I sort of played along with it. I don't feel guilty, not one bit. But I do hope she truly loves me, and is not just trying to keep me alive.
I prepare a rabbit for our breakfast, along with some bread I got from the hob. She begins stirring at the sound of my movement. She just watches me with a shy smile. Now I feel guilty, so I confess to making her believe I was going to end my life.
"I would understand- I mean I don't want you to feel obligated- just because you think..." I trail off. She takes my face in her hands.
"No. I don't feel obligated," she murmurs.
"What took you so long?" I ask as my humor returns.
"I guess some people are just good at lying, even to themselves."
Now when she smiles, I believe her. We curl up on the floor in front of the fire, refusing to think about what will happen when we make it back to District 12, The people we will have to face. We eat, laugh, and dance another day away. We are holding our bread over the flames to warm it when I realise what we are doing.
"You know," I say jokingly. "technically... we just got married." She looks at me for a long moment, the fire dancing off her blue eyes and making her blond her glow with gold. I start to regret the joke when a smile spreads across her face.
"Well I couldn't let this dress go to waste could I?" she says teasingly. After a while she says, "I wonder if we'll bring our kids to this place to fish and swim in that lake."
And then I remember that day in the woods, I had said something similar.
"Oh, I think we will." I say, and I kiss her, knowing that now she is truly mine.
And in this moment we are happy.
EPILOGUE
The Healer:
During fifteen hours of non-stop agony, I have questioned everything I have ever thought to be true. I have cursed, and screamed and cried like never before. But now that my voice is gone, all I can do is think. I think of all it took to get to this point, and in this moment, this pure physical torture, I wonder if it was worth it.
After that day in the woods everything changed in my life. My family was shocked, and appalled at my choice to run out on Kaiser. I can't say I blame them. I wouldn't even blame him for hating me, but he doesn't. He truly has a good heart. I might still feel guilty for what I did to him, but he has found happiness of his own. About a year after what was supposed to be our wedding day, he married Adeline Beasly of all people! Maybe she never hated me at all... no. I'm pretty sure she still does. But he absolutely adores that wretched woman, and she's good to him. They've even had two other boys already, and have another child on the way.
My parents did not accept Heath at all in the beginning. Maybe because they didn't think he could provide for me. But they got over it. It was a long year before we could even get married legally. His last and final reaping was the worst day of my life, but his name wasn't called. The very next day we went to the Justice building, filled out our papers, and on that day I became Flora Everdeen. We've faced countless struggles, but nothing we couldn't handle. I think of how long it took me to fall for him. I was truly ridiculous.
But today, I have questioned everything. Although, who wouldn't after fifteen hours of labor. But I look at Heath, and know that even if I had the option to take back all these years, I wouldn't. This is where I belong. Heath insists it will be a girl, but I've always wanted a boy. And now I have found my voice again. I don't use actual words, but my tonality would lead you to believe that I'm cursing. Heath was right.
Finally, she is here. She is her father's daughter. Our little girl, with her grey eyes and black of hair. I see so much of him in her face. He looks at her in awe, and seems to have trouble finding words. The look on his face fills my heart with every good feeling known to man. In this instant we have become a real family. I can barely keep my eyes open, but I have time to hold my baby girl. My tiny little child.
"Your mother would be so proud," My mother says to Heath. She's just as tired as I am after helping me deliver this baby. His smile widens and he reaches out to wrap his arms around me and...
"What are we going to name her?" I ask. He thinks, and after kissing me gently his smile is wider than ever as he considers it.
"Katniss," he murmurs in a dreamy voice. I remember that name, it holds so much meaning for both of us. And now that I've heard it, that's all I can imagine calling her.
"Katniss Everdeen. I like the sound of that."