Askew

by Fullmetal.Alchemist.Fan

Most of us have a home. Whether it is under a roof or under the leaves, we feel comfort enough to stay where we are at peace. This is the story of a girl who is denied a home, and is determined to get it back. Rated T for coarse language, has original characters.

A/N: Hey guys, FMAFan here! If you've heard of someone called Badgerflight on dA or tumblr, that's me! Just…saying…

Anyway, I just found out my new iPod Touch has Voice Control! Eeeee!

Okay, now, onto this new story! I asked my readers from Turned Tables (my first shonen-ai/yaoi fanfic) if they wanted me to write a Homestuck fic! Well, one person was a Homestuck reader, and they said yes, they would like that. :D So this is dedicated to you!

For those of you who are from Turned Tables and are confused, I have to say that I've decided it's easier that even if I have more than one fic going, it's better to have 1 fic per fandom going at a time. It saves confusion. A lot of confusion. For me. XD And for you guys! :)

So, Disclaimer: Homestuck belongs to Andrew Hussie, not me. I'd be…well, "impressed," lets say, if Mr. Hussie wrote fanfiction of his own creation… :-)

Warning: Pesterlogs, swearing

So, on with the story! :D I hope you enjoy~

%HS%

The wind whipped through the patches of green, whistling silently over the blocks of white and black. Scarce were there trees-who knew if the natives here knew the meaning of such. The sky, ever blue, hung over the ground's head, threatening to unleash unknown dangers onto the planet. The planet itself was wide-known in this part of the universe, perhaps, all of it. But right now, let's talk about this area of the planet…

Of course you wouldn't know by the description above, but there was a girl, a young one, but not too young. She is probably around your age, although no one could find this out unless you posted this onto the internet. But let us just leave this fact as it is.

- hydrolicOptimist [HO] started bothering calamitousOffering [CO] –

HO: Hey.

HO: Dude.

HO: Hellooooo?

HO: Are you there?

HO: I'm using such ridiculous language at such lengths. Pick up the phone you moronic excuse for a life.

CO: well gOOd mOrning tO yOu tOO

HO: Well, well, well, it's not my fault you decided to assist me into the game so late, you and your cranky old self.

CO: Oh shut up

HO: Didn't I relate to you not an hour ago that that…

HO: quirk

HO: of yours is ridiculous? Only an alien would use that kind of…vernacular, so to speak.

CO: Only an alien wOuld use that kind Of vernacular my ass

HO: You're just jealous that you didn't pay attention to our English lessons when you had the chance.

CO: Oh get Off my back

CO: yOu knOw gOOd and well that the schOOl wOuld flOOd that day and i did tOO

CO: that is why i didn't cOme tO schOOl

HO: Is that a fly I hear?

HO: Buzzing by ever so swiftly through the wind? Ah, must be my imagination.

CO: ah

CO: well

CO: YoU

CO: can SUCK

CO: MY

HO: On to more important matters! :I

CO: hmph

CO: nOt my fault yOu're sO

HO: Like I said, I have much more important topics to breach.

HO: Somehow, I got transported to the battlefield than my planet. Unless this is where I am supposed to be, I do believe that this would be a glitch in the game.

HO: After all, even though it has annihilated our planet it is still a file downloaded on a disk. There is no denying that fact.

CO: well maybe yOu're sO messed up it cOuldn't handle the insane levels of insanity

HO: Are you actually saying that or just messing with my naïveté?

CO: ugh lOOsen up

CO: i guess there is a glitch

CO: Or maybe yOu are suppOsed tO be On the battlefield

CO: I mean yOu never were a dreamer tO start with

CO: I guess that means yOu weren't meant tO play the game in the first place

HO: I would assume so. But how could I escape this fate? Maybe I was meant to not have a dreamer but play the game. Maybe not having a dreamer is an advantage. It skips me having to die twice.

CO: yOu're incOuraging, yOu knOw that?

CO: but I dOn't have any prOOf against that sO

CO: im gOnna have ta gO with yOu there

HO: You don't even have an accent.

HO: What the hell is "ta"?

HO: What are you doing?

HO: Turn off that quirk right now, mister.

- calamitousOffering [CO] exited the chat. –

HO: Dang nabbit.

- hydrolicOptimist [HO] exited the chat. –

The girl in question shut her laptop in frustration and bit her lip. Why did the orange-texted looney tune have to be so difficult? She was only seeking advice.

Okay, okay, she admits it. She admits that she came on a little too strong onto him. But he was the one chock-full of insults. Shouldn't he be used to that?

She sighed and stood up.

Your name is AMANDA WYREN.

