Tenacious K and the Hogyoku of Destiny
a parody Fic
by
PimpedOutToast
NOTE: This story contains parodyness and AU. Ichigo and Hichigo are both OOC for a damn good reason. The same reason I decided to "cast" Shiro as JB and Ichigo as Kage; it makes SENSE. Only read if you have a sense of humor. This is in no way meant to offend Tenacious D or its fans. Sort of a songfic.
Chapter 1
Kickapoo
A long ass fucking time ago in a town called Kickapoo,
There lived a humble family, religious through and through,
But yea there was a black sheep,
And he knew just what to do,
His name was young SK and he refused to step in line
A vision he did see it,
Fucking rocking all the time,
He wrote a tasty jam and oh the planets did align...
"Oh the dragon's balls were blazing,
As I stepped into his cave,
then I sliced his fucking cockles,
with a long and shiny blade,
twas I who fucked the dragon,
fuck a lie sing fuckaloo,
and if you try to fuck with me,
then I shall fuck you tooo,
Gotta get it on in the party zone!
I gots ta shoot a load in tha party zone!
Gotta lick a toad in tha party zone!
Gotta suck a chode in tha party zone!"
"AHHHH!" cried Shiro as his father whipped him with a belt.
His father stood up and walked over to his door, then lashed out with the belt.
"You disobeyed my orders son,
Why were you ever born?
Your brother's ten times better than you,
the Soul King loves him more!
This music that you play for us
comes from the depths of hell,
Rock and roll's is Aizen's work,
he wants you to rebel!
You'll become a mindless puppet,
Beelziflaizen pulls the strings!
Your heart will lose direction,
and chaos he will bring!
You better shut your mouth,
you better watch your tone!
You're grounded for a week with no telephone!
Don't let me cry, don't let me hear you moan!
You gotta praise Soul King when you're in my home!"
His father slammed the door shut as he left, revealing a single poster of the legendary rock star Zangetsu.
"Zangetsu can you hear me?
I am lost and so alone.
I'm asking for your guidance,
Would you come down from your throne?
I need a tight compadre,
who will teach me how to rock,
My father things you're evil,
but man he can suck a cock.
Rock is not the Devil's work!
It's magical and rad!
I'll never rock as long as I am stuck here,
with my dad!"
The flames on the poster began to move!
Then, Zangetsu rose from the throne in the picture.
"I hear you brave young Shiro,
You are hungry for the rock!
But to learn the ancient methods,
secret doors you must unlock!
Escape your father's clutches,
and this oppressive neighborhood!
On a journey you must go,
to find the land of Hollywood!"
Behind Zangetsu were images of falling angels.
"In the city of fallen angels,
where the ocean meets the sand,
you will form a strong alliance,
and the world's most awesome band!
To find your fame and fortune,
through the valley you must walk,
You will face your inner demons,
now go!
My!
Son!
And rock!"
Shiro began packing his backpack and stole the money in his father's wallet.
He also grabbed his guitar.
He walked over to his window, threw the guitar out and followed it.
He grabbed the instrument and started running down the street.
So he bailed from fucking Kickapoo,
with hunger in his heart,
and he journeyed far and wide to find the secrets of his art,
but in the end he knew that he would find his counterpart...
ROOOOCK...
END CHAPTER 1
Nobody's done this before...
Win.
FYI this is a parody of the Tenacious D movie, The Pick of Destiny in case you didn't know.