Aberrant
Prologue:
9:01 am - Christmas Eve
Edward stood waiting outside two double doors recording a video into his iPhone.
"This is my first entry for my new novel. I know what you're thinking, 'another fuckin' twifi story about me and Bella blah blah blah...' Well shut the fuck up a second and read on; you just might learn something. I know, I've been a mob boss, poet, alien, dominator, king pin, caveman, and a vampire. (That last one's pretty original) I even read a story that featured me as a transsexual game show host. Correction, I read the first page and gave up. Trust me; skip that one if you know what's good for you. Long before any of that, there was this. My true story. My confession, if you will. Why, you ask? Well, you didn't, but the reason is simple, I have to gloat. What's the point in being a master criminal if you have no one to share your stories with? It's not like all the local crooks and felons get together every week to bond and share their best heist tales. We live lives of solitude. It's just me and…."
"Err, excuse me," Bella interrupted. "I've only been your partner for the last 3 years…solitude? A little appreciation would be nice! What about…."
Edward cut her off before she could finish. "If you would have let me finish my monologue you would've heard me say, 'it's just me and my BEAUTIFUL partner Isabella Swan, without whom I'd be nowhere.'"
Bella blushed slightly. "Oh ok, thanks. And it's a prologue not a monologue…DUMBASS!"
"And its things like that last comment that should make it perfectly clear that me and Bella have never, aren't, and never will be dating. Sorry to disappoint any prospective readers if that's all you're looking for," he continued as he recorded into his phone.
Bella added, "And the fact that you've slept with two of my best friends isn't helping your case either. Oh, and its Bella and I."
"Just 'cause I was born and raised in England doesn't mean I have to speak like a ponce," Edward said, all the while his cockney accent growing stronger.
Bella cuts the conversation short, obviously feeling impatient after Edward's long introduction and their mindless bickering. "Are we gonna do this, or are you gonna talk shit all day?" She was ready to do what they had initially come to do.
Edward rolled his eyes at her, and then proceeded to put his phone back in his pocket before saying, "Alright already; follow me."
Edward pushed open the doors of the Springwoods Bank.
"HO HO HO! Merry Christmas Motherfuckers! Do exactly as I say and you're all gonna have the best Christmas you've ever had…Why you all look so shocked? Oh my bad…Happy Holidays Motherfuckers!"
A/N - Thank you all. This is my first story. Please review so I know people are reading and to know if I should continue.
Thanks to Grace, (ReadNWrite96) for BETAing this and setting me off in the right direction.
I couldn't have done it without you!