The Lake was quiet and dark with the only sound of the gentle crashing of waves upon the shore. The whole scene gave off an eerie feeling. He sat down on the grass, just in front of the headstone. Harry rarely visited this place and it sent shivers down his spine just by being here.
He closed his eyes and pictured Dumbledore alive and well. What he would give to have that come true was anything. It was his fault after all.
Harry stood then, he had stalled long enough. According to his wife Ginny, he was in his office surrounded by stacks upon stacks of papers. He really hated lying to her. Harry had told so many lies in the past year that it was shameful. Each lie that came out of his mouth led to another then another. He could tell it hurt her even though she kept a strong front. Whenever they were together, he could feel the distance between them already. That too, was his fault.
Everything was his fault. Dumbledore's death, his broken marriage and even his relationship with Hermione and Ron.
Harry pitied himself. He utterly hated himself and for letting everything get so screwed up. Ginny often offered to accompany him to a therapist. He wasn't ready to deal with feelings yet, he wanted to feel nothing. Being numb was better then feeling.
He was so deep into depression that he didn't care who he hurt. He would purposely start fights with Ginny just to see her cry. Only once had he raised a hand to hit her, which was when he was too drunk to think. Luckily, she had calmed him before he actually hit her. He felt awful for putting her through that.
He wasn't worthy of her or her love. She didn't know it but he loved her to the very core. Harry was so full of hatred and self-loathing that he wasn't the man he ought to be. Didn't he owe her that much?
Harry couldn't stand whenever Hermione and Ron came over. He was jealous of their perfect marriage, they were just too happy. Everyone around Harry seemed to be enjoying life but he was stuck spiralling into the dark. After awhile, all of Harry's close friends avoided him. Ginny was affected as well since they were all her friends too.
He became a walking zombie when the old Headmaster had been murdered. Harry had never fully accepted that he was gone forever and was never coming back.
He finally whispered a goodbye to his old friend and patted the stone. With a pop, he was gone. He ended up at his home. The home they had bought together right before the wedding. It held a lot of memories, both good and bad. He would always cherish them.
Harry had stepped out of the fireplace and something had caught his eye. In the doorway was a pile of expensive suitcases. They were completely full and one was only half zipped with clothes spilling from the side.
She was leaving.
His chest throbbed and ached. He did this to her. He had driven her away.
There was nothing left to do; he could see it in her eyes.
"Where are you going?" was the only thing Harry could say.
He saw disappointment flash across her pretty face.
"Do you love me anymore?" her words cut Harry deeply. "Did you even love me at all?"
Of course he did. He loved her more then she would ever know.
But, was it better this way? Should he lie again for her benefit?
He wanted her to be happy.
Harry knew she was having trouble finding the joy in their marriage. Letting her go was the only thing he could do to make her be happy. He could never find that joy in himself again, why drag her down as well?
So he looked away. He needed to make her think he wasn't in love with her anymore. Harry understood that it was wrong and if he had time he would have probably thought of a better way. He knew it hurt but if he didn't keep his mouth shut he would tell her to stay.
"Two years I've wasted." he kept his eyes away from her. "You see, I kept telling myself that you were still in love with me, so I gave you time. But I see now it was my own imagination."
Harry watched her take off the pearl necklace he had once given to her on her birthday. It was his mothers when she was young. Ginny looked so beautiful with it around her neck. When they had first got together, it had always made Harry smile. He couldn't remember the last time she had taken it off. It had once meant so much to both of them.
"Ginny -" he wanted to tell her to keep the necklace, she had never loved anything more then that delicate string of pearls.
"I don't have to live like this, I deserve to be happy."
It was such a shame that he couldn't comfort his own wife. But how could he love her and give her everything she needed and deserved when he loathed himself to the point where he wanted to dig himself a giant hole and hide forever?
Harry finally looked at her and their silence was powerful. His eyes lingered over her wild hair and her big brown eyes. He would miss waking up to her gentle face. His eyes travelled down her body, her dress fell beautifully over her tiny frame.
He forced himself to look into her eyes again but she had already turned to leave. He had lost her now; it was far too late to save their marriage.
Harry watched her pick up her suitcases and walk out the door. He wanted nothing more to run to her and take her in his arms. He wanted to sit with her and talk until dawn like they used to. He wished to apologize to her and make it up to her.
But he knew it was useless. Ginny was gone, maybe not forever but he would never get back the closeness they once shared.
He took the necklace from the table and squeezed it tightly in his hand.
Harry fell to his knees and finally the tears he had been holding back betrayed him. They spilled over his eyes and deep sobs erupted from his chest.
The darkness had finally caught up with him.