A/n: I've had this idea floating around for a few weeks, and I had to get rid of it. It was sorta attacking me. And though the pairing isn't insanely popular, it is my preference and I figured I'd contribute to it's growth. This piece isn't real shippy, but Kain/Rydia is vaguely hinted. Takes place very near the end of the game and is pretty much Rydia's point of view.
Spoilers are present, mostly for Rydia's past. Nothing to do with end game, but it is rather close. This is my first step into the FFIV community and it's characters, so opinions would be appreciated. :smilesmile:
Disclaimer: Final Fantasy IV is property of Square- Enix. I have the rights to nothing. I is poor.
Chapter 1: Lesson in Amnesty
xxxx
Stepping out onto the deck of the Lunar Whale, Rydia stretched her arms wide, relishing the feel of the open air around her. Fingers sweeping through the unseen breeze, she smiled, not caring that the air had a chilling bite to it. The airship was a large vessel and it had ample room to spare in it's under belly, but the confined walls could not compare to the freedom it's deck offered her; though it was elegant in design, it's silver walls were no match for the natural beauty of the moon.
Staring up at the inky, endless sky, littered with millions of tiny stars, the summoner felt some of tension clinging to her fade into the night air. It still seemed very strange to look into space and see her planet, full of blues and greens, hanging there instead of the familiar white of the moon, but the sight calmed her nerves just the same as looking into the orb she now stood on. She was on this nigh barren land because of her planet, but the thought did not feel her with dread. Though she, and every single one of her comrades, would soon face a great evil to save the place she called home, she wasn't bitter.
Rydia felt empowered and full of hope. She felt as though she, and everyone else, was ready to face whatever it was that sat waiting for them. Together she was sure that they could overpower any trial that stood before them. She had been with them all for many months now- Cecil, Rosa, Edge and Kain. They had struggled through many trials, lost dear friends and partners. Suffered through betrayals. Gained some of those they had lost. Worked though the obstacles. They had all grown and helped shape the other, and Rydia knew that she and her friends could climb this mountain just as they had claimed every other.
Tonight they sat at the base of the mountain, and tomorrow they would begin their hike. And, though she knew they would successfully cap the peak, the summoner couldn't deny the tiny feeling of apprehension gnawing at her. It wasn't that she didn't have faith. She did. It was just the thought of the unknown, of what would follow their mission. They had all been together for so long, and Rydia couldn't help but wonder would happen after the common bond that held them together was severed.
Moving out onto the spacious deck Rydia's gaze shifted from the heavens to the silver floor, booted feet lightly thumping against the cold metal. She had never been afraid of the unknown until she had met her comrades. Living in Mist with her mother her days had been care-free and full. After Cecil and Kain had showed up, taking her mother's life with their appearance, fear had started to worm it's way past the trust she had always had. The weeks that had followed had helped dampen the new emotion, but never snuffed it out. When she had been taken to The Feymarch, where a month on their soil was equivalent to years on her's, she had felt kinship with the people but had never been able to shake the nagging feeling of unease- of not knowing what loomed before her.
She didn't much care for the emotion that seemed to tarry with her, but Rydia had learned to accept it. She could control it better than she could as a child, ignore it and push it aside. Especially when she was with her partners. It was easier to brush away the fear when Rosa was smiling so easy, or Cecil was leading them on with his head held high. She could forget her trepidation when Edge was beside her, making her sides ache and Kain was standing in a corner, silently keeping guard.
But sometimes she couldn't silence the voice in the back of her mind and she would have to leave her friends, despite the peace they offered her.
Continuing her trek across the Lunar Whale's surface, Rydia's thoughts bounced from past to present, mind never stopping on one subject long enough to meditate. Sighing, the summoner paused her trek, hands swinging idly at her sides. It was then, as the hush of the moon settled around her, Rydia realized that she wasn't as alone as she had presumed.
A gentle tap, a finger drumming against the steel, replaced her footfalls. Curious, Rydia moved to investigate; she knew it had to be one of her comrades, the Lunar Whale towered above the ground, making it impossible to reach the deck without coming up from within. Peeking around a piece of smooth, jutting metal, Rydia watched the person, propped up against a fin, head hanging low. Her thoughts slowed as the figures fingers kept up their rhythm.
Kain.