If you really want to know, you should know that you DON'T LIKE IMBECILES. Whether it be incorrect grammar or quirks, no matter how HYPOCRATIC your beliefs may be. You can remember that, just a moment ago, your room's walls were stuffed to the brim with POSTERS that showcased all of your loves, from MOVIE STARS to COOKING MASTERS. Not only was your heart and soul put into your likes, but your schoolwork and appearance as well. That being said, contrary to popular belief, you really like MEMES and FAMOUS PEOPLE. Then again you don't know why someone would assume that someone as ESTEEMED as you are would not like these things.

Your chumHandle is hydrolicOptimist and you'dprefer to talk more to showcase your broad skills in the mastery of pretending that you are prissy and annoyed.

Amanda sighed again and ruffled her hair, looking at the horizon. She didn't know how she got here or what this place was even called? This was definitely not Earth, so she was in the game, most definitely! But that didn't do anything to ease your nerves that something bad was going to happen to you.

The girl figured that if she wanted to proceed to do anything constructive, she might as well start on walking towards that black castle.

%HS%

A young man sat in his room, drumming his fingers on his desk irritably. He can't believe that out of all of the people he could be the server for in the game, it had to be Amanda. And not only that, she ended up on a fucking cloud planet from Disney or some shit and is totally clueless. Ms. Know-It-All finally couldn't live up to her name. He would have re-entered the convo and typed "i tOld yOu sO" but he guessed that it didn't really matter now. He had his pride to keep.

He pushed back from the desk, the wheeling chair sliding along the floor until it stopped in the middle of the room. Then he got up with a flourish and exited the room. She could survive on her own for a few minutes. He was near starving.

%HS%

Where was her server player when she needed one?

The imbecile did not seem to be anywhere close to her, and she definitely couldn't see anything relating to a computer-aside from the fact she was in a video game-in the sky. He must've lost the connection…or left the cursor back at her house. At this realization, Amanda scowled and continued to walk forward, only now with anger in her step.

To calm herself down, Amanda used an age-old tactic used by the great Greeks and Romans…

Think superhero butts…Robert Downey Jr. …Hiddlestoners…Black Widow boobs…

Sighing with relief, Amanda looked around guiltily to see if anyone had seen her crude thoughts, then hurried onward as if she had been caught.

%HS%

Sucking on the straw that was just in his chocolate milk box, the young boy aforementioned trudged back into his room as if he had all day. Which, he did, just not all of it to do certain things. You and I'll be damned if he dies-he's too important to the story-

Ahem.

Sitting back down at his out-of-place wheeling chair, he scooted back to his desk by the toes of his sneakers, still holding the box of chocolate milk. He reclined in the leather chair and gazed upon his screen, with a slight bit of amazement.

Amanda had found a fuckass to deal with while he had left.

Smirking, the boy leaned forward with interest and watched it as if his close friend were not a real life person and instead a fictional character.

%HS%

Amanda looked at the strange creature. It appeared to be made out of some shiny, bendable, onyx-black material, and Amanda guessed that it'd be hard if she touched it.

So she did. Or rather, she knocked on it as if it were her front door.

The creature's eyes widened-or lack thereof-and went into a rage. It threw the purple flag it was holding down to the checkerboard ground and started to come after her. In a panic, as the creature was only three feet away, Amanda turned on her heel and, screaming, started back the way she had come.

The boy at the computer started to laugh his head off. He wished he could physically do that in a literal manner, because the pain would be well worth it. He had never seen someone with a stick up their ass run so much like they actually had a stick up their ass.

Meanwhile, in the game, Amanda was still waving her arms around for help as she attempted to sprint back to her game server's cursor. Her eyes seemed to make direct contact with her server's, and the plead for help that he saw in those shining orbs was almost too difficult to overcome. Almost.

Once the illicit feeling had past the young man smirked and laid back in his chair. He could watch this for a good while-it was like a TV show! She needed exercise anyway-

BOOM!

The ground shook and so did the young man's house. Sharply looking towards his window, he stumbled to the door that led to the porch and leaned over the white, wooden railing.

On the other side of the road he saw a meteor that looked to be his height in diameter embedded halfway into the sidewalk. Startled, he noticed another column of smoke and glanced up to see a meteor five times as big two blocks away, stuck in the earth in the same fashion as the first.

- calamitousOffering [CO] started bothering hydrolicOptimist [HO]—

CO: hey

CO: yOu there?

HO: Yes I am very much here and ALIVE and if you don't get your cursor over here right now THAT WILL CHANGE!

HO: kdaljkfd;ajdfaljkdajdkjfaljkda

CO: well yOu had enough time tO type that sO listen

CO: the meteOrs started landing

HO: No.

