Clarke's hands shook as she walked back across the field. Blood dripped from her finger nails onto the dry earth but she barely noticed. Finn's voice echoed in her head. Thanks, Princess. Over and over until the words blurred together and her ears started ringing. The crowd parted as she passed through the gates of Camp Jaha and somewhere in the back of her mind she recalled the story of Moses parting the sea for his people to cross. But in that moment, she was the Egyptians drowning as the ocean crashed back around her. She heard Raven's pained scream and flinched. Her shoulders turned inwards and her head dropped. She kept her eyes trained on her boots as she waited for the onslaught that was inevitable. Tears welled in her eyes as a warm hand tentatively touched her shoulder before brushing her hair away from her neck ever so gently. There was air of hesitancy in the action. She turned her head to stare into Bellamy's deep brown eyes. She expected rage. She expected disappointment. Instead she saw understanding and sorrow.
"It had to be done." His voice was rough and the memory of those exact words spoken by the fire only the other night was enough to tip Clarke over the edge. She closed her eyes, letting the tears fall freely and felt Bellamy pull her protectively toward him. He didn't speak as she clung to him. He ran his hand over her head rhythmically and kept a steel grip across her shoulders.
"I told her to take me. I begged to to let me take his place. I've killed so many of their people. She. She wouldn't listen. I couldn't save him. I couldn't. He's. I killed him. I killed him, Bellamy. Finn's dead and its my fault." Clarke was becoming hysterical. Her chest tightened as she forced air into her lungs with short, shallow breaths. Bellamy pulled away from her and Clarke felt like she was breaking all over again. Instead of turning away from her like she expected, Bellamy cupped her face in his large hands and forced her to look at him.
"Don't say that. Don't ever say this is your fault because it's not. Finn made his choices. You did the right thing. You know what they would have done to him. You saved him so much suffering. My brave princess, this wasn't your fault." Bellamy had never spoken so many words before. He noticed Clarke crumple at the word princess. It was as if her legs suddenly couldn't hold her anymore. Bellamy caught her on reflex, swinging her up into his arms and marching through the camp toward the makeshift infirmity.
Abbey was by his side in an instant, checking her pulse and feeling her forehead as they walked. She motioned toward a stretcher in the middle of the infirmary tent. With a gentleness he didn't know that he possessed, Bellamy laid Clarke down, adjusting her head on the pillow and brushing her hair off her face. Her eyes were closed and her breathing appeared even.
"She's fine. Her body is just going into shock. Everything is catching with her and this is her brain's way of coping with it. She'll probably be out for a while. Get some sleep and I'll send word when she is awake." Abbey's voice betrayed her. She was worried and Bellamy knew it. Someone called her name from outside the tent and she sighed with frustration and exhaustion. It had been a taxing day for everyone.
"Go." Bellamy gestured toward the tent flap. "Madam Chancellor your people need you. I will stay with her." A hint of a very sad smile graced her face as Abbey moved past Bellamy.
"Send for me the second she wakes up." Abbey's voice slowly gained confidence as she tried her best to slip into her leader role. Bellamy nodded and turned back toward Clarke. He dragged a stool across the room and sat beside her, gripping her hand in his and holding it to his forehead as he finally let the tears that he tried so hard to keep back flow freely. Finn was dead and his princess blamed herself and he couldn't help her.
...
Somewhere along the way Bellamy must have fallen asleep because he was suddenly aware of his head on Clarke's stomach and his hand still firmly gripping hers. He opened his eyes to stare into her confused blue ones. Quickly, bellamy detangled himself from her.
"Your mum asked me to get her when you woke up. I'll be-
"Wait." Clarke's strained voice cut him off. Turning back to face her, bellamy saw her hesitation. He leant over her legs and busied himself with pouring a container of water. He handed it to Clarke and watched as she sat up and downed its contents in one go.
"More?" He asked, leaning back toward the water jug. Clarke shook her head and placed the container beside the jug on the small table beside her bed.
They sat in silence for a while. Each lost in their own thoughts. Clarke toyed with the edge of her shirt before looking up to see Bellamy watching her.
"What now?" She asked lamely. That was the question that everybody was asking themselves. What now? How do we go on from here? Clarke suddenly craved the familiarity of the Dropship and the solitude of the Art Supply Store that Finn had shown her. The memory of Finn brought on a wave of grief and she clutched her chest, sucking in painful gasps of air as she was assulted with choppy memories of last night. Bellamy was at her side in an instant. He rubbed soothing motions down her back and held her to him just like he had last night.
The sound of someone entering the tent caused them both to look up. Abbey stood beside the other Chancellor, Marcus Kane. Changing from Ark leader to concerned mother, Abbey moved to the other side of Clarke's bed. Bellamy once again moved away from Clarke but she wouldn't let him stray far from her side. She gripped his wrist and turned her eyes back toward him. He saw the fear and pain she was holding back. Bellamy nodded slightly and moved to grip her hand instead. Her breathing evened out slightly and they both turned back to the Chancellors.
Abbey dutifully checked Clarke's pulse and temperature before shining a small torch in her eyes to make sure her pupils were fully reactive. Deeming her healthy, Abbey placed a hand on Clarke's arm.
"You gave us peace." she began softly. She stroked Clarke's arm and in that moment Bellamy swore Clarke looked like a child to her mother and not the brave leader who marched into a grounder army alone. "The grounders have retreated and a messanger brought an invitation to a discuss the terms of our peace treaty this morning." Clarke's hand tightened around Bellamy's and he squeezed back before his brain had fully comprehended the action. Abbey looked between the two of them warily. "Comander Lexa has specifically requested your presence at the feast. I know it's a lot to ask but we will be meeting in two days." Clarke nodded numbly at her mother. Abbey nodded to Kane.
"Clarke," he began and her head snapped to attention instantly at the new speaker. "What you did was very brave and I want you to know that there will be no charges pressed. Your mother and I believe that it is in everyone's best interest that we move forward from this as gracefully and as tactfully as possible." Whatever reaction Kane expected Clarke to have to his speech, he obviously wasn't expecting her to launch herself off the stretcher at him.