She thought she had left him below deck with the others, but, apparently, he had climbed the stairs before she had. Lips pursing, Rydia briefly thought to return to the underbelly of the ship. She had wanted to spend some time by herself, clear her mind before this final mission. And if she'd had to chose someone to share company with, the dragoon would not have claimed the first position. He didn't seem to be the type to want to be invited. He pushed people away, hid in a corner. He was beside them one minute, gone the next, and then back again before you could bat an eye. Cecil trusted him, and that was enough for Rydia; she had shared conversations with the reclusive warrior, but they were hardly enough to form a deep friendship as she had with Rosa. Kain had been a part of the force that had ruined her homeland, along with Cecil. Though were Cecil had proven himself as a loyal friend, Kain merely trudged along, never really saying anything either way.
In fact, if there was anybody that she hated, Kain would probably be that person. He gave her little reason to trust him, and he didn't seem to care that he extricated himself from their group. But Rydia didn't hate anyone. She had tried at one point, yet she had been unable to harbor such a draining emotion. She couldn't hate.
Especially someone that looked so sad.
Deciding to join Kain, the summoner slipped out from behind her hiding spot. They weren't the best of friends, but she didn't picture him as her enemy. He had been through some of the same trials she had, right along with her. And he had probably seen her long ago- the man had eyes strewn about that helmet he constantly wore.
"Hey," she greeted, reaching his side. He didn't so much as twitch his head, long fingers continuing their gentle tap.
"I wondered how long you were going to stand there."
Despite herself, Rydia felt her lips twitch. To know so little about him, she had called that one. Shifting her weight to her toes, she continued. "It's really nice out here, huh?"
His gaze remained on the deck.
"Clear. Expansive."
He stretched out his leg, forearm resting on a raised knee as his other hand kept tapping against the floor. Rydia sat down beside him, pulling her own legs against her chest.
"Kinda cold."
No answer.
"Awfully quiet."
Kain's neck craned ever so slightly, eyes sliding from the gray steel to the summoner now perched beside him. He hummed out a response. Rydia once again fought the smile tugging at her mouth.
"Too quiet, personally," Kain muttered, looking away from the woman next to him and up towards the dark sky.
"Yes...Kind of like the calm before a storm." Rydia surprised herself with the words. She didn't want to think such thoughts, didn't want to admit that some of the nervousness she felt could be contributed to the inevitable battle they would all have to face. It was her turn to stare at the thick flooring.
The dragoon sighed, heavy armor clinking against the steel he sat against. "I'm sick of storms."
Rydia's gaze snapped to Kain. In all of their time together, he had never offered such personal, though cryptic, information. Suddenly seeking a refuge herself, she ventured softly, "Are you nervous?"
For a long moment, Kain said nothing; then, "In a way. Not knowing what's waiting for us isn't exactly pleasant, but I'm not sure I'd classify what I feel as being nervous."
"What would you call it, then?"
He jerked his sights away from the sky and focused them on her, fingers still drumming against the steel. Though his head-covering hid his eyes from her, Rydia had the distinct feeling that they were narrowed, not in anger, but contemplation. What they were analyzing- her question, his answer, or something else altogether- was something she didn't have an answer to.
"...I don't know," he admitted, voice low, as though sharing a secret.
Rydia found herself leaning towards him. "I am," she confided, feeling a sense of relief for admitting to the emotion and shame for the very same reason. "Nervous. A little. Just..." Rydia trailed off, hand traveling to her hair, twining a long green curl around her finger. She didn't want to think on anything negative, not after they had overcome so much.
Kain stared a moment longer before shrugging, lifting one broad shoulder higher than the other. "It's only natural, really. It'll pass eventually- like it always does."
Rydia wasn't entirely sure if he was talking to her or telling himself, but she nodded just the same. He turned away from her, eyes settling on the heavens once more. The summoner's hands fell to her lap. A silence spread between them, the only sound Kain's steady tapping against the deck. Rydia chewed on her lip. She had sought the deck for solitude, but now that she had found an unlikely mate, the hush seemed suffocating.
It looked as though their conversation was over, but Rydia remained on the deck, not knowing what to say yet finding it very hard to get up.
Kain was the one to shattered the spell, his finger's suddenly ceasing their dance as he turned sharply towards the summoner, voice as pointed as his movement.
"Rydia, what is forgiveness?"
Green eyes widening in surprise, Rydia stared at the dragoon, wondering if she had heard correctly. "What?"
