Paladin
A Supernatural fan fic
Rating : PG 13
Disclaimer...not mine :)
Summary: Paladin - any knightly or heroic champion , any determined advocate or defender of a noble cause...
Was this what hopeless felt like? That deep pit of sadness that sits in the bottom of your belly, eating at you, putting that lump in your throat that
never goes away, no matter how much you swallow? The consistent watering of eyes, that lack of faith maybe?
Sam wasn't sure, but it sure felt it like it .
He wanted to angry to be mad...but tell me how can you mad at the man who sold his soul for you?
..and theres the lump.
His soul, In less then 365 days, Sam Winchester was going to be completely alone.
Alone. How was he going to...to...survive?
All of these things were sitting in stomach, and sitting. He wanted to tell Dean but he didnt know what to say. Dean was skipping along,
acting like there was nothng wrong, like there was nothing wrong with what he did.
Nothing. Like this was ok, this stupid fucked up situation was ok.
He was the freakin leader of some demon army that his own father though had to be killed and Dean...well...Dean...was a hero. He was
the brave one, the courageous one the good one.
He was the one that deserved to live, not Sam.
The worst thing was he knew that he was the one that deserved to die. He should be dead.
Dead.
He wanted to scream and cry and all that, but he couldnt, He wanted Dean to talk to him, let him if for once.
Nothing, like it was big deal.
He was going to spend eternity in the pits in hell for a brother who didnt deserve it.
He wanted to to, he was considering going to talk the demon bitch himself , but Dean was watching him like a hawk.
When he want to bathroom in the middle of the night, he felt Dean shift awake, when he moved to go get food, Dean was watching, like he
knew what Sam was thinking, it was freaky and somewhat scary.
They werent even talking about real stuff, they talk about the weather and demons and stuff, but nothing real, it was the elephant in Impala, in the motel
they would be staying at, in the places they would eat, waiting to butt its ugly head.
Now, they were currently on what Dean called a "break". He said that sometimes we needed to relax, before D-Day.
D-Day, Thats what he called it and laughted and told Sam to stop being a "bitch".
That comment made him puke for 20 minute. He told him it was the food.
He knew it would hit him so bad, that it would destroy him, and he didnt think that a picture of the Grand Canyon would do it.
It was a commerical for a trip to the Canyon in some motel. They finished a easy hunt for a low level demon and they each sitting on king size bed
that they were forced to share cause they were no other motels for 30 miles and they were to tired to look, watching some stupid movie on
cable, and then there was the commerical, for a vacation to the Grand Canyon.
And it hit him, like a punch in the gut.
Dean was never going to see the Grand Canyon.
Suddenly the room was really small and he had to out.
He got up and ran, ignoring Dean panic.
He ran to the field tull he couldnt hold the vomit and feel on his knees. throwing uo, crying.
He felt Dean come up behind him and put a hand on his back, and at that second Sam hated him.
"DONT TOUCH ME", he heard him self say, so angry so mean and cruel that he got up and and just stood there, looking at the stars
to calm him self down.
"Sam...", He was just standing there in his jeans and a gray shirt, looking so concerned...so...Dean.
"Dont Dean...just dont...who do you think you are?"
'What...Sammmy"...the confusion etched across his face.
and then it came pouring out of him like a broken damn.
"I hate you. I hate you for making a decison like SELLING YOUR SOUL for me. I was supposed to die and you decided that I had to live. You were
supposed to live, you the hero, your the good one. I hate you for thinking that its ok that your leaving me. I hate you for
for thinking that your live is replaceable, that it doesn mean anything, because your life is my world. I cant do this alone. Im going to be alone.
All alone. I cant do this fuckin living shit without you. I need you more then you will ever understand. Why cant you undestand?
Your my best friend. Your my soul,
my protector Your my FUCKIN BROTHER Dean, Im not good anymore Dean-"
Suddenly Dean was in front of him, his hands on my cheeks his eyes were watering and the tears were already starting to pour. like Sam's
His cracking voice said ,"NO ...Sammy...dont you ever say that,,your good...your always good...and I do care Sam, god DAMN IT SAM...why are
making this so hard," he moved his hands and started to walk away, but Sam grabbed his brothers arm and did what he just Dean did to
him.
"You want me to make this easy. Do you want to act like i dont care, that what your not important. Do you think that you deserve to live...", a look
the desloate heartbreak said it all. He moved closer to Dean, so close that their foreheads were touching. "When Jess died, I wanted to die to. I
wanted to just give up...but you saved me. You have always saved me. There is nothing, in this world that means more to me then you, not even
Dad. I would go to the moon and the ends of the earth for you. I would die for you any second. Your my hero, and my everything. I will save you
for this Dean...oh god Dean please dont leave me..." and then his knees gave out and he was on the floor, crying.
Dean was there a second later and picked up and carried him back to room, where he set him on the bed and sat against the head board and gathered
Sam in lap, and playing with his hair, saying..."It's oK Sammy, if you want me to fight, Ill fight, maybe...no, we will go to the Grand Canyon...in a year
and a half. I promise"
He didnt know how long they sat there after, but Sam was safe. He was with Dean and that meant he was safe.
Thats when Sam realized that Dean would finally fight...and that was enough, was Dean made a promise, he kept it.
As Sam difted off to sleep content in the arms of his brother, he heard "Sammy"
"Yea"
"I love ya you know...even though your a little girly bitch...I love ya"
Sam smiled, realizing that Dean Winchester was finally back, giving them the fighting chance that they needed.
'I love you too."
And with that Sam went to sleep with a final thought in his head.
He's the hero...a champion...defender of the good.,...a paladin if you may.
Enjoy and review.
Sky