HO: Nonononono

HO: I FORBID you from leaving me with this little devious terror to go aid yourself in joining me in more meaningless, post-apocalyptic shenanigans!

HO: You must assist me some more and I demand this assistance this instant!

HO: Trust me I know all your contacts and if you think you can abandon me well there goes your chance of entering the game!

CO: are we

CO: are we really dOing this

CO: are yOu suggesting yOu will bribe peOple tO nOt play as my server player until i help yOu fight this mOnster Off

CO: Or whatever it is

HO: I see we are catching on quickly here BUT NOT QUICKLY ENOUGH!11!

CO: geez Ok

CO: like yOu'd even dO such a thing

CO: dOn't yOu have a strife specibus Or sOmething

HO: How can I harm this creature? It's defenseless!

CO: …i think yOu already did

HO: Oh pish posh fine.

HO: You helped me so I guess I have no choice but to do as you say.

HO: Hurry along now.

CO: i helped yOu already?

CO: i mean uh

CO: either way yOu'd still be useless

CO: bye! 8PPPPP

- calamitousOffering [CO] exited the chat. –

- hydrolicOptimist [HO] exited the chat. –

Amanda guessed she should do as he said. After all, whether he noticed or not he did advise her to fight back. Besides, she needed some practice anyway, and she'd probably have to face off some sort of boss later, as this was a video game. Might as well start now.

Amanda skidded to a halt and whip around on her toes, facing the "monster" with a challenging expression. The monster skids to a halt as well, surprised with eyes wide. She reached into a pocket and pull out a blue card with parts of the right side chopped off. The white part of the card-a rectangle that took up most of the space-has a water balloon on it.

She said she wasn't going to harm him! Or…her…

A blue balloon falls into her hand and she launches it. The balloon successfully lands on the creature's face, drenching it's purple hat and clothing. Amanda smiled in triumph and absconded while the creature is wiping the water out of its eyes.

Reaching the front steps of her house, Amanda entered and looked around. The front hall is empty, and she walked further in past the steps to survey the living room, kitchen, and dining room. Nothing weird seems to be in there. All that came to mind was the wonder where her aunt had run off to at the moment.

She jogged back upstairs and found the second floor den, bedrooms, and storage room where they did their laundry. No one was behind any of the couches, so she checked her aunt's bedroom and the storage room. No person nor monster there…she finally went into her bedroom at the end of the back hall, past the storage room, to check on her computer.

The screen was black, but it gave Amanda a strange feeling. Not as if the computer had been turned off, but rather it was unable to work in the game. Wondering whether or not she should alert the others, she simply and subconsciously raised a hand to finger to her earphone, which is how she got all of her messages. Even though she'd had it since her 11th birthday, she still found it cool that it would read out all of the messages to her in what she thought her messaging partner's voice sounded like.

All of a sudden, Amanda realized that she should get something that she could actually fight with and searched around her messy room for some sort of object that she could even turn into a weapon. I mean, you can't exactly harm people that much with a water balloon…but what about launching one? Or launching something else in that launcher? Amanda almost flew towards her mattress and landed on top of the bed, hands patting in a crazed frenzy for a stick or a bump or something! She threw part of the covers off of the bed to see if she had missed anything, and then threw herself off of the bed and swept numerous hastened glances underneath the comfortable mattress. Finding her classic slingshot, she grinned and snatched it from under the bed.

Secondly, she pulled a blue-colored, expansive board from her pocket. The board had numerous pockets for different specibi and folders she needed to hold. Seeing only the folder labeled waterballoonkind in a random pocket, she flipped the board over and selected a new card. She then flipped the card over and selected "slingshotkind", and then put her slingshot into her sylladex.

Perfect, she thought proudly, and then stood up from her crouch, rubbed her knees, and walked out of her room. She then trotted down the stairs and exited the house with a bounce in her step.

Now if only she would encounter some rocks. Otherwise she was royally screwed.

%HS%

After exiting the conversation with Amanda, the young man we had previously been laughing with-well, I hope you were-quickly entered another chat with another friend of his.

- calamitousOffering [CO] started bothering nefariousApples [NA] –

CO: hey brO i

CO: whOa whOa wait

CO: nefarious APPLES

CO: wtf man

CO: what

CO: the

CO: flying

CO: FUCK

CO: is a NEFARIOUS

CO: APPLE

NA: ya tald meh ta make eh chumhandle, er

NA: that's all I culd thunk uv

CO: what's even weirder is why i am still nOt surprised that yOu have such a weird and ancient fake accent

NA: yer probs gonna make sum weird conclusion that em getting it frum ta kill eh mockingbird er

NA: but em not so ya can throw theyt out de windah eh

CO: alsO please stOp making fun Of canadians

CO: its nOt funny dude

NA: well i gut dumped beh ah canadian once

CO: Oh bOy

NA: and she dumped meh

NA: like eh said

NA: so i speak how eh want eh?