"...Never mind." Turning away, his fingers picked up their previous movement
Face scrunched in thought, the summoner urged, "No, wait." Forgiveness? Why would he ask her about something so out of the blue? "I just don't understand."
"It's not important."
"No, I-"
"Just forget I said anything."
"But-"
"Really."
Growing flustered with his unresponsive stance and jerking fingers, Rydia's lip fell into a frown, his short, interrupting remarks biting. Two minutes ago she had actually felt a small kinship with him; now he was starting to grate on her nerves.
"Listen, you asked me a question, and I want to answer it." Own digits seeking his, she placed her fingers over them, silencing the knocking. Kain instantly jerked his hand away, head whipping in her direction. Rydia leveled her gaze at him, adding, "Now, what do you mean?"
Kain said nothing, meeting her indurate stare, mouth set in firm line. Seconds ticked by before he finally said, "Exactly what I asked."
Rydia's brow dipped, mind throwing out question after question. Why would he ask he what forgiveness meant? Did she even have an answer to such a query? Better yet, why did he care? Tipping her head back, studying the man beside her, her thought shifted from unanswered questions to possible solutions. She had only know him for a few months, and in that time she'd had very few one-on-one interactions with him. She had, however, been privy to what she was sure were some of his lesser defining moments. It wasn't a far stretch of the imagination to think that he regretted some of them.
Still, why ask her?
Shifting forward, Rydia propped a hand under her chin. "Why are you asking me, Kain?"
It took him even longer to answer this question, and he refused to meet her gaze as he mumbled, "You forgave Cecil. For Mist. Your mother. I was there, too. I share the same amount of guilt. I just thought that if you could forgive Cecil, perhaps you could..." He clamped his mouth down, raising a hand and pushing it through the air. "It doesn't matter." Gaze sliding back to deck, Kain's fingers brushed against the steel, the sound barely audible. "Forget it."
As he sat there, fingers drumming and eyes boring a hole into the Lunar Whale, Rydia could feel her stare losing intensity and draining into a look a compassion. She had forgiven Cecil for the past, but it had taken time. Forgiveness was proud, and it could be hard to swallow. Her tie to Kain wasn't the same as her bond with the paladin, but, as she sat here, she realized that she did feel a small, albeit insistent tug.
And she never had been able to hate anything, especially something so sad.
Small smile replacing her frown and gaze returning to the darkness, the summoner softly queried, "Are you asking for my opinion, or for my forgiveness?"
Kain said nothing. Rydia continued, hand dropping to the deck. "I think forgiveness is difficult to define. It's not easily come by, and you have to work to receive it. It's trust and understanding. It's regret, yet a gentle touch that says it okay. It's hard to offer because it means opening yourself up to the prospect of more hurt, but it's liberating to give it away. It's not about forgetting, but it is about burying. And I think forgiveness starts from within. No matter how many times someone forgives you, if you don't offer yourself release, it just won't matter.
"And," eyes moving from the sky to the dragoon, Rydia added gently, "I forgive you."
Kain remained rigid, his sights trained on the metal and his lips pressed together tightly. The hand that had been constantly moving, however, stilled, fingers very briefly sliding over the much smaller ones that rested beside him. Rydia decided to mimic the silence of the warrior and moved into the fin Kain rested on. They remained quiet, staring into the speckled sky as each digested the conversation that had just taken place.
As they sat in the stillness, Rydia couldn't help but smile. The fear she had felt earlier had all but retreated. Perhaps their journey was nearly over, but she knew these friendships she had forged wouldn't end with it. They were too strong. They wouldn't fade because of the new paths looming before them. And endings weren't all bad- sometimes they brought new cards to the table.
Just look at the person she sat beside.
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A/n: So as I was writing Rydia's little speech on forgiveness, I was listening to OneRepublic's 'Apologize'. Ironic, no? XD I had fun with this, and I found writing Rydia very easy. I tried to keep her true to character (I see her as being sassy, yet mellow) but she really doesn't interact with Kain at all, so I have no idea if I succeeded. One of the few times she mentions anything about Kain is on the moon, and she says something like, "Kain's suffered, too". This kind of spurred from that comment.
I didn't wanna fluff it up, but I couldn't resist the ending. I feel for Kain; I couldn't fight the temptation. :winkwink:
Comments are love. Feedback is always appreciated, and I do hope you enjoyed. Thanks for reading. And some more thanks to RenjiLuvah for helping me sort out my 'trails' and 'trials'.
- L2G