Warning: Major character death, spoilers for the end of Dragon Age 2 and Fenris POV.
I watched her golden eyes intently as she made that decision. She would side with the mages after all they've done? After the death of her mother? After everything they've done? And for what? Would she takes sides with them just to protect that mage man she is so infatuated with?
And why. Why is she so infatuated with him? She and I were together long before…but I suppose…It is my fault those two now share nights together.
Had I never left Katherine, I…But what was I supposed to do? She made me feel memories I would have never thought possible to remember. She made me feel alive even if it was only for that night.
A night I will cherish forever.
I cannot bring myself to hate her, nor can I bring myself to love her.
No, I cannot – not when she is acting so foolish. If only she would listen to reason.
"After all the evil magic has brought, you would still support them?" I ask her. She isn't listening.
She is blinded by that mage's sweet words. Everything he says to her – he reminds her she is a mage that she has to agree with him.
She does not have to agree with him.
But she does. She goes against the Knight Commander.
I try and make her see reason one more time, "You realize this is a cause you cannot win."
And the next words she utters hit me almost like an insult, "Join me. I suppose dying with you by my side is too much to ask?"
Join her? Join her after all she's done? After the abuse she's put me through? Running to that mage after I had to sort my feelings for her out, only to come back and find the two "in love."
Pathetic. I do not doubt the mage's feelings for Hawke, but Hawke could have so much better even if it isn't me. It was sickening to see them together for so long.
And even after blowing up the chantry, she sides with him.
So I look at her coldly, "Yes. It is."
But I am resolute in my decision. I am not the only to oppose her.
Isabela had left our group similarly after Hawke had told her to stop being so selfish – something Isabela could not even imagine how to do.
Her brother stands behind me. He is scared, I can tell, but his sense of duty is astonishing. He will oppose his own flesh and blood.
I can relate, considering how I killed my own sister.
As I watch Hawke run, I retreat with the templars.
We fight. The blood of the mages stains my hands red. The sword Hawke had given me before we left is covered with the blood of those she is trying to protect.
I have betrayed her but this was inevitable.
Did I really think that following a mage would be any different?
No, she's just like all the rest.
That's a lie, but I'm going to repeat it over and over until I believe it.
I approach her – the amount of carnage is overwhelming even by her standards. Usually death just follows her, too.
Death. Either her's or my own draw closer with every breath I take.
But I cannot falter. I am resolute. I will not let her go on to protect some fool hardy mage who should have died long ago.
"Look at them, backed into a corner they show their true colors. Why you're defending them, I'll never know. …This is an old story that ends the same way," My gaze is firm, but so is her's – something I had rarely seen from the always joking Hawke.
She looks back at me, "I'm a mage, remember?"
And those words stung. She was just like the rest. She was just like all of them.
"I should have realized you were the same when I first met you."
I see a glint of sadness in her, perhaps a remnant of the heart I broke still resided within her.
But the real villain here is not me, it is her. She broke my heart more than I did hers.
To recoil into the arms of that mage and force me by her side with every opportunity.
To force me to watch their incessant flirtation.
To force me to help mages, the very thing I hate more than anything.
But even though she is a mage, I cannot hate her, nor can I love her either.
So I look at her, "You die or I die, either way the story is done."
And she places a hand on her staff, drawing it as I draw my sword. I feel cold at my side, undoubetdly the mage she is infatuated with is rejoicing in this opportunity to kill me.
But I will not let my life fall in his hands. If anything, my life belongs to her…
My body is burning with every strike of her staff.
Or perhaps it is burning with my lingering desire for her, knowing that she and I never could have been – that I lost the one good thing in my life.
I have no family. I have no friends anymore. I have nothing.
She was the only one to ever show me compassion.
That's what she was doing, Fenris, it took you this long to figure it out.
She showed compassion for most everyone, save those who didn't deserve it.
She was a mage but didn't aim to control me.
She treated me as an equal, which is why I could not hate her more.
But she loved mages and fell into his arms, which is why I could not love her.
Perhaps this is for the best. Perhaps dying by her hand here is what was always meant to happen.
Perhaps this was why we were brought together.
I see those golden eyes start to cry as she whispers, "I'm sorry, Fenris. I'm so sorry."
And with my last breath, I fall to the ground, death coming over me like a wave,
"I'm truly free…at last…"
A/N: In my first run of DA2, I was unfamiliar with the Friendship/Rivalry system and I did not know that characters would betray you in the end. I had done the whole "rebound with Anders after Fenris leaves you" thing and Fenris kept flip-flopping on me. He hated it when I supported mages, but also liked how I defended him and opposed slavery. Needless to say, when the end came around Fenris ended up betraying me because he was neither my rival or friend. I was so sad when it happened, but it inspired this fic and also made me vow to always get every party member to max rivalry/friendship no matter what.