Author's Note!

Ok, this is my first ever fanfic! I'm so happy!!! squeal Someone hold me!!!

Well, let's not waste, precious time, we don't want to be kept away from our precious phantom now would we??? NO!

This story is my version of the phantom of the opera. My characters are the ALW 2004 version (a.k.a Sexy Gerard Butler, Whore Emmy Rossum, and Transvestite Patrick Wilson). The whole thing is based of the ALW 2004 version actually… okay, here we go!

Disclaimer: I do not own The Phantom (though I should… humph… my sexy-boo…), Christine (good, that's lesbian), or Raoul (I'm SO fine with that!!! Gaston Leroux and Andrew Lloyd Webber can KEEP him!) I do not own anything, except my phabulous ideas for this story.

First scene: The Auction (dun dun dun duuuuun)

The opera house was torn down, and broken. Inside Old Raoul and Old Giry are at an auction and wait patiently for the next lot to be sold.

The auctioneer is handed a small box with a monkey in Persian robes on it and screams,"Who wants this monkey!?!?"

"Omg, meeeeee!!!" Raoul clapped his hands very girlish, but is careful not to move, for he might… mess up his hair… -gasp-!

"I'll fight you for it, bitch!" screams Meg, as she jumps viciously at Raoul, clawing his face; while he fights her off, desperate to win their cat fight, "I want the monkey! It plays fucking music!!!"

Raoul pouts, jutting his lower lip out while widening his eyes, performing the perfect puppy dog face.

"Fuck you! It's mine! I bet… $1… MUHAHAHAHAH!" declares Meg.

Raoul gasped, "But I only have $1,000,000!!! I'll never be able to get it now!"

The auctioneer looked back and forth at the two elders fighting before him over a stupid music box, "Uhhh, are you guys done yet? I want to smack my hammer thingy on the table now."

Raoul got up, fixing his designer coat and dress, and excitedly asked, "You have a hammer thingy?! I want one!" Old Giry evilly laughs while running up to the stage to caress her precious monkey. After a good 10 minute caressing party between Old Giry and the monkey, she slowly lifts her dress.

"Oh God, No!!!!!!!" Raoul screams as he leaps from his wheelchair, to hide his head under his hands as he humps the floor, "mmmmm…"

Finally, Old Giry reaches up her skirt, and pulls out… a… HAMMER THINGY! (AN: Yay, another hammer thingy!)

Raoul looks up and squeals, "Where did you get that?!?!"

Old Giry grinned with her eyebrows raised slightly, "I'll give you the hammer thingy if you let me have the monkey!"

Raoul jumps up and down gleefully, "Gimme gimme gimme!" Old Giry tosses the hammer thingy to Raoul and grabs the monkey.

Truly appalled by the two's behavior, the auctioneer says, "Fine, now that that's settled, Story Time!!!"

Raoul and Old Giry squeal, "We love story time!"

The auctioneer turned out the light and put a lit flash light under his face to make scary effect, "Once upon a time there was a sexy guy who was mad at people because they didn't like him, so he totally, like, made the big shiny chandelier fall down."

Raoul and Old Giry gasped, "NO!!! Not the shiny!"

"It's true!!!" cried the auctioneer, "Anyway, I made my slaves repair it and now its, ok-ish, but its not as shiny."

Raoul and Old Giry pout, but turn to look as the tarp is lifted from the shiny chandelier.

Suddenly music is heard. "BUUUUUUUM, BUM BUM BUM BUM BUM!!!" -plays phantom of the opera theme song-

Raoul looked around, "Where'd the music come from?" Everyone turned to the auctioneer as he quietly tried to hide the boom box.

End of Scene