READ THIS: Hey guys. This FF is collaborative FF between me and Forbiddensoul562.
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So, I'll write chapters 1, 3, 5 etc. and she'll write chapters 2,4,6 etc.
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I really hope you'll enjoy our attempt at injecting some creativity and random organic-ness to this FF. =)
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Disclaimer: We do not own Death Note or any of its associated concepts or affiliates.
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Identity Crisis
Chapter 1
Jethro the shinigami had finally done it – he'd finally ventured into the human world.
'This is a blast!' he thought, 'Oh god… what's that smell!? It's glorious!'
Jethro bent down and sniffed a strange brown lump resting beside a funny shaped red object.
'Ahhh… what a sweet scent…'
He was about to pick the lump up and eat it when another smell caught his nose.
He lifted his head from the gravely floor and searched the horizon. The sun blazed in the distance, its fiery glare tinting the evening sky in warm, orange tones.
'What a marvellous place…'
His nose perked again. He slowly floated toward the smell. After drifting past a few strange barking things he located its source.
It was emanating from a blonde-haired human. He couldn't tell if it was male or female, but it didn't matter; the smell was delicious.
He floated over until he was so close that his nose was overpowered by the scent. He could see quite clearly that the human was male now. He also realised that the smell wasn't coming from the human himself at all – it was coming from an angular brown object in the human's hand.
'Is that the same as the brown thing on the floor?'
Jethro didn't want to waste time pondering such questions. Whatever it was made of, he had to eat it right now. He couldn't resist. He floated a little closer and snatched the object from the person's hand.
The human bellowed and snarled and snatched it back. Swinging punches at where Jethro's hand used to be.
'Aw crap, I'm going to have to try to negotiate with it now.'
At a loss for any alternative plans, he swiftly chucked his Death Note at the person's head.
For a moment, Jethro thought that the human had become even more enraged, but then it stopped yelling and simply stared at him. He wondered if the human was disgusted. Jethro didn't think he was all that ugly – he regularly trimmed his horns and powdered his warts. In the shinigami realm he was one of the most attractive death gods around.
The human smirked.
"A shinigami, huh? What do you want with my chocolate bar?"
Jethro could feel his eye tick coming on. He wasn't very good at negotiating.
'Oh god don't get nervous.'
"Uhm… It, well, it just smells nice. I'd like to eat it."
The human grinned like Kinddara did when she was particularly bloodthirsty.
"If you want my chocolate bar you'll have to do me a favour."
'Jeez… these humans sure are manipulative.'
Then Jethro realised what the human was about to do.
Mello quickly snapped up the Death Note and clutched it against his chest. His teeth shone in the setting sun.
"Your Death Note for my chocolate bar."
His eye started twitching.
'Damn it! This is the last thing I need happening right now.'
The human laughed. Jethro could see his red tongue lolling about in his mouth.
"You know what?" The human snarled, "I think I'll keep both anyway. After all, you're stuck here now that I have your Death Note."
'No… it's just like that time with Nu! This is so not fair! I can't be chained to this human like his slave… I can't!'
The human started to walk away.
'There's only one thing left for me to do… but if I fail…'
"Come along, Shinigami, if you want your Death Note back you're going to have to work for me."
Jethro decided to go for it, even though he wasn't completely sure he could pull it off. After all, he'd only done this once before. And even that hadn't turned out too good!
"…Uhm…P-Prepare yourself!" He grandly announced, "For your, uh, ultimate imprisonment!"
He lifted up one of his great claws, bearing his teeth and looking more like an anxious kitten than a vicious death god.
"I…I shall change your very essence!" He squealed, "Your mind, uh, and your body shall be one no more!"
He brought down his claw and the human fell to the ground, his body crackling and flashing as magical energy surged through it.
Jethro bent down and picked up his Death Note. His eye wasn't twitching anymore.
'Thank you, Old Man shinigami.'
He walked away, pleased that his magic had worked.
For once.
*
Mello felt ill. He couldn't feel his body, and he wasn't sure if he was up or upside down.
'What the fuck did that shinigami do to me? And why is it so dark in here…?'
He tried to move his arm, but it felt as heavy and limp as a beached whale. He was sure his eyes were open – but all he could see were wobbly grey blurs rushing across his myopic vision.
'Christ.'
He tried to kick his legs, desperate to feel his own body properly again, but they didn't budge. He tried again, and this time they moved slightly. Mello kept kicking, more and more, harder and harder till he felt his knees move in a direction; though he couldn't tell which direction they'd moved in.
'Damn it.'
Mello could hear voices in the distance.
"Near!? Near, are you all right!?"
'Near? Why the fuck are they asking for Near?'
The voices were getting closer now. One of them sounded like Halle. Mello was beginning to wonder where the fuck he was.
'Did Near capture me whilst I was knocked out?'
His eyesight was coming back to him now. He could see large white bars way up above his head. He realised he was flat on his back.