NA: also if ur confused just say it out loud to yehself and itll make sense er

NA: yeh

CO: first Of all

CO: actually nO

CO: nevermind

CO: what i need is fOr yOu tO help me get in this stupid game

NA: i want sum pasteh ehn return eh

CO: I DoN'T FFFFFFFFFFF

CO:

CO: UCKING CARE

CO: help a guy Out!

NA: yeh nowuh

NA: not unless you introduced me to eh

NA: canadian gal

CO: Oh fOr fuck's sake

CO: if i meet One ill dO sO

CO: sO dOwnlOad the stupid game i sent yOu like five mOnths ago and get me in the game befOre i die!

NA: gotcha sir

CO: i hate talking with yOu

- calamitousOffering [CO] exited the chat. –

- calamitousOffering [CO] started bothering nefariousApples [NA] –

CO: alsO change yOur chumhandle

CO: its stupid

- calamitousOffering [CO] exited the chat. –

- nefariousApples [NA] changed their username to neglectedAsparagus [NA] –

- neglectedAsparagus [NA] exited the chat. –

- hydrolicOptimist [HO] started bothering neglectedAsparagus [NA] –

HO: Oh, well then.

HO: Hello.

NA: hello

HO: I was just bored I guess you could say. Went on the random feature. It chose you, huh! Ahahahah!

NA: im assuming yer a gurl

HO: Erm well yes.

HO: If it's not too personal of a question…what are you doing?

NA: playin a game with a buddy

NA: i onleh agreed ta help him if e got me a girl

NA: from canadia

HO: Isn't it Canada? And isn't that sexist? First of all, if you got a girl she'd be a child, and that is a little gross. Second of all, girls are people, too! It would be more morally correct to say something like "partner" or "girlfriend".

NA: its a term uh speech

HO: I realized that…

NA: all of yer mental problems aside

HO: Hey!

NA: what er YOU doin?

HO: I'm…well, this may be a bit hard to believe but I am actually sitting on the roof of my house in the middle of a game.

HO: It's a really weird game. I got transported here and I think there is a glitch because I'm on a battlefield.

NA: whoa

NA: er

NA: can i see yer battle wounds

HO: Oh I don't have any battle wounds. That is preposterous.

HO: If there was actually a battle going on here then I would be off of this planet faster than you could say "Jiffy Pop"! Which is actually very delicious in my opinion.

HO: But I'm just assuming it's a battlefield. The ground looks like a checkerboard, or a chess board, and you stage a battle in both of those games between two kingdoms. So I'm pretty sure that wars have been waged here. But right now I'm simply being chased by what seems like a page for a kingdom of black people and looking in farmers' pastures.

NA: black people miss thats prejudice

HO: Oh no! I mean really black!

NA: now im pretty sure a few uv dem are not dat black

HO: Nononono.

HO: They're not human. And they are literally black. The shade black. Like, if you darkened gray.

NA: well thats a little hard tuh believe right der but ill give you dat you crazy coot

HO: I am a young, respectable woman! I am not a coot.

NA: the evidence points tooooooo

NA: no yer wrong

NA: the platform falls and yer in the dunk tank full of shame and rubber duckehs

HO: If that were a real thing I'd have it confiscated whether or not I had the privilege to do so. It just sounds like a perverted thing to me.

NA: maybe it es ;)

HO: Oh, you…

HO: You should learn how to flirt.

NA: :\

HO: I will catch you later. It seems I should answer another dear friend of mine who has been making this beeping noise for the past two minutes.

HO: Neglected…asparagus…right?

NA: yessum

HO: …Alright.

HO: Catch you later~

- hydrolicOptimist [HO] exited the chat. –

- neglectedAsparagus [NA] exited the chat. –

The assortment of random negatively-impacted fresh produce feels as if it's heart has just been stolen away and replaced with hormones and adrenaline.

Is this girl Canadian 'cause she just stole your heart!

A/N: I think that is enough for now. Even though it's short for Homestuck-anything.

So we've met three kids, landed on Skaia (?) and met a carapace creature (?). One of these has to build her house, one has to enter the game, and the last has to become server player. And who are these boys who seem to disrespect Amanda in one way or another? I guess I'll just have to wait until I get a review until we get some answers hmmm? XD

( So I've basically covered somewhere between 1-3 acts in one prologue. )

Catch you next time!