Kurt blinked hard against the fresh tears he could feel gathering on the rims of his eyes. He didn't want to let them fall because he simply did not have the energy to wipe them away anymore. As the slim countertenor stepped forward he exhaled deeply, trying to focus on the cold air then his conflicting thoughts.
He arrived at the ledge much faster then he thought he would and attempted to ignore how much his hands had started to shake at this revelation. Kurt managed to take another small step so that now the tips of his shoes were in direct contact with the hardly rule-length step. That one step might end all of his suffering, his pain.
Everyone liked to think that Kurt was strong enough to deal with the bullying, good enough to not let it get to him. But it wasn't true, he wasn't some inhuman freak of nature who didn't feel, who didn't hurt.
It wasn't that he didn't to be brave about it all; it wasn't even as if he hadn't tried. Because oh god, he'd tried. But no amount of hope or tolerance could stop the days when he just wanted to curl up into a ball and cry himself into nothingness. Cry himself into absolutely nothing at all.
His dad would never forgive him if he did it, he would probably never forgive himself either but he had Carol and she would help him through it. The glee club would be devastated, or so he might like to think. Kurt had often contemplated their reactions if he actually… jumped.
Kurt bit his as the gathering moisture from earlier dropped from his eyes and became real tears, real, tangible water sliding down his pale and bruised cheeks.
Kurt let out an involuntary gasp as he took that final step, leaving him standing on the final ledge, the final mile stone.
From here he could see what felt like the whole of Lima; the car park, green and over grown fields; family sized white-washed houses, even the children's park in the distance. Kurt had used to play their all the time when he was a child. It had been his mother's favourite spot to take him.
He could see it all in perspective from up there. It made him feel decidedly small and insignificant.
Kurt wasn't sure if he was going to be able to find his voice but he tried anyway. Clearing his throat he sniffled as a few of the salty tears dripped onto the corner of his pink lips.
"Good-bye!"
He yelled at the op of his lungs, already knowing that he wouldn't receive an answer. Not this early in the morning, and at school no less. Kurt shook his head at that. Even if he were being strangled, suffocated or burned alive and were screaming for mercy to anyone who might possibly listen, no one would hear him.
His eyes glazed over as he drove deeper into absent thoughts, wondering about nonsensical or irrelevant things.
What about New York, hadn't that always been the big plan? Get into some brilliant musical school for talented individuals such as himself in the NYC and get out of Lima for good? That was always the plan, of coarse it was. But it suddenly felt like he wasn't going to make it there.
What else did he have to contemplate? There wasn't really anything he felt he ought to do or consider before he did this, if he did this. No, no ifs'. This is it.
That brought another question to the forefront of his mind. What would happen afterwards? Would there be simple blackness, a numb reality? What if he was wrong and there was really was a god up there? What if he was doomed to spend all eternity in the fierily pits of hell?
Suppose that was just a chance he was going to have to take.
'Well, just one thing left to do before I die, the one thing that i can find solace with in
this life.'
"Something has changed within me.
Something is not the same.
I'm through with playing by the rules of someone else's game."
Kurt let out a small laugh at the irony of it all, while letting his eyes fall back to the empty groaned bellow him. Far, far bellow him.
"Too late for second guessing,
Too late to go back to sleep.
It's time to trust my instincts.
Close my eyes and leap!"
The porcelain skinned brunet decided to do exactly as the song commanded and shut his eyes, squeezing them tightly.
"It's time to try defying gravity.
I think I'll try defying gravity.
Kiss me goodbye I'm defying gravity.
And you won't bring me down."
A million thoughts swirled around in his head all at once, causing him pain and hurt and ache. But he held his ground, refusing to sway in both the figurative and literal sense as he began to feel light headed. This was his one moment and he sure as hell wasn't going to give it up.
"I'm through accepting litmus cause someone says their so.
Some things I cannot change.
But till I try I'll never know!
Too long I've been afraid of loosing love I guess I've lost.
Well if that's love it comes at such to higher coast!"
This was Kurt's time to shine, his chance to be special, important, to matter. But if this was all true, why did it feel like he was doing something unforgivable, and irreversible.
"I'd sooner buy defying gravity.
Kiss me goodbye I'm defying gravity!
I think I'll try defying Gravity.
And you won't bring me down!"
The tears had mostly stopped now, his tear ducts must have run dry, yet he still felt like he should be crying. On the inside it was as if there were a flood and his tears were a way of relieving a small amount of that pressure, no matter how little.
Kurt pushed his wayward thoughts and feeling to the surface in much the same way he had been repressing them deep inside himself for so long. This was the only time he would allow himself the release and it would be the only one he would ever get.
Kurt opened his eyes and saw quite clearly the fate that was to meet him. That fate was becoming more and more promising by the second.
"I'd sooner buy defying gravity.
Kiss me goodbye I'm defying gravity!
I think I'll try defying Gravity.
And you won't bring me down!"
Kurt almost screamed the lyrics as he bridged on hysteria. This was all too much and Kurt wasn't sure he could handle this, because this was really it.
"Bring Me Down!
Oh Whoa Oh!"
The song ended and Kurt fisted his hands so tightly that his nails hurt his palm. He took a shuddering breath and steeled himself, leaning forward. . .
"Kurt!"
A panicked voice sounded from behind.
A/N: I'm Sorry! This fix is just so sad! But I've been sick lately and it's really late at night and I just felt like writing and this idea came to me and I just had to. Also, if anyone here (If you are then I love you!) is following my story 'Slushied' then I plan on updating that soon. I've finally gotten an idea for it! Any hoo…
Please Review!
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