'Fluorescent lighting…? I'm inside then…'
"NEAR!"
Suddenly Mello's body was being aggressively shaken. His body flopped around limply, like a rag doll being tossed about by a toddler in a tantrum. He managed to find the energy to scream.
"FUCK OFF!" He roared, "I'm NOT Near, so you can just fuck off and leave me alone you crazy bastards!"
Suddenly the blurry shapes backed off. Mello thought he heard someone gasp. He was beginning to be able to see their faces.
"Near, what's wrong?"
That sounded like Halle. Mello was certain it was her. He could almost see her eyes…
"I'm not Near, I'm Mello." He grumbled, rolling onto his stomach and pushing himself up on all fours.
It was then that noticed his voice. It was a lot higher, and less manly.
'Did he fuck with my voice too? That shinigami is gonna be getting payback for sure.'
He stood up and brushed himself down. It was then that he saw himself in the polished floor tiles.
He had white hair. He was wearing white pyjamas. Not only that… he was shorter too.
'Am I… Near?'
Mello touched his face – Near's face. He refused to believe that the shinigami did something so terrible. It was just too much for him to take.
He fell to his knees.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! NO! NO! NO! NO! FUCKING NO! YOU BASTARD I'LL FUCKING KILL YOU! AGGGHHHHHHHHHHH!!!"
Mello started pounding the floor with his bare hands, wishing that he'd never met the goddamn shinigami, that this was all some prank, some trick, and that someone would pop out of thin air and say 'Gotcha!' before things got any worse.
But, in his heart, he knew that wasn't going to happen.
He rested his hands on marble below. Sweat was rolling down his pale cheeks and dripping onto the pitch-black floor. His harsh panting was the only sound in the room. Mello saw Rester's reflection move closer to his own.
"Mello…" he said; his voice burly and deep, "please; can you explain what's going on?"
Rester sounded worried, and serious - and accusatory. Did they really think he would swap bodies with a creepy albino gnome willingly?
"It's not my fault, okay? I didn't do anything to your precious little furball!" He yelled, "Some bastard shinigami did this to me!"
Rester held his hands up as if someone had pointed a gun at his head.
"It's okay Mello, no one's blaming you. We just want to know what's happened to Near; wouldn't you want the same if one of your comrades went missing?"
Mello didn't bother answering Rester's question; his mind didn't have enough room for conscious thought anymore. He lay down on the smooth marble floor. The cool rock eased his mind somewhat.
Gevanni turned away and started pacing the room. Rester just stood still like a fleshy golem. Halle looked totally drained of energy. For a long time, everyone remained silent. Then Halle broke the silence.
"Mello, do you know where the shinigami is now?"
Mello creased his face in an irritated grimace. It made Near's face ache.
"No, I'm not its damn keeper. It's probably back in the shinigami realm by now."
"Mello," Gevanni interjected, "if you're in Near's body, then where is Near?"
But he already knew the answer.
*
Near was lying face down in the street. His body was aching, and he was quite sure his nose was bleeding as well. What he wasn't sure of was how he got there.
"Ow…" he muttered, gently propping himself up on his forearms.
"Is this a dream?" He wondered aloud.
The last thing he could remember was fainting at the SPK building. His next memory was of his sore and bleeding nose.
'Did my comrades betray me…?'
His silence was broken by a voice far above his aching head.
"Woah, Mello, are you all right?"
'Did Mello do this to me!?'
Near was starting to panic now. He could feel his heart beating against his ribcage, and he was starting to sweat.
"Mels, you okay? You didn't turn up at my place, man."
'Where is Mello?'
Near got on his knees and looked up. Staring down at him was Matt; his green eyes were alive with concern.
"Mello?" he said, sounding very alarmed now.
'He's talking to me… but that's impossible'
Near looked straight into Matt's eyes.
"Are… are you… talking, to me?" He groaned; his head still reeling from whatever damage it had taken.
Matt frowned, quickly leaning down and lifting Near to his feet.
"You must have hurt your head pretty badly man, let's take you back to my place and get you something to drink."
'What's wrong with him? I am most certainly not Mello.' Near mused, feeling more confused every second.
He decided to clear everything up, immediately.
"Matt-"
Near quickly shut his mouth.
He had sounded like Mello. Had he sounded like that earlier?
'This is preposterous, I'm hallucinating, that's why I never noticed it.'
He tried again, "Matt, I'm-"
He still sounded like Mello.
"Settle down dude," insisted the concerned redhead, "you can tell me all about what happened when you've cleared your head."
'This is insane…'
Near moved to play with his hair; playing with his hair always helped to calm him down. Then he noticed that it was blonde, and not nearly as wavy as he remembered it being earlier. He looked down at his legs. He was wearing jeans. A chocolate bar wrapper was stuck in his left pocket.
'NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!'
Near fainted.
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A/N: Thank you for reading this, I hope you enjoyed this, and I hope you'll also enjoy Forbiddensoul562's chapter - chapter 2! =D