"Elizabeta?" my husband, Roderich asked me, not losing focus on the piece of music he was writing.
"Yes, dear?"
"There's a lot of stuff up in that attic…and its springtime. Do you want to-"
"Okay, Roddy. I'll clean it up," I replied hastily.
I walked upstairs to the attic and opened the door. It made a creaky sound as it opened. I turned on the light switch to find that the attic accumulated plenty of stuff over the years. There were plenty of large boxes stacked in neatly in one corner, a pile of old forgotten instruments Roderich used to play in another, old clothes our adopted Italian son Feliciano used to wear, and other junk. The amount of dust on everything told me that it has been a while since this attic was last cleaned.
"My god… how long has it been since we cleaned this place?" I thought to myself.
I brushed the thought out of my head and started cleaning the attic, sorting out things that can be thrown out and things that we can keep. It didn't take too long, really.
That is until I came across a small cardboard box which was hidden in the far corner of the attic. I don't see how I could have missed that box when I was cleaning. I brushed the dust off the box and opened it. Inside the box was a bunch of letters, photographs, and a green journal. I didn't bother to sort through the letters and photographs so I picked up the journal. I sat down by the box and flipped to the first page of the journal.
15 May 2008
Dear Diary,
My mother decided that I should start documenting my "feelings" in a diary. I don't know how she got this stupid idea. She should know that I'm seventeen years old, not some hormonal fourteen-year-old girl that gushes about clothes, boys, and drama. I don't know what else to write so I'll just stop here.
I chuckled at the journal entry I wrote remembering how stupid I thought my mother was for giving me the diary. I read through a couple more and came across an interesting page.
20 August 2008
Dear Diary,
Today is my eighteenth birthday. I decided that I would go clubbing tonight in Budapest. Well, it was more like my roommate forced me to go clubbing with her since she wanted to have a good time. I would rather be spending my birthday hunting in the woods. But who knows, it might be fun. I might even be able to catch some guy-on-guy action.
I snickered at the last line and flipped the page to the next day's entry.
21 August 2008
Dear Diary,
Last night, I met this guy. His name was Gilbert Beilschmidt. Gilbert, the so called "Prussian King of Awesome", tried flirting with me. By flirting, I mean making perverted remarks and groping me. Drunken pervert. I remember that I got really pissed off at him so I grabbed the closest object, which was a frying pan for some reason, and slapped it across his face. I ended up knocking him out.
Feeling bad, I took him home. When he woke up this morning, hung-over of course, he asked me who I was. I told him my name and he started asking if we did anything crazy. I shook my head and told him that I just knocked him out and took him to my dorm so he can recuperate from the hangover.
He thanked me, for being awesome for doing that for him, but not as awesome as him. I helped him get over his hangover, even though I felt like I was starting to dislike him the more he stayed here. He sure was annoying. When it was gone, he left and slipped a piece of paper in my hands. It was his number and a note that said 'you're really pretty, frau. Call me ;) –Gil'
This box was dedicated to Gilbert. I should have known. I opened the journal to a random page and decided to read it.
25 December 2010
Dear Diary,
Gil invited me over to his house for a Christmas party in Germany. I accepted the invitation and took a plane to Germany. Once I arrived, I rented a car and over to his house. I found out that I was the only person invited. Gil said he wanted to give me something. I hope it's not another skimpy maid costume.
Instead, he gave me this CD. It was titled 'My Awesome Playlist for Liz'. Of course he would title it that. He told me to play the CD. I obeyed and listened to it. I wouldn't admit it, but I felt really touched that he went so far to make me something that probably took so long for him to make. I never thought he would do this for anyone, especially me.
He told me to play the last song on the CD because he wanted me to hear it. I skipped to the end and it was the song "If It Means A Lot To You" by A Day To Remember. Gil started singing along with the song, holding my hand as he sang to me. I restrained myself from blushing a million shades of red.
The song ended and for the first time ever since I became friends with him, he was quiet. He then told me something I never expected would come out of his mouth. He told me that he liked me. I didn't know how to react so I left his house, not even saying goodbye.
I didn't want to continue reading, but my mind told me to read more. I flipped to another page.
25 February 2011
Dear Diary,
I've been avoiding Gil for the past two months. I'm not sure if I feel the same way about him. He stopped trying to keep contact with me a few days ago. Believe it or not, I miss his stupid voicemails, weird but funny texts, and the Skype chats we used to have.
I feel regretful for not saying anything to him. I remember the hurt look on his face when I left his house two months ago. I hope he doesn't hate me.
I flipped to a page with a paper book marking it.
27 June 2011
Dear Diary,
I got a letter from Gil today. It just arrived from Germany.
I unfolded the paper that book marked the page.
24 May 2011
Dear Liz,
It's been a while since the awesome me has talked to you. I actually miss talking to you. Even though you're not nearly as awesome as me.
I feel like I should get straight to the point. I'm talking too much.
I'm writing this letter to you because I miss you, and I feel empty without you. Whenever you talk to me whether it's through video chatting, texting, or through the phone, I feel my heart race out of nervousness. You probably never noticed this since I hid it so well because of my personality. I feel like I can't find another girl that makes me feel this way. You being a pretty frau is a plus too.
Anyway, there has been three words I've been trying to tell you ever since I laid my eyes on you.
Ich liebe dich.
I love you.
-Gil
I teared up after reading the letter. I flipped to a random page.
30 July 2011
Dear Diary,
I decided to see Gil again today. The note made me realize something. I just failed to recognize it.
I arrived at his house in Germany and knocked at the door. His childhood friend Roderich, an Austrian man who stayed at his house for business matters, answered the door. I told him that I was in Germany to see Gil because I had something to tell him.
He looked down at me with a forlorn look in his eyes and told me that Gil died a month ago in a car accident. I cried and didn't stop the tears from flowing down my face. I was too late.
I'll never be able to hear his voice again. I'll never be able to have stupid conversations again with him. I'll never be able to make him laugh again. I'll never be able to spend the rest of my life with him. I'll never be able to tell him I love him.
Roderich took me inside the house. I must have soaked his shirt since I cried so much. Roderich didn't say anything, he just let me cry out my feelings. That I'm grateful for since I didn't want to hear anything along the lines of "I'm sorry for your loss".
Roderich told me something Gil told him. He said that Gil wanted him, his closest friend to have me and love me if he died. He said that Gil trusted him with me. Roderich also said he wanted to play a song on the piano for me.
Guess what that song was? It was "If It Means A Lot To You".
I flipped to the last page I wrote in the diary while trying to hold back a river of tears.
08 June 2012
Dear Diary,
Today, I became Mrs. Elizabeta Edelstein. Some people might say that I'm getting married too quickly, but I could really care less. I love Roderich and he loves me.
However deep down in my heart, I miss Gil. A lot. He was my first love and I let him slip through my fingers. But I know now that he is my guardian angel and is watching over me every day; and I'm grateful for that.
I flipped to a new page in the diary and wrote in it.
18 June 2013
Dear Diary,
I haven't wrote in here for a long time. Roderich asked me to clean the attic today, I never expected to run into this diary again. I'm actually glad I did though. It brings back memories of the last five years. They have been the best five years of my life.
I'd like to thank Gil for those memories. They will always be in my heart. I know he's not here anymore, but I have something that I always wanted to tell him.
Szeretlek, Gilbert.
I love you.
I always will.